The Divorce Course Podcast

🎧 Listen if you're wondering when you can make an offer, you've received one that floored you, you feel pressured to "be the reasonable one," your ex is high-conflict or controlling, or you've been told you have to go to mediation first.
⚠️ General information only, not legal advice Australian family law. Always consult a family lawyer.
🛟 Discusses coercive control & legal/financial abuse.  Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). ⏱️ Episode Timeline
00:00 – What Is an Offer in a Divorce? 
01:50 – What an Offer Really Is (and What Counteroffers Are)
02:30 – Do You Need a Lawyer to Make an Offer?
03:30 – Why Emotional, People-Pleasing Offers Backfire
04:30 – What You Need Before You Make an Offer: Your Property Pool
05:00 – Future Needs, Super vs Cash 
06:00 – Knowing What You're Giving Up With Eyes Wide Open
07:00 – Rushed & Blindsided Offers:
08:00 –  Buying Time Before You Agree
09:00 – Can You Get Out of Something You Signed Under Pressure?
10:30 – When Can You Make an Offer? Anytime You're Informed
12:30 – The Best Time to Make Your First Offer & Saving Legal Fees
13:50 – The Mediation Myth: You Don't Have to Go
15:40 – Why People Only Get Realistic at Mediation
17:00 – Time-Limited Offers: Pressure, Deadlines & the Downside
20:00 – Standing Offers: 
22:00 – Do Offers Work in Parenting 
24:30 – Calderbank Offers & Section 114UB Explained
25:50 – Offer Strategy for an Avoidant Ex
28:30 – Offer Strategy for a High-Conflict "Yeah, But" Ex
31:20 – Offer Strategy for an Amicable Ex & Collaborative Law
36:20 – Can You Offer Directly to Your Ex While Lawyers Are Engaged?
37:00 – Making Offers to a Narcissistic or Controlling Ex
39:00 – Don't Feed the Reaction: Grey Rock & Shuttle Negotiation
41:50 – What to Do When You Get a Bad Offer
42:50 – Ambit Claims & the Central Practice Direction
44:00 – Ask for the Authorities: Turning a Bad Offer to Your Advantage
46:30 – The Consequences of Refusing a Reasonable Offer
48:50 – Genuine Steps, Compulsory Offers & Costs Protection
50:00 – Why Offers Stay Hidden From the Judge Until the End
 
 
Calderbank Offers & Costs —    • Costs, Family Court and Calderbank Offers ...  
Can You Really Mediate With a Narcissist? —    • Mediation and negotiation tips for divorci...  
 
— www.thedivorcecourse.com.au Enrol (DIY Divorce Blueprint, AU) — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enrol

🎧 Listen to this episode if…
You're wondering if you actually need a lawyer for your divorce at all

You're worried that spending too much now means you can't afford court later

You're scared that "lawyering up" will make your ex worse

You think it's all-or-nothing and want to know the middle ground

Your ex is high-conflict, avoidant, controlling, or amicable and you need a strategy that fits

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer This podcast is general information only it is not legal advice. It reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your situation. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your circumstances. Laws may have changed since recording.
Most people think there are only two options when it comes to lawyers in a divorce hand everything over, or go it completely alone. But that's not the truth, and believing it can cost you thousands.
In this episode, Laura and Lyn break down the three ways you can actually use a lawyer.
Then they get into what nobody talks about how your divorce personality type should completely change how you use a lawyer. A manipulative and controlling ex who runs up your fees needs a very different strategy to an avoidant ex who panics at a law firm's letterhead
This isn't an episode telling you to avoid lawyers. It's about using them strategically for the parts where legal expertise genuinely matters, and not for the parts that just drain your property pool.
00:00 – Do You Need a Lawyer for Divorce? The Big Myth
01:40 – The All-or-Nothing Lawyer Myth & Talking About Costs
03:00 – Why Spending Too Much on Lawyers Early Can Backfire
04:00 – The 2 Critical Times You MUST See a Lawyer
05:00 – Why Seeing a Lawyer Early Bursts Unrealistic Expectations
06:20 – Before You Sign: Why a Lawyer's Eye Matters
08:20 – The 3 Ways to Use a Lawyer: The First-Class Ride
09:50 – The 3 Ways to Use a Lawyer: Step In, Step Out
11:20 – Divorce Personality Types: Manipulative & Controlling
12:50 – Using Your Lawyer Strategically Against Fee-Running Tactics
15:00 – Should You Take a Lawyer or Barrister to Mediation?
17:00 – Divorce Personality Types: High Conflict
19:00 – Divorce Personality Types: The Avoidant Ex
21:30 – Divorce Personality Types: The Amicable Ex
23:40 – Project-Managing Your Lawyer & the Addario & Addario Case
26:00 – Why Understanding the Process Stops Panic Spending
33:00 – The Middle Way + Legal Aid & Community Legal Services
34:00 – The DIY Divorce Blueprint & Sign-Off
🎧 Episodes 
How Much Does Getting Divorced Actually Cost? — https://youtu.be/x-sgBNjlTHo?si=ubdIhcS1mjSrQqEk

Bombarded With Legal Letters — https://youtu.be/z11Id8YdQn4?si=ucYfGThRuRcFYoH6

Mediation or Manipulation? — https://youtu.be/cmcFWXD2EBs?si=BMV5KY4CquSx1_dN

Do You Need to Take a Lawyer to Mediation? — https://youtu.be/GB2lJftxdh4?si=vNwQueYHJhFrY3aP

Community Legal Services: How to Use Them — https://youtu.be/4sEUhu6r07Q?si=1oYsGQ3vF1Eb2Y4M

📚 Links & Resources
📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support) 📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14 🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger) 🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au 🎓 The DIY Divorce Blueprint — enrolments open until 10 June 2026 (click "Enroll Now")
💌 If this episode helped you understand how to use a lawyer wisely – and where you can save thousands – please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find it too.

🎧 Listen to This Episode If…
You want a real, plain-English breakdown of divorce process fees

You're terrified to leave because you've heard divorce costs hundreds of thousands of dollars

Your ex is telling you "leave the lawyers out of it" and you're not sure if they're right

You've already started racking up legal fees and you're wondering where it's all going

You want to understand exactly what you can do yourself versus what you actually need a lawyer for

You're heading into mediation and don't know if you need a barrister too



⚠️ Legal Disclaimer
This podcast is general information only – it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law. Always consult a qualified family lawyer. fees may have changed since this episode was recorded (figures quoted reflect May 2026 pricing).
This isn't an episode designed to scare you. Laura and Lyn walk you through where you have control, where you can save thousands by doing the work yourself, 
00:00 – The Real Cost of Divorce: Why Some Pay $4K and Others $300K
02:36 – The Big Three Fears
04:14 – How Much Does a Divorce Application Actually Cost? 
06:35 – Why Lawyers Charge for "Accepting Service"
08:01 – Negotiation Costs: 
11:00 – Hourly Rates in 2026:
12:30 – The Cost of Phone Calls, Reviewing Offers & Meetings
14:30 – How Much to Draft Consent Orders
16:00 – Disclosure: The Biggest Budget Blowout in Divorce
19:00 – Paralegal Rates vs Lawyer Rates: Don't Overpay
20:30 – Drip-Feeding vs Dumping Disclosure
23:30 – Mediation Costs
24:50 – Do You Need a Barrister at Mediation?
27:00 – Half-Day vs Full-Day Mediation
29:30 – Hidden Costs
32:30 – The Court's Scale of Fees vs What Lawyers Actually Charge
33:30 – How Sending Late-Night Emails Costs You
34:30 – How People Waste Money
35:30 – Fighting Over Furniture, Revenge Litigation & Lawyer-as-Therapist
36:30 – Stubbornness, Unrealistic Expectations & Knowing When to Let Go
37:30 – Family Law Doesn't Deliver Justice or Retribution
39:00 – How Much to File Consent Orders ($205 Court Fee)
41:00 – How to Be Smart: When to Use a Lawyer and When Not To
41:30 – Saving Thousands on Disclosure by Doing It Yourself
43:00 – The One Meeting Strategy: Walk In Prepared, Walk Out Saving $10K
46:00 – Who Pays for Legal Fees? Section 114UB Explained
47:30 – Fee Exemptions, Cost Agreements & What to Expect
49:30 – Laura's Confession: The Bag of Receipts Story
🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode
1. How to Choose a Mediator (Free vs Private Mediation) https://youtu.be/HKda6QswjAE?si=R27SD6WSDiLiI3VA
2. Do You Need a Lawyer for Mediation? https://youtu.be/GB2lJftxdh4?si=ur8ZMCkzPQ9dYFZN
3. Furniture in Divorce: How to Deal With It Without Blowing Your Budgethttps://youtu.be/oZ5h-gxckXU
4. Consent Orders Explained https://youtu.be/-DC72tq8FRM
🎟️ Free Webinar — Register at www.thedivorcecourse.com.au (click "Reserve My Seat")
Family Law Act 1975 – Section 114UB (each party bears their own costs)

https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/
https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/costs

https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pubs/legal-costs

The Divorce Course Disclosure Checklist —https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosure_checklist_o

🎧 Listen to This Episode If…
You've been told you have to go to mediation and you don't know where to start

Your ex has already chosen a mediator and something feels off

You can't afford the expensive mediator your ex is pushing for

You're going through family violence and worried no mediator will take your matter

You don't know the difference between free mediation and private mediation

You want to know whether your mediator actually needs to be a lawyer

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer
This podcast is general information only it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your specific situation or jurisdiction. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your individual circumstances. Laws may have changed since this episode was recorded.
🛟 Family Violence Trigger Warning
This episode discusses family violence and the challenges of mediating where there is a history of abuse, coercion, or control. If you or someone you know is in danger, call 000. For confidential support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).
Episode Summary
You don't have to accept whichever mediator gets put in front of you. In this episode, Laura and Mum (family law accredited specialist Lynette Galvin) unpack one of the most under-discussed parts of separation how to actually choose a good mediator, and how to push back when the one your ex is suggesting doesn't feel right.
They cover the difference between free mediation (Relationships Australia, Interrelate, CentreCare) and private mediation, when you need an FDRP (Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner) versus when you don't, and whether your mediator really needs to be a lawyer or a former judge. Mum shares the exact wording she uses in letters when the other side proposes a biased or unaffordable mediator  including the "panel of three" approach that keeps the process fair.
There's also an honest conversation about the gap in the system for people experiencing family violence, where mediators often refuse to take the matter on leaving survivors stuck heading to court when mediation could have solved the issue. Laura and Mum talk about what to look for in a mediator brave enough to handle high-conflict matters, and the practical safety steps (separate rooms, video links, safe exits) you can ask about.
And there's the reminder you might need most: you hold the cards. You don't have to agree to anything in mediation just because you've been pushed to. You can pause, walk away, and come back when you're ready.
⏱️ Episode Timeline
00:00 – How to Choose a Mediator: Why It Matters More Than You Think
01:00 – Legal Disclaimer & Why Mum Is a Qualified Mediator
01:40 – Can the Mediator Make or Break Your Mediation?
02:30 – How Lawyers Choose Mediators (And Their "Bottom of the Barrel" List)
03:40 – Can You Speak to a Mediator Before Choosing? Why Mum Says No
04:20 – How to Use Google Reviews to Vet a Mediator
05:30 – What Qualifications a Mediator Should Have (FDRP Explained)
07:00 – Does Your Mediator Need to Be a Lawyer? Property vs Children
08:30 – Why Social Workers Often Make the Best Children's Mediators
09:30 – Mediation and Family Violence: The Gap in the System
12:20 – Can You Change Mediators Halfway Through? The Honest Answer
13:50 – Red Flags: Biased, Agenda-Driven and "In Cahoots" Mediators
16:00 – When the Mediator's Office Is Next Door to Your Ex's Lawyer
17:00 – How to Push Back Without Slandering the Mediator
18:30 – What to Do If Your Ex Picks an Expensive Mediator You Can't Afford
19:30 – Free Mediation Options: Relationships Australia, Interrelate, CentreCare
20:20 – How Much Does a Private Mediator Cost? ($5K–$6K Reality Check)
21:30 – Why Free Services Have Long Wait Lists (And When to Go Private)
22:30 – The "Panel of Three" Letter Strategy You Can Use Today
24:00 – Should You Pay More If Your Case Is Serious?
24:50 – Free Mediation Pros and Cons (And Why Parenting Plans Aren't Enforceable)
27:40 – Private Mediators: Former Judges, Barristers and the "Iron Fist in Velvet Glove"
29:30 – Facilitative vs Evaluative vs Pure Mediation Styles Explained
31:30 – Can You Ask the Mediator If You're Getting a Good Deal? No.
32:30 – Pressure to Sign on the Day: How to Push Back
33:40 – Mediation Is Like a Boat in the Ocean — Pick Wisely
35:30 – How to Write the "Panel of Three" Letter to Your Ex
36:30 – Best Mediator Style by Ex Personality Type
38:30 – If You're Amicable, You Might Not Need Mediation At All
39:30 – You Hold the Cards: Don't Be Bullied Into an Agreement
🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode
 What Actually Happens Inside a Mediation - https://open.spotify.com/episode/2BvkcVNcHNrdWmXALC6bsA?si=31f56fce3c8d48a6
What a divorce mediator wish you knew  - https://open.spotify.com/episode/4zeUIkV3O5LTQAHi0dXOGL?si=644698cb744647a8
📚 Links & Resources
📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support)
📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14
🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger)
🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au
🎓 The Divorce Course Podcast — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog
 
Find an Accredited FDRP (Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner):
Attorney-General's Department — https://www.ag.gov.au/families-and-marriage/family-dispute-resolution
Free / Low-Cost Mediation Services:
Relationships Australia — https://www.relationships.org.au

Interrelate — https://www.interrelate.org.au

CentreCare — https://centacare.com

Find a Family Law Accredited Specialist or Mediator:
Queensland Law Society — https://www.qls.com.au

Bar Association of Queensland — https://www.qldbar.asn.au

(Or your state's equivalent Law Society / Bar Association)

The Divorce Course Free Webinar:
www.thedivorcecourse.com.au — click "Reserve My Seat"
Closing CTA
If this episode helped you understand how to choose a mediator who'll actually work for you, please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others heading into mediation can find this information too.
All our best,
Laura & Lyn
Your Guides By Your Side
Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST

🎧 Listen to this episode if…
You've been told "add-backs are dead" by your lawyer or your ex
Your ex is wasting the property pool and you don't know how to stop it
You've watched assets disappear since separation bank accounts, cars, super
You're heading into mediation and need to know what to argue
You want to understand what  the Shinohara & Shinohara Case and Shamon & Sharon Case actually mean for your case
You're worried about delay tactics while your ex quietly drains the joint money
⚠️ Legal Disclaimer
This podcast is general information only – it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your specific situation or jurisdiction. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your individual circumstances. Laws may have changed since this episode was recorded.
Episode Summary
You may have heard the rumour – "add-backs are dead." Lawyers are quoting it, ex-partners are using it as an excuse, and people are panicking that there's nothing they can do when the property pool is being drained. In this episode, Laura and Mum unpack what add-backs actually are, why people think they've disappeared, and what the courts are really doing about wastage now.
The short answer? Add-backs aren't on the balance sheet anymore  but wastage is absolutely still considered. Thanks to Shinohara & Shinohara [2025], the courts have stopped putting "imaginary money" into the property pool. But thanks to Section 79(5)(d) of the Family Law Act and the case of Shamon & Shamon [2025], wastage now adjusts the percentage split of what's left – and in Shamon, that meant the wife walked away with nearly 100% of the property pool plus costs.
Mum walks through what counts as wastage (selling assets cheap, gambling, blowing money post-separation, gifting funds to a new partner), what doesn't (post-separation income spent on living, ordinary marital spending), and how to protect the property pool before your ex empties it. She also explains exactly what to consider saying if a lawyer or mediator quotes Shinohara at you including the section number, the case names, and the strategy that works.
If you suspect your ex is wasting money or stalling property settlement, this is the episode to listen to before you do anything else.
⏱️ Episode Timeline
00:00 – Are Add-Backs Dead? The Property Pool Myth Going Around
01:00 – Legal Disclaimer & Australian Family Law Context
01:30 – What Is an Add-Back in Property Settlement?
03:15 – The Townsend Case: How Add-Backs Used to Work
04:25 – Property Pool vs Balance Sheet: What's the Difference?
05:25 – The 4 Steps of Property Settlement Explained
05:50 – Why People Think Add-Backs Are Dead: Shinohara Explained
07:15 – "Don't Put Pretend Money on the Balance Sheet"
07:55 – The Real Risk: Ex Spending Everything Before Settlement
08:45 – How Wastage Is Handled Now: Section 79(5)(d)
10:00 – Percentage Adjustments Instead of Balance Sheet Add-Backs
11:30 – The Shamon Case: Wife Got Nearly 100% Plus Costs
13:50 – What to Do If Your Ex Has Already Drained the Pool
14:30 – How to Protect the Property Pool: Caveats Explained
17:00 – Protecting Joint Bank Accounts and Cash
17:50 – Superannuation, Cars and Other Assets
19:50 – Arguing Wastage in Mediation (Not Court)
21:00 – How to Respectfully Tell Your Lawyer They're Wrong
24:30 – Free Webinar Reminder
24:40 – What to Write to Your Ex Before Settlement
26:25 – What Counts as Wastage: Kowaliw, Gambling & More
27:30 – Is Drinking and Drug Use Considered Wastage?
28:15 – Gifts to a New Partner: The Gollings & Scott Case
29:30 – Reckless Spending vs Ordinary Spending
30:15 – Bad Business Decisions Post-Separation
31:10 – So Are Add-Backs Dead? The Final Answer
32:30 – What Evidence You Need to Prove Wastage
33:50 – The Mechanism Has Changed, the Outcome Hasn't
34:25 – Your Toolkit: Section 79(5)(d) of the Family Law Act, Shamon, Townsend, Weir
35:30 – Why Acting Fast Matters in Financial Abuse
36:55 – Reviewer of the Month: Manal from Australia
38:30 – Final Thoughts: Wastage Rules
 
🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode
1. Equalisation of Super: The Myth That Won't Die
https://youtu.be/YFkOnEsNybw?si=LAQd2SUq_YRVl9Ts
3. The Gilded Cage: Delay Tactics in Property Settlement
https://youtu.be/cs6-jHDt-Qk?si=ufuSLLwVmasbQKsL
4. Financial Abuse and Hidden Assets
https://youtu.be/D3-fV8C4gkM?si=JQMk6eqMXWUktsUf
📚 Links & Resources
📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 support)
📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14
🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger)
🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au
🎓 The Divorce Course Podcast — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog
🎟️ Free Webinar — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au (click "Reserve My Seat")
Cases Mentioned
Shinohara & Shinohara [2025] — the case people are misreading  https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/126.html
Shamon & Shamon [2025] — https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/150.html
Townsend & Townsend — the original add-back case (the taxi)
Weir & Weir — the quarry / missing gravel case
Kowaliw & Kowaliw [1981] — the trashed family home case
Gollings & Scott — the engagement ring / post-separation income case
Legislation
Family Law Act 1975 — Section 79(4), Section 79(5)(d) — https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s79.html
Family Law Act 1975 — Section 90SM (de facto equivalent)
If this episode helped you understand wastage and feel ready to push back when someone says "add-backs are dead," please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find this information too.
All our best,
Laura & Lyn
Your Guides By Your Side
Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST