Kim addresses the common parenting dilemma of whether to correct a child’s behavior or let it go. He gently challenges the popular idea of “choosing your battles,” suggesting that framing these moments as battles may not serve the relationship. Instead, he invites parents to see each behavior—no matter how small—as a moment to define family values and build connection. The key, he says, is not whether to correct, but when and how. Small corrections delivered calmly in the moment can prevent larger issues from forming. Kim emphasizes that if we ignore repeated missteps, they may accumulate into bigger breakdowns later. He suggests that a brief, gentle acknowledgment such as, “That’s not okay, we’ll talk about it later,” can hold a boundary while maintaining connection. These micro-moments, when handled thoughtfully, help children understand what is acceptable and create an atmosphere of mutual respect.
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10:58
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10:58
#276: When Kids Are Angry They Are Vulnerable - Emotional Self Regulation - Part Five
In the final part of this five-part series on emotional self-regulation, Kim John Payne explores the idea that when children are angry, they are also deeply vulnerable. He reminds us that difficult behaviors often surface when children are overwhelmed, and in those moments, they are not only reactive but also scanning closely for how we respond. Kim uses the image of a “direct conduit” opening up between parent and child—a brief window of pure connection, even if it is born from challenge rather than joy. He encourages parents to recognize that beneath the testing behavior is a child who is emotionally bare and in need of orientation and support. If parents can remain centered and responsive rather than reactive, these moments can become micro-definitions of the parent-child relationship. Kim compares emotional vulnerability during conflict to a child with a physical fever: both states reveal a need for care and co-regulation. Being present, steady, and attuned during emotional “soul fevers” helps children feel held, no matter their age.
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13:08
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13:08
#275: Why Screen Time for Kids Makes It Hard For Us - Emotional Self-Regulation - Part Four
In this fourth part of this five-part series on emotional self-regulation, Kim John Payne reviews how screens can disrupt not only a child’s emotional balance but also a parent’s ability to stay centered. He explains how modern screen content is designed to deliver high levels of dopamine, adrenaline, and cortisol, making it both addictive and delivering big hits of easily gained reward and pleasure. When a screen is taken away, a child may feel as if their source of safety has been removed, leading to intense reactions. In these moments, parents can quickly shift from being seen as protectors to being perceived as threats. This reversal can be emotionally difficult and is one of the most common situations where parents find themselves losing their cool. Kim urges listeners to recognize that this is not the child’s fault, but rather a consequence of how screens are designed. He suggests that the best way to reduce daily flare-ups and refusals is to significantly reduce screen exposure. This is not about blame but about understanding the biological and emotional setup that screens create. When we reduce that setup, we give ourselves a much better chance to remain calm, connected, and clear in our family rhythms.
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10:55
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10:55
#274: When It All Gets Too Much - Emotional Self Regulation - Part Three
In the third episode of this five-part series on Emotional Self-Regulation, Kim John Payne offers a practical, compassionate invitation to slow down. He introduces the metaphor of a tap overflowing, a symbol for the mounting pressures and over-commitments many families face. Instead of constantly mopping up emotional “spillage,” Kim encourages parents to reflect on what’s truly essential and gently let go of what isn’t. By thoughtfully simplifying the weekly schedule, families can reduce overwhelm and create the emotional space needed to respond with steadiness rather than stress. This episode is a gentle reminder that doing less can often mean connecting more.
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16:40
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16:40
#273: What Pushes Our Buttons - Emotional Self Regulation - Part Two
In the second of this five-part series on Emotional Self-Regulation, Kim John Payne explores one of the deepest challenges for parents: the feeling of being unseen, undervalued, or taken for granted. These emotional triggers can quietly build up, leading to reactive moments that feel disproportionate but are actually the result of accumulated strain. Kim gently encourages parents to take stock of what pushes their buttons - not to judge themselves, but to notice and name the patterns. When combined with small, regular acts of self-care, this awareness becomes the trailhead toward healthier family dynamics and more grounded parenting.
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