Speaking With Confidence

Have you ever wondered why even your best arguments leave people tuning out or avoiding you entirely? In this episode of Speaking with Confidence, I tackle the hidden habits that quietly wreck our conversations often without us realizing it. If you’ve ever felt like you keep “winning” at work or in your personal life, but walking away with damaged relationships or unresolved issues, you’re not alone. Today, I’ll help you diagnose exactly what’s going wrong under the surface, so you can start making positive changes.

We often assume that because we talk a lot, we’re skilled communicators. But as I share in this episode, talking isn’t the same as communicating and somewhere along the way, we started treating conversations like competition instead of collaboration. Whether it’s the Monday morning meeting, a heated text exchange, or a hasty email you regret sending later, the patterns are the same. I’ll break down my OWN diagnostic framework, WRONG, five habits that sneak into our conversations and leave us disconnected from the very people we most want—or need to reach.

This time, it’s just me, Tim Newman, your host and a recovering college professor turned communication coach. I’m passionate about helping you build not just your public speaking skills or storytelling chops, but the soft skills that drive real results in every conversation that counts.

Here’s what I cover in this episode:

Why “winning” every argument can actually lose you the room and sabotage trust

The WRONG framework: five habits that quietly wreck even our most important conversations

W: Why “Win at all costs” poisons your effectiveness and relationships

R: How “React instead of respond” turns your emotions into your worst enemy (and what biology has to do with it)

O: Why believing “Only my opinion matters” is confirmation bias in disguise and locks out new ideas

N: The power lost when you “Never ask questions” and how questions turn conversations into connection and discovery

G: How “Get even” turns honest disagreements into score-settling and why this is the most damaging habit of all

Real-world examples of these habits in action, from the workplace to your personal life

The science and research behind why we fall into these traps and what it costs us in productivity and trust

A practical weekly challenge to help you recognize and change just one of these self-sabotaging habits

If you recognize yourself in a couple (or even all) of these habits, don’t worry that’s exactly where growth begins. Next episode, I’ll share the right way to build civil, effective conversations that genuinely move things forward. For now, tune in and take the first step by naming what’s actually wrong then watch your communication start to change.

Don’t forget, you can grab your free ebook on the top 21 challenges for public speakers at speakingwithconfidencepodcast.com and register for my upcoming public speaking course as well. Your voice has the power to change the world. Let's make sure you’re using it to connect, not just compete.
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What truly makes persuasion effective convincing arguments, or the power of storytelling? In this episode of Speaking with Confidence, we dive deep into the difference between being merely heard and genuinely remembered.

I’m Tim Newman, your guide on this journey to mastering powerful communication. Today, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Michael Stockham, a powerhouse in the legal world, a bestselling novelist, and an electrifying speaker who commanded attention in courtrooms and captured imaginations on the page. With over two decades of high-stakes litigation experience and a series of acclaimed legal thrillers under his belt, Michael Stockham brings a unique perspective on how story, clarity, and curiosity not just bravado build real confidence and persuasion.

Our conversation explores the vital importance of earning your audience’s attention in those crucial first thirty seconds and why brevity and preparation are more persuasive than simply saying more. Michael Stockham unpacks what he’s learned from years persuading judges, juries, and now readers, revealing how mistakes and even “wrecking” your perfect material can make you more relatable and impactful. We explore practical ways lawyers pare down complex arguments for juries, how to hook attention with a strong opening, and the similarities between the courtroom, the boardroom, and fiction writing when it comes to keeping your listener engaged.

Here’s what we covered in this episode:

Why persuasion starts with storytelling, not just facts or volume

How to earn attention in the first 30 seconds of any interaction

Techniques for streamlining complex arguments into memorable, persuasive messages

The balance between preparation and improvisation in public speaking

Practical advice for reading nonverbal cues and adapting in real time even with a silent audience

The value of candid, actionable feedback and how to give (and receive) it for growth

Building connections across generations, especially with young professionals hungry for honest input

Why entertainment value matters in any form of communication—be it a trial, a sale, or a novel

How writing fiction sharpens clarity, brevity, and impact in professional communication

Actionable tips for practicing conversation skills in everyday life to become a more confident speaker

Whether you’re in the courtroom, a meeting, the classroom, or just trying to make a memorable impression, this episode is your guide to showing up with clarity, confidence, and the kind of compelling story that moves people to action.

Connect with Michael:

Website: https://jakefoxthrillers.lpages.co

Twitter: http://twitter.com/michaelstockham

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michael.stockham/

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/michael.stockham.5/

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/michaelstockham/

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What if those five seconds of awkward silence after a tough question aren’t your enemy, but your superpower? In this episode of Speaking with Confidence, I’m diving straight into one of the most nerve-wracking moments in any presentation: the Q&A. We rehearse our slides, perfect our transitions, and smooth out our closing lines, but when the floor opens up for questions, everything can change in an instant especially when you feel you’ve lost control.

I know that feeling all too well, both as a former college professor and now as a communication coach. As I guide you through, I’ll show you how these moments of silence, those pauses where your heart is pounding and your mind goes blank, can actually be your secret weapon rather than your biggest fear.

In this solo episode, there’s no guest just me and decades of experience with Q&A sessions that taught me the hard way: confidence isn’t about never freezing or panicking, it’s about having a system you can rely on when the pressure hits. I share the “5-Second Rule” I discovered after years in the classroom, and I’ll show you why your audience sees these pauses as thoughtful, even when they feel endless to you.

Today, I break down the three greatest anxiety spikes that sabotage Q&As losing control of the room, getting a curveball or even hostile question, and the nightmare of complete silence. I’ll walk you through handling tough questions you never prepared for, responding calmly when you’re challenged, and, most importantly, holding the silence confidently when nobody jumps in right away.

We’ll go step-by-step through:

The science behind why your heart spikes and your brain blanks during Q&A

Why silence after a question is not a sign you’re failing

The “5-Second Rule” and exactly how to use it feel your feet, exhale, and repeat the question

How to handle curveball questions without rambling or bluffing

What to do when you’re faced with a hostile challenge and how acknowledging, not attacking, is your best move

The power of holding silence and letting your audience process, rather than rushing to fill the gap

Why over-rehearsing answers can actually hurt you and how to draft a “response shape” instead

A concrete prep move: spending just one hour drafting answers to the three questions that scare you most

Simple ways to manage your energy so you’re ready for anything the Q&A throws at you

Your challenge this week: write down the question that scares you most before your next presentation and draft the shape of your answer. Trust in the pause, and let your newfound confidence grow from the silence. Remember, progress always beats perfection, and your voice has the power to change the world. Let’s make your next Q&A your greatest strength!
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How do you actually lead yourself before you can lead others, and what does self-leadership have to do with confidence and authentic communication? In today’s episode, we’re digging deep into the idea that most of us don’t really have a communication problem — we have a self-leadership problem. You can’t speak with confidence if you don’t trust your own voice, and you’ll never lead a team until you can lead yourself.

I’m Tim Newman, your host, and today I’m joined by the insightful Chip Scholz. Chip is a man of stories and craft, a long-time business and leadership coach, and the author of Every Dog Has Its Day. He’s a guy who has found lessons in everything from family conversations to unexpected detours, shaping pieces of maple in his woodshop, and recovering from major life challenges like a stroke. His reflections on craft and life show us how small, quiet moments can fundamentally change who we become and what we’re willing to let go of.

In our conversation, Chip Scholz brings a wealth of experience, not only from decades of coaching top executives but also from a journey of personal transformation. We talk about the lessons he learned at the lathe, the dangers of “forcing the cut” both with wood and with people, and why being authentic is at the heart of real leadership. We go beyond the clichés why “being authentic” is so much more than a buzzword, and how most people actually get this concept wrong. Chip Scholz unpacks why most folks struggle to articulate what they truly want, and how getting honest feedback is a critical first step in transformation.

We dig into some of the tough stuff like navigating 360 evaluations without spiraling into self-doubt, and recognizing the difference between companies that “weaponize” feedback versus those that use it for real growth. We walk through the kind of accountability that separates real leaders from those just going through the motions, and why actions always speak louder than words. We also hit on the transition from doing to being as you move into leadership roles, and the pitfalls of believing your own PR at the top.

We also talk about the importance of reading and lifelong learning, why so many people stop reading books after college and what they’re missing by doing so. Chip Scholz shares his framework built around the 5 Cs: context, clarity, conditioning, choice, and character. We discuss generational differences, social skill development (or lack thereof), and how cycles in society shape our communication and sense of self.

Not to mention, we tackle the link between self-awareness, emotional literacy, and communication confidence and why being able to name your emotions and own them is a foundational skill for any leader or speaker.

Here’s what we cover in this episode:

Why trusting your own voice is step one to speaking and leading with confidence

The power of craft: lessons from woodturning and how forcing things rarely works

What “self-leadership” and “authenticity” really mean with concrete, actionable examples

How to get honest about what you want (and why most people can’t)

Feedback, 360 evaluations, and using criticism for growth instead of shame

The accountability gap: keeping your word, taking ownership, and building trust

Transitioning from “doing” to “being” in leadership roles

The value of reading, writing, and being a lifelong learner for leaders and communicators

Chip Scholz’s 5 Cs framework for effective self-leadership

Generational dynamics, societal cycles, and how history repeats itself in new ways

Vulnerability, emotional vocabulary, and why self-awareness (not just confidence) powers great communication

When confidence and preparation go hand in hand and how everyone feels nervous (even us!)

Practical advice for improving your speaking game, from reps to feedback to avoiding “death by PowerPoint”

How social media, ego, and chasing attention can derail self-leadership and meaningful communication

If you’re ready to reframe the way you think about leadership, confidence, and the voice you bring to the world, this episode is for you. Let’s do the work together because your voice has the power to change not just your world, but the world around you.
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What if the advice to "calm down" before a big presentation is actually making your nerves worse? In this episode of Speaking with Confidence, we challenge one of the most common myths about overcoming stage fright and explore why trying to force yourself into calm may be backfiring.

As your host, Tim Newman—a recovering college professor turned communication coach—I’m here to help you master the art of showing up with confidence in every conversation that counts. Today, we’re zeroing in on nerves and adrenaline, and how the world’s top performers don’t eliminate these feelings—they learn to channel them.

In this solo episode, I walk you through the surprising science behind nerves and performance, starting with the foundational Yerkes-Dodson curve from 1908, which shows that there’s a sweet spot between zero stress and too much stress; that middle ground is where you’re alert and loose, ready to perform at your best. I share why the standard advice to "relax" before a big moment doesn’t work and explain what elite athletes like Michael Phelps, Kobe Bryant, and Rafael Nadal do differently—their routines and mental strategies transform adrenaline from something to fight into something to fuel them.

We’ll look at Harvard researcher Alison Wood Brooks’ study, which put the “calm down” approach head-to-head with a simple two-second reframe. You’ll learn why just saying “I am excited” out loud can shift your entire mindset and how pairing that phrase with your own personal pre-performance ritual can put you in the zone without fighting your biology.

Throughout the episode, I discuss:

The problem with trying to calm yourself before high-stakes moments 00:51

The science behind optimal performance and the role of the Yerkes-Dodson curve 01:18

Stories from elite athletes and their mental routines, including Michael Phelps’ visualization techniques and Kobe Bryant’s pregame rituals 04:06

The powerful impact of deliberate triggers and routines 05:20

Why your body interprets adrenaline based on the instructions you give it 06:12

Evidence from Alison Wood Brooks’ research on “I am excited” and public speaking performance 06:37

A step-by-step process to build your own routine and mindset shift 08:16

How to recognize your personal “sweet spot” for performance—not too much, not too little energy 10:02

Adapting techniques for introverts and extroverts 10:25

When to use these techniques (and when not to) 11:17

How to recover if you overshoot and get too nervous 11:52

Your weekly challenge to try the “I am excited” technique paired with your own trigger 12:52

Whether you’re gearing up for a board meeting, a big pitch, or simply want to own the next Zoom call, this episode will give you practical, science-backed tools to turn nerves into your competitive advantage. Because the goal isn’t less adrenaline—it's giving your body better instructions. Your voice has the power to change the world, and I’m excited to help you harness it.

Timestamps:

00:00 Struggling with anxiety before meetings

04:10 Visualizing and rehearsing success

08:53 Handling pre-review nerves

11:05 Managing situational nerves

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