Why “Family Estrangement” Misses the Point: What No One’s Saying About Going No Contact With Toxic Parents
As a therapist, boundaries coach, and cycle breaker herself, Torie shares the deeper truth behind these painful family dynamics: what really leads someone to end contact, how the media gets it wrong, and why accountability and power dynamics must be part of the conversation.
If you’ve ever been told you “abandoned” your family or felt judged for making the gut-wrenching decision to protect your peace, this episode will remind you that you’re not crazy — and that choosing yourself does not make you a selfish person.
We’ll cover:
Why “family estrangement” has become a loaded, stigmatizing term
The power imbalance between parents and adult children that not enough people are talking about
The truth about why cycle breakers go no contact — and why it’s never impulsive
How media narratives and even some therapists perpetuate shame
A more honest, hopeful way to talk about healing family relationships
Resources Mentioned:
The Confident Boundaries Membership— tools, workshops, and community support for cycle breakers: confidentboundaries.com/membership
Torie's Holiday Survival Guide: confidentboundaries.com/holidayguide
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When Caring Becomes Self-Abandonment: How Cycle Breakers Get Stuck in the Caretaker Role
In this episode of You’re Not Crazy, therapist and boundaries coach Torie Wiksell shares the truth about how that same caretaking instinct keeps so many cycle breakers stuck. Torie opens up about her own experience navigating guilt, fear, and the pressure to protect the people in her family who hurt her—especially as she shares her own story publicly.
This conversation explores:
How caretaking becomes a form of self-abandonment
Why guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it means you’re breaking a pattern
What it actually looks like to stop managing everyone else’s emotions
How to release responsibility for other people’s discomfort without losing your empathy
If you’ve ever felt torn between taking care of yourself and protecting your family’s feelings, this episode will help you understand why that tension exists—and how to start choosing yourself without shame.
Torie’s reminder for this week:
“ It is not our job to comfort people we care about when they are uncomfortable with us taking care of ourselves.”
Early Black Friday Sale (ends Thursday, October 30th):
The Holiday Survival Starter Bundle is $25 (includes the full Surviving the Holidays with a Toxic Parent guide + lifetime access to the Boundaries Helper GPT)
→Get the Holiday Support You Deserve
The Confident Boundaries Membership annual plan is $40 off + includes a free year of You're Not Crazy: The Private Feed
→Only 100 Packages Available at this Price
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How Narcissistic Parenting Primes You for Abuse — My Most Vulnerable Story Yet
This episode explores the direct pipeline from narcissistic parenting to abusive partners. If you’ve ever blamed yourself for how you survived, this one’s for you.
Next steps for your healing (all at confidentboundaries.com):
Join the Confident Boundaries Membership for coaching, workshops, and community ($23/mo or $230/yr)
Get the $9 Holiday Guide to navigate toxic family dynamics this season
Follow me on TikTok and Instagram
If you or someone you know is experiencing intimate partner violence, please reach out to local emergency services or the National Domestic Violence Hotline https://www.thehotline.org/ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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When You’re Afraid of Becoming Your Toxic Parent: How Cycle Breakers Can Heal Their Relationship with Anger
In this week’s episode of You’re Not Crazy, therapist and boundaries coach Torie Wiksell unpacks what really happens when cycle breakers suppress anger—and how to begin separating the emotion of anger from the behavior that once made it unsafe. You’ll learn:
Why your childhood brain linked anger with danger
How unprocessed frustration builds until you “snap”
Why shame keeps you stuck in the same emotional cycle
Practical steps to start feeling anger without fear
Join the Confident Boundaries Membership or download the holiday guide by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/theboundariescoach Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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How to Survive the Holidays with a Toxic Parent (Without Losing Your Sanity)
If you’ve ever felt the mix of dread, guilt, and anxiety that shows up the second someone mentions “family holidays,” this episode will help you slow down, get perspective, and actually prepare—not just survive.
Torie breaks down:
Why so many adult children of toxic parents procrastinate holiday planning (and how that backfires)
How to build new holiday traditions that your family can’t ruin
Why your “holiday pie” needs more slices that have nothing to do with your family
How to set yourself up for a season that’s calmer, more grounded, and actually yours
Mentioned in this episode
Surviving the Holidays with a Toxic Parent Guide – $9
Confident Boundaries Membership – Workshops + Community - $23/month
You’re Not Crazy Private Feed – Ad-Free + Bonus Episodes - $5/month
Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
About You're Not Crazy: A Podcast for Cycle Breakers with Toxic Parents
Psychotherapist and Coach, Torie Wiksell, is no stranger to talking about challenging and dysfunctional family dynamics. In addition to specializing in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders as both a therapist and coach, Torie grew up with a mother who had an unmanaged personality disorder.Torie has spent a significant portion of her 12 year career as a therapist working with clients with personality disorders, their partners, and family members, and brings a unique and relatable perspective to navigating these complicated relationships.Follow TorieOn TikTok: tiktok.com/@theboundariescoachOn Instagram: instagram.com/torieatconfidentboundariesLearn more about Coaching and the Confident Boundaries Membership: www.confidentboundaries.comDisclaimer: This podcast is not therapy. If you are in mental health crisis, please contact the Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988. You're Not Crazy is a podcast owned and produced by Torie Wiksell and Confident Boundaries, LLC.
Listen to You're Not Crazy: A Podcast for Cycle Breakers with Toxic Parents, One Young Mind and many other podcasts from around the world with the radio.net app
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