The Kevin Miller Podcast

Out of the 1700 shows and hundreds of people I've had on my podcasts, people, often when they have me as a guest on their podcast, ask me what shows stood out. And my answer is citing shows where a message had a particularly valuable impact on my personal life. My first conversation with Arthur Brooks about the message in his book, Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life, is one of these. The book came across my desk at a time when I was feeling burnout in multiple areas of my life. I'll always remember sitting on the couch in my study and reading the first chapter where Arthur depicts the exhaustion I and others in the 2nd half of life are feeling. And the propensity to look at just grunting out the rest of life, just trying to retire and escape, or...another option. To realize that our brains and beings were equipped, neurologically, to function one way in our early life, and a different way in our later life. My paraphrasing is to say, in the first half of my life, I was wired to create and build and innovate and conquer the world in essence. But that wiring decreases in strength over time. But now you have the wiring that is in essence, earned by all that effort. I now have knowledge of experience to impart. I have some guidance and wisdom to offer. It works this way in my life today, in the past, I'd start a new company and be CEO and lead the charge. Now I start a company, and I influence the charge. But I don't want to lead it. I've done that. I've been there. I have other things to offer now. I have recommended Arthur's book, Strength to Strength, to so many people. My peers. And I recommend it again as I queue it up for your benefit now. Since this book and conversation, Arthur co-authored a book with Oprah and I had him back on the show, and today finds him...everywhere. Harvard professor, multiple NYT bestselling author, and national columnist. If you want to connect with him just type in Arthur Brooks anywhere and you'll find him. I get his weekly article he writes for The Free Press.

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Not truths, but theories to consider in regards to yourself and your beliefs and ultimately how your beliefs are guiding your life for better and worse. My guest is Nir Eyal (Near A-yall). Nir consults, and teaches about the intersection of psychology, technology, and human potential. He previously taught at the Stanford Graduate School of Business and is the author of the international bestsellers Hooked, and Indistractible, which have sold over 1 million copies in more than 30 languages. Nir’s research and writing has been featured in The New York Times and Harvard Business Review, and he is a regular contributor to Psychology Today. Nir has a new book, BEYOND BELIEF: The Science-Backed Way to Stop Limiting Yourself and Achieve Breakthrough Results, and I took the opportunity to go head on with our cultural perspective on beliefs. To help you see if you're interested, I'll read some concepts that came from Nir and our talk: Beliefs can be helpful regardless of if they are true. Beliefs are the driver of sustained motivation. But not because they are necessarily true. If you make a triangle with belief on one side and behavior on the other, belief is the foundation underneath. Facts are true whether you believe in them or not. Faith is conviction that doesn't require evidence, and belief is the messy space between fact and faith. We don't agree about what we choose to put our faith in, we argue about whether our faith is true and other's faith is false. A belief is only good if it holds up to real-world feedback, remains open to revision, and doesn’t require ignoring evidence to sustain it. Healthy belief requires intellectual humility. And a couple side items that came up, “All pain is real. And it’s all in your brain.” And, “Your brain isn’t seeing reality - it’s seeing your beliefs about reality.” If this sounds intriguing, stay tuned. You can find Nir’s book, Beyond Belief, anywhere. Connect with him at nirandfar.com

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I’m bringing back a conversation that forever changed some foundational beliefs I had on motivation. Dr Benjamin Hardy is a now famous Organizational Psychologist. He’s also now the author of multiple best selling books. I first had him on this podcast for his book, Willpower Doesn’t Work. Then again for his book, Personality Isn’t Permanent. I think he’s been on here four or five times now. But it was during one show that he just touched on a story that I ended up using for the opening story in my book, What Drives You. Ben grew up in what I would call a fairly strict religious construct, where the religion was looked at as the purpose of life. Then he watched his parents divorce, which was antithetical to the religion, and while his mom devoted herself to a sketchy health related business, his dad became a meth addict. Ben couch surfed as a teen, barely made it through high school, and at age 19 found himself playing video games, literally all day, sometimes having to fend off other meth addicts who came to his dad’s apartment. And I hear about this while Ben is on my show with his next bestselling book in the “self-help” category. Meanwhile I had nine kids who I was trying to raise “perfectly” so they’d grow up to…maybe be a renowned psychologist and author making big money with a beautiful family. Like Ben. So following, is the in depth story I was incredibly curious to understand. Find Ben anywhere, just type in Ben Hardy.

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More and more in psychology we are hearing about the “end-of-history illusion,” which is a psychological bias where we feel we’ve changed a lot from our past, but we think who we are now is…who we are. We don’t conceive of the almost fact that in five years from now we will look back and be amazed at how much we’ve changed from who we are right now. I want to embrace that and hold more lightly to who I think I am today, and be more open to significant opportunities for change in myself. Right now. My guest in this show has made big change. Eric Zimmer is an author, teacher, speaker, and the creator of The One You Feed podcast—an award-winning show with over 50 million downloads across 800+ conversations exploring meaningful living. At 24, Eric was homeless, addicted to heroin, and facing prison. That was “who he is.” His journey from those depths sparked his lifelong inquiry into human transformation and resilience. He’s seen himself make massive transformation to the core of “who he is,” and now through his podcast he’s talked with hundreds of others who have transformed to significant degrees. Eric has a brand new book out, HOW A LITTLE BECOMES A LOT: The Art of Small Changes for a More Meaningful Life. We talk through some of the concepts here and I think you will gain more confidence and inspiration to your own ability to evolve and not only become more of who you want to be, but find more peace for yourself at all times. Connect with Eric online at theoneyoufeed.net, on Instagram @one_you_feed, and of course just type The One You Feed into your podcast player now to find his hit podcast.

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Should you have lots of friends or not? Should you have just some really close ones? I think before this question should be an audit of how you view friends to begin with. What is the purpose of a friend? Is a friend a luxury or a necessity? What are the pros and cons? A few years ago a book came across my desk, titled The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs. Just the focus on friends caught my attention, and as I started reviewing the book, I felt it was entirely relevant for men and ultimately, anyone. The author, and my guest in this episode, is Laura Tremaine. I thoroughly appreciated her perspectives on friendships. Some highlights for me was her looking at having multiple friends, for multiple purposes. She actually has 11 chapters for 11 types of friendships. I found that I’d fulfilled some, had some missing that I wanted, and there were some slots I didn’t care to fill. Something else I interested myself with is Laura saying her husband is not her best friend. She had her best friend long before him and he didn’t replace her. But she counts her husband as her most important friend. I’ve never forgotten this conversation and continue to help myself with how I reoriented my perspective on friendships every since. You can find Laura on your podcast platform, she has a very popular podcast called, 10 Things To Tell You where she speaks primarily to women about friendship, anxiety, motherhood, and marriage.

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