"But They're Your Parent": Toxic Things People Say to Cycle Breakers
Surviving (not thriving) Mother's Day weekend is what we're celebrating this week. Breaking cycles isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. Your commitment to healing, despite few healthy examples, is powerful. Be gentle with yourself; your journey of growth deserves compassion, not criticism.Next we’re calling out the toxic phrases that gaslight, invalidate, and harm adult children of parents with BPD or NPD. You've probably heard, "But they're your parents, you should forgive them," or "When they die, you'll miss them." Unsurprisingly, I share how much I hate these comments and try to give you a chuckle along the way.One week left to join the Confident Boundaries Membership before prices go up!Click here to join for $69/monthClick here to join for $189/quarterMy FREE Boundaries Workshop: confidentboundaries.com/workshopLearn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membershipWant more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes Register for my FREE workshop, Setting Boundaries with a Parent You Suspect Has Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder: confidentboundaries.com/workshop Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership Follow me on Instagram: instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988. You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.
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18:39
The Gray Area: Understanding Low Contact with Toxic Parents
Stuck between staying in a painful relationship with your toxic parent or going full no-contact? There is another option—low contact. In this episode, I break down what low contact actually looks like with a parent who has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder: surface-level conversations, strong boundaries, and emotional distance that protects your peace. I’ll share why this gray area can be the most sustainable choice for many adult children of emotionally immature or toxic parents—and how to know if it’s right for you.Links from this week's episode:Bonus episodes of You're Not Crazy: confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodesWaitlist for the Boundaries Workshop: confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshopJoin the Confident Boundaries Membership before prices go up:confidentboundaries.com/joinWant more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes Register for my FREE workshop, Setting Boundaries with a Parent You Suspect Has Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder: confidentboundaries.com/workshop Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership Follow me on Instagram: instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988. You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.
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24:43
The Enabling Parent: Things Are Complicated with Your "Healthy" Parent
Have you ever wondered why your "healthier" parent never stepped in to protect you? In this episode, I’m pulling back the curtain on the complex role of the enabling parent—one who may seem less toxic than the other but still plays a significant part in family dysfunction. Through their silence, excuse-making, and avoidance of conflict, the enabling parent often allows harmful patterns to persist. It’s easy to grow up seeing one parent as “the bad one” and the other as “the good one,” but the reality is far more painful and complicated.In this episode, I also share personal examples from my own relationship with my enabling parent to illustrate how enabling parents can remain disconnected from the reality of the abuse right in front of them. This disconnection isn’t always about a lack of empathy—it’s often rooted in their own unresolved trauma and lack of healthy coping mechanisms. Understanding this gray area is vital to your healing process, even though it can mean letting go of the fantasy that at least one parent could have been your protector.Subscribe to bonus episodes of You're Not Crazy: confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodesFollow me on Substack:toriewiksell.substack.comTake my free workshop to learn how to set boundaries with a BPD or NPD parent: confidentboundaries.com/boundariesworkshopWant more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes Register for my FREE workshop, Setting Boundaries with a Parent You Suspect Has Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder: confidentboundaries.com/workshop Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership Follow me on Instagram: instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988. You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.
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24:17
Untangling Codependency When You’re Always the Emotional Fixer
If you grew up with a parent who had narcissistic or borderline personality disorder, codependency can sneak into your adult relationships without you even realizing it. What started as a necessary survival strategy—keeping the peace, reading the room, making yourself “easy”—turns into a lifelong pattern of people-pleasing, over-explaining, and walking on eggshells.In this episode, we unpack the everyday signs of codependent behavior: perfectionism to avoid criticism, guilt when setting boundaries, and the urge to fix other people’s emotions so you don’t have to feel the discomfort of their disappointment or anger.These aren’t character flaws. They’re protective coping skills from childhood—responses you had to develop in a home where your emotional needs were often dismissed, minimized, or manipulated.We’ll talk about what it really means to work on codependency, including:Letting go of the need to manage other people’s emotionsAsking for support without apologizing for your needsLearning to tolerate discomfort without over-functioningReclaiming trust in your own voice, boundaries, and resilience→ Want to go deeper? Grab the Before Boundaries Mini-Course, available now on a pay-what-you-can basis at confidentboundaries.com. → Subscribe to Bonus Episodes of You're Not Crazy at confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodesWant more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes Register for my FREE workshop, Setting Boundaries with a Parent You Suspect Has Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder: confidentboundaries.com/workshop Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership Follow me on Instagram: instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988. You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.
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21:03
Navigating Emotions After Growing Up in a Dysfunctional Family
Ever been told to "sit with your emotions" but had no idea what that really means? If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you’re not alone. In this episode, I break down this common advice into three practical steps that you can use, no matter how clueless you feel right now.Learn how to expand your emotional vocabulary, reconnect with your body’s responses, and process difficult emotions in compassionate ways. It’s never too late to develop emotional intelligence, even if you didn’t get these skills growing up.I also mention the "Before Boundaries" mini-course, available for $29 at confidentboundaries.com, designed to help you understand what you need to know before setting boundaries with a BPD or NPD parent. Check out the free boundaries workshop and bonus episodes here: https://www.confidentboundaries.com/Want more episodes of You're Not Crazy? Sign up for Bonus Episodes:confidentboundaries.com/bonusepisodes Register for my FREE workshop, Setting Boundaries with a Parent You Suspect Has Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder: confidentboundaries.com/workshop Learn more about the Confident Boundaries Membership: confidentboundaries.com/membership Follow me on Instagram: instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundaries Torie Wiksell is a therapist and coach who specializes in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. Torie brings a unique perspective having spent years working with clients with personality disorders and growing up with a mother she suspects had NPD with BPD traits. Torie provides online therapy to clients located in WA, OR, and CA, and online coaching internationally.Disclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988. You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.
About You're Not Crazy: A Podcast for Cycle Breakers with Toxic Parents
Psychotherapist and Coach, Torie Wiksell, is no stranger to talking about challenging and dysfunctional family dynamics. In addition to specializing in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders as both a therapist and coach, Torie grew up with a mother who had an unmanaged personality disorder.Torie has spent a significant portion of her 12 year career as a therapist working with clients with personality disorders, their partners, and family members, and brings a unique and relatable perspective to navigating these complicated relationships.Follow Torie on Instagram: instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundariesLearn more about Coaching and the Confident Boundaries Membership at www.confidentboundaries.comDisclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988. You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.
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