The Better Man Podcast

If you're a dad, especially if you have younger kids, then you know how quickly your home can go from clean and organized to a chaotic disaster. 
 
Whether you realize it or not, this physical clutter takes a toll on you - emotionally, mentally, and spiritually (even if you have a high tolerance for clutter, which is something I was not born with). 
 
With Father's Day around the corner, and as a dad of two young kids myself, I invited the PERFECT guest for today's Father's Day themed show: 
 
Tyler Moore aka The Tidy Dad!
 
Tyler is a public school teacher, best-selling author of Tidy Up Your Life: Rethinking How to Organize, Declutter, and Make Space for What Matters Most, and perhaps most impressive, is that he's a father of three living in a 700 square foot apartment in New York City. 
 
Squeezing five people (including three children) into a 700 square foot apartment is not easy. He doesn't have the luxury of excess physical space that many of us do. 
 
And yet, his apartment stays cleaner, more organized, and more efficient than the vast majority of living spaces. Mine included. 
 
And you know what?
 
After Tyler created a system to keep his 700 square foot apartment clean, organized, and useful … he realized how crucial his "tidying up" methods are when applied to other, more important areas of life like his relationships, his career, and his overall life. 
 
This is a fantastic episode even if you're not a dad, even if you live in a spacious home, and even if your living space isn't cluttered. 
 
Here's what Tyler and I discuss: 
 
How to declutter your life according to a dad of three living in a 700 square foot apartment in New York City

The vicious way keeping up with the joneses fills your house with useless stuff 

How physical decluttering and organization applies to more important areas of your life too 

 
Here's a sneak peek at what's in this episode: 
 
How 30-day experiments can give you a completely new experience of life (without boxing you into a certain identity) (1:58)

Why The Tidy Dad spends his mornings with Man Flow Yoga (3:13) 

The absolute worst way to start your morning (and you probably do it too) (8:34) 

A silly question to ask about your clothes that will give you instant clarity over whether it can be safely donated or kept (14:11) 

The strange way certain color clothing gives you a boost of confidence (18:16)

How thinking of the rooms in your house as zones can tidy up a cluttered space almost overnight (and why it might address your hidden dissatisfaction) (24:56) 

An ingenious "toy" idea for your kids that will be consumed in quick order (41:00) 

How to jump off the train that leads to an endless accumulation of stuff (and the sneaky cause of it) (42:41) 

Why the simple act of naming stuff around your house means you can tidy it (54:42) 

The suffocating "Internalization" trap that men, and particularly fathers, fall into and the simple, yet identity-shattering way out (56:43) 




Resources mentioned in this episode: 
 
1. Man Flow Yoga Father's Day Sale: Tidy Dad-approved. If you're seeing this before Monday, June 22, we're currently having our biggest sale of the year. Become a Man Flow Yoga Lifer here: https://manflowyoga.com/fathers-day-2026/ 
 
2. Get Tyler's Book: Tidy Up Your Life: Rethinking How to Organize, Declutter, and Make Space for What Matters Most on Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/Tidy-Your-Life-Rethinking-Declutter/dp/0593797833 
 
3. Read The Tidy Times (Tyler's Substack) and learn how to become more tidy in your day-to-day life: https://tidydad.substack.com/ 
 
4. Listen to Tyler's Podcast, Tidy Tidbits, available wherever you listen to podcasts. 
 
5. Follow Tyler on Instagram: @TidyDad (https://www.instagram.com/tidydad/)  
 
6. Check out The Tidy Dad website here: https://thetidydad.com/ 
 
7. Man Flow Yoga Events: Find the full list of cities we're coming to here: https://manflowyoga.com/man-flow-yoga-events/

I've always been suspicious of this idea that becoming more selfish is the path to happiness. It feels like a lie. Especially when you're a father. 
 
But you know what?
 
After hosting a handful of in-person events this year, I've noticed a silent crisis amongst men: We don't know how to get our needs met. We carry around invisible rucksacks that weigh us down, dim the color and depth of our world, and snatch peace, fulfillment, and joy from our grasp.
 
My suspicion about doing things that benefit me was an example of this invisible weight. Maybe yours is a productivity hack, a fitness schedule, or a weight loss journey. Defense mechanisms like these are smart and cunning, so they'll dress themselves up in a way that feels like moving forward… 
 
…while you slowly watch your world get duller and less fulfilling around you. 
 
So ponder these questions:
 
What if there was nothing to fix about yourself? 
 
What if you didn't have to fill every spare second of your schedule to feel like enough? 

What if you didn't need to become a better man to be happy and fulfilled and connected? 
 
Join me as I try to answer these existential, yet empowering questions. 
 
Here's a sneak peek at what's in this episode: 
 
Why optimizing only your physical fitness leaves your mental, emotional, and social fitness hanging (0:27) 

How the wrong environment can leave past pains and traumas trapped in the physical body (and why giving yourself a break from the daily drudge of your routine makes it easier to let them go) (1:22) 

The invisible 60 lb rucksack that modern men carry on their shoulders without experiencing the immense relief that comes by setting it down (3:12) 

Why losing weight can't make you happy forever (and what you actually need to do to feel the peace, fulfillment, and joy that's always available) (8:15) 

Why you can't out-exercise a bad diet and you can't out-work a negative emotional pattern (and what to do instead to become the man you want) (8:43) 

How approaching your emotions as THE solution, instead of the problem, makes all of your goals more achievable and more fun (10:18) 

A heavy realization I made after recent Man Flow Yoga Events about why something feels like it's missing in so many lives of middle-aged men (19:00) 

Why being selfish (like spending an entire weekend golfing) is perhaps the most counterintuitive, yet effective way to improve your relationships (24:32) 




Resources mentioned in this episode: 
 
1. Man Flow Yoga Events: Find the full list of cities we're coming to here: https://manflowyoga.com/man-flow-yoga-events/ 
 
2. Man Flow Yoga: Haven't signed up yet? Start your 7-day free trial and see how yoga can eliminate aches and pains better than other types of exercise here: https://shrtlnk.co/kP8M7

What if you could achieve all of your health goals without using any willpower, discipline, or external motivation?
 
It might sound too good to be true, but there's a surprisingly simple way to do this: Falling in love with your future.
 
Something magical happens when you fall in love with your future: You start to appreciate the mistakes you made (or will make) on your health journey instead of beating yourself up over them. 
 
Today's guest, Scott, experienced this first-hand:
 
After retiring and moving to Hawai'i with his husband, the luxurious life caught up to his belly. One day, he looked in the mirror and hardly recognized himself because he gained so much weight. 

Instead of beating himself up over it or worrying how he'll find the discipline to be consistent enough to lose the weight, Scott remembered to fall in love with his future. 
 
Since that moment he looked in the mirror, Scott's done a complete 180. He started yoga and eating right. As his momentum grew, he started resistance training. And today, he's continually tinkering and integrating healthier micro habits into his daily life.
 
Scott comes loaded with helpful tips and tricks, mindset shifts, and ways to approach your fitness and health from a new perspective.  
 
Here's what Scott and I discuss:
 
The micro habits Scott built to lose weight in retirement 

How to eliminate the need for discipline and sacrifices when becoming healthier 

How to create your own philosophies that can hold you up when accountability, discipline, and motivation fail

 
And more, including… 
 
The spiritual mindset shift Scott went through after not recognizing himself in his mirror (and how this enabled him to be consistent without discipline) (3:11) 

The slow and insidious postural destruction that happens when you sit at a desk for work all day (3:34) 

Why the "Gravel Hill" technique can stop you from falling off the wagon completely when you feel discouraged or uncomfortable (6:16) 

How to recognize your growth when you're miserable in the middle of the discomfort phase (8:16) 

Why falling in love with your future unlocks the ability to look forward to stumbling on your fitness journey (9:19) 

The counterintuitive reason to put yourself first in your relationship (it sounds weird, but Scott and his husband celebrate 30 years next year!) (16:58) 

Why off-the-mat Man Flow Yoga helps ingrain the postural benefits more deeply into your body (and how to easily start doing this) (28:53) 

How to start resistance training without stepping foot in the gym or even lifting weights (42:28) 

The most effective dieting strategy if you're overweight and over 50 (48:51) 




Resources mentioned in this episode: 
 
1. Man Flow Yoga Events: Find the full list of cities we're coming to here: https://manflowyoga.com/man-flow-yoga-events/ 
 
2. Man Flow Yoga: Haven't signed up yet? Start your 7-day free trial and see how yoga can eliminate aches and pains better than other types of exercise here: https://shrtlnk.co/kP8M7

Our world has become too shackled into "black and white" thinking. 
 
When something is considered "good," the negative trade-offs are ignored and neglected. When something is considered "bad," the good is disregarded and the baby gets tossed out with the bath water.
 
But the reality is that there's a lot more gray areas than we think. This is particularly true with charged topics like the differences between male and female, between masculinity and femininity. 
 
The truth rarely exists on the extremes. Both sides of an argument have positive and negative aspects to think deeply about. And absorbing an entire belief system while disregarding the "other side" can lead to real disconnection in your relationships and with yourself. 
 
Today's guest, Rafe Kelley (founder of Evolve Move Play), has lived out the consequences of falling into extreme camps. It caused a serious rupture in his marriage. But it's also taught him a valuable lesson: 
 
How to take the good from bad belief systems, separate the bad from good belief systems, and create your own Bespoke Belief System that's unique to you and serves your highest self. 
 
I encourage you to listen to this episode in its entirety. It is a heavily nuanced discussion of some of the hottest cultural topics and it may challenge some of your beliefs. You might feel yourself get pulled into the "cognitive miser" trap that Rafe mentions at the beginning of this episode. 
 
But if you listen with an open mind, you'll get as much from this episode as I did. 
 
Here's what Rafe and I discuss:
 
The differences between men and women (and why losing our sexual polarity is harmful to everyone)

How belief systems based on truth are surrounded by a foundation of falsehoods

Why considering beliefs from people you disagree with instead of throwing out anything not in your "camp" is one of the best ways to protect your closest relationships

 
And more, including… 
 
The danger of falling into traps placed by "cognitive misers" that can mess up your entire belief system (and why a Bespoke Belief System shields you from this) (3:23) 

Why do vegans become carnivore people? And how this ideological trap applies to every social media hot button (6:28) 

The fundamental problem in society and how we can answer this delicate question responsibly (12:44) 

Why does sexuality create so much guilt, shame, and trauma? (And the bizarre role played by living in a society based on Christian values) (21:25) 

How we inherited a shame-based relationship with sexuality from the Middle Ages (and why it still exists today) (27:24)  

Why misunderstanding the role males and females play leads to frustration in relationship and could even lead to divorce (41:31) 

How ideological groups take a grain of truth then encode a false belief system around that seed (and how this wrecked Rafe's marriage) (50:17)  

The overlooked negative trade-offs that naturally arise when we treat men and women as the same (and why respecting the differences means seeing differences as complimentary and not about superiority or inferiority) (59:42)  

 
Guest Bio: 
 
Rafe Kelley, founder of Evolve Move Play, pioneers a unique movement philosophy, merging parkour with martial arts and a deep connection to nature, fostering a holistic wisdom practice. With over two decades of teaching experience, he offers transformative retreats, workshops, and online courses worldwide. His work emphasizes the synergy between body, psyche, and environment, inviting exploration of personal potential and the sacred in movement.
 
Resources mentioned in this episode: 
 
1. Rediscover your true nature through movement, play, and connection on Rafe's website here: https://www.evolvemoveplay.com/
 
2. Join Rafe's free online forum at: https://coaching.evolvemoveplay.com 
 
3. Follow Rafe on social media below: 
 
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/rafekelley 
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/evolve.move.play/ 
 
4. Man Flow Yoga Events: Find the full list of cities we're coming to here: https://manflowyoga.com/man-flow-yoga-events/ 
 
5. Man Flow Yoga: Haven't signed up yet? Start your 7-day free trial and see how yoga can eliminate aches and pains better than other types of exercise here: https://shrtlnk.co/kP8M7

There are a lot of ways that fathers get in their own way of being a great parent. Sometimes it wears the mask of "self-improvement." Sometimes it gamifies your presence. And sometimes, it's a desire to overcorrect your parents' mistakes.
 
In many ways, it's much harder to be a father today than ever before too. 
 
Gender roles are more fluid than they were in previous generations (but there's still value in distinguishing gender roles). Fathers are forced to feel through their feelings when it comes more naturally to think through them. And balancing the climate of your home, the relationship with your partner, and your responsibilities at work can lead to burnout. 
 
That's why I was personally excited for today's follow-up discussion with Boys Will Be Men author and therapist and fellow father, Vince Benevento. 
 
Vince answers all my toughest questions around:
 
The Gentle Strength method to become a stronger, and gentler, parent 

How to be better at accepting yourself as you are today instead of who you'll become after hitting another milestone 

How to better divvy up the balance of traditional and modern gender roles to best benefit your entire home 

 
And more, including… 
 
Why modern fathers have unique challenges previous generations didn't have (and how to better balance your responsibilities without burning out) (4:28) 

How your tone, anxiety, and sense of urgency seeps into your climate at home even when it originates from work (6:38) 

The insidious "Destination Mindset Trap" that stifles your presence when parenting (7:15) 

Why men in particular are prone to gamifying being present (and why you might be blinded to how this interrupts presence) (9:25) 

The best thing you can do if you have too much free time that will show you why you're more isolated than you acknowledge (11:43)  

The real reason workaholics struggle in relationships that precedes working long hours and doing fulfilling work (17:25) 

Why new parents have a tendency to overcorrect their parents' mistakes (and why this overcorrection backfires) (27:47) 

Why the word "self-improvement" is a sneaky way you hold yourself back (40:44) 

3 characteristics of "Gentle Strength" that make you a better parent in your children's eyes (even after you've drifted apart from your kid) (42:00) 

 
Guest Bio: 
 
Vince Benevento is the Director and Founder of Causeway Collaborative, leading and providing direct service for all three specialized teams. A licensed professional counselor, he holds a BA in Psychology from Wesleyan University and an MA in School Counseling from Fairfield University.
 
Vince began his career as an in-home therapist for adolescents and families at the Wheeler Clinic in Plainville, Connecticut, a regional behavioral health services provider. From there, he entered the corporate world, where he worked as a professional recruiter and honed his career-counseling skills. With this valuable experience under his belt, Vince transitioned back to individual and community-based counseling as an employment specialist for the Kennedy Center, one of Connecticut's largest and most highly regarded community organizations. At the Kennedy Center, Vince worked to find meaningful jobs for unemployed adults with psychiatric diagnoses and criminal histories. He joined Freudigman & Billings in 2010 as an educational therapist and completed a year-long internship in the Weston High School guidance department, where he initiated and co-led weekly support groups for at-risk-students. In 2012, Vince brought his skills and experiences together to start Causeway Collaborative.
 
Vince's work experience, whether in the corporate world or in counseling, is united by a single purpose: to help students, young professionals, and those who are struggling to plan for the future and to realize their potential.
 
Vince recently published the book, Boys Will Be Men: 8 Lessons for the Lost American Male too. 
 
Resources mentioned in this episode: 
 
1. Buy Vince's book, Boys Will Be Men: 8 Lessons for the Lost American Male on Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/Boys-Will-Be-Men-American/dp/1959170317 
 
2. Follow Vince on Instagram: @vince_benevento_LPC
 
3. Visit Vince's company, Causeway Collaborative, here: http://www.causewaycollaborative.com/ 
 
4. Or, check out Vince's personal website (for speaking and coaching) here: https://www.sharperformen.com/ 
 
5. Man Flow Yoga Events: Find the full list of cities we're coming to here: https://manflowyoga.com/man-flow-yoga-events/ 
 
6. Man Flow Yoga: Haven't signed up yet? Start your 7-day free trial and see how yoga can eliminate aches and pains better than other types of exercise here: https://shrtlnk.co/kP8M7