The Dad Edge Podcast

This week's Alliance Q&A is one I think a lot of you will relate to, even if you've never said it out loud. A member named Eric brought a question on behalf of a close friend who's in a genuinely rough season with his marriage, arguments about a job, about help around the house, about who's doing enough for the kids. Rather than treat it as a surface-level scheduling problem, we spent this entire episode digging into what's actually happening underneath, because I've coached enough men to know the surface complaint is almost never the real issue.
We get into the real needs driving most marital conflict, why a woman needs to feel seen, heard, and safe, and why a man needs respect, appreciation, and physical affection, and what happens when both partners stop meeting those needs and start reacting to each other instead. I introduce the concept of the emotional bank account, a term I credit to researcher John Gottman, and share a personal example of learning the hard way that not all acts of service are created equal. We also talk through "nice guy syndrome" and its unattractive cousin, people-pleasing, and I introduce a book that's helped me completely reframe how I show up for Jessica: G.S. Youngblood's three-part framework of responding instead of reacting, leading with structure, and always providing safety.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:02] Introducing today's Alliance Q&A and the friend's marriage situation Eric is bringing forward
[2:24] The staggering statistic: only about 12% of married couples have a genuinely thriving marriage
[3:16] Eric lays out the surface-level arguments: the job, help around the house, time with the kids
[6:19] Establishing the marriage timeline and when things started to unravel
[8:16] Asking whether the job is really the issue, or just where the resentment gets pointed
[8:38] Larry announces the first-ever Dad Edge Day with the Arizona Cardinals, November 15th
[10:40] The real needs at play: seen, heard, and safe for her; respected, appreciated, and affection for him
[12:14] Whether he's actually meeting those needs, and the common trap of guessing instead of asking
[13:58] The reactive cycle: unmet needs on one side triggering unattractive behavior on the other
[15:09] Introducing the five love languages and why they aren't one-size-fits-all
[15:51] Introducing the emotional bank account and why not all acts of service move the needle
[16:09] Larry's own car wash story, and the moment he learned what actually mattered to his wife
[18:49] The question worth asking your spouse: what exactly is happening when you feel most loved
[21:41] Naming "nice guy syndrome" and the pattern of doing things with a hidden expectation attached
[23:22] Confirming he's a people pleaser, and why that trait is deeply unattractive to a woman
[23:48] Introducing G.S. Youngblood's book and its three-part framework for masculine leadership
[24:07] The first principle: respond, don't react
[24:26] The second principle: lead with structure instead of asking open-ended questions
[25:54] The third principle: always provide safety through calm, grounded tonality
[26:20] Wrapping up and reflecting on how these ideas apply directly to Eric's friend
[27:33] Reminders: Roommates to Soulmates starting September 16th, and the Business Boardroom Brotherhood preview
 
Five Key Takeaways
Surface-level arguments, about a job, about chores, are rarely the real issue. Almost always, there's an unmet need underneath that both partners are struggling to name directly.
A woman's core needs tend to center on feeling seen, heard, and safe. A man's core needs tend to center on respect, appreciation, and physical affection. When either side stops meeting those needs, both partners start reacting instead of connecting.
Not all acts of service are created equal. The emotional bank account concept means some gestures barely register while others, often smaller and more specific, become huge needle-movers. Ask your spouse directly what actually makes them feel loved.
"Nice guy syndrome" and people-pleasing are deeply unattractive traits, not because kindness is bad, but because doing things with a hidden expectation attached (do this, then maybe she'll be nice to me) isn't genuine generosity.
A grounded, masculine approach to leadership in a relationship comes down to three things: responding instead of reacting, leading with structure instead of vague open-ended questions, and consistently providing emotional safety through your tone and presence.
 
Links & Resources
The Masculine in Relationship: A Blueprint for Inspiring the Trust, Lust, and Devotion of a Strong Woman by G.S. Youngblood: https://www.amazon.com/Masculine-Relationship-Inspiring-Devotion-Woman/dp/1699443386
The Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1528
The Dad Edge Boardroom Mastermind: https://thedadedge.com/guest
 
Closing
If you take one thing from this episode, let it be this: stop guessing at what your spouse needs and just ask. Eric's friend, like so many of us at some point, has been doing things with the hope that they'll move the needle, without ever finding out what actually would. Go ask your wife directly what she was doing, and what you were doing, the last time she felt most loved and connected to you, and then go do more of that. Go out and live legendary.

Baruch HaLevi opens this conversation with a statistic most listeners have never heard: every 13 minutes in America, a man dies by suicide, and men account for roughly 80% of all suicide deaths. For Baruch, this isn't abstract. He's lost family members to suicide across multiple generations, and he candidly shares that he himself came close to the same fate about a decade ago, during a period of profound identity loss after stepping away from 20 years as a rabbi.
Grounded in the work of Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, Baruch and Larry talk through what actually helps a man in genuine despair: finding a "why not," the specific reason to keep going, learning to sit with guilt without letting it curdle into shame, and the necessity of real, honest community instead of empty check-ins. Both men share their own history with suicidal crisis directly. If you or someone you love has ever been in a season that felt unbearable, this conversation offers a clear, compassionate way through it, but given the depth of what's discussed, please take care with how and when you engage with it.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:24] Introducing the statistic behind Baruch's mission: a man dies by suicide every 13 minutes in America
[2:41] Baruch shares that his father and grandmother both died by suicide, and that it's deeply personal to his work
[4:50] Larry and Baruch each share their own history of suicidal crisis
[7:07] Discovering Viktor Frankl's work as a turning point during his own darkest season
[11:11] Rebuilding identity from the ground up after stepping away from a lifelong profession
[12:22] A full introduction to Baruch: logotherapist, rabbi, author of "The Guy in the Glass"
[13:40] The origin of the book's title, tied to a poem given to Baruch by his grandfather
[16:21] Larry announces the first-ever Dad Edge Day with the Arizona Cardinals, November 15th
[18:24] Baruch reflects on why his father reached the point he did
[27:46] Introducing the concept of a "why not" as a foundation to keep living
[29:49] Discussing how the idea of "finding your why" has become diluted in modern culture
[31:19] Viktor Frankl's concept of self-transcendence: living for something beyond yourself
[36:50] Larry announces a rare, small-group preview of the Dad Edge Business Boardroom Brotherhood
[38:00] How genuine community changes the experience of shame and crisis
[41:11] Why hiding in isolation during a hard season is actually a disservice to others
[45:37] The loss of Baruch's closest friend, and the concept of "bearing witness" to another man's life
[47:45] Unpacking the phrase "shame dies in safe conversations," and the difference between guilt and shame
[49:53] Details on Baruch's book, his mission, and where to find his work
[51:37] What Baruch would say directly to a man in a moment of crisis
[53:24] Larry shares an important reframe he once heard from his own therapist
 
Five Key Takeaways
Finding a concrete "why not," a specific reason not to give up, can be as important as finding a broader life purpose when someone is in genuine crisis.
Guilt and shame are not the same thing. Guilt corrects behavior and can be redemptive; shame attacks a person's fundamental worth and has no redemptive value. Healthy communities make room for guilt and accountability without slipping into shame.
Self-transcendence, living for something or someone beyond yourself, is described as the deepest source of meaning available to a person, more foundational than personal happiness or self-actualization alone.
Withdrawing into isolation during a hard season doesn't protect the people who care about you, it deprives them of the chance to show up for you, and it removes the example of bravery that could help someone else going through the same thing.
Genuine connection, being truly seen and known by another person, is one of the most protective forces against despair. Real community requires honesty, not surface-level check-ins that accept "I'm fine" as a real answer.
 
Links & Resources
Baruch HaLevi: https://bhalevi.com
The Guy in the Glass by Baruch HaLevi: https://bhalevi.com
The Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
The Dad Edge Boardroom Mastermind: https://thedadedge.com/guest
The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1530
 
Closing
If you are having thoughts of suicide, or you're worried about someone who might be, please don't wait. Call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, every day. You are not a burden, and the people who love you would rather have you, in any season, than lose you. If you're not in crisis yourself but this episode brought something up for you, please talk to someone you trust, or a licensed therapist, today rather than carrying it alone.

John Sapiente never planned to become a charitable force in the veteran community, he just wanted to play golf with a celebrity at a charity gala. That single decision in 2013 led him to a life-changing weekend with military families, a friendship with Folds of Honor founder Lt. Col. Dan Rooney, and eventually the creation of Volition America, a lifestyle apparel brand that has raised over $2 million for veteran and first responder families by donating 13% of profits, a number tied to the 13 folds of the American flag.
In this conversation with Larry, John shares the origin story behind brand partnerships with Puma, Cobra Golf, and Luminox, the moment he surprised a wounded Navy SEAL with a custom Jeep on July 4th, and his approach to raising four kids while running two manufacturing companies and a nonprofit-adjacent brand. He's candid about the tradeoffs of building a business empire, protecting Mother's Day as sacred family time, and 30 years of weekly date nights with his wife. If you've ever wondered what it looks like to turn a single meaningful moment into a lasting mission, this episode is a direct look at how that actually happens.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:02] The 2013 charity golf event that sparked John's "patriotic awakening"
[4:58] Meeting wounded veterans and hearing taps played during a tournament, and the impact it had
[9:22] Becoming friends with Lt. Col. Dan Rooney, founder of Folds of Honor
[10:07] The origin of "volition" as a word and a brand philosophy: the power of choice
[12:31] A full introduction to John: founder of Volition America, raising over $2 million for veterans
[14:32] Raising a confident, self-sufficient daughter, and the values he prioritized as a father
[21:56] The family rule that sports never come before Mother's Day
[25:43] Referencing Dr. John Delony's take on travel sports ruining the family dinner table
[26:46] The mandatory Sunday family dinner tradition that started when the kids were young
[28:34] The family rule that every kid needs "a battle," something they're passionate about, one at a time
[29:19] A son's question about whether John was disappointed he chose band over sports
[31:10] Supporting a daughter who hated soccer but lit up when she found dance
[32:13] The father-son talent show plan built around a shared love of Michael Jackson
[34:01] Thirty years of marriage and the weekly date nights that started when their kids were young
[36:15] Why "if you have to think about your last date night, it's been too long"
[43:40] Introducing Volition America and the $2 million raised for Folds of Honor
[47:20] The story of surprising Navy SEAL Jeff Samuels with a custom Jeep on July 4th
[50:25] How brand partnerships with Puma, Cobra Golf, and Luminox actually came together
[53:21] Upcoming brand extensions: a cigar line with Gurkha and a new wine label
[55:55] Where to find Volition America and support the mission
 
Five Key Takeaways
A single moment of unexpected exposure, in John's case a charity golf outing, can become a life's mission if you stay open to what it reveals. He wasn't looking for a cause; the cause found him.
Kids need something they're passionate about, one thing at a time, not necessarily a sport. Supporting a child's actual interest, whether it's marching band or dance, builds more confidence than pushing them toward what you expected.
Protecting non-negotiable family time, like Mother's Day or a weekly date night, requires real boundaries. John's family skipped championship games that landed on Mother's Day because some things matter more than convenience.
You cannot build a major business while being a 50/50 present parent every single day. Real tradeoffs exist, and the goal is being genuinely present in the time you do have rather than pretending you can do everything equally.
Purpose-driven business partnerships can create value for everyone involved. Brand collaborations built around a genuine mission bring new audiences to both the cause and the partner brand, not just a marketing gimmick.
 
Links & Resources
Volition America: https://volitionamerica.com
Folds of Honor: https://foldsofhonor.org
The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1529
Roommates to Soulmates: http://thedadedge.com/soulmates
The Board Room Mastermind: Guest Session: http://thedadedge.com/guest 
 
Closing
What stays with me from this conversation is how one afternoon of golf, entered into for the wrong reasons, turned into a mission that's raised over $2 million for the families of fallen and disabled service members. John didn't set out to build a movement, he just stayed open to what that weekend showed him. Whether it's a cause, a kid's unexpected passion, or a weekly date night you've let slide, the same principle applies: show up for the thing in front of you, and let it become what it's going to become. Go out and live legendary.

For the second time, Marc Hildebrand flips the format and puts Larry in the interview seat, this time to unpack the five things men consistently say changed everything after joining the Dad Edge Business Boardroom Brotherhood: clarity, challenge, strategy, accountability, and brotherhood. Using real, anonymized member stories, Larry walks through how the group helps a business owner named Taylor rebuild connection with his wife using the four pillars of marriage and three levels of listening, why "rusty relationships" built on enabling friends keep 78% of men stuck, and why vague goals like "more communication" aren't actually strategies.
Larry also shares the origin story of the group's gamified accountability system, born on a cruise ship when he realized he hated holding people accountable the traditional way, and closes with a blunt challenge: most men wait for a crisis before they get help, and by then it's often too late. If you're a business owner who feels like your family gets the leftovers of your time and energy, this conversation is a direct look at what actually changes that.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:02] Larry opens on the tension every entrepreneur feels: building an empire without sacrificing family
[4:21] Introducing Marc Hildebrand as this week's interviewer, flipping the usual format
[6:42] The first pillar: clarity, and the story of onboarding a new member named Taylor
[7:45] Introducing the Brave Man system: bond, raise, amplify, vitality, enjoy, movement, action, network
[9:47] The comparison trap and the real divorce and disconnection statistics behind most marriages
[10:28] The four pillars of an extraordinary marriage: individual, partnership, friendship, and lovers
[13:20] Giving Taylor the 50 Intimate Conversation Starters and a simple daily walk-and-talk challenge
[15:13] The three levels of listening: to respond, to understand, and to hear the emotion underneath
[20:43] Larry announces a rare open preview of the Dad Edge Business Boardroom Brotherhood
[22:29] Why the same relational skills that fix a marriage also apply to clients and employees
[26:35] The second pillar: challenge, and the difference between friends and objective advisors
[27:22] Introducing "rusty relationships" and the 78% statistic from Mansfield's Book of Manly Men
[30:08] The story of a member named Tim who left his gym to stop being the smartest guy in the room
[33:38] The third pillar: strategy, and why "more" or "better" communication isn't actually a strategy
[35:25] The Casey 1.0 and 2.0 example: moving from scarcity and fear to strategic thinking
[38:20] The story of a member named Blake, whose time management problem was really about protecting family time
[40:03] Larry announces the first-ever Dad Edge Day with the Arizona Cardinals, November 15th
[42:49] The fourth pillar: accountability, and the cruise ship story behind gamifying it
[45:29] Introducing "the tent," the virtual system where members plan and track weekly missions
[47:20] The story of a member named Jayden whose recurring unfinished mission revealed a deeper marriage issue
[48:51] The fifth pillar: brotherhood, and why shame dies in safe conversations
[54:30] Larry's closing challenge: most men wait for a crisis, and by then it's often too late
 
Five Key Takeaways
Real clarity often comes from realizing your problem isn't what you think it is. A man convinced his issue is "not enough communication" usually discovers, through the right questions, that the real issue is which questions he's asking and how he's listening.

The four pillars of an extraordinary marriage, individual, partnership, friendship, and lovers, break down when couples get stuck managing logistics (partnership) and skip friendship entirely, which makes physical connection feel confusing or absent.

A friend who only agrees with your complaints isn't helping you, he's enabling you. An objective advisor without emotional stake in your friendship will challenge you in ways a lifelong buddy often won't.

Vague goals like "more communication" or "better connection" aren't strategies, they're wishes. Real change comes from identifying specific, concrete actions, the same way a health goal requires a specific plan, not just an instruction to "get healthier."

Accountability works best when it's gamified rather than shame-based. Publicly tracked weekly goals, done with humor and healthy competition, produce more consistent follow-through than accountability rooted in guilt.

 
Links & Resources
The Dad Edge Business Boardroom Brotherhood Preview: https://thedadedge.com/guest
Roommates to Soulmates: http://thedadedge.com/soulmates
The Pursuit of Legendary Fatherhood by Larry Hagner: https://thedadedge.com
The Dad Edge Podcast: http://thedadedge.com/1531 
Mansfield's Book of Manly Men by Stephen Mansfield
The Miracle Morning for Couples by Hal Elrod, Lance Salazar, and Brandy Salazar
 
Closing
If there's one thing Larry wants every business owner dad to hear from this episode, it's this: don't wait for a crisis. He read an email that same day from a man who waited seven years to address a marriage on the brink of collapse, and now he's scrambling. Clarity, challenge, strategy, accountability, and brotherhood aren't things you need once things fall apart, they're things you build before they do. Go out and live legendary.

Abbey Sharp has built an audience of over 2.5 million people calling out nutrition misinformation as a registered dietitian, and in this conversation she and Larry cut through some of the biggest confusion facing dads right now: the seed oil panic, the rise of "looks maxing" and muscularity-focused disordered eating in men, and how to feed a house full of picky kids without turning dinner into a nightly battle. Larry gets unusually candid about his own relationship with fitness and body image, and Abbey offers a grounded, non-restrictive framework for approaching food that she built out of her own recovery from an eating disorder.
The conversation also covers modeling healthy body image for kids, a practical division-of-responsibility approach to family meals, and Abbey's honest take on GLP-1 medications. If you've ever felt confused by conflicting nutrition advice online, or wondered whether your own relationship with fitness has quietly become more about fear than health, this episode offers real, evidence-based clarity.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:02] The seed oil debate: what the actual research says versus the online panic
[6:15] Ranking cooking oils by nutrient profile, and why canola oil gets undeserved hate
[16:09] Introducing Abbey Sharp: registered dietitian, author, and "the internet's no BS dietitian"
[17:45] Diet culture's impact on men, reframed as "optimization" and "looks maxing"
[19:02] How male-focused disordered eating often centers on muscularity rather than thinness
[21:42] Explaining "looks maxing" and its darker corners online
[23:23] Larry shares his own history: childhood bullying, a significant weight loss at 17, and fear of regaining it
[27:23] Finding balance: caring for your body without making it a referendum on your worth
[29:31] Why kids absorb body image messaging from watching their parents, long before anyone tells them directly
[34:00] Abbey shares her own teenage experience with orthorexia and how it shaped her career
[36:07] Introducing the Hunger Crushing Combo: protein, fiber, and healthy fats instead of restriction
[42:44] Abbey's take on GLP-1 medications: real benefits, real risks, and real social side effects
[47:07] Building a high protein, high fiber breakfast for kids without restricting carbs
[53:32] The Division of Responsibility approach to feeding picky kids without nightly battles
[58:24] Larry shares a childhood memory of being forced to eat spinach, and why pressure backfires
[59:40] Where to find Abbey: her podcast, YouTube channel, and family nutrition webinar
 
Five Key Takeaways
Not all cooking oils are created equal, and the sweeping "seed oils are toxic" narrative doesn't hold up under real research. The bigger issue is the ultra-processed foods most seed oils show up in, not the oil itself.

Disordered eating in men is often disguised as discipline. Framed as "optimization" or "looks maxing," compulsive protein tracking, fear of fat, and obsessive exercise get praised rather than questioned, which makes it harder to recognize as a real problem.

A helpful litmus test for a healthy relationship with fitness is whether it still lets you live your life: can you skip a workout, eat at a birthday party, or go out with friends without guilt? If self-care starts shrinking your life instead of adding to it, that's worth examining.

Kids absorb body image messaging by watching their parents, not just from what's said directly to them. Comments about needing to "earn" food through exercise or fearing weight gain teach kids that their body is a project long before anyone tells them so outright.

The Division of Responsibility approach to feeding kids means parents decide what, when, and where meals happen, while kids decide how much they eat. Keeping one safe, familiar food on the table for picky eaters reduces mealtime battles far more effectively than pressure or bribery.

 
Links & Resources
Bite Back with Abbey Sharp: https://www.abbeyskitchen.com
The Hunger Crushing Combo Method by Abbey Sharp, RD: https://www.abbeyskitchen.com/hunger-crushing-combo
The Board Room Mastermind: Guest Session: http://thedadedge.com/guest 
Roommates to Soulmates: http://thedadedge.com/soulmates 
Episode shownotes: http://thedadedge.com/1527
 
Closing

If any part of this conversation, especially the parts about food noise, fear of weight gain, or the pressure to always be optimizing, hit closer to home than you expected, you're not alone, and it's worth talking to someone. If you or someone you know is struggling with disordered eating, the National Alliance for Eating Disorders helpline is available for support and can help you find the right next step. Beyond that, the whole spirit of this conversation is permission: permission to eat the pizza, permission to miss a workout, permission to let your kids grow up without inheriting a fear of their own bodies. Go out and live legendary.