How To Fail With Elizabeth Day

You might know Sue Perkins from her long-running partnership with Mel Giedroyc, presenting The Great British Bake Off (The Great British Baking Show for our American friends), or from TV and radio shows including The Supersizers..., Just a Minute and her many travel documentaries. A comedian, broadcaster, writer and presenter, Perkins has been a fixture on British television for more than 25 years. In 2023, she was diagnosed with ADHD, inspiring her latest Audible Original, Attention Please!, an exploration of neurodivergence, dopamine and what it means to navigate life with a differently wired brain.

In this episode of How To Fail, we discuss Sue's late ADHD diagnosis and how undiagnosed neurodivergence shaped her childhood and school years; the traumatic experience of having a pituitary tumour dismissed by a male doctor because she didn't have a husband or boyfriend, and the lasting impact that had. We also talk about grief, shame and friendship, as Sue reflects on drifting apart from her university friend, Shayla, before her tragic death, and what this loss taught Sue about showing up for the people we love.



Questions this episode tackles:

How do I manage my ADHD?

How do I cope with the death of my friend?

How do I discuss my fertility with doctors?



IN THIS EPISODE 

00:00 Introduction 

03:04 Dopamine and Maestro

06:09 Sensitivity and the News

07:36 Childhood and Being Seen

10:09 Rejection Sensitivity

11:32 School Test Trauma

15:01 Undiagnosed ADHD at School

16:56 Diagnosis and Lockdown Spiral

19:42 Sponsor Letter to Future Self

21:10 Parenting Yourself After Loss

21:31 Health Scare and Fertility

21:56 Emailing the wrong person

22:04 Pituitary tumor diagnosis

23:51 Not advocating in care

25:36 Fertility grief and acceptance

27:16 Parenting yourself instead

32:26 Bake Off kindness ethos

35:37 Shayla and comedy beginnings

38:28 Drifting apart and loss

42:36 Shame, guilt and friendship lessons

46:14 Closing reflections and goodbye

 

💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER: 

My fertility has nothing to do with my partner, and it has nothing to do with my sexuality.

I think it’s my role in this life to be a great aunt and to be a great godparent.

If you feel something, it’s not enough to feel it, you must act on it… make the thought, the feeling, the need and the love real.



🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS: 

Sue’s new audio book, Attention Please! available here: www.audible.co.uk

Join the How To Fail community: www.howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content 

Elizabeth’s Substack: www.theelizabethday.substack.com 



📚 WANT MORE? 

Mel Giedroyc (2026) - http://swap.fm/l/HTFMelGiedroyc

 

💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE? 

Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts 

Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories 

 

👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth: 

Instagram: @elizabday 

TikTok: @howtofailpod 

Podcast Instagram: @howtofailpod 

Website: www.elizabethday.org 

 

Elizabeth and Sue answer listener questions in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends. Join our community of subscribers here: https://lnk.to/7i0moR  

Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: askhowtofail.com   



Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan   

Engineer: Matias Torres 

Assistant Producer: Shania Manderson 

Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot 

Executive Producer: Alex Lawless 

 

How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production.   

Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts 

To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email podcastadsales@sonymusic.com 
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You might know Greg Wise as swoonsome Willoughby in the 1995 Sense and Sensibility TV adaptation (where he met his future wife, Dame Emma Thompson, on set); or from his roles in Cranford, The Outcast, The Crown or The Buccaneers. But Wise’s career spans far beyond the world of film and TV. A passionate advocate for talking openly about grief, particularly among men, Greg is an ambassador for Marie Curie, Carers Trust and the Good Grief Trust, and a patron of End of Life Doula UK. His new book, Grief Talking, uses his own personal stories of loss to provide the reader with an emotional and practical map to exploring the most difficult human landscapes.

In this conversation, we discuss the depths of trauma and grief, how you have to be able to take rejection as an actor, his and Emma’s experience of IVF, and the unconventional way they built their family.

IN THIS EPISODE

00:00 Introduction

03:07 Why He Wrote Grief Talking

05:05 Masculinity And Mourning

06:20 Trauma Versus Grief

08:03 End Of Life Doula Work

14:12 Rejection In Acting

24:40 IVF And Secondary Infertility

28:26 IVF Strain on Couples

29:17 Failure Language in Fertility

30:20 Dehumanising Medical Labels

32:22 IVF as Grief and Absence

33:48 Rebuilding Family and Therapy

35:11 Unexpected Family with Tindy

40:22 Gaia Acting and Resilience

41:42 Strictly, Risk and Clare Tribute



💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER:

Men and women grieve in different ways: men are thinking grievers. Women (more generally speaking) are emotional grievers.



Trauma needs to be looked at before the grief is handled.



If you can’t take rejection, you shouldn’t be an actor.



🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS:

Greg’s book, Grief Talking, is available to pre-order now and is out on 5th November: www.panmacmillan.com/authors/greg-wise/grief-talking/9781035058297

Join the How To Fail community: www.howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content

Elizabeth’s Substack: www.theelizabethday.substack.com



📚 WANT MORE?

Mo Gawdat (2022) - swap.fm/l/xg1simb4t2cTTqO3ZBE9



💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE?

Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts

Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories



👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth:

Instagram: @elizabday

TikTok: @howtofailpod

Podcast Instagram: @howtofailpod

Website: www.elizabethday.org



Elizabeth and Greg answer listener questions in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends. Join our community of subscribers here: https://lnk.to/7i0moR



Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: askhowtofail.com



Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan

Engineer: Matias Torres

Assistant Producer: Shania Manderson

Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot

Executive Producer: Alex Lawless



How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production.

Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts

To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email podcastadsales@sonymusic.com
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hanif Kureishi is one of Britain’s most celebrated writers. His debut screenplay, My Beautiful Laundrette, was nominated for an Academy Award, and he went on to write novels including The Buddha of Suburbia and Intimacy, as well as screenplays for Venus and The Mother.

But in 2022, Kureishi’s life changed irrevocably. A fall in his partner’s apartment left him paralysed and unable to use his hands. His extraordinary journey through the aftermath and rehabilitation became the subject of his 2024 memoir, Shattered. Now, in Are You With Me Now?, a collection of essays written with his son Carlo, he explores what it means to survive when the life you knew has fallen apart.

In this episode, Hanif talks about the accident itself, subsequent years, his changing relationship with writing and his body… and why Elton John came to his wedding!

IN THIS EPISODE

00:00 Introduction

03:53 Accident to Viral Blogs

06:49 Work, Disability, Identity

07:31 Conflict as Intimacy

12:27 Failures at School

19:32 Loss, Suicide, Wedding Twist

24:27 Quitting Directing

24:46 Writing The Buddha Of Suburbia

26:17 Comedy From Pain

27:02 Oscar Nominee Whirlwind

29:19 Why Directing Failed

31:56 Success And Jealousy

34:34 Body Failing Bomb

42:28 Love Dependence

💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER:

I was writing to keep myself alive as a person.

I think boredom is really important.

If someone becomes glamorous and successful, it f***s with your head.

🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS:

Hanif’s book Are You With Me Now? is out on 5th November: www.penguin.co.uk/books/481825/are-you-with-me-now-by-kureishi-hanif-kureishi-with-carlo/9780241831595

Join the How To Fail community: www.howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content

Elizabeth’s Substack: www.theelizabethday.substack.com

📚 WANT MORE?

Salman Rushdie - swap.fm/l/3qh3lMa8mCxLSv8AL7ys

💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE?

Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts

Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories

👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth:

Instagram: @elizabday

TikTok: @howtofailpod

Podcast Instagram: @howtofailpod

Website: www.elizabethday.org

Elizabeth and Hanif answer listener questions in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends. Join our community of subscribers here: https://lnk.to/7i0moR

Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: askhowtofail.com

Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan

Engineer: Matias Torres

Assistant Producer: Shania Manderson

Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot

Executive Producer: Alex Lawless

How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production.

Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts

To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email podcastadsales@sonymusic.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Bill Bailey is a comedian, musician, writer, actor, director and presenter, known for his brilliant live tours and panel appearances on shows including Never Mind the Buzzcocks and QI.

In this episode, Bill discusses being rejected from drama school, an Edinburgh Fringe show which flopped and the death of his best friend Sean Lock. Plus: the moment he decided to cut off his legendary hair (after it got stuck in some train doors).

Now, Bill is back on the road with his new UK arena tour, Bill Bailey: Vaudevillian, culminating in a two-month residency at London’s Theatre Royal Haymarket.

IN THIS EPISODE

00:00 Introduction

03:05 Live Shows vs Screens

06:30 Love Letters and Marriage

10:24 Drama School Rejection

15:30 Music Teacher and Confidence

19:49 Haircut and Next Failure

22:51 Comeback Rocker Concept

23:20 Bill Best Backstory

24:28 Props Songs and Craft

25:16 Great Reviews No Crowd

25:46 One Person Audience Night

28:06 Friendship and Grief

34:22 Leaving Academia Behind

41:51 Animals Curiosity and Wallace

💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER:

Being on stage in front of an audience - there's nothing quite like it. There isn't really anything that replicates that experience.

You have to cherish every moment. Cherish those friendships that you have. Cultivate them. Cultivate relationships with everyone that you feel a bond with, because you never know when they're not gonna be around.

🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS:

Get tickets for Bill’s tour, Vaudevillean, here: www.billbailey.co.uk/live

Join the How To Fail community: www.howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content

Elizabeth’s Substack: www.theelizabethday.substack.com

📚 WANT MORE?

Stephen Merchant - swap.fm/l/Lta5mlFbVnPHyFb8R1n2

Miranda Hart - swap.fm/l/oTScN30b80GflJtO4rgu

💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE?

Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts

Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories

👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth:

Instagram: @elizabday

TikTok: @howtofailpod

Podcast Instagram: @howtofailpod

Website: www.elizabethday.org

Elizabeth and Bill answer listener questions in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends. Join our community of subscribers here: https://lnk.to/7i0moR

Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: askhowtofail.com

Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan

Engineer: Matias Torres

Assistant Producer: Shania Manderson

Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot

Executive Producer: Alex Lawless

How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production.

Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts

To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email podcastadsales@sonymusic.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Bella Mackie began her career as a journalist, writing for publications including the Guardian, Vice and Vogue, before writing her bestselling debut, Jog On. The book explored how running helped her rebuild her life after the end of her first marriage triggered debilitating anxiety and panic attacks.

She followed it with How To Kill Your Family, a darkly comic novel about a young woman methodically murdering her wealthy relatives. It spent 47 weeks on the Sunday Times bestseller list and is now being adapted for Netflix, starring Anya Taylor-Joy. Two more novels followed, including her latest, Claws Out - another bestseller, this time taking aim at the absurdities of North London’s liberal elite.

It’s a world Mackie knows well. She grew up in North London, the daughter of journalist and campaigner Lindsay Mackie and former Guardian editor Alan Rusbridger, and still lives there today with her husband, Radio 1 DJ Greg James.

In this episode we cover her OCD, how she feels she hasn’t ‘fixed’ her mental health - and perhaps never will, her ‘failure’ to leave home and what it’s like to be married to someone painfully level-headed.

This bonus episode is brought to you by @arlalactoFREE - all the taste, easier to digest.

IN THIS EPISODE

00:00 Intro

02:51 True Crime Origins

04:11 Rewriting Crime Tropes

07:17 Funny Draft Fail

10:37 Success Fuels Anxiety

14:57 Living With OCD

22:02 Childfree Choice Backlash

30:41 Cozy Season Sponsor Break

31:35 Failure to Launch Confession

32:15 Living Near Mum and Dad

33:48 Therapy Rejection and Detachment

34:43 Anxiety and Codependency Roots

37:31 Privilege Nepotism and Validation

39:26 Tony Blair as the Adult

44:01 Driving Cycling and Creative Life

💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER:

Anyone else’s mental health is an island you can’t get to.

OCD is like Pokemon, you can catch them all.

Greg [my husband] lies down on me when I have an intrusive thought and does a chicken dance on me to make me laugh.

🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS:

Bella’s novel, Claws Out, is available to buy now: harpercollins.co.uk/products/claws-out-bella-mackie?variant=56397858537851

Join the How To Fail community: www.howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content

Elizabeth’s Substack: www.theelizabethday.substack.com

📚 WANT MORE?

Dolly Alderton - swap.fm/l/XM98joc3GFEMTsLfkEfR

Caitlin Moran - swap.fm/l/CaitlinMoran

💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE?

Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts

Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories

👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth:

Instagram: @elizabday

TikTok: @howtofailpod

Podcast Instagram: @howtofailpod

Website: www.elizabethday.org

Join our community of subscribers here: https://lnk.to/7i0moR

Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: askhowtofail.com

Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan

Engineer: Matias Torres

Assistant Producer: Shania Manderson

Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot

Executive Producer: Alex Lawless

How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production.

Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts

To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email podcastadsales@sonymusic.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices