Speaking With Confidence

Have you ever walked away from a conversation replaying a moment you wish you could take back a snappy comment, a hasty email, or an awkward reply that just slipped out before you even had time to think? In today’s episode of Speaking with Confidence, we dig into exactly why our brains seem to react before we can respond, and more importantly, what you can do to put yourself back in the driver’s seat.

This episode tackles the “R” in WRONG React Instead of Respond. As a communication coach, I even find myself triggered into reaction sometimes, and it all comes down to a concept known as the “amygdala hijack,” a term popularized by Daniel Goleman. Our brains have a built-in alarm system designed for survival, but in the modern world, it fires off not just at real threats, but at social slights: a curt email, a friend showing up late, or a sarcastic comment from a coworker. The science, as explained by neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux, shows that our brains process threat signals along a fast, automatic pathway, leading us to act before we’ve had a conscious thought. But that initial surge passes quickly, and within that brief window, we have more control than we realize.

I break down the practical 3-second fix: one breath, one word, one question. This simple practice gives your reasoning brain time to catch up, turning a potential reaction into a thoughtful response. I share the research behind each step, from the cyclic sigh breath endorsed by Stanford researchers for mood regulation, to affect labeling studies at UCLA that show simply naming your feeling can calm your brain. Even asking yourself a real question, one you don’t yet know the answer to can reroute your automatic reaction into a mindful response.

Here’s what we covered in this episode:

Why your brain reacts automatically in moments of stress and the concept of amygdala hijack 00:14

The neuroscience of how threat signals move through your brain on a fast and slow pathway 02:32

The real-world impact of unmanaged reactions, including work relationships and productivity 04:26

How to use the 3-second fix one breath, one word, one question to move from reaction to response 05:26

The science behind cyclic sighing and affect labeling for self-regulation 05:57

Putting the 3-second fix into action in high-stakes situations at work and at home 07:54

Pitfalls to avoid when trying to pause and respond more thoughtfully 09:47

How real change comes with practice, not perfection, and a challenge to take this skill into your week 11:06

If you’ve ever wanted to reclaim those crucial seconds between stimulus and response and show up with confidence instead of regret, this episode will show you exactly how. Remember, progress, not perfection, is what counts on this journey with each rep, you get a little closer to your best self.

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What makes a great leader? Is it getting the work done, meeting business goals, and keeping employees productive? Or is it also about genuinely caring for the people behind the work?

In this episode of Speaking with Confidence, Tim Newman sits down with Michelle Edwards, leadership strategist, human resources expert, and author of DEI Died and Leadership Lives, to talk about what it really takes to develop strong leaders and build a workplace where people can reach their full potential.

Michelle shares her personal experience of spending years in a corporate environment where she felt the need to hold parts of herself back. Everything began to change when a manager took the time to get to know her, build trust, and create a safe space where she could show up as her authentic self. That experience shaped her approach to leadership and inspired her belief that leaders have a responsibility to help people become everything they're capable of becoming.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

Why employees sometimes feel they need to hide parts of themselves at work.

How supportive leadership can help people recognize and reach their potential.

Why leaders need to take responsibility for creating an inclusive and trusting workplace.

Why telling employees they're doing a good job isn't enough to help them grow.

How developing people can lead to better performance and business results.

Why being good at a job doesn't automatically make someone ready to manage others.

How regular one-on-one meetings help build stronger relationships and trust.

Why leaders need clear expectations, ongoing feedback, and accountability.

How keeping toxic leaders can damage company culture and cost the business.

Why leadership should be measured by how well people perform, grow, and trust their managers.

Great leadership starts with genuinely caring about people. When leaders take the time to understand their employees, recognize their potential, provide opportunities to grow, and hold themselves

accountable, everyone benefits. Stronger people create stronger teams, and stronger teams create better business results.
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You can win an argument and still lose the connection. It happens more often than we realize. A simple disagreement can quickly turn into a competition where the goal shifts from understanding each other to proving who's right.

In this episode of Speaking with Confidence, Tim Newman explores the hidden cost of always needing to win conversations and how this habit can damage relationships, weaken trust, and prevent meaningful communication.

Tim shares how the desire to be right can show up in everyday conversations, from correcting small details in meetings to needing the last word during disagreements with family and friends. Drawing from Charles Derber's research on conversational attention, Dr. John Gottman's work on relationships, and the concept of the writing reflex in motivational interviewing, he explains why constantly pushing your point can cause others to become defensive and less willing to share what they really think.

The good news is that you don't have to stay silent or give up your opinions to become a better communicator. The key is learning when to pause, listen, and focus on what you actually want from the conversation.

In this episode, you'll learn how to recognize when a conversation has become a competition, identify the habits and words that signal you're trying to win, and make small changes that help build stronger connections and more meaningful conversations.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

How everyday conversations turn into competitions without us realizing it.

The difference between support responses and shift responses.

Five common behaviors that reveal a need to win at all costs.

How always needing to be right can damage trust and relationships.

Why pushing someone to agree with you can make them more resistant.

How to recognize physical and verbal signs that you're becoming defensive.

Why asking genuine questions can lead to better conversations.

Three practical ways to stop competing and start connecting.

Three Ways to Practice Better Communication:

Give it one more beat. Before responding, take a moment to keep your attention on the other person and ask one genuine follow-up question.

Drop the last word. Make your point and allow it to stand without adding another explanation or trying to have the final say.

Ask yourself what you actually want. Consider whether winning the argument is helping you achieve the outcome you want or pushing you further away from it.

Choose one conversation where you feel the urge to correct someone, say "yes, but," or prove your point. Instead, ask one genuine question and let the other person have the last word. Pay attention to how the conversation changes when you stop trying to win.

Remember, better communication isn't about winning every argument. It's about building trust, understanding others, and creating connections that matter.

Visit https://speakingwithconfidencepodcast.com/ to get your free e-book, Top 21 Challenges for Public Speakers and How to Overcome Them, and learn more about developing your communication and public speaking skills.
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Why is it that even when we know all the “right” communication strategies, we still fall apart or overreact in the conversations that matter most? In this episode of Speaking with Confidence, we dig beneath the surface of communication challenges and explore what’s really happening when we get triggered at work, at home, or in any relationship.

I’m Tim Newman, and today, I’m thrilled to bring Nima Rahmani to the show. Nima is an expert who works with high-performing individuals, couples, and families to heal relational wounds, regulate their nervous systems, and become trigger-proof in love, leadership, and all forms of connection. With a background blending neuroscience, polyvagal theory, attachment theory, and transformational coaching, Nima guides clients through deep internal shifts that create emotionally safe, co-regulated relationships.

The conversation focused on unraveling the myth that most communication problems can be solved simply by learning new skills or techniques. According to Nima, these so-called “communication issues” are usually just symptoms of deeper nervous system activation. When we experience conflict or pressure, our bodies often respond as if we’re under threat, shutting down, going on the attack, or defaulting to long-established coping mechanisms from childhood and family conditioning.

Together, we explored how real change begins by recognizing these automatic responses, getting honest with ourselves, and learning to parent our own inner child. One concept discussed was the idea of “relational rupture and repair”: it’s not enough to just avoid conflict or push through awkward moments, but instead we must learn to intentionally practice new behaviors and seek “corrective experiences” that show our nervous system it’s safe to show up authentically.

In this episode, we covered:

Why knowing how to communicate isn’t enough when you’re emotionally triggered

How our nervous systems can sabotage our best intentions during high-stakes conversations

The origins of defensive, shutdown, or explosive responses (and how to trace them back to childhood experiences)

Practical steps for building an attuned relationship with your own body and emotions

Why “just setting boundaries” or “being authentic” can feel impossible in the moment—and what actually helps

The process of relational reenactment and corrective experiences to create new patterns

The role shame and a fear of failure play in reactivity, especially in family dynamics

The intergenerational passing down of emotional habits and how we can break the cycle

How men and women often differ in emotional expression, and the importance of supportive communities

When to speak up versus when to let go in conflict situations

Turning the focus from “Why does this keep happening to me?” to “Why do I keep participating in this pattern?”

How self-abandonment shows up in moments of activation and the path toward self-integration and true confidence

Join me for an episode that goes far beyond public speaking tips to address the root of what holds us back from showing up with confidence, clarity, and connection when it truly counts.

Connect with Nima:

Website: https://becometriggerproof.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nimarahmany/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nimarahmanyofficial

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nimarahmanyofficial

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@NimaRahmanyOfficial

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Have you ever walked into your first team meeting as a new manager, only to look up a few minutes later and realize you’ve lost the room? Phones come out, eyes wander, and polite nods take the place of real engagement. Why does this “Attention Cliff” happen, and what can new leaders do to prevent it?

In this episode of Speaking with Confidence, I dive deep into the real reason so many new managers struggle to keep their teams engaged and most importantly, what you can do to become a leader people want to follow. Drawing both on research and my years teaching communication and leadership skills, I unpack the most common mistakes new managers make, and the simple, practical fixes that build lasting trust and genuine participation.

We’ll talk about why 60% of new managers fail within their first two years not for lack of effort, but because of three common missteps that feel normal in the moment but quietly erode your team’s trust and attention. I share stories from my own time as a college professor, including how a classroom experiment with student-created rules transformed engagement and accountability. You’ll learn why handing over just the task, instead of the task, outcome, and reason, sets your team up for confusion and flat results. Plus, I break down the cost of vague credit when projects go well, revealing why your best people check out silently if their unique contributions aren’t recognized publicly and specifically.

The conversation focused on the “Attention Cliff” , the sudden, often unnoticeable moment when engagement drops off in a meeting and how understanding human attention is crucial for any leader. One concept discussed was the importance of communicating outcomes and reasons, not just assignments, so team members understand the impact and stakes behind their work. A key theme that emerged was how ownership and specific recognition strengthen team culture and drive better results. The discussion explored practical techniques for structuring meetings that respect attention spans, such as starting with outcomes, sharing key points early, and frequently changing format to reset the room’s focus. Several points were raised, including the neuroscience behind attention, the financial cost of employee turnover triggered by lack of recognition, and actionable steps for rebuilding trust if you’ve already lost your team’s engagement.

Here’s what we covered in this episode:

The reality of the Attention Cliff and why it catches new leaders off guard

Research on how quickly people lose focus in meetings (and what that means for your agenda)

The three core mistakes most new managers make when handing off work and credit

Personal stories about letting students set their own rules to unlock real accountability

The measurable impact of specific, public recognition on retention and morale

Neuroscience-backed steps for structuring meetings that work with (not against) natural attention patterns

How to repair trust and re-engage a team when you’ve already lost the room

A simple weekly challenge to practice and immediately observe the positive shift in your team

Whether you’re leading your very first meeting or looking to sharpen your approach, this episode gives you the roadmap and confidence to earn real buy-in, boost performance, and build a team that’s as invested as you are. Your voice has the power to change the world let’s make sure your team is listening.
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