Speaking With Confidence

Have you ever felt guilty saying no, even when your brain screams that you don’t have the time or energy to help? In this episode of Speaking with Confidence, I tackle one of the most challenging—and universal—skills for communication and leadership: how to set boundaries and say no effectively, without damaging relationships or your credibility.

As I celebrate the podcast’s two-year anniversary, I’m excited to announce a special giveaway for listeners—a free 3-hour one-on-one coaching package for anyone who leaves a review and tags me on social media. But before we dive into the details of the contest, let’s get real about the Gen Z struggle, which honestly affects almost all of us: we want to be helpful, but we desperately need to protect our time and energy. This episode is all about striking that balance, and learning to say a strategic no that actually builds trust and influence.

Today, I’m guiding you through real-world strategies grounded in science and research for better boundary-setting. I start by unpacking why it feels so hard to say no: our brains literally perceive it as a social threat, triggering fight-or-flight mode thanks to the amygdala. Most people fall into two traps when refusing a request—either ghosting (avoiding the person altogether) or becoming a jerk (being overly blunt or aggressive). Both hurt your professional reputation and relationships. Then there’s the spotlight effect, which tricks us into believing everyone will notice and judge our refusal way more harshly than reality suggests.

Here’s what we covered in this episode:


Why saying no feels dangerous, and the neuroscience behind our aversion to refusal


Common failure modes to avoid: ghosting and aggressive rejection


The Value Anchor Method explained and demonstrated with real-world scripts


How to say no to your boss, teammate, or friend without burning bridges


Tips for maintaining professionalism and protecting your reputation


The mindset shift from seeing boundaries as walls to viewing them as foundations for strong partnerships


A practical implementation challenge for listeners to practice the three-part refusal framework


Resources for deeper learning, including my video with the NOPE Coach Suzanne Kolberg and my Formula for Public Speaking course


Details about the two-year anniversary contest and how to enter

If you’re ready to upgrade your communication skills and build lasting influence—plus maybe win some free coaching—this episode gives you everything you need to start saying no with confidence, clarity, and kindness. Let’s turn boundaries into bridges for stronger, healthier connections in both your work and personal life.
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How do you find your true voice and lead with confidence when you’re the only one in the room who’s different? That’s the question at the heart of today’s episode of Speaking with Confidence.

Today, I had the pleasure of sitting down with empowerment executive coach Varuschka Nagesar, whose rich and diverse background weaves together corporate law, global commercial leadership, and transformative coaching for high-achieving women. If you’ve ever struggled to speak up, felt like the outsider, or navigated culture clashes at work, this conversation is for you.

We started by diving into Varuschka’s extraordinary journey, from her roots and legal training in post-apartheid South Africa—a world shaped by diversity, multiple languages, and complex cultural nuances—to major commercial leadership roles in the UK, US, the Middle East, and Europe. She shared powerful stories about learning to honor different communication styles, from deciphering idioms in new countries to gaining respect for those doing business in a second or third language. Her insight: real connection starts with meeting people where they are, not just linguistically but culturally and emotionally.

Here’s what we covered in today’s episode:


How global and generational diversity shapes communication and trust at work


Why language and nonverbal cues matter—and how to navigate misunderstandings across cultures


Dealing with being “the only one” in the room and turning that into your strength


The difference between confidence and self-belief—and how to build both


How self-limiting beliefs show up, and simple, real-world strategies to overcome them


The role of core values and intuition in major life and career decisions


Real-life stories and mindset shifts that helped Varuschka stop “swimming upstream” and find alignment


Advice for listeners on taking the first steps toward authenticity, fulfillment, and empowered leadership

If you’re ready to step into your full influence, communicate more powerfully, or simply need inspiration to trust yourself, this episode is a must-listen. Thank you to Varuschka Nagesar for sharing her journey, wisdom, and practical takeaways. And as always, remember: your voice has the power to change the world.

Connect with Varuschka:

Website: varuschkanagesar.com  

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/varuschka-nagesar/ 

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Have you ever wrapped up a presentation and just felt like something was off? Maybe you had all the right data, your facts were solid, but somehow, the audience just didn’t connect—or worse, you left the room wondering if your expertise really came through. If you’ve had that lingering doubt, you’re not alone, and in today’s episode, we’re answering the critical question: What are the invisible habits that might be secretly undermining your authority and what can you do to fix them?

Hi, I’m Tim Newman, host of the Speaking with Confidence podcast, and in this episode, I’m sharing the two biggest culprits I see sabotaging even the most brilliant communicators: a subtle vocal pattern that makes you sound like you’re asking for permission, and body language that screams nervousness instead of confidence. Instead of trying to sound perfect or change your personality, we’re getting practical with the “status reset protocol”—an actionable system you can use straight away to project authentic authority when you speak.

It’s just you and me digging deep into the mechanics of presence and authority. You’ll hear real-life examples, simple frameworks, and low-pressure exercises that you can start practicing immediately, whether you’re prepping for a big pitch or just explaining your work to a friend.

Here’s what we cover in this episode:


Why up-talking—that rising inflection at the end of statements—can subconsciously make you sound unsure, even when you’re an expert.


The hidden psychological impact of vocal patterns and how your audience’s brains interpret them.


The most common physical habits that undermine your credibility, from “T. Rex arms” to the “fig leaf” and the infamous “windmill.”


Why leaders look comfortable in their own space and how fidgeting or over-controlling your gestures actually backfires.


How to become aware of your invisible communication habits (and why recording yourself is the most powerful tool you have).


The “Punctuate, Don’t Pacify” method for transforming your vocal delivery, making sure your key points land with certainty rather than doubt.


The “Gesture with Intent” framework so your hands support your message instead of highlighting nervous energy—and how to keep movements purposeful, not robotic.


Easy, low-stakes ways to practice these new skills before you’re under pressure in a big presentation.


The status reset protocol: picking one habit to watch for this week, building awareness, and gradually building unshakable authority.

Plus, I share details about our special giveaway to celebrate the podcast’s second anniversary, including how you can win a free, three-hour one-on-one coaching package focused on communication and leadership skills.

If you’re ready to stop unintentionally asking for approval and start commanding the room as a true expert, this episode is packed with practical strategies to make that leap. As always, head to speakingwithconfidencepodcast.com for a free eBook, more resources, and info about the Formula for Public Speaking course. Remember—progress, not perfection, and your voice truly can change the world. Let’s build your confidence, one episode at a time.
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What if you could make people say “yes” more often—ethically? On today's episode of Speaking with Confidence, we dive deep into the science and art of ethical persuasion. Many of us have wondered, “How do I convince people without feeling pushy or manipulative?” Today, we’re answering that, exploring how understanding human decision-making can massively improve your influence—at work, at home, or on stage.

I had the pleasure of sitting down with Patrick Van Der Burght, a founding member of the Cialdini Institute, licensed trainer, and business partner of Dr. Robert Cialdini—the author of the legendary book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. If you’re in the communication or leadership space, you already know Cialdini’s name—so having Patrick Van Der Burght join us is a real treat. Not only does he co-host the podcast Ethical Persuasion Unlocked, but he’s been teaching ethical influence to professionals for over two decades, helping them accelerate toward their personal and professional goals using behavioral science.

Here’s what you’ll learn in this episode:


Why “no” usually just means “I don’t know yet”—not outright rejection


How most decisions are made unconsciously, and what that means for communication today


The difference between being liked and being similar, and how to use both


Why giving value first (reciprocity) increases compliance and loyalty


How to use testimonials and social proof for maximum impact


Ways authority can be established ethically on stage or in business, without losing credibility


The surprising power of scarcity and loss framing (“What will it cost you if you don’t act?”)


How getting someone to take a small, public action makes them much more likely to follow through


Why surveys and focus groups can so badly miss the mark on what truly influences behavior


How these principles work not just professionally but in everyday relationships—persuading your kids, family, and friends

This conversation is loaded with actionable insight, memorable stories, and some eye-opening science. Patrick is offering a free ebook and other resources—don’t miss those in the show notes. And if you found this episode valuable, please drop me a comment or review—Patrick and I would love to know your feedback.

Tune in to discover how you can start hearing “yes” more often—without ever sacrificing your ethics!

Connect with Patrick:

Website: https://ethicalpersuasion.com.au/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ethicalpersuasionLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/patrick-van-der-burght/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ethicalpersuasion/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ethical_persuasion/Twitter: https://x.com/yesmoreoftenTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@ethicalpersuasionBook: https://yesmoreoften.com/
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Have you ever wondered what really goes on behind the scenes of a high-pressure, time-limited public speaking presentation—and how a communication coach turns even his own missteps into teachable moments? In this special episode of Speaking with Confidence, I pull back the curtain on my recent experience presenting a Pecha Kucha at PodFest 2026, while offering you practical coaching advice you can apply to your own speaking journey.

As we celebrate the podcast’s two-year anniversary (with a special giveaway—don't miss the details!), I reflect on what it means to embrace confidence, resilience, and the power of vulnerability on stage. This episode is a bit different: using my own Pecha Kucha talk as a case study, I break down the presentation, highlight what worked, where I stumbled, and how you can learn from real-life examples. If you’ve ever let fear hold you back from speaking up, stepping onto a stage, or pressing “record” on a podcast, this one’s for you.

I’m joined at the top of the show by Roddy Galbra, who introduces me before I launch into my presentation breakdown. From that point, I take you step-by-step through everything: prepping the talk and building slides under a deadline, battling nerves, and the moment-by-moment coaching insights I’ve gained both from experience and good old-fashioned trial and error. Along the way, I share how tools like ChatGPT can be a feedback partner (and sometimes a brutal truth-teller!) when preparing for big moments.

Here’s what you’ll get in this episode:


The inside story of my Pecha Kucha experience with only five minutes and 20 auto-advancing slides


Candid reflections on starting too fast, handling nerves, embracing pauses, and managing mistakes as they happen


Why humor, humility, and authenticity work better than perfection on stage


Recognizing the importance of connecting your story to a clear call to action


The value of critiquing your own performances—and the difference between authority and arrogance in public speaking


Insights into how your fears might be tied up with your identity, and how to use that to fuel growth instead of hesitation


Why your audience doesn’t connect with perfect—they connect with “messy,” real stories


Actionable advice on what to improve in any talk: punching up your openings and closings, planting your feet, letting silence do the heavy lifting, and giving your audience a repeatable mental model they’ll remember


Encouragement to step up, take action, and use your unique voice, regardless of nerves or previous stumbles

If you’re ready to move past fear and into progress—not perfection—this episode will encourage and challenge you to take your next speaking risk. Don’t forget, I’m running a special giveaway: leave a review for Speaking with Confidence, share it on social media and tag me, and you could win a free three-hour coaching package with me focused on communication and leadership skills.

Tune in, learn from my journey, and remember—your voice has the power to change your world.

Talk soon,Tim

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