The Kevin Miller Podcast

I’m bringing back a conversation that forever changed some foundational beliefs I had on motivation. Dr Benjamin Hardy is a now famous Organizational Psychologist. He’s also now the author of multiple best selling books. I first had him on this podcast for his book, Willpower Doesn’t Work. Then again for his book, Personality Isn’t Permanent. I think he’s been on here four or five times now. But it was during one show that he just touched on a story that I ended up using for the opening story in my book, What Drives You. Ben grew up in what I would call a fairly strict religious construct, where the religion was looked at as the purpose of life. Then he watched his parents divorce, which was antithetical to the religion, and while his mom devoted herself to a sketchy health related business, his dad became a meth addict. Ben couch surfed as a teen, barely made it through high school, and at age 19 found himself playing video games, literally all day, sometimes having to fend off other meth addicts who came to his dad’s apartment. And I hear about this while Ben is on my show with his next bestselling book in the “self-help” category. Meanwhile I had nine kids who I was trying to raise “perfectly” so they’d grow up to…maybe be a renowned psychologist and author making big money with a beautiful family. Like Ben. So following, is the in depth story I was incredibly curious to understand. Find Ben anywhere, just type in Ben Hardy.

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More and more in psychology we are hearing about the “end-of-history illusion,” which is a psychological bias where we feel we’ve changed a lot from our past, but we think who we are now is…who we are. We don’t conceive of the almost fact that in five years from now we will look back and be amazed at how much we’ve changed from who we are right now. I want to embrace that and hold more lightly to who I think I am today, and be more open to significant opportunities for change in myself. Right now. My guest in this show has made big change. Eric Zimmer is an author, teacher, speaker, and the creator of The One You Feed podcast—an award-winning show with over 50 million downloads across 800+ conversations exploring meaningful living. At 24, Eric was homeless, addicted to heroin, and facing prison. That was “who he is.” His journey from those depths sparked his lifelong inquiry into human transformation and resilience. He’s seen himself make massive transformation to the core of “who he is,” and now through his podcast he’s talked with hundreds of others who have transformed to significant degrees. Eric has a brand new book out, HOW A LITTLE BECOMES A LOT: The Art of Small Changes for a More Meaningful Life. We talk through some of the concepts here and I think you will gain more confidence and inspiration to your own ability to evolve and not only become more of who you want to be, but find more peace for yourself at all times. Connect with Eric online at theoneyoufeed.net, on Instagram @one_you_feed, and of course just type The One You Feed into your podcast player now to find his hit podcast.

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Should you have lots of friends or not? Should you have just some really close ones? I think before this question should be an audit of how you view friends to begin with. What is the purpose of a friend? Is a friend a luxury or a necessity? What are the pros and cons? A few years ago a book came across my desk, titled The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs. Just the focus on friends caught my attention, and as I started reviewing the book, I felt it was entirely relevant for men and ultimately, anyone. The author, and my guest in this episode, is Laura Tremaine. I thoroughly appreciated her perspectives on friendships. Some highlights for me was her looking at having multiple friends, for multiple purposes. She actually has 11 chapters for 11 types of friendships. I found that I’d fulfilled some, had some missing that I wanted, and there were some slots I didn’t care to fill. Something else I interested myself with is Laura saying her husband is not her best friend. She had her best friend long before him and he didn’t replace her. But she counts her husband as her most important friend. I’ve never forgotten this conversation and continue to help myself with how I reoriented my perspective on friendships every since. You can find Laura on your podcast platform, she has a very popular podcast called, 10 Things To Tell You where she speaks primarily to women about friendship, anxiety, motherhood, and marriage.

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My best friend Randy, a medical doctor, frustrates himself with all the pathologies that we refer to as having, or not. Such as diabetes, depression, or auto immune issues. He says we are all on the spectrum to a degree, the issue is whether you tip over into a clinical level where you need acute treatment. In this show I'm looking at ADHD the same way. I have a daughter finishing grad school in psychology who believes I'm fairly high on the ADHD scale, but I've found constructive ways to manage and function. When a new book came across my desk I decided to take the opportunity to understand ADHD better and moreso, hear ideas on how to function and manage better regardless of where you may fall on the ADHD scale. My guest is Jenna Free. Jenna is a counselor for ADHD with ADHD. She specializes in working with the ADHD brain to get it out of fight-or-flight and into working its best, while honoring neurodivergence and all of our uniqueness. She has a focus on making ADHDers lives more enjoyable while also being more productive. She works with clients through her program ADHD Regulation Groups and teaches other mental health professionals the ADHD Regulation Method in her Certification program. The new book is, THE SIMPLE GUIDE TO ADHD REGULATION: The Secret to Finding Balance, Getting Things Done, and Enjoying Your Life. She has a large following on IG @adhdwithjennafree

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Stoicism has gotten much attention in recent years, making a comeback from the old school Stoicism, commonly criticized for promoting emotional suppression, fostering passivity in the face of injustice, and being psychologically unrealistic. Modern day focus has upheld the stoic traits that focus on cultivating inner peace and resilience through virtue, rationality, and acceptance of what cannot be controlled. Psychology models more and more these days are calling to the need for personal agency, and stoicism is a leading model for taking responsibility for our perceptions, values, and held beliefs in life. I appreciate seeing new personalities and perspectives come to the forefront of worthy initiatives, and in stoicism, Tanner Campbell has brought a fresh take to the concept. Tanner is an American philosopher of Stoicism  whose goal is to clear up contemporary miscommunications about Stoicism, with a focus to uphold what virtue really is against the traditional interpretation of Stoicism, challenging the, as he says, “watered down Silicon Valley take on Stoicism.” A few years ago Tanner launched a podcast called, Practical Stoicism, that went relatively viral and quickly eclipsed 500,000 downloads per month. Which is to say the show did in months many of us podcasters took years to attain. Find Practical Stoicism wherever you listen to podcasts and Tanner also has a book out now, titled, What Is Stoicism?: A Brief and Accessible Overview.

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