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Cameron Kidd. 34 years young and grew up pretty normal, loving parents, big family, good mates. Nothing dramatic. A few run ins at school, few family arguments, a tiny bit of abuse. But nothing that screamed, “this lad’s gonna go completely off the rails.” At one point the biggest thing in my world was playing football with my mates. Then suddenly all I cared about was getting fucked up...drugs, booze, chaos, repeat.
My weekends were basically measured in how smashed I could get, how much shit I could shovel into my body, how many girls I could pull, and how little reality I had to feel. If I didn’t have a pocket full of gear, I felt like the whole weekend was a write off. There were nights I’d pumped so much shit into myself I genuinely left it up to the big man upstairs to decide whether I’d see another sunrise. And half the time the sun was already up and I was still out of my fucking mind.
After about 15 years of battering myself, I finally realised this was going to end one of two ways: I’d die physically, or I’d die spirituality/mentally. Did I really want to choose the bottom of a pint over love, connection, meaning, a life I actually gave a shit about? I didn’t think I had purpose. I didn’t think I was worth anything. So self-destruction felt easier.
Traveling Southeast Asia and meeting my girlfriend slowed things down, but I still had relapses. Still had those moments where I’d fall back into old habits. Eventually she gave me an ultimatum, and honestly, thank fuck she did. I got help. I started a program. I faced myself properly for the first time in my life.
During that time I was diagnosed with ADHD and suddenly a lot of my chaos made sense. The medication didn’t “fix” me, but it helped me grab hold of the ledge while I was falling into this black hole I’d been in for years. It gave me enough stability to start climbing back.
Now I’m over a year sober. I’ve started my podcast. I’ve got goals again, ambition again, a fucking pulse again. Sobriety gave me a chance. The diagnosis helped me understand myself enough to use it. I’m insanely grateful to the people who stood by me when they had absolutely no reason to. They’re the real heroes in this story.
I’m finally doing what I should’ve done a long time ago. Because nothing changes if you don’t change a fucking thing—and I desperately needed change.
Sobriety is hard. At the start it’s brutal. It feels like shit. It hurts. But there’s pain either way. There’s the pain of destruction that lasts forever, or the pain of growth that eventually passes. I’ve already paid in pain. Now I’m making sure it counts.
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https://www.instagram.com/recovery_jimmy
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New Zealand