The Kevin Miller Podcast

Cultural testimony is that while we are in more contact with people than ever, but we are also feeling more isolated, disconnected, and lonely than ever. That’s not a broad brush opinion but I continue to get the research and surveys to back this up. We seem to be a culture so hungry to be heard and understood and loved, and from this, we have become a culture working hard to tell. We tell our opinion and viewpoint and thoughts and feelings. And we ask fewer and fewer questions, and have fewer and fewer questions asked of us. But this isn’t a focus on simply asking more questions, but asking meaningful questions that foster true connection. My guest calls them “well constructed” questions. Topaz Adizes is an Emmy Award-winning writer, director, and experience design architect. He is an Edmund Hillary fellow and Sundance/Skoll stories of change fellow. His works have been selected to Cannes, Sundance, IDFA, and SXSW; featured in New Yorker magazine, Vanity Fair, and the New York Times; and have garnered an Emmy for new approaches to documentary. He is currently the founder and executive director of the experience design studio The Skin Deep. If you go to YouTube and search for The Skin Deep you will find his channel with almost a million subscribers. On this channel you will find couples. They may be married, parent and child, best friends, or any pairing of two people desiring a close relationship, and they take turns answering questions that Topaz and his team have prepared. Questions that open each other up and connect. I fascinate myself. Topaz also has a new book that digs into the concepts, called 12 Questions for Love: A Guide to Intimate Conversations & Deeper Relationships. You can also find a lot of offerings for these well constructed questions at skindeep.com

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I recorded this episode three years ago. Before I’d experienced the greatest traumas of my life. I make different meaning from the message now. The idea of recovering from a trauma or tragedy is different. To recover seems like getting back to “normal.” Back to where you were. But with my experience now, this is impossible. It’s like having adult kids and wanting to get back to when they were little. Impossible. You must recover to a new existence. My guest is Dr Neeta Bhushan. When Neeta was 16 her mom died. When she was 17 her brother died. Then when she was 19 her Dad died and she became caregiver for her younger brother. She “recovered” and started a successful cosmetic dentist business. She married and then divorced from an abusive marriage. She finally found some real recovery and later founded the Global GRIT Institute and cofounded the Dharma Coaching Institute. She has a very large following and a popular podcast, The Brave Table, where people tune in to hear her guidance on dealing with the hardships of life. I met Neeta after she published her book, That Sucked. Now What?: How to Embrace the Joy in Chaos and Find Magic in the Mess. We cover deep territory in regards to what resilience and recovery really is and how it differs for each of us, depending on...a lot.

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“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is…to actually feel the rapture of being alive.” This is a quote by Joseph Campbell that kicks off the book by my guest in this episode. A key aspect of my personal and professional devotion is how we make meaning of life. You will be hearing much more from me about this in the coming weeks and months. In this episode I have with me Director of the Life Design Lab at Stanford, Bill Burnett. Bill is a guru of design. He worked at Apple designing laptops and spent years in the toy industry designing Star Wars action toys. But he’s been at Stanford, he says, “since dinosaurs roamed the campus.” Dave Evans is also a master designer and lecturer at Stanford and together they lead students in designing their lives. They recently co-wrote a book, How To Live A Meaningful Life: Using Design Thinking to Unlock Purpose, Joy, and Flow Every Day. Bill joined me to discuss how we view meaning in life. Bill says, “Meaning is how we experience our felt response to an encounter that matters to us.” Bill and Dave literally go through steps to designing a meaningful life in their book, drawing from the same guidance they give students at Stanford, but I spend most of my time with Bill talking conceptually about how we perceive and pursue meaning. One thing Bill said that stuck with me and I’ve been discussing a lot, is that in his 40+ years at Stanford they are experiencing the loneliest student population ever, which correlates to what we are seeing in the general populace. So I interest myself with the correlation between both our feelings of increased loneliness and lack of felt meaning in life. Find Bill and Dave’s work at designingyour.life

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I seldom give focus to money in this podcast, and this episode has nothing to do with making more or managing your money. It’s on how we make meaning of money, which may dictate more about your money situation than anything else. And to that degree we are looking at how you feel about your money, more than whatever your situation may be. We all likely know people with lots of money who stress about it far more than some with very little. My guest in this episode helped me reposition how I think about money. Long ago we exchanged goods and service with each other. Today we do the same thing, but the exchange happens through money instead of the direct product or service. But of greater focus we are looking at our attitude towards money. My guest in this episode is a self-help legend and celebrity in Japan where he's sold nearly 9 million books about this topic. Ken Honda is the author of Happy Money: The Japanese Art of Making Peace with Your Money. But it's not money Ken is concerned about, it's your happy soul. This is why he has most of his own country following him, and now is claiming hearts around the world, including now, America. He joined me via Zoom from somewhere near Tokyo and we just had a super sweet time together. Ken ultimately endorsed my book, “What Drives You, for the Japanese market. I think you'll find a significant paradigm shift in your perspective on money and a new hope for feeling better about it. I did. Truly. There are products and services we don't want to spend money on. Such as, we don't want to give $1,000 to a car mechanic to fix something that went wrong on our car. So we give the mechanic money with sad feelings. Sad energy. And the mechanic is on the receiving end of getting sad money. Would you like to change this perspective, as the customer and the mechanic? Ken is going to help. We start off addressing the common negative feelings many people have towards money, and turn it on its head. It's not money we are upset with. It's really the work we don't like and aren't proud of, that we are doing to earn money. It's more about how we are earning our money than the money itself. I think you will be so stoked with this episode you'll want to share it with everyone you know.

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I think the cultural perspective on optimism has decreased, even to the point of it being naive. It seems in vogue to be pessimistic and even cynical. The definition of optimism is, hopefulness and confidence about the future or the successful outcome of something. So let’s consider the converse. In dealing with a challenge in your life, do you think your chances of being resilient and coming out with a best case scenario would be better served with a perspective and attitude of hopelessness and doubt? I thought of a surgeon. Would I rather my surgeon have hopefulness and confidence in my procedure, or hopelessness and doubt? Yes, we want them both to have skill. But I like this juxtaposition. My guest in this episode is Dr. Deepika Chopra. Deepika is a behavioral scientist and psychologist who specializes in what she has coined as, "evidence-based manifestation," which draws from behavioral science, emotional fitness, neuroscience, and ancient wisdom to build modern tools for resilience and joy. She holds a doctorate in clinical health psychology and completed a double postdoctoral fellowship at both the University of California at Los Angeles and Cedars Sinai Medical Center. She completed her formal dissertation on the topic of optimism, positive sensory visualization, and the connection to optimal well-being. She is a recurring guest on the TODAY Show, and her work has also been featured in Forbes, Harper's Bazaar, VOGUE, GOOP, Variety, E!, and more. She has led workshops for companies like Google, Amazon, and Amex, and has delivered keynotes at events including the Aspen Ideas Festival and The Atlantic’s In Pursuit of Happiness. But more than any of those accolades what I intrigued myself most with, is she has a sone with a severe chronic illness. An illness that is likely to see his life cut very short. When we first started our discussion I asked her how he was doing, and Deepika said he was doing ok. Today. She lives day by day with his very existence in the balance. And she has devoted herself to optimism. So much so that she’s now know as “The Optimism Dr.” Deepika has a brand new book titled, The Power of Real Optimism: A Practical, Science-Based Guide to Staying Resilient, Curious, and Open Even When Life Is Hard. Find her at thingsarelookingup.co

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