Stuck Not Broken

Not every survival strategy looks like fighting back or running away. Sometimes it looks like befriending the person who's hurting you.
This episode covers the last two mixed states: appease (safety plus flight/fight plus shutdown — all three primary states at once) and fawn (flight/fight plus shutdown, but without safety). What separates a hostage using social skills to stay alive from someone disappearing inside an abusive home. Why both states likely require significant dissociation to survive. And where I personally land on how much weight these two deserve as actual Polyvagal Theory mixed states, versus maybe something else entirely.
This is Episode 13 of the Stuck Not Broken audiobook — Book 1, Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm; full series in the playlist. 🎙️ More on Fawn & Appease as maybe not mixed states: https://youtu.be/4vTXTEF47pQ
👉 New here?
Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck
Or go straight to what's best for you:
👉 Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start
📘 Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books
🎧 Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach
👥 Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy
😊 About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband.
✅ Crisis resources:
National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988
National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
Call 911 for an emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.
Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).
Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Sitting still should be the easiest thing in the world, right? But for a lot of people, it's maybe the hardest.
This episode moves into the third mixed state: stillness and intimacy — safety plus shutdown, immobility without fear. What actually makes it safe to sit still, use the restroom, or fall asleep at night. Why meditation, yoga, and even bedtime can feel dangerous for someone who lives in flight, fight, or freeze. And what changes the moment a safe person joins you in stillness.
This is Episode 12 of the Stuck Not Broken audiobook — Book 1, Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm.
🛏️ Sponsored by Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com and use code STUCK for 20% off.
👉 New here?
Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck
Or go straight to what's best for you:
👉 Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start
📘 Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books
🎧 Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach
👥 Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy
😊 About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband.
✅ Crisis resources:
National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988
National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
Call 911 for an emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.
Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).
Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Wrestling with your kids. Trash-talking during a pickup game. Screaming through a game of tag. On paper, those look like danger cues, so why do they feel so good? Play is what happens when your safety state and your fight-or-flight mobility switch on at the same time. Here's what's actually happening in your nervous system when you play, why the game changes the moment it moves from the living room to online voice chat, and what it looks like when a kid mobilizes with no safety behind it at all.
🛏️ Sponsored by Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com and use code STUCK for 20% off.
👉 New here?
Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck
Or go straight to what's best for you:
👉 Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start
📘 Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books
🎧 Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach
👥 Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy
😊 About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband.
✅ Crisis resources:
National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988
National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
Call 911 for an emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.
Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).
Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Freeze is not the same as shutdown, even though people use the words like they mean the same thing. Shutdown is a limp collapse. Freeze is tense: all the energy to run or fight, with a body that can't move. It's the gas and the brake at the same time, and it's underneath panic, phobias, and that flash of rage that comes out of nowhere. Here's what's actually happening in a freeze, how to come out of one in the moment, and why a long-held freeze has to be thawed slowly rather than forced.
👉 New here?
Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck
Or go straight to what's best for you:
👉 Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start
📘 Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books
🎧 Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach
👥 Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy
😊 About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband.
✅ Crisis resources:
National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988
National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
Call 911 for an emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.
Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).
Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Sometimes the body's answer to too much isn't panic, it's the opposite: going quiet, going numb, wanting to disappear. That's shutdown, the bottom of the Polyvagal ladder, and it's where a lot of what gets called depression actually lives. Here's what it feels like from the inside, why your body would ever reach for it, and the slow, gentle way back up. No pushing through, no forcing it.
👉 New here?
Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck
Or go straight to what's best for you:
👉 Start free in the community: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/start
📘 Prefer to read, or want to support the show?: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books
🎧 Practice on your own with the Self-Regulation Coach app: https://studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach
👥 Prefer company? Move through it alongside others in the Unstucking Academy: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy
😊 About the Host: Justin Sunseri is a therapist and coach committed to helping you live with calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo-woo. Justin is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series, a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board, a father of two, and a husband.
✅ Crisis resources:
National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988
National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
Call 911 for an emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.
Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).
Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)