The Dad Edge Podcast

Jenna Free is a counselor specializing in ADHD regulation who discovered her own diagnosis while drowning in grad school with two babies 17 months apart. She has since developed a full certification program teaching other mental health professionals her ADHD regulation method, and she runs ADHD regulation groups for clients from her home base in Calgary, Alberta.
In this episode, Jenna joined The Dad Edge Alliance for a live Q&A that goes far deeper than a typical ADHD conversation. The focus isn't the diagnosis itself — it's the nervous system, specifically how chronic fight-or-flight mode silently drives the impatience, compulsive behavior, crashes, and parenting struggles so many dads in this community experience. If you've ever wondered why you can't just logic your way into being calmer, this one's for you.
Most of us assume ADHD is about the brain you were born with. Jenna reframes it completely — the real problem isn't the diagnosis, it's the dysregulated nervous system underneath it, and that part is something you can actually change. This conversation pulls back the curtain on the frantic-crash cycle, the fight-flight-freeze-fawn response, why pressure feels like performance, and what it looks like to function from a regulated baseline instead of white-knuckling through the day.
This is especially powerful for any dad who has ever snapped at his kids in the morning, struggled to slow down, or quietly wondered whether go, go, go is actually working against him.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:02] Jenna's background: how her own ADHD diagnosis in grad school — with a six-month-old and an 18-month-old at home — led her to develop the ADHD regulation method
[3:24] Why calendars and timers weren't enough: the frantic-crash cycle Jenna kept seeing in herself and every client she worked with
[4:13] The nervous system root cause: why almost every neurodivergent person (and most parents) is running in a chronic state of fight-or-flight
[6:36] Can you think your way out of it? Jenna explains why logic alone can't calm a dysregulated nervous system
[9:16] Alliance member Jason's question: where to start with regulation for yourself and how to notice when your son is sliding into dysregulation
[10:06] The first practical step — learning to physically feel dysregulation in your body: tight shoulders, rushing, impatience, holding your breath
[11:49] The rushing reframe every parent needs: shifting from "let's go, let's go" to "let's focus" and why that small shift changes the whole morning
[17:55] Breaking down all four modes: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn — including why people-pleasing is a survival response, not a personality trait
[25:26] Alliance member Chris's question: the "pressure to perform" cycle and why functioning in high-intensity fight-or-flight leads to hard crashes and compulsive avoidance
[30:21] Why a formal diagnosis may not matter: Jenna's framework focuses on nervous system regulation regardless of whether you have a label
[40:19] Dysregulation is contagious — but so is regulation: how Jenna's own internal work changed her husband without a single conversation about it
[42:16] Joanne's question: how to help a high-achieving son who struggles at school, and why the most powerful thing parents can do happens before they drop the kids off
[47:21] Jenna's upcoming book, Full Capacity, and why she believes regulation is the most ambitious thing a driven person can pursue
[54:12] The dreamer-freeze type: why a low-motivation, avoidant kid is just as dysregulated as a hyperactive one — it just looks different
[57:10] The host shares his own ADHD management tools — exercise and clean eating — and Jenna explains exactly why they work from a nervous system standpoint
 
Five Key Takeaways
You can't think your way out of fight-or-flight because it's not a thought problem — it's a nervous system problem. The primal part of your brain believes you're being chased by a bear, and no amount of self-talk will convince it otherwise until you address the physical and behavioral patterns keeping it on alert.

The frantic-crash cycle isn't a productivity style — it's a symptom. When you require pressure to get things done and then collapse afterward, you're not built that way; you've been trained into it. The only way out is to consciously lower the intensity during the good stretches, not just manage the crashes.

Rushing is one of the clearest signals your nervous system has flipped into survival mode. When you catch yourself rushing the kids in the morning, the fix isn't to push through faster — it's to physically slow down and shift from "let's go" to "let's focus," which calms everyone's system and actually gets you out the door more effectively.

Your regulation — or lack of it — is setting the baseline for your whole family. Kids and partners co-regulate with the people around them. You can't force your kids to be calm, but becoming a regulated, grounded presence does more than any conversation about breathing ever will.

Fight-or-flight doesn't always look like intensity. Freeze and avoidance are just as much a dysregulated state as frantic rushing — they're just the other end of the pendulum. A kid who looks unmotivated or a dad who procrastinates for two weeks is dealing with the same nervous system problem as the guy who can't slow down.

Links & Resources
The Dad Edge Alliance — https://thedadedge.com/join
Questions for the Car (free resource) — https://thedadedge.com/kidquestions
ADHD with Jenna Free (social media) — @adhdwithjennafree
Full Capacity HQ (upcoming content on regulation for ambitious people) — @fullcapacityhq
Episode Shownotes: http://thedadedge.com/1492
Closing
What Jenna laid out here isn't a quick fix — and she'd be the first one to tell you that. But there's something powerful in knowing that the part of you that snaps at your kids, crashes after a big push, or can't quite slow down no matter how much you want to — that part isn't a character flaw. It's a nervous system that's been running in survival mode, and it can be retrained. If this conversation hit close to home, share it with a dad you know who's quietly fighting the same battle. And if you're not yet part of the Alliance where conversations like this happen every month, head over to thedadedge.com/join. Follow the show, leave a rating and review, and help us get this in front of the dads who need it most.
Go out and live legendary.

Jamie Kozub and Chris Carter are the yin and yang behind Shit My Dad Taught Me, a podcast that's exploded to over 2.5 million views every month in barely 18 months. Together they also co-founded Burlington Dads, a community of 7,200 fathers that has raised over $1 million for local families and charities. But what makes these two men worth an hour of your time isn't the numbers. It's the two completely different roads that brought them here.
Jamie has never met his biological father and grew up 40 minutes outside Thunder Bay in a house with no working toilet and a potbelly stove for heat. With his dad working construction hundreds of miles away Monday through Saturday, Jamie was cooking dinner and raising his little brother at 12. He moved out at 15, worked the Sony store from two till ten every day through high school, and was making $130K a year by 18. Then at 19, after blowing $60,000 at the casino, he walked back in, handed over his driver's license, and banned himself from every casino in Ontario.
Chris had the opposite upbringing: a ten-out-of-ten dad who fed every kid who walked through the door and modeled what it means to raise daughters. Now a girl dad of two, Chris shares his number one piece of advice, just take them with you, and the story of the letter that confronted him at 340 pounds. A year later, he's lost nearly 100 pounds and is preparing for his first bodybuilding show at 42.
We also go to some deep waters in this one: their friend Matt's story of losing his father and grandfather to suicide, and my own 33 days of insomnia in 2017 and the counselor's words that changed my perception forever. This is a conversation about fatherhood, brotherhood, and building the communities that keep men alive and thriving. Don't miss it.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:02] Larry welcomes Jamie Kozub and Chris Carter, the yin and yang behind Shit My Dad Taught Me
[1:56] Jamie on never meeting his biological father and why he feels no void to fill
[2:58] Growing up outside Thunder Bay with no working toilet, a potbelly stove, and a dad gone Monday to Saturday
[10:33] Chris's number one girl dad advice: just take them with you, from boardrooms to private jets
[17:56] Moving out at 15, couch surfing, and working the Sony store from two till ten every day
[19:39] Making $130K at 18 and turning down a University of Miami scholarship
[20:28] Walking into the casino at 19 to ban himself from every casino in Ontario for five years
[26:35] Chris's dad and the barbecue pizza rule: everyone who walks through the door gets fed
[33:02] How Shit My Dad Taught Me reached 2.5 million monthly views through radical authenticity
[37:16] The Lexie J letter story that confronted Chris at 340 pounds and sparked his transformation
[42:18] Their friend Matt's story of loss and his commitment to breaking a generational cycle
[45:18] Larry opens up about 33 days of insomnia and the counselor's words that changed everything
[48:14] Pits and peaks: Chris's daily traditions for getting his girls to open up
[51:46] A warrior on a farm: why the biggest guy in the room works hardest at being gentle
[54:30] Jamie on raising boys who respect women, learn from losing, and greet every guest at the door
[56:47] Inside Burlington Dads: 14 events, a $75K golf tournament, and a $77K Christmas toy drive
 
Five Key Takeaways
You don't need a void filled to move forward; Jamie chose to honor the dad who raised him while letting go of the one who didn't, and turned a hard childhood into fuel instead of an excuse.

The simplest girl dad advice is also the best: take your kids with you everywhere so they never believe a glass ceiling exists.

Make your home the place where every kid is fed, welcomed, and safe, because you'd rather your kids make their choices under your roof than somewhere else.

Find the thing that confronts you before your family has to write you the letter; Chris lost nearly 100 pounds because he refused to put his daughters in that position.

Whatever pain you're carrying, you don't have to carry it alone; real communities of men exist, and guys like Jamie and Chris will always pick up the phone.

 
Links & Resources
Shit My Dad Taught Me — available on all platforms, including Spotify and YouTube
Follow Chris on Instagram — @chriscarterbd
Follow Jamie on Instagram — @jamiekozub
Burlington Dads on Facebook
Episode resources — https://thedadedge.com/1491
Join the Dad Edge Alliance — https://thedadedge.com/join
Questions for the Car free download — https://thedadedge.com/kidquestions
Closing
There's a moment in this episode where a 19-year-old kid making six figures walks into a casino, hands over his driver's license, and bans himself for five years because he knew the life he wanted required a different man. That's what taking responsibility actually looks like, and it's the thread running through this entire conversation, from Chris's 100-pound transformation to two men building a community of 7,200 dads who refuse to do life alone. If this one hit home, send it to the brother in your life who needs to hear that good men come together. Go out and live legendary.

Jess Hilarious has built a career on telling the truth in a way that makes people laugh and feel seen, from the Baltimore open mic scene to Wild 'N Out, starring on Rel, her hit podcast Carefully Reckless, and now co-hosting The Breakfast Club. But in this conversation, we go somewhere most people have never heard her go: what it really took to become the mother and co-parent she is today.
Jess got pregnant at 19, raised in a strict church household, terrified to tell her parents she even had a boyfriend. She opens up about the first six months after her son Ashton was born, when she didn't want to be a mom at all, and the breakdown on her knees in her mother's house that ended with her baby smirking up at her from the crib. That was the moment everything changed.
We also walk through the hard road with her son's father, Jerome. The cheating, the other girl at Ashton's first birthday party, and the public comment that revealed he had a second child on the way. Instead of staying at war, Jess chose to understand the trauma behind his behavior, and the two of them took actual co-parenting vows: for better or for worse, till death do we parent.
As a father of four boys, I know how many men in our community are navigating co-parenting right now, and this episode is packed with hard-won wisdom on boundaries, accountability, and putting your kids first. Jess's new book, Til Death Do We Parent, brings her trademark humor and honesty to all of it, and this conversation is the perfect introduction.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:01] Larry welcomes comedian, actress, and Breakfast Club co-host Jess Hilarious to the show
[1:48] Jess opens up about not wanting to be a mom for the first six months after her son was born
[3:15] Telling Jerome she was pregnant at 19 and his unexpectedly joyful reaction
[4:25] A charge on her record, no job offers, and moving back in with her mom after Ashton arrived
[4:52] The breakdown in her mom's house: "why would you pick me to be your mother?"
[7:17] Telling her parents at 8 PM: her dad's ten-second breathing technique and her mom's prayer
[15:02] The funeral story at age eight that proved Jess was born funny
[17:43] Martin Lawrence's brother calls and Jess fakes ten years of stand-up experience
[18:41] Opening for Martin Lawrence in front of 13,000 people in Baltimore after five open mics
[25:05] Rome brings another girl to Ashton's first birthday party
[26:57] Leaving a good man for one more chance, then learning about Rome's second child from a public comment
[31:14] Understanding Rome's trauma: losing his mother at ten and finding her himself
[33:32] The co-parenting vows: "I take you, Jerome James, to be my lawfully wedded co-parent"
[35:22] Dating selfishly and taking accountability for the men she brought around Ashton
[38:15] The 1 AM phone call that made her husband draw the line on boundaries
[42:58] Larry shares meeting his biological father by chance in a St. Louis Starbucks at age 30
 
Five Key Takeaways
Treat co-parenting like a vow you can't walk away from, because your child is watching how you show up for better or for worse.
Your kids absorb every ounce of tension between you and your ex, and defiance at school is often a reflection of the energy they're consuming at home.
Understanding the trauma behind your ex's behavior won't excuse it, but it can free you from resentment and make a real friendship possible.
When you have kids, you date as a package, so anyone who isn't building a bond with your child isn't actually good for you either.
Boundaries protect every relationship you have, and putting "friendship hours" around your co-parent isn't disrespect, it's what keeps your marriage and your co-parenting healthy.
 
Links & Resources
Til Death Do We Parent by Jess Hilarious: https://www.amazon.com/Til-Death-Do-We-Parent/dp/1668059355
Jess's website — https://jesshilariousofficial.com
Follow Jess on Instagram — @jesshilarious_official
Follow Jess on Twitter and Snapchat — @jess_hilarious
Jess Hilarious Official on Facebook
Episode resources — https://thedadedge.com/1490
Questions for the Car free download — https://thedadedge.com/questions
The Dad Edge Alliance — http://thedadedge.com/join
 
Closing
There's a moment in this episode where Jess describes falling to her knees, asking her infant son why he chose her as his mother, and looking up to see him smirking at her from the crib as if to say "I'm here, so put on your big girl panties." That's the kind of raw honesty that changes how you see your own parenting story. If you're navigating co-parenting, boundaries, or just the weight of feeling unready, share this one with a brother who needs it. Go out and live legendary.

Gentlemen, we're two weeks out from Father's Day and this Q&A hit me right in the chest. We've got Joe the Legend joining me today, a father of five who brings that earned wisdom — the kind that only comes from years of being in the trenches, making mistakes, and choosing to grow through them. This conversation is real, raw, and exactly what this community is built on.
We tackle two questions from the Alliance today. The first one is about a 12-year-old daughter who's been lying and stealing from family members — and how to guide her toward accountability while keeping the relationship open and safe. The second one is something almost every dad I know battles: losing patience by the end of the day when the tank is completely empty.
Joe drops some of the most honest perspective you'll hear anywhere on why kids lie and steal, what birth order has to do with it, and how a scarcity mindset can drive behaviors you'd never expect. And then he shares something that personally rocked me — that impatience isn't a discipline problem. It's a selfishness problem. That one landed hard, and I'll explain why.
This is the kind of show that reminds you why we're here. Not to be perfect dads. But to be intentional ones who keep showing up, keep learning, and keep choosing our kids — even when we've got nothing left in the tank.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:01] Larry introduces the show and a special four-part June offer for new Dad Edge Alliance members
[1:38] What's included: signed copy of The Pursuit of Legendary Fatherhood, two courses, and a brand new PDF resource
[3:39] Today's two topics: how to handle a child who is lying and stealing, and losing patience by end of day
[4:00] Morgan (The Engineer) asks his question: his 12-year-old daughter is stealing from family members, often tied to jealousy
[5:36] Joe shares that lying is almost always a defense mechanism and stealing is tied to either scarcity mindset or attention-seeking
[6:55] Joe reflects on growing up without enough — and how that scarcity mindset made stealing feel necessary as a kid
[8:10] Joe raises the birth order question: second borns can feel like second best, and attention imbalance can drive behavior
[9:38] Joe's reframe: are you unintentionally reinforcing scarcity in your home, or creating uneven attention among your kids?
[12:08] Larry tells the story of his son Mason getting caught shoplifting at age 11 — caught on video at a local store
[15:28] Larry calls the store, finds out the owner is a retired cop, and decides not to protect Mason from the consequences
[17:49] Larry takes Mason to face the store owner directly and tells his son: whatever this man asks you to do, you're going to do it
[20:34] The 30-day consequence plan: daily chores, journaling gratitude and reflections, and a final trip to the police station
[22:15] The Sonic parking lot conversation — where Mason finally broke down and told the truth about why he did it
[23:37] Mason's real confession: he was afraid of losing another friend if he didn't go along with the theft
[25:51] Calvin asks his question: how do you stay patient at the end of the day when you're completely drained?
[27:40] Larry's answer: surrender before you walk in the room — pray and admit you can't do it alone
[29:50] Joe's reframe on patience: it's listed as a fruit of the spirit in Galatians, and a lack of it is rooted in selfishness
[31:18] Joe's inner monologue when he feels impatience rising — asking himself whether it's about him or about the person in front of him
[34:29] Joe reflects on the relationship he has with his oldest son today, and why patience made it possible
 
Five Key Takeaways
Lying is almost always a defense mechanism — when your child lies, look first at what they're afraid of, not just what they did wrong.
Stealing in kids is usually tied to either a scarcity mindset or an attention grab — ask yourself if you're unintentionally reinforcing either one in your home.
When your kid does something wrong, connection has to come before correction — Mason's breakthrough happened in a Sonic parking lot, not in a punishment.
Impatience isn't a willpower problem, it's a selfishness problem — if you're losing patience, something is encroaching on your agenda, and recognizing that shifts everything.
You cannot white-knuckle sustainable patience on your own — whether through faith, community, or both, the fathers who show up consistently are the ones who know they need help.
 
Links & Resources
The Dad Edge Alliance: https://www.thedadedge.com/join
Questions for the Car (free PDF): https://www.thedadedge.com/kidquestions
Episode Show Notes: http://thedadedge.com/1489
 
Closing
This episode is a reminder that the best fathering doesn't happen when we have it all together. It happens in Sonic parking lots, in honest conversations after long days, and in the moments when we finally stop trying to do it alone. Joe's story about his oldest son hit me differently today — knowing how far they've come, knowing there's no reason they should be close, and hearing him say that patience is what made the difference. That's the work, gentlemen. That's exactly the work. If today's conversation meant something to you, pass it to a dad who needs it, leave us a five-star review, and keep showing up for your family every single day. Go out and live legendary.

Thomas Pfanner is a husband, father of three, combat athlete with nearly 20 years of jiu jitsu training, and a former strength coach at the University of Oregon who was part of a Pac-12 championship team and a Rose Bowl season. After seven years as a public educator watching young men arrive unprepared for the real world, he channeled that frustration into a mission: equipping fathers to become the trusted, respected leaders their kids are actually hungry for. His Amazon bestselling book Dads Who Lead launched September 26th, 2025, and it's already resonating deeply with fathers who want to lead with strength and integrity.
This conversation starts where most parenting conversations are afraid to go. Thomas shares the raw story of his son Charles calling him at 14 to say he was done, the long road of rebuilding that relationship, and the specific leadership shifts that changed everything. From there, we get into the five attributes he outlines in Dads Who Lead — faith, ownership, respect, groundbreaking adventure, and expectation — and how they stack together to help dads go from being a manager to being a mentor their kids actually choose to lean into.
If you've ever felt like you're losing your son or daughter and don't know what to do next, Thomas has lived that story and walked out the other side. And if your relationship with your teenager is already solid, this episode will sharpen the tools you're using and show you where the gaps might be.
Whether you're trying to rebuild a relationship or strengthen one that's already good, this episode is for the dad who refuses to go to his grave wondering what went wrong.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:02] Thomas welcomes the audience and Larry teases the June offer for Dad Edge Alliance members
[3:15] Thomas shares how Charles at 14 called to say he was moving to his mom's across state — and what led up to that moment
[5:23] The day Thomas couldn't find his son after wrestling practice and the call that changed everything
[6:36] What it felt like to lose 14 years of relationship work in a single phone call — and the journey that followed
[8:23] Thomas and his wife leave their home, jobs, and stability to move across state to pursue Charles before his freshman year
[9:54] Larry previews the show's core topic: how to rebuild and build trust with teenagers, especially when the relationship has been fractured
[13:10] The first step in rebuilding trust wasn't with Charles — it was rebuilding Thomas's belief in himself as a father
[15:40] How Thomas used the concept of "highlight reels" to keep faith in Charles even when the evidence was going the wrong direction
[21:34] The five attributes of leadership from Dads Who Lead: faith, ownership, respect, groundbreaking adventure, and expectation
[24:25] Chip Kelly's single line on expectation that Thomas has never forgotten — and what it means for every parent who lets things slide
[28:11] How Thomas shifted his "brand" from manager to mentor — and why your son has an emotional reaction the moment your name pops up on his phone
[32:30] The two primary engines of respect: action respect and connection respect — and why one matters more to men and one matters more to women
[38:46] Charles's response to the book being out in the world, and where he is now — working full-time and calling his dad 4 or 5 times a week
[41:14] Why the 2027 father-son retreat is going to Normandy, France — and what Thomas wants dads and sons to take home from that week
[43:24] How the retreat program works — who it's for, age requirements, and what physical experiences make it different from other men's events
 
Five Key Takeaways
Before you can rebuild trust with your teenager, you have to rebuild trust in yourself. Thomas had to stop listening to the comforting voices telling him he'd done enough, anchor into his faith that he was called to be Charles's father for a reason, and believe Charles could become something great before Charles believed it himself.

The brand you've built as a dad is the emotion your kid feels when your name hits their phone screen. You control that brand completely. If they've known you mainly as the person telling them what to do, switching to a mentor who's genuinely curious about their story is what shifts the brand — and softens the resistance when you do need to hold a standard.

There are two ways kids earn respect: through action and through connection. Action respect comes from who you are and how you carry yourself. Connection respect comes from being the person who actually knows their story. The dad who does both is nearly impossible to replace — online or otherwise.

Chip Kelly's line from Dads Who Lead is worth writing on a wall: if you accept it, expect it. Every time you let something slide without a conversation, you're voting for that behavior to continue. Setting expectations your teenager can buy into means they have to understand the why — and that only happens when the relationship is strong enough for them to care.

Rites of passage aren't a tradition for tradition's sake — young men are starving for a moment where someone tells them who they are and gives them permission to step into it. If dads don't create that moment intentionally, the culture, social media, or a peer group will create it for them.

 
Links & Resources
Dads Who Lead by Thomas Pfanner — 
Free leadership style quiz for dads — https://dadswholead.com
Father-son retreat experiences (domestic and Normandy 2027) — https://dadswholead.com/experience
Questions for the Car (free PDF) — https://thedadedge.com/kidquestions
Dad Edge Alliance Mastermind — https://thedadedge.com/join
Podcast shownotes: http://thedadedge.com/1488
 
Closing
Thomas's story with Charles is one of those episodes that reminds you why we do this work. He didn't coast when it got hard. He made the call, packed up his life, and went after his son — no guarantees, no safety net, just faith that his kid was worth it. If you know a dad who's in that painful season of feeling like he's losing his relationship with his teenager, share this episode with him today. It could be the turning point he didn't know he needed. And if this show has meant something to you, head over and leave a five-star review. It helps more dads find this message.
Go out and live legendary.