Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

• So... How does that make you feel about your therapist?

  Ever wondered if your therapist gets you, or if therapy is even working? You’re not alone. This week, Dr. Elizabeth Kilmer is back to unpack the complicated, sometimes confusing, always human relationship between therapist and client (especially when ADHD is in the mix).Host Cate Osborn and Elizabeth dig into how different types of therapy work, how to tell if therapy is actually helping, and what kinds of conversations are and aren’t fair game in the therapy room. Whether you’re starting therapy for the first time or reevaluating a long-term fit, this conversation will help you trust your instincts and advocate for what you need.Related resourcesDr. Kilmer’s website, elizabethkilmer.comTreatment for mental health issuesDialectical behavior therapy: What you need to knowCognitive behavioral therapy: What is CBT?Timestamps(00:00) Intro(00:43) What inspired this episode(01:53) Relationship between therapist and client basics(04:45) How do we know if a therapist is a good fit for us?(06:50) What is a ‘therapeutic modality’? What is a ‘manualized treatment’?(09:36) How do we know if therapy working?(13:51) How do we give feedback to our therapist?(17:29) How do we breakup with a therapist?(19:35) What do we talk about in therapy?(23:52) What do we do if we don’t have access to therapy?(26:09) Advice on how to start therapy(29:22) Outro and creditsWe love hearing from our listeners! Email us at [email protected]. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

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• ADHD and destigmatizing your desires

  Forget what you’ve seen in movies: BDSM isn’t one-size-fits-all. As Dr. Leann Borneman explains, it’s more of an à la carte menu where consent, communication, and personal boundaries come first. You can take what works for you and leave the rest.Host Cate Osborn talks with clinical sexologist Dr. Borneman about the intersection of BDSM, neurodivergence, and executive function. They explore how some people with ADHD use parts of BDSM, like structure, sensory input, and clearly defined roles. These can help support attention, reduce overwhelm, and build emotional regulation.Listen as Cate and Leann challenge outdated assumptions, and learn how destigmatizing your desires can help you show up more fully in your life.Related resourcesLeann’s website, bornemancoaching.comLeann’s dissertation, The Intersection of ADHD and BDSM Engagement in Heterosexual WomenFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org. We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at [email protected](00:00) Intro(00:48) A comment from Cate on stigma(02:35) BDSM as a coping strategy, not just a preference(03:58) Society’s stigma versus the scientific research(06:37) Pick and choose what works for you, you don’t have to label yourself(10:53) ADHD and sexuality: Incapability versus lack of access(13:10) What is causing this lack of access to good sex?(17:27) Unmasking is key to authenticity and figuring out what you like(19:11) BDSM creates space for safety through it’s collaborative and consentful nature(21:54) Leann’s advice for those curious about BDSM and kink(24:33) Outro and credits Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

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• ADHD grief isn’t linear — and that’s totally normal

  Grief can be overwhelming for anyone — but for people with ADHD, it can show up in surprising ways.Therapist Rachel Hopkins joins host Cate Osborn to unpack the intersection of ADHD and grief. They discuss how time blindness, emotional intensity, and memory challenges can shape the grieving process — and how ADHDers might mourn in nonlinear, unconventional ways. Rachel also offers some insights for anyone struggling to grieve “the right way” while living with a neurodivergent brain.Related resourcesFrom the ADHD Aha! podcast, Love and grief with ADHD (Steve Wesley’s story)Grief-Fueled ADHD: Strategies to Manage A Complex Combination by Rachel HopkinsThe Invisible String by Patrice KarstThe Grand Hotel of Feelings by Lidia BrankovícTimestamps(00:48) A word from Cate on ADHD and grief(03:05) Nonlinear ADHD grief(06:11) Executive function challenges and grief(09:34) Emotional regulation and planning immediately following a loss(11:03) Time perception challenges and processing grief(15:34) Rejection sensitivity and worrying about others’ judgement of our grieving(20:19) Balancing distraction and avoidance(26:24) The importance of acknowledging that your ADHD will affect your grief, and celebrating your wins(27:29) ADHD and delayed grief reactions(29:30) Advice for neurotypical people supporting an ADHDer through grief(30:44) Rachel’s last thoughts and advice for any ADHDer going through grief right nowFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org. We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at [email protected]. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

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• How hormones hijack focus, mood, and energy

  ADHD in women is often misunderstood, even by ourselves — and hormones are a big part of the story. This week, host Cate Osborn chats with psychiatrist and researcher Dr. Lotta Borg Skoglund about how hormone cycles affect ADHD in women. From PMS to perimenopause, we explore how shifting hormones can change how ADHD shows up — and how that impacts mood, focus, and relationships.Dr. Borg Skoglund shares what the research says, what often gets overlooked in diagnosis and treatment, and how understanding the patterns in your cycle can make everyday life a little easier.Related resourcesADHD Girls to Women by Dr. Lotta Borg SkoglundLotta’s research group, GODDESS ADHDA guide to hormones and ADHDFrom the Climbing the Walls podcast: Are hormones the final frontier for women with ADHD?Timestamps(01:42) The changes in hormones during the menstrual cycle, and how they can affect ADHD symptoms(04:57) ADHD symptoms across hormonal life milestones like puberty, pregnancy, and menopause(10:21) The formation of Lotta’s research group GODDESS ADHD(14:25) The importance of this overdue research, and the constant dismissal of women’s hormonal challenges(17:12) Mapping your cycle to help understand your ADHD symptom fluctuations(21:10) How do we track these things if our cycles are non-traditional?(24:06) How do hormones connect to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org. We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at [email protected]. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

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• Too much or not enough: ADHD sensory challenges and sex

  If sex sometimes feels confusing, overstimulating, or just... a lot, you’re not alone. ADHD and sensory issues can show up during sex and in our physical relationships. This week, psychologist Dr. Lyne Piché joins us to discuss how ADHD and sensory challenges can shape our sex lives, and how to talk about it. From touch sensitivity to struggling to focus, we dive into why things might feel like “too much” one minute and “not enough” the next—and how to figure it all out.Related resourcesDr. Piché’s website, www.ADHDsex.comDr. Piché’s ADHD and Sex workbookAn earlier Sorry, I Missed This episode: ADHD, sensory systems, and communicationTimestamps(2:07) What is a sensory issue? (05:16) How do we build awareness and language about our sensory issues in the bedroom? (09:45) How do we tell the difference between sensory overload and just not being in the mood for sex? (12:15) The importance of trust in your partner, and not “enduring” something just for someone else(15:22) How kink can help with sensory issues in sex(16:42) Letting go of the shame over not liking the things that you’re “supposed” to like(19:07) How can we talk to our partners about our sensory needs if we’re scared of hurting their feelings or disappointing them?(22:47) Building “yes” spaces and talking to our partners about our sexy sensory dos and don’ts—without feeling unsexy(27:44) Trying things out more than once to determine whether it’s a sensory issue or a preferenceFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org. We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at [email protected]. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

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