The Parenting Pair | Teens & Tweens

Is 13 really the right age for a teen or tween to start using social media? What does social media have to do with the developing adolescent brain—and should parents limit, delay, or ban it altogether?
In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen talk with Dr. Eva Telzer, psychologist, neuroscientist, Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at UNC Chapel Hill, and co-director of the Winston Center for Technology and the Developing Mind.
Dr. Telzer explains why adolescence is a particularly important period of brain development, when teens become more sensitive to rewards and social experiences while executive functioning continues to develop. Today's digital environment can amplify these developmental changes by providing highly personalized social feedback, algorithms, short-form content, and other powerful sources of engagement.
But this isn't a conversation about why social media is all bad. Adolescence is also a time of tremendous growth, connection, creativity, independence, and social awareness—and social media can help teens connect, organize, advocate, and create positive change.
So what can parents actually do? Dr. Telzer discusses when kids should get social media, whether parents should delay, limit, or ban social media, how parents can better understand what their teens are actually seeing online, and why working together with other parents may reduce the social pressure around smartphones. She also highlights the importance of protecting teen sleep by keeping phones and devices out of the bedroom at night.
If you're parenting a tween or teenager and wondering about social media, smartphones, adolescent brain development, screen time, algorithms, or healthy boundaries, this episode offers a research-informed and hopeful perspective on helping teens navigate the digital world.
In This Episode, We Discuss:
Why Adolescence is a remarkable period of brain development and growth
The three major changes happening in the adolescent brain
Why teens are especially sensitive to rewards and social experiences
How social media and today's digital environment interact with adolescent development
How likes, streaks, algorithms, and short-form videos keep teens engaged
Why your teen's social media feed may look completely different from yours
What parents should know about the age of first social media exposure
Why turning 13 doesn't mean a child is suddenly developmentally ready for social media
Whether parents should delay, limit, or ban social media
How parents can better understand their teen's online world
Why protecting sleep and keeping phones out of the bedroom matters
The potential benefits of social media for teens, including connection, activism, and social change
Why digital media literacy matters
How parents can help teens learn to navigate—not simply fear—the digital world
Questions Parents May be Aasking:

What is the right age for social media?
There is no magic age when every child suddenly becomes developmentally ready. Dr. Telzer explains why the timing of social media exposure matters and why age 13 may actually be a particularly concerning time to introduce social media.
Should I ban social media?
An outright ban can sometimes lead teens to seek access secretly and without parental guidance. Dr. Telzer discusses the benefits of clear and thoughtful boundaries and open conversations between parents and teens.
How can I know what my teenager is actually seeing online?
Algorithms personalize social media feeds, so parents and teens can have very different experiences on the same platform. Curiosity about your teen's actual digital world is an important place to start.
What can I do right now?
Protect sleep. Keeping phones and social media out of the bedroom at night is one of the clearest boundaries parents can set and can support adolescent mental health, attention, school functioning, and overall well-being.

If you're parenting a tween or teenager, listen to this episode for a research-informed look at teen social media use, smartphones, adolescent brain development, and what parents can actually do to help.
00:00 Is 13 Really the Right Age for Social Media?
00:44 Why Social Relationships Matter So Much During Adolescence
03:46 The Positive Side of the Teenage Years
05:43 3 Major Changes in the Adolescent Brain
08:12 Why Social Media Can Be So Compelling to Teens
11:33 Adolescence, Brain Development & the Digital World
14:28 What Can Parents Do About Teen Social Media Use?
16:37 What Actually Counts as Social Media?
19:48 Likes, Streaks & Other Features That Keep Teens Engaged
23:24 How Algorithms Shape Your Teen's Social Media Feed
26:31 What Age Should Kids Get Social Media?
27:59 Should Parents Ban, Limit or Delay Social Media?
31:16 The Positive Side of Social Media for Teens
33:08 Should Schools Teach Digital Media Literacy?
35:51 Helping Teens Navigate the Digital World

🎧 Listen to the full episode and share it with another parent who could use this perspective.
And if this episode helped you think differently about your teen’s relationship with technology, subscribe to The Parenting Pair Podcast for more conversations about parenting, adolescent development, mental health, and family relationships.
Resources / Links

Winston Center for Technology and the Developing Mind — UNC Chapel Hill
The episode identifies Dr. Eva Telzer as co-director of the center.
Winston Center for Technology and the Developing Mind

Eva Telzer research on social media and adolescent brain development
A particularly relevant study discussed in the context of her research examines habitual social-media checking and longitudinal changes in adolescent brain development.
Research study: Association of Habitual Checking Behaviors on Social Media With Longitudinal Functional Brain Development

Wait Until 8th
This is the movement referenced when the hosts and Dr. Telzer discuss parents banding together to delay smartphones and reduce the social pressure children feel to have them.
Wait Until 8th

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What happens when kids and teenagers begin turning to AI chatbots for friendship, advice, reassurance, and connection?
In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen sit down with psychologist and adolescent development expert Dr. Mitch Prinstein to explore how artificial intelligence (AI) is changing the way teens and young people experience relationships.
AI chatbots can be useful tools—but some are also designed to feel remarkably human. They remember what users have said, respond instantly, appear endlessly available, and may reinforce what a young person is already thinking or feeling. For tweens and teens navigating an especially important period of social and emotional development, that raises important questions about what happens when technology begins to replace some of the friction, vulnerability, and learning that come from real human relationships.

In this conversation, we explore:
Why adolescence is such an important period for learning how to build relationships
How teens are using AI chatbots for information, advice, companionship, and connection
Why humans naturally form attachments to things that aren't human
Why an AI chatbot can feel like a friend—even when we know it's a machine
What happens when teens begin preferring chatbots over human peers
How AI can remove the "friction" that is actually important for social and emotional development
The potential connection between chatbot use, loneliness, and reduced interaction with human peers
What teens may miss when AI replaces opportunities to navigate conflict, rejection, vulnerability, and repair
Why real human connection matters so much during adolescence
How parents can approach AI use without immediately turning the conversation into a battle
Why curiosity and open-ended questions may be more effective than judgment
How parents can model critical thinking about AI and help teens think about whether technology aligns with their values
Why AI-enabled toys and chatbots may raise different concerns for younger children
Why parents should think about AI use differently depending on their child's developmental stage
What we still don't know about the long-term effects of AI on adolescent development
One of the central ideas in this conversation is simple but important: relationships aren't just something teenagers have—they are something teenagers learn through real life experience.

The disagreements, awkward conversations, misunderstandings, breakups, rejection, vulnerability, and repair that happen in real relationships can be difficult to watch as a parent. But they can also become important "learning moments" that help young people develop empathy, perspective-taking, communication skills, and the ability to navigate relationships throughout adulthood.
And as AI becomes increasingly sophisticated, parents may need to think not only about what their teens are doing with technology, but also about what opportunities they might be missing because of it.

CHAPTERS:
00:00 Why We As Humans Can Feel Attachment to a Chatbot
00:48 Today’s Topic: Teens, Technology & AI
00:59 Meet Dr. Mitch Prinstein
02:23 Why Adolescence Matters So Much
06:26 How Teens Are Using AI Chatbots
10:03 Why We Form Attachments to AI
11:41 When Kids Prefer Chatbots Over People
13:55 Why AI Chatbots Are So Compelling
15:13 The Mental Health & Developmental Risks
17:16 The Mental Health Implications
19:24 What Teens Lose When AI Replaces Relationships
23:01 Why Human Connection Can’t Be Replaced
25:55 Should AI Chatbots Be Regulated?
27:48 What Parents Need to Know
29:49 AI Guidance for Different Ages
32:35 How Parents Can Model Healthy AI Use
34:54 Curiosity Over Judgment
37:09 Growing Up in the AI Experiment
38:31 Final Thoughts

ABOUT DR. MITCH PRINSTEIN

Dr. Mitch Prinstein is the John Van Seters Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and co-director of the Winston Center for Technology and the Developing Mind. His research focuses on interpersonal relationships, adolescent development, mental health, and the ways technology and digital platforms influence young people.
He is also the author of Popular: The Power of Likability in a Status-Obsessed World, which examines the role of popularity, likability, relationships, and social status across development.
🔗 Learn more about Dr. Mitch Prinstein:
Mitch Prinstein's official website

🔗 Learn more about the Winston Center for Technology and the Developing Mind:
UNC Winston Center

🔗 That Popular Podcast — Mitch Prinstein and Aaron Keck’s podcast exploring psychology, relationships, human behavior, and the social dynamics we experience every day.
Listen to That Popular Podcast on Apple Podcasts

🔗 Learn more about Dr. Prinstein's book, Popular:
Popular: The Power of Likability in a Status-Obsessed World

A NOTE FOR PARENTS

You don't have to become an AI expert overnight to have meaningful conversations with your teenager about technology.
Start with curiosity.
Ask what they're using, what they like about it, what they find helpful, what concerns them, and what they think AI can—and cannot—provide that a real person can.
The goal isn't simply to control technology. It's to help young people develop the judgment and relationship skills they will need to navigate a world in which AI is becoming part of everyday life.
💬 We want to hear from you: How is your teen or young adult using AI? Are they using it for school, advice, entertainment, companionship—or something else?
And if you're concerned about their AI use, what questions are you finding hardest to navigate as a parent?
Share your experience below. 👇
And if this conversation gave you something to think about, please subscribe to The Parenting Pair Podcast and share this episode with another parent.
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When your child is facing a serious illness, hospitalization, medical procedure, injury, or other frightening medical experience, it can be easy to focus entirely on your child—and forget that the experience affects you, too. 

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen welcome back Dr. Meghan Marsac, a pediatric psychologist and expert in pediatric medical traumatic stress, to talk about what happens to parents when their child is facing a medical challenge.
Medical trauma doesn't only affect children. Parents may experience intrusive thoughts or memories, avoidance, sleep difficulties, trouble concentrating, increased anxiety, changes in mood, and other symptoms of traumatic stress.
Dr. Marsac explains why recognizing these reactions matters—and why supporting yourself isn't an indulgence or an additional item on an already overwhelming to-do list. Taking care of yourself can actually help you remain present and effective as your child's advocate and caregiver.
Together, they discuss:
What medical trauma can look like in parents
How traumatic stress can show up after a child's diagnosis, hospitalization, accident, or medical procedure
Why parents may minimize or overlook their own distress
Why even teenagers can sense when a parent is struggling
How a parent's emotional health can affect their child
The COACH model for supporting children through medical challenges
Why parents may have difficulty using the COACH approach when they are overwhelmed themselves
How to accept help—and why asking for help isn't a sign of weakness
Ways to find support during hospitalizations and ongoing medical care
Child life specialists, social workers, psychologists, chaplains, and other hospital resources
How parents can take small, realistic steps to care for themselves
Resources for families dealing with pediatric medical trauma and chronic illness
Here are the highlights from the episode:
00:00 Don't Oversay "I Got This"
00:27 Medical Trauma Doesn’t Only Affect Kids
02:34 How Medical Trauma Shows Up in Parents
05:24 Why Parents Need Support Too
07:46 How a Parent’s Stress Affects Their Child
09:53 The COACH Model
11:22 Practical Ways Parents Can Get Support
12:48 Stop Turning Down Help
14:01 Who Are Your People?
16:24 Support Available Inside the Hospital
19:08 Resources for Parents and Families
21:11 Final Thoughts
One of the most important reminders from this conversation: you don't have to do this alone. Sometimes the first step isn't finding more time for yourself—it's saying yes when someone offers to help.

👩‍⚕️ Meet Dr. Meghan Marsac

Dr. Meghan Marsac is a pediatric psychologist and Division Chief of Psychology at the University of Kentucky. She has published extensively on pediatric medical trauma and co-authored Afraid of the Doctor: Every Parent's Guide to Preventing and Managing Medical Trauma with Melissa Hogan.Her work focuses on helping children and families navigate the psychological impact of medical experiences.
📚 Resources Mentioned in This Episode

📖 Afraid of the Doctor: Every Parent's Guide to Preventing and Managing Medical Trauma
 By Meghan L. Marsac, Melissa J. Hogan, with a foreword by John F. Crowley. The book provides practical strategies for parents navigating medical procedures, medical trauma, chronic conditions, and difficult healthcare experiences.
Learn more about *Afraid of the Doctor*

🧰 Healthcare Toolbox — Center for Pediatric Traumatic Stress
 A free resource with information, handouts, and workbooks for children, teens, parents, and caregivers coping with injury, illness, hospitalization, and medical treatment. Dr. Marsac is co-director of this organization.
Healthcare Toolbox

🧠 National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN)
 The NCTSN provides information and resources about child traumatic stress, including resources specifically related to medical trauma and healthcare experiences.
National Child Traumatic Stress Network — Medical Trauma Resources

🤝 Alongside Network
 A community and resource network supporting families caring for children who have experienced a life-threatening illness or injury. Alongside offers parent/caregiver communities, support, resources, and connections with others who understand these experiences.
Alongside Network

💬 If This Episode Resonated With You

If your child or teenager has experienced a frightening medical event, chronic illness, hospitalization, injury, or difficult medical treatment, we hope this conversation reminds you that your experience matters, too.
And if someone in your life is navigating a medical challenge with their child, share this episode with them. Sometimes hearing that your reactions are understandable—and that you don't have to carry everything alone—can make a meaningful difference. 
🔔 New episodes every Wednesday.
✉️ Newsletter: https://drscaronandallen.com  
📱 Instagram: @theparentingpair 
💬 Questions you want answered on future episodes or topic suggestions: hello@theparentingpair.com

DISCLAIMER: The Parenting Pair Podcast is designed for informational and educational purposes only. Do not rely on the information presented in this podcast as a substitute or replacement for professional -- psychological or medical -- advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about you or a family member's well being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.

Back-to-school season can quickly turn parents into the project managers of the household. 
School forms, homework, practices, appointments, schedules, emails, deadlines… suddenly, so much of our interaction with our tweens and teens can become solely about getting things done.
But what if, in the middle of all that busyness, we're missing something that matters much more in the long run?

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen talk about how to navigate the pressure of back-to-school season while protecting the relationships that matter most.

They explore why the quality of our relationships is so important to well-being—and why a missed deadline, imperfect grade, or forgotten task is unlikely to matter as much years from now as the relationship we build with our children.
You'll hear practical strategies for:
Staying connected when most conversations seem to be about what needs to get done
Understanding your teen's growing need for independence
Not taking adolescent distance or irritability personally
Listening to what your teen is interested in instead of immediately redirecting them to the next task
Respecting reasonable differences in opinions and choices
Asking your teen what they think before immediately giving your own advice
Recognizing the importance of friendships, mentors, coaches, teachers, and other adults in your child's life
Balancing the inevitable "management mode" with moments of genuine connection
Remembering that parenting is about the long haul—not getting every moment right
These are the highlights of the episode:
00:00 Why Relationships Matter Way More Than Management
00:46 Today's Topic: Back-to-School Parenting Pressure
02:24 Relationship Over Management
04:37 Parenting Through Growing Independence
07:05 Why Teens Pull Away
09:11 Why Peer Relationships Matter
10:16 You Don’t Have to Be Everything
11:41 How to Build Connection in Busy Moments
13:13 Show Interest in What Matters to Them
15:50 Respecting Their Independence
16:29 Ask Before Giving Advice
17:34 Don’t React to Every Eye Roll
18:00 What Now? Parenting Is About the Long Haul
The goal isn't to stop managing altogether. There will always be homework, schedules, forms, deadlines, and mornings when you're running late. The goal is to make sure that those things don't become the only focus of your relationship with your child or teenager.
As Annalise and Suzanne discuss, parenting gives us thousands of moments with our kids. If one doesn't go well, there's always another opportunity to reconnect. ❤️
💬 What tends to take over in your household when back-to-school gets busy: connection or task management? Let us know in the comments.
Research Mentioned

The episode references Stanford research on how the adolescent brain responds differently to a mother's voice compared with unfamiliar voices. The study found a developmental shift toward greater responsiveness to unfamiliar voices during adolescence, consistent with the growing importance of social connections outside the family.

Stanford Medicine — The Teen Brain Tunes in Less to Mom’s Voice

The Journal of Neuroscience — A Neurodevelopmental Shift in Reward Circuitry From Mother’s to Nonfamilial Voices in Adolescence

🔔 New episodes every Wednesday.
✉️ Newsletter: https://drscaronandallen.com  
📱 Instagram: @theparentingpair 
💬 Questions you want answered on future episodes or topic suggestions: hello@theparentingpair.com

DISCLAIMER: The Parenting Pair Podcast is designed for informational and educational purposes only. Do not rely on the information presented in this podcast as a substitute or replacement for professional -- psychological or medical -- advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about you or a family member's well being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.

Medical challenges can affect far more than your child's physical health.

Whether it's a routine shot, bloodwork, a frightening trip to the ER, surgery, an injury, or managing a chronic medical condition, medical experiences can bring fear, anxiety, avoidance, stress, and sometimes even medical trauma.
And for parents, these situations can be overwhelming too. Suddenly you're managing appointments, medications, insurance, specialists, school, siblings, and your child's emotional needs—all while trying to figure out how to help your child cope.
In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen sit down with Dr. Meghan Marsac, a pediatric psychologist and Division Chief of Psychology at the University of Kentucky Pediatrics Department, to talk about how parents can support children and teens through medical challenges. Dr. Marsac brings extensive expertise in pediatric medical trauma and shares practical, evidence-based strategies for helping families navigate difficult medical experiences while protecting connection, autonomy, and the rest of a young person's life.

In This Episode, We Discuss:
How medical challenges can affect children's mental and emotional health — and why physical and mental health shouldn't be treated as completely separate.
Medical anxiety and medical trauma — from everyday procedures like shots and bloodwork to more significant medical events and chronic illness.
Why validation matters — and how acknowledging that something is difficult for your child can strengthen connection rather than making the fear worse.
Parent vs. caregiver — how chronic illness or injury can shift parents into a caregiving role and unintentionally change the parent-child relationship.
Protecting your teen's independence during medical challenges — including finding ways to preserve friendships, activities, school, and the other parts of life that matter to them.
Supporting siblings when one child's medical needs require more attention from the family.
How parents can advocate within complex medical systems — including asking questions, gathering information, communicating between providers, and making sure important information doesn't get lost.
Helping teens become more involved in their own medical care — gradually giving them opportunities to ask questions, advocate for themselves, and take more leadership.
The COACH approach — a framework Dr. Marsac and her coauthor developed to help parents break down challenging medical situations and choose strategies that fit their child.
Planning ahead for medical appointments and procedures — including determining how much information your child wants and when they want to receive it.
Why your child's medical condition shouldn't become their entire identity — and how families can continue to make room for the many other parts of who they are.

Chapters:

00:00 | Medical Challenges: Why Planning Ahead Works
00:29 | Today’s Topic: Medical Challenges With Teens and Tweens
01:17 | Meet Meghan Marsac, Pediatric Psychologist
02:48 | Why Meghan Marsac Wrote Afraid of the Doctor
05:20 | The Connection Between Medical Trauma and Emotional & Behavioral Struggles
08:44 | Considering Medical Challenges in the Context of a Child’s Whole Life
13:43 | Why Validation Is So Important
14:50 | The Role of a Parent vs. a Caregiver
18:20 | How to Address a New Medical Reality With Siblings
21:13 | When the Parent Becomes the Leader of the Medical Team
24:20 | The COACH Approach: What It Means
29:20 | How Parents Can Cope Ahead With Medical Anxiety
32:59 | Recommendations for Parents Facing Medical Challenges

Important Takeaways

One of the most powerful ideas in this conversation is that a child is more than their medical condition.
As Dr. Marsac explains, families can become understandably focused on appointments, medications, treatments, and medical care—particularly when a child has a chronic condition. But it's also important to keep seeing the whole person: their friendships, activities, interests, school, family relationships, independence, and the things that bring them joy.
Medical care matters. So does the rest of their life.

The conversation also emphasizes that parents don't have to navigate complex medical systems perfectly. Asking questions, requesting clarification, writing things down, and advocating for your child are all legitimate parts of supporting them.
And if a particular strategy doesn't work for your child, that doesn't mean you've failed. Dr. Marsac emphasizes that different strategies work for different children—and parents know their own children better than any professional does.
If you're parenting a child or teen through a medical challenge, we hope this conversation helps you feel more informed, more confident, and a little less alone.

💬 What part of your child's medical journey has been hardest to navigate as a parent?

🔔 New episodes every Wednesday.
✉️ Newsletter: https://drscaronandallen.com  
📱 Instagram: @theparentingpair 
💬 Questions you want answered on future episodes or topic suggestions: hello@theparentingpair.com

Resources Mentioned In This Episode

Afraid of the Doctor: Every Parent's Guide to Preventing and Managing Medical Trauma By Dr. Meghan Marsac and Melissa Hogan.
https://www.afraidofthedoctor.com/
The Cellie Coping kit
https://www.celliecopingkit.org/

About Dr. Meghan Marsac

Dr. Meghan Marsac is a pediatric psychologist and Division Chief of Psychology at the University of Kentucky Pediatrics Department. She is a tenured professor at the University of Kentucky's College of Medicine, an Affiliate Research Scientist at the Center for Injury Research and Prevention at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP), an Affiliate at the Center for Violence Prevention at CHOP, and Division Chief of Psychology in the Department of Pediatrics at the University of Kentucky.
DISCLAIMER: The Parenting Pair Podcast is designed for informational and educational purposes only. Do not rely on the information presented in this podcast as a substitute or replacement for professional -- psychological or medical -- advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have concerns about you or a family member's well being, please contact a licensed mental health professional or physician.