The Kevin Miller Podcast

Author David Foster Wallace is credited with a story in a commencement speech, where he shares, "There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says 'Morning, boys. How's the water?' And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and says 'What the hell is water?'" We live in a culture where the expectation is to have absolutely everything.  And more. Obviously there is a material cost to everything. Money. And it takes time to make money. So we cost ourselves a lot of work to afford all the stuff. But regardless. Even if you win the lottery and can easily afford anything. Having stuff takes up our mental space, and I don’t think we consider this. I sure didn’t. I was just like the fish. Stuff? What stuff? I don’t feel I bought things needlessly. Or for status. I had a big family. If we felt we needed something? Get it. Maybe get two. If someone might need it, let's have it on hand. This had its value. But my gosh. There is just stuff. Everywhere. I ultimately felt so tied down by it all. So, my guest is Joshua Becker, the founder and editor of Becoming Minimalist, a website dedicated to inspiring others to find more life by owning less. His websites welcome over 1M readers each month and have inspired millions around the world to consider the practical benefits of owning fewer possessions and given them the practical help to get started. He is an international speaker and the #1 Wall Street Journal and USA Today bestselling author of several books, the newest of which is, Uncluttered Faith: Own Less, Love More, and Make an Impact in Your World. I am on a constant quest to…pair down. Yesterday, as of this recording, I accompanied two of my daughters in talking through everything in their rooms. Rooms I think most would feel were sparse. The result of questioning each item? Two trash bags and two boxes full of clothes and…stuff. And an entire big bag of trash. Feels like a breath of fresh air. Space to…contemplate. Create.

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I want to start off by asking a question I continually interest myself with. Do we really want to be happy? If I survey the culture, it looks like we very much want happy moments. The little jolts of dopamine from entertainment, food, drugs and such. But do we really want deep and abiding happiness in our souls? Because if we do, then our primary interest would be in relationships. But not just any relationships. I’m revisiting a conversation I had with Robert Waldinger. Robert is a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development at Massachusetts General Hospital which has been going on for 87 years. His devotion is on what most equates to human happiness, and the answer is, relationships. But let me point out that Robert himself is a Zen master and teaches meditation around the world. Which is a focus on what I feel is our first and most important relationship. The relationship with ourselves. I have continued to grow in appreciation, not just for the message, but for Robert himself. If you have my book, What Drives You, you’ll see his endorsement. Roberts book, which is how I came to know of him, is, The Good Life: Lessons From the World’s Longest Scientific Study on Happiness. And you type in, “Robert Waldinger TED” you will find his TED talk, titled, What Makes A Good Life, that between postings on both YouTube and TED has over 80 million views.

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If you search as to why brain surgery is on the rise you will read it’s due to advancements in technology. Less invasive techniques, AI-guided imaging, and robotics—which have made procedures safer, more precise, and more accessible. But to me it begs the question of why we are in need of so much brain surgery? My feeling is I would rather not have my head cut into. At all. In this episode I’m joined by a friend. Dr. Lee Warren is a brain surgeon at the top of field. And he is here to tell us that the most effective brain surgery we can do is through our thoughts. But he is not giving some motivational speech. He is being completely literal. He takes tools and instruments to dig into the human skull and literally restructure the brain, and he says you can do more and better restructuring with your thoughts. He leads us in understanding that our thoughts are creating our brain structure. When we have the same thoughts over and over we strengthen and create pathways, and to a degree, at this level he can’t help you with any medical procedure. No surgery or resetting can overcome a concrete belief or fear you keep reinforcing. Lee’s new book is called, The Life-Changing Art of Self-Brain Surgery: Connecting Neuroscience and Faith to Radically Transform Your Life. I’d encourage you to pull the book up on Amazon and click “read sample” and just peruse the contents and see his “10 Commandments of Self-Brain Surgery.” This alone will either inspire you or show you that you don’t want to take the level of personal responsibility Lee is calling us to. Search for Dr Lee Warren and you will find him everywhere.

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Ultimately, the research shows what we all most want is love. To be desired past the point of like, and actually loved. And to receive the resulting affection, devotion, care, and commitment. Yet the research also shows that overall, we are not super successful at achieving and maintaining healthy relationships. My guest today feels we define love incorrectly and we pursue it errantly. Humble The Poet is a Canadian-born rapper, spoken-word artist, poet, international bestselling author, and former elementary school teacher. He began reciting spoken word poetry in coffee shops to impress girls and now has four books. He has a huge social media following and uses his platform to help people learn and grow and…love. His book that caught my attention is How To Be Loved: Simple Truths For Going Easier On Yourself, Embracing Imperfection & Loving Your Way To A Better Life. I really resonated with the book, which is why I invited him onto my podcast. Humble headlines the concept of his book with, “Love doesn’t have to be earned or found, it has to be realized.” I think the discussion will challenge your paradigm on what love is and how to better realize it. Find the book and all he’s involved with by searching for Humble The Poet.

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Steve Smith is a friend of mine. He runs Potter’s Inn, which provides soul care. Much of Steve’s time is spent with people running large organizations, from mega church pastors to Fortune 500 CEOs. People who as Steve says, live much of their lives in the white water of life. And living this way takes a toll on your soul. Years ago, I actually argued with Steve. I said I was living in a way to keep myself strong so I could endure the constant white water. And I did. Until I couldn’t. Until I burnt out and caused plenty of collateral damage in my life. Recently Steve sent me a book of poetry he had written. He’s published many books, but with poetry he feels he can say more with less. The book is called, Greening: Poems In The Unfolding Of Our Lives. And the focus is on unfolding through the seasons and reasons of our lives. Steve has walked intimately with so many people. Dramatically successful people as our culture tends to define success. But Steve walks with them as their lives unravel and their identities unfold. In recent years, Steve has had some losses and gone through his own unfolding. As my own life has unfolded, I brought Steve on to discuss some of the concepts of his poetry book, and his life experience. Greening is a term he relates to our flourishing, vitality, well-being, and emotional health. As a speaker, spiritual director, and author, Steve offers soul care and spiritual care through many avenues. Find him at pottersinn.com

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