The Dad Edge Podcast

This week I sat down with Michael Bernoff, a human behavior expert with more than 20 years of study into communication, influence, and language. He's the founder of the Human Communications Institute and the author of Average Sucks, and he started as an average middle class Jersey kid who was told that certain things weren't for people like us. At 19 he discovered that communication is a skill you can learn, and at 21 he met his mentor Jim Rohn, whose success principles shaped decades of his work.
We got practical on the words we use with our kids, our wives, and ourselves when nobody is listening. Michael shared why saying it's hard keeps us stuck, why telling your kid you're proud of him might not be enough, how one phrase takes the pressure off any habit, and what your wife may really mean when she says you should know by now. If you're a dad or husband who wants to be more intentional about the language and communication patterns in your home, this one is for you.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:01] Larry welcomes Michael Bernoff and asks the story behind going by Mike versus Michael
[4:19] Larry introduces Michael: communication expert, founder of the Human Communications Institute, and author of Average Sucks
[9:17] Growing up with the "that's them, this is us" mindset, and why "how can I do that" beats "how does he do that"
[12:29] How wrestling legend Jake Herbert and Larry trade a daily gratitude text before 6 a.m.
[18:54] The psychology of communication: why words trigger a chemical reaction and performance is influence
[22:15] The reframe for kids: swap "it's hard" for "it's harder than you'd like it to be"
[25:39] Why "you should be proud of yourself" can land better than "I'm proud of you"
[29:24] Larry's story about praising a talented wrestler's wins instead of his work ethic
[31:30] Honor the effort, not the result: why "of course you did, that's the kind of person you are" works
[37:59] Why absolutes like every day create stress, and how "more often than not" makes habits doable
[43:40] What to say at night instead of "I'm exhausted": "I served a lot of people today"
[48:35] Sorting food into nutrition, entertainment, and addiction to change what you eat
[52:37] Marriage: why unspoken expectations lead to disappointment, and how to own your mistakes
[58:16] What "you should know by now" really means, and how to ask your wife for what you need
[1:00:35] Why your wife expects you to be great, and why it's okay she doesn't say it every day
[1:02:38] Closing message: it's up to dads to lead the change in how we communicate at home
 
Key Takeaways
Communication isn't about what you said, it's about what was heard, so speak to get the response you want instead of to sound right.
Teach your kids to say it's harder than they'd like it to be instead of it's hard, because that small change points the mind toward a solution.
Honor your kids' effort and who they're becoming instead of just the result, and help them feel proud of themselves so they don't need your approval to feel good.
Trade absolutes like every day for more often than not, and the pressure comes off while the habit sticks.
Say your expectations out loud to your wife, because unspoken expectations lead to disappointment, and you're not owed a particular response.
 
Links & Resources
Michael Bernoff: https://michaelbernoff.com
Average Sucks by Michael Bernoff: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=average+sucks+michael+bernoff
Dad Edge Alliance (October Bonuses): https://thedadedge.com/join
Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1544
 
Closing
Michael said it isn't what you say that matters, it's how what you said was received, and I've been listening to my own words differently ever since. When I told him how I wished my wife would touch me more and she heard criticism, I saw exactly how quickly a good request turns into a defensive moment. Michael's challenge was simple: ask for what you want, don't expect a perfect response, and lead the way in how your family talks. Pick one phrase this week, maybe more often than not, and use it with your kids and your wife. Go out and live legendary.

Traver Boehm is back on the show for the third time, and I still remember his first story like it was yesterday. He's a former professional MMA fighter and bodyguard with a master's degree in traditional Chinese medicine, a hospice volunteer, more than 11 years sober, and the founder of the Uncivilized movement. He's the author of Today I Rise, Uncivilized, and 28 Days in Darkness, and he has now spent 77 days of his life in complete darkness, including 49 straight days in a dark room in Tuscany with no phone, no people, and no clock.
We talk about what it takes to stop running from yourself, the fragmentation I see in so many men, and the morning a phrase landed so hard that Traver dropped to his knees. We also get honest about suicide, why men need to pick up the phone, and what a relationship with yourself does for your marriage and your kids. If you're a dad who feels the drift of busyness and wonders who you really are underneath it, this conversation is for you.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:01] Larry welcomes Traver Boehm back for his third time on the show
[4:32] Larry introduces Traver: MMA fighter, bodyguard, hospice volunteer, 11 years sober, and 77 days in the dark
[6:01] How 2016 brought a lost pregnancy, a divorce, and a lost business, and the question of who he was as a man
[8:27] Fragmentation: the man everyone sees, the man his family sees, and the man nobody sees
[10:26] Why Traver felt called back into the dark after his father died
[11:49] The call about his cousin's death that pushed him to write his book and go back into darkness
[19:09] Terror and acceptance: why a true initiation has to carry the risk of a breakdown
[23:04] A message to men in dark times: pick up the phone, because we want you to reach out
[28:52] The mantra One Life, All In: why a man is meant to live one life, not a public, private, and secret one
[30:35] The morning a word came to him while pacing the dark mile and dropped him to his knees
[36:34] Day 45: the hardest morning of the 49 days, and the guide who sensed it from afar
[46:44] Walking out on day 49: the sunrise, birds, and tears after seven weeks without light
[50:20] Welcome back to reality: credit card fraud, a rough landing, and a year of reorganizing
[54:32] The core lesson: your relationship with yourself changes every other relationship
[57:13] Questions every father should answer, and why kids need a dad who knows himself
[1:00:52] Larry on human doing versus human being, and what he avoids with distraction
 
Key Takeaways
You don't have to wait for a crisis to ask who you are as a man, and one quiet hour with yourself is a good place to start.
Keeping the public, private, and secret versions of yourself apart drains your energy, and living one life gives it back.
If you're in a dark place, pick up the phone and tell someone, because the people who love you would rather hear from you than lose you.
Everything you build on top of a relationship with yourself is a bonus, and chasing success to fill that void never works.
Your kids get a better father when you can honestly answer what you want and whether this is the life you want to live.
 
Links & Resources
28 Days in Darkness by Traver Boehm: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=28+days+in+darkness 
Dad Edge Alliance (October Bonuses): https://thedadedge.com/join
Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1541
 
Closing
Traver said the most important relationship we have is the one with ourselves, and I've been asking myself those same questions ever since we stopped recording. I told him I can't sit still for 30 minutes, and that tells me I have some work to do on what I'm avoiding with distraction. So this week, take one hour, ask the man in the mirror how he's really doing, and ask your wife whether she's happy. And if you're in a dark place right now, call someone today. Go out and live legendary.

This week I talked with Sam Kelly, a mom of three, a master's-level art therapy counselor, and the creator of Little Cycle Breakers, about the mental load, the invisible, exhausting job of noticing everything that needs to be done in a house before anyone else even sees it. Sam spent over a year trying to get her husband to share that load the old way, more chore charts, more reminders, more managing, before she realized she was just teaching her own kids to wait for instructions too. That realization became "notice and do," the framework at the center of her brand new book, and the idea we spend most of this conversation digging into.
This one gets real, and it's not just for moms. Sam and I get into what dads are actually missing when it comes to invisible labor, why chore charts and reward systems tend to fail, how to teach a five-year-old to notice a full trash can without becoming "the manager" forever, and a section where I push her on how men and women can both actually feel heard instead of attacked when these conversations get hard. If you've ever felt like you're just waiting for the next assignment in your own house, or you're the one handing them out, this episode is for you.
 
Timeline Summary
[2:15] Sam and Larry discuss the hate she gets online whenever a post about partners goes viral, and how this is her first podcast interview with a man
[4:12] Larry reads Sam's full bio: her art therapy background, Little Cycle Breakers, and her new book, Notice and Do
[7:53] Sam explains which topics tend to trigger men the most, especially content about partners rather than kids
[9:20] Sam introduces the idea of a "mental privilege" gap between how men and women are culturally conditioned
[13:29] Larry shares a story about trying to recreate his wife's artwork, and admits he never learned "notice and do" growing up
[15:24] Sam points out couples spend roughly 1,500 hours preparing for a wedding and about three hours preparing for the marriage
[19:26] Larry asks how women can raise the mental load without it turning into an attack, and Sam reframes rage as desperation to be seen
[23:18] Larry raises the flip side, men who don't feel physically wanted, and Sam responds that women don't owe their partner sex, but both partners deserve to feel seen
[27:19] Sam cites the statistic that women still carry roughly 70 percent of a household's cognitive labor
[30:13] Larry shares his own "what can I help you with" habit and how he shifted to noticing and offering specific choices instead
[42:19] Sam walks through the "noticing walk," her core method for teaching kids what to notice room by room
[46:18] Larry has an on-air realization that he's never taken his own sons through a notice exercise in 20 years of fatherhood
[48:30] Sam shares her son's "carry the mental load" line in a public restroom, and a sixth grader's school "mental load" comment
[50:57] Sam explains the notice and do structure was built with her own neurodivergent, ADHD family in mind
[55:09] Sam and Larry compare how their own households divide bigger recurring responsibilities instead of splitting every task
[1:00:06] Sam shares where to find her on Instagram and how to get Notice and Do
 
Five Key Takeaways
The mental load is a whole-family issue, not just a partner issue, so kids need to learn it too, not just adults.
A woman's anger about the mental load is usually desperation to be seen, not an attack.
Notice and do beats chore charts because it teaches kids to spot what needs doing, not just complete a task on command.
Couples spend roughly 1,500 hours planning a wedding and about three planning the actual marriage.
Dividing bigger recurring responsibilities, instead of splitting every single task, takes the mental load off just one partner's plate.
 
Links & Resources
Sam Kelly (Instagram): https://www.instagram.com/samkelly_world
Notice and Do (Sam's book) on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0063460912
Dad Edge Alliance (October Bonuses): https://thedadedge.com/join
Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1542
 
Closing
Sam didn't let either of us off easy in this one, and that's exactly why it mattered. The moment that's going to stick with me is admitting on air that I've been a dad for 20 years and never once walked my own boys through a notice exercise, something as simple as pointing at a trash can and saying "here's the line." If this conversation made you want to stop managing your house and start teaching it, go take your own kids on a noticing walk this week. Go out and live legendary.

Traver Boehm is back on the show for the third time, and I still remember his first story like it was yesterday. He's a former professional MMA fighter and bodyguard with a master's degree in traditional Chinese medicine, a hospice volunteer, more than 11 years sober, and the founder of the Uncivilized movement. He's the author of Today I Rise, Uncivilized, and 28 Days in Darkness, and he has now spent 77 days of his life in complete darkness, including 49 straight days in a dark room in Tuscany with no phone, no people, and no clock.
We talk about what it takes to stop running from yourself, the fragmentation I see in so many men, and the morning a phrase landed so hard that Traver dropped to his knees. We also get honest about suicide, why men need to pick up the phone, and what a relationship with yourself does for your marriage and your kids. If you're a dad who feels the drift of busyness and wonders who you really are underneath it, this conversation is for you.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:01] Larry welcomes Traver Boehm back for his third time on the show
[4:32] Larry introduces Traver: MMA fighter, bodyguard, hospice volunteer, 11 years sober, and 77 days in the dark
[6:01] How 2016 brought a lost pregnancy, a divorce, and a lost business, and the question of who he was as a man
[8:27] Fragmentation: the man everyone sees, the man his family sees, and the man nobody sees
[10:26] Why Traver felt called back into the dark after his father died
[11:49] The call about his cousin's death that pushed him to write his book and go back into darkness
[19:09] Terror and acceptance: why a true initiation has to carry the risk of a breakdown
[23:04] A message to men in dark times: pick up the phone, because we want you to reach out
[28:52] The mantra One Life, All In: why a man is meant to live one life, not a public, private, and secret one
[30:35] The morning a word came to him while pacing the dark mile and dropped him to his knees
[36:34] Day 45: the hardest morning of the 49 days, and the guide who sensed it from afar
[46:44] Walking out on day 49: the sunrise, birds, and tears after seven weeks without light
[50:20] Welcome back to reality: credit card fraud, a rough landing, and a year of reorganizing
[54:32] The core lesson: your relationship with yourself changes every other relationship
[57:13] Questions every father should answer, and why kids need a dad who knows himself
[1:00:52] Larry on human doing versus human being, and what he avoids with distraction
 
Key Takeaways
You don't have to wait for a crisis to ask who you are as a man, and one quiet hour with yourself is a good place to start.
Keeping the public, private, and secret versions of yourself apart drains your energy, and living one life gives it back.
If you're in a dark place, pick up the phone and tell someone, because the people who love you would rather hear from you than lose you.
Everything you build on top of a relationship with yourself is a bonus, and chasing success to fill that void never works.
Your kids get a better father when you can honestly answer what you want and whether this is the life you want to live.
 
Links & Resources
28 Days in Darkness by Traver Boehm: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=28+days+in+darkness 
Dad Edge Alliance (October Bonuses): https://thedadedge.com/join
Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1541
 
Closing
Traver said the most important relationship we have is the one with ourselves, and I've been asking myself those same questions ever since we stopped recording. I told him I can't sit still for 30 minutes, and that tells me I have some work to do on what I'm avoiding with distraction. So this week, take one hour, ask the man in the mirror how he's really doing, and ask your wife whether she's happy. And if you're in a dark place right now, call someone today. Go out and live legendary.

This week I sat down with Jordan Raynor, a bestselling author, serial entrepreneur, and one of the leading voices in the faith and work movement. Jordan wrote Called to Create, Redeeming Your Time, The Creator in You, and his newest book, Redeeming Your Goals, and he's the executive chairman of Threshold 360 after stepping down as CEO to write full time. He has been married since 2009, is a dad to three daughters, and he asks a much better question than most goal-setting gurus: who are we becoming while we chase these goals?
We started with the all-boys versus all-girls dad debate, and I told the story of a sold-out daddy daughter retreat that left me with serious FOMO. From there we got into the Tim Keller book that changed Jordan's faith, the day his kids' drawings of the family left him out and he gave his board 15 months notice, and the nightly ritual that keeps his phone out of his hands from 5 p.m. to 6:37 a.m. If you're a dad who wants to stop compartmentalizing your faith, your work, and your family, this one is for you.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:01] Larry welcomes Jordan, and the two compare life raising all girls versus all boys
[2:25] Larry shares how a sold-out daddy daughter retreat with 12 dads and 12 daughters became his favorite event
[10:27] Larry introduces Jordan: bestselling author, serial entrepreneur, and faith and work voice
[12:23] Jordan explains how he became a Google Fellow running a political tech company
[13:58] Jordan on his faith, his first campaign at 17, and why he left politics for entrepreneurship
[18:23] Jordan credits Tim Keller and The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness with changing how he follows Jesus
[22:05] Jordan tells the story of meeting his wife at Florida State and two years in the friend zone
[28:56] Jordan on writing his first book, Called to Create, and betting on himself as a full-time writer
[33:05] Why Jordan gave his board 15 months notice as CEO after his kids drew family pictures without him
[38:12] Why Jordan refuses to compartmentalize faith, marriage, parenting, and work
[42:11] Two practical steps: remember God cares about your work, and pray in short silent moments all day
[44:08] Jordan's phone ritual: no phone from 5 p.m. to 6:37 a.m. so his kids see his full presence
[50:27] A study showing kids run the bases faster and make fewer mistakes when parents aren't on their phones
[51:56] Redeeming Your Goals: seven principles, 58 practices, a no template, and kill criteria for strategic quitting
[57:00] Jordan's family goal to love like Jesus, and his 12-year-old raising money to send two orphans to college
[1:03:23] Jordan shares where to find him and how preordering Redeeming Your Goals enters you to win $4,000
 
Five Key Takeaways
God cares about your work, so you don't have to live in separate worlds for your faith, your job, and your family.
Short, silent prayers throughout the workday, even a sticky note that says pray, invite God into ordinary work.
Turn your phone into a landline after work, and your kids get your presence instead of your leftover attention.
Set kill criteria for a goal or strategy ahead of time, so you quit on purpose instead of on emotion.
Write down a family goal and review it every quarter, because confident kids come from a clear target and a loving example.
 
Links & Resources
Jordan Raynor: https://jordanraynor.com
Redeeming Your Goals (preorder before October 16 to enter the $4,000 giveaway): https://jordanraynor.com/redeeming-your-goals
The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness by Tim Keller: https://gospelinlife.com/book/the-freedom-of-self-forgetfulness
Dad Edge Alliance (October Bonuses): https://thedadedge.com/join
Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1549
 
Closing
Jordan said he can't imagine a more valuable present to give his kids than his presence, and that line has stayed with me. I've watched a mom at my son's soccer game barely look up while her little boy banged on the glass for attention, and I don't want to be that dad for even one day. If this conversation moved you, pick two hours tonight, put your phone in another room, and give your family everything you've got. Go out and live legendary.