The Kevin Miller Podcast

I feel we are at a time with a schizophrenic perspective of confidence. We would generally feel positive about a doctor who expresses confidence in their abilities before doing surgery on us, but if that same doctor was at a party and mentioned anything about their level of confidence in themselves we would likely feel some negativity. So do we want people to be confident, or not? And do we feel ok about being confident in ourselves, or not? My guest is Heather Monohan, host of the podcast, Creating Confidence. She has two books as well, Confidence Creator and Overcome Your Villains. Heather defines confidence as,”A feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.” Another perspective from her that I feel is worthy of us really considering is, "Until we realize our value, no one else will either.” Consider it another way, if you don’t come across as confident and are unable to share some assurance of your abilities, why would anyone put faith in you? So how do you do this amongst the friction we seem to have about confidence? That’s the show.

Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin

Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

From the restaurant menu that has 10 pages of entre options, to trying to pick out a new set of ear buds on Amazon, to telling kids they can be “anything they want.” The anxiety around our seemingly unlimited world continues to increase. Tactically I think we must become more discerning. But conceptually I think it helps to understand that too many options are unhelpful, and why. So when a new book titled,  INSIDE THE BOX: How Constraints Make Us Better, came across my desk, I interested myself. The book is authored by David Epstein who is already the author of the #1 New York Times bestsellers Range and The Sports Gene, and has worked as a senior writer for Sports Illustrated. The tagline for Range is Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World. I like David’s questioning and relevantly contrarian approach and was eager to sit down and talk with him about how constraints make us better. David claims that total freedom is the enemy of creativity, and constraint its companion. He says, “Contrary to popular belief, the brain is not designed for thinking. It’s designed to save you from having to think.” And thus all the thinking that too many options gives us has a cost. I ultimately interested myself in going forth with decisions by first, vetting them not for what is possible, but what is most probable. And shifting my mindset from wanting no limits, to understanding that less options is actually helpful for my mindset, and my life. 

Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin

Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I find almost everyone has some physical boundaries that they feel fine with. But emotionally I still find the culture, and historically myself, fairly uncomfortable and unclear on what emotional boundaries look like and what the purpose really is. It took so long for me to have some understanding that emotional boundaries are not just selfish and not against someone else. My barometer is now, simply my attitude. Meaning, if I am relating to another person in any way and I tune into myself and realize I’m feeling some negative emotions, that’s my red flag. My mindset is, “Whoa. You are exposing them to your negativity. Be it bitterness or any negative emotion, but I pull out bitterness because my issues, and I find many others, often have to do with giving to or serving someone in some way, that you are not truly ok with. The following conversation is one I helped myself with on my continuing journey to healthy, helpful boundaries. Terri Cole is a psychotherapist and renowned relationship expert. I think I’ve had her on this podcast three or four times now. In this episode we focus on the message in her book, Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free. I feel there are multiple ways to consider boundaries and in this conversation you will hear Terri’s guidance from working with thousands of people. You can find Terri everywhere, and easily find her in your podcast platform now with The Terri Cole Show.

Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin

Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My focus here is not on being a hero in the fashion our culture uses the word, in regard to caretaking humanity and saving the world. A quick search for the hero’s journey says it is a universal story structure where a protagonist ventures out of their comfort zone, faces a major crisis, wins a victory, and returns home profoundly transformed, and in this I find a core of human desire. In author Donald Miller’s book, A Million Miles In A Thousand Years he takes a script writing course and is taught that a good story is about a character who wants something, and overcomes conflict to get it. We all seem to inherently desire deep, fulfilling experiences, and those by proxy tend to include an effort in order to achieve them. Making the effort and overcoming some challenges are part of what make the experience fulfilling. So my expert on the topic is Peter Bailey. Professionally Peter has worked as a leadership strategist for four decades in more than 50 countries. But my interest is Peter’s research and discoveries in “Developing Your Heroic Journey Mindset,” of which he has a TED talk by the same title. Recently he’s written a book, The Epic of You : Reframe Your Past To Navigate Your Future. As you will hear, at the heart of heroism is not what has happened to you, but how you have responded to life. Peter experienced a difficult childhood and in adulthood has traveled through many of the main trials of life and love. I wanted to dig into how we understand and navigate our lives as we face crisis and not let them dictate the outcomes of our lives.

Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin

Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I continue to find and place value in Emotional Intelligence. I spent much of my life misperceiving social intelligence as emotional intelligence. I felt I could read and cater to other’s emotions, but I was very ignorant and neglectful of my own emotions, which took a toll on myself, and others. In this episode I brought on an expert who cites that emotional intelligence as the single biggest predictor of our personal and professional success. Scott Allender is an expert in global leadership and organizational development. He regularly teaches Enneagram workshops and conducts emotional intelligence assessments for individuals and teams who seek to become more radically self-aware and cognizant of the impact they have on the world. Scott has a book titled, The Enneagram of Emotional Intelligence: A Journey to Personal and Professional Success. This is another installment in my continual pursuit of understanding and owning my own emotions.

Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin

Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices