A Field Guide to Forgiveness

Dear Sophie: Letters on Grief

Sophie's mum got sick a few years back. After lots of treatment, lots of praying, lots of hoping, she died last year. Sophie wrote to her friend, Malcolm, trying to process what had happened. Over the next few months, Malcolm wrote a series of letters in response to Sophie, each unpacking an aspect of grief and faith. Each episode of this podcast explores an aspect of how to live as faithfully and authentically through our experiences of grief.

Episode One - Showing Up and Shutting Up

Grief can make people say dumb stuff. In today's episode, Malcolm extols the virtue of silence in the face of suffering. Rather than silence being an absence, silence allows for a deeper, more compassionate kind of presence, which takes people's pain seriously.

Dear Sophie: Letters on Grief is brought to you by The Common, a community of curious humans from First Church who gather to work out how to make the best of the outrageous privilege of being alive. If you want to know more, or connect, just email dearsophie@firstchurchotago.org for more details.

In this, our last episode (for a while) we hear an interview with Malcolm on his journey towards forgiveness, and some people's responses to it. To finish, Malcolm sums up what he has learned and answers the big question: have you learned to forgive yet?

In this episode, Malcolm talks to Phil Halstead, who has literally written a book on forgiveness. Phil is a theologian and a counsellor who engages with both spirituality and psychology to help people forgive. In this conversation, Malcolm asks him to reflect on some key insights from previous guests.

If you have any questions that arise or would like to respond to this conversation, please email malcolm@firstchurchotago.org.

In today's episode, Malcolm talks with Darryl Tempero about why forgiving ourselves can be harder than forgiving other people. He explores the importance of community and finding the right people to hear our story and validate our experience.

If you have any questions that arise or would like to respond to this conversation, please email ⁠malcolm@firstchurchotago.org⁠.

Today Malcolm talks to Alofa Lale about learning forgiveness from her dad. Having heard in previous episodes about the harm parents can do, Alofa's story reminds of the possibility of a more beautiful kind of inheritance. Drawing on her Samoan heritage, Alofa offers an understanding of forgiveness that cares about relationships and community. Drawing on her faith, she operates from a conviction that people are loved but flawed - meaning forgiveness is an essential skill in our world. Oh, and she talks about forgiving someone who called her the n-word. A week ago. I know, right!

If you have any questions that arise or would like to respond to this conversation, please email ⁠malcolm@firstchurchotago.org⁠.