The Kevin Miller Podcast

This episode is a dive into the awakening of self-awareness and a connection to what really matters in your life. This has been my journey over the past few years as I've unraveled my identity from what I do and achieve and learned to embrace who I am being aside from any doing or producing or achievements. My guest is a kindred spirit in working themselves to the bone to prove their worth to themselves and everyone else. Jen Fisher a global authority on workplace wellbeing, the bestselling author of Work Better Together, and the founder and CEO of The Wellbeing Team. Jen was Deloitte US's first chief wellbeing officer who pioneered a groundbreaking, human-centered approach to work that gained international recognition and reshaped how organizations view wellbeing. From her personal experiences with burnout and cancer to her role as a trailblazer in wellbeing intelligence Jen has dedicated her career to

helping people thrive—physically, mentally, and emotionally. Jen has a new book titled, Hope Is The Strategy: The Underrated Skill That Transforms Work, Leadership, and Wellbeing. As you're about to hear, Jen shares, “My identity had slowly merged with my output and I became what I produced." She realized she had no real hope in anything so she just worked to stay busy, filling the void with production and accomplishment. She was languishing in performance with profound emotional emptiness. Finally, she says, “I began to understand that productivity is a tool, not a purpose; that work is a part of life, not its meaning; that doing is important, but being is essential." Today she focuses on doing less, but doing activities of more value, and questioning what all she is doing for external validation alone. 

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We are a world that devours stories. Most people tune in every night to be taken in by the stories others are living or they have created, and the vast majority of these stories are centered about a grand cause. The action and adventure movies and dramas we love so often showcase someone encountering a cause and devoting themselves to it. A cause. Something bigger than themselves that involves protecting or supporting the welfare of something or someone else. Finding and having a cause is often the most profound aspect of a life well lived. But we don’t seem to grasp how finding a cause works. We tend to think of learning and training and preparing, so that we can commit to something truly big and worthy. A grand purpose. A cause. My guest today argues, in the most compassionate way possible, we have it backwards, and that the greatest people ever known simply committed to something they believed in, and the journey within it is what made them great. It crafted and honed them. The challenge and trials and triumphs along the way is what refined them. Then the charge is not to commit to preparation, but to commit now and let the commitment prepare you along the way. Lynne Twist is a recognized global visionary and legendary humanitarian. Lynne wowed the world with her first book, The Soul of Money, but I had her on my show for her book, Living a Committed Life: Finding Freedom and Fulfillment in a Purpose Larger Than Yourself. Lynne’s own story began when she heard about the The Hunger Project where their goal was to end world hunger, and knew she was supposed to devote her life to it. She spent a decade there and has influenced more people through more humanitarian efforts than nearly anyone. Lynne has been an advisor to the Desmond Tutu Foundation. The United Nations honored her with a “Woman of Distinction” award. From working with Mother Teresa in Calcutta to the refugee camps in Ethiopia and the threatened rainforests of the Amazon, Lynne’s on-the-ground work has brought her a deep understanding of the social tapestry of the world and the historical landscape of the times we are living in. Over the past 45 years Lynne has worked with over 100,000 people in 50 countries in the arenas of fundraising with integrity, conscious philanthropy, strategic visioning and having a healthy relationship with money. Find Lynne Twist’s book, “Living a Committed LIfe” anywhere, and connect with her at Soulofmoney.org.

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I feel we are in an age of trust. A desire for trust, and a lot of distrust. Right now you are listening to this podcast. Outside of podcasts that are news or entertainment, I see people tuning in to listen to hosts that they look to for…trust. You would not be listening here and now if you did not have a level of trust in me. And I see this as good and bad. As of this recording I am headed to a podcast convention where they are inducting my Dad, Dan Miller, into the Podcast Hall of Fame. He’s being inducted by Dave Ramsey and my family and I are receiving it and I’m giving the acceptance speech. I’m incredibly honored. But Dave Ramsey. He’s a celebrity who got famous for his guidance on money. Today however he has massive trust from a huge audience who looks to him for guidance on about everything. And I see a cultural who is erroring on over-trust. And I feel it brings up the question of how much we trust ourselves. So in this episode I have Dr. Shadé Zahrai with me. Shadé is a behavioral researcher, peak performance educator, and leadership strategist for major global companies, with a PhD in organizational behavior. She is known for helping organizations and individuals build confidence and overcome self-doubt through practical strategies drawn from psychology and neuroscience. Shadé has a new book that compiles her findings, Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence, And Fuel Success. She walks us through a proven framework of Acceptance, Agency, Autonomy, and Adaptability, and helps us reveal and reframe limiting beliefs, quiet imposter thoughts, and reclaim our inner strength. Whether you’re second guessing a big decision, overthinking in high-stakes moments, or feeling stuck despite knowing you’re capable of more, Shadé has developed practical steps that lead to powerful, lasting results. You can find Shadé at bigtrustbook.com and do a 12 question self-diagnostics on your level of trust and self-doubt.

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In the world of self-help and psychology there are people who have made certain topics a household term. Gary Chapman made love languages famous. Henry Cloud is the grandfather of boundaries. Eckhart Tolle helped us conceive of the ego. And Melody Beattie is why we know about codependency, due to her classic tome, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. I was so honored to have an audience with Melody to discuss the book for a revised edition, just a few years ago. Since we talked, Melody has actually ended her time here on earth. But, her message lives on. Melody is literally cited as one of the pioneers of the self-help movement. This breakthrough book of hers still remains the resource on codependency. Newsweek named Codependent No More one of the four essential self-help books of all time. Melody actually added a chapter on trauma to this revised edition and it went right to the top of the best seller charts, once again. As a human, can we even be completely non-codependent? I’m not sure, but by becoming aware of the signs and habits, we can surely mediate and mitigate codependency in our lives to a great degree. As humans we innately look for the A’s from other people;  approval, affirmation, attention, and acceptance. How codependent we are relates to how much we need those A’s to feel ok about ourselves. It’s nice to get them, but are we ok without them? Can we be at peace without desperately needing positive feedback and reinforcement from other people? The answer is yes and this show will discuss how. When I asked Melody about her own life and any regrets, she flatly stated, “I regret that I've spent much of my life ragging on myself for not being enough.” This is a thoughtful, pondering discussion with Melody where her compassion for herself and others will pour through.

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I experience our culture growing more and more fearful of unexpected and undesired change. If you were to look back on your life and make a list of all the unexpected and undesired changes you have experienced in your life, I bet it’s fairly long. I would ask you to consider why you think many more unexpected and undesired changes aren’t ahead of you. But what I see is that when you have anxiety about the possible, and I’d say probable changes ahead of you, you are taking away from your ability to have joy and fulfillment today. I find myself looking at two perspectives. One, none of the unexpected and undesired changes in my past have killed me. They haven’t ruined me. And two, I amaze myself to think of how many of those unexpected and undesired changes actually turned out to be great, great gifts to my life. To unpack the psychology around change, in this episode I have Maya Shankar back on the podcast. I first had Maya on for the launch of her podcast, A Slight Change of Plans, which Apple awarded as the Best Show of the Year 2021. After four years of the podcast, Maya has now culminated her findings and experience in a book, The Other Side Of Change: Who We Become When Life Makes Other Plans. Maya says, "I’ve written this for anyone who is currently in the choppy waters of  a change, is trying to make sense of a past change, or is anxious about  a future change." Maya is a cognitive scientist and was a Senior Advisor in the Obama White House, where she founded and served as Chair of the White House Behavioral Science Team. She also served as the first Behavioral Science Advisor to the United Nations. Maya has a postdoctoral fellowship in cognitive neuroscience from Stanford, a Ph.D. in cognitive psychology from Oxford on a Rhodes Scholarship, and a B.A. from Yale. She's been profiled by The New Yorker and been the featured guest on NPR's All Things Considered, Freakonomics, and Hidden Brain. All that to say, she knows the psychology behind change and is here to help us, help ourselves.

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