The Rollercoaster Podcast

What do you do when the person you love tells you “I love you,” and just minutes later, your entire world falls apart?

On June 13, 2024, MaKela Allen lost her husband, Michael, to suicide. Just hours earlier, they were planning their future, preparing to move into a new home, and talking about having another child. There was no goodbye. No warning she could have recognized. Just a final text message that would haunt her forever.

I sat down with MaKela for a deeply personal and emotional conversation about suicide, grief, domestic abuse, and the unimaginable reality of raising children after losing their father.

In this episode:
The final moments before Michael took his own life
The warning signs MaKela never imagined could lead to suicide
How she told her three-year-old son his dad was gone
The complicated grief of loving someone who also hurt you
Finding the strength to rebuild a life after unimaginable loss

What struck me most was MaKela’s ability to hold love, anger, heartbreak, and compassion all at once.

Her story is a reminder that grief isn't something we simply overcome. Sometimes, surviving means learning to carry what we cannot change.

Key Moments:
00:00 My husband's final I love you before his death
03:42 The family tragedy before everything fell apart
07:42 The morning my husband took his own life
10:24 I found my husband's car surrounded by police
15:19 The moment doctors told me he was dead
18:22 Telling my three-year-old his dad was gone
21:14 The painful truth about our marriage and domestic abuse
24:08 The suicide note my husband left behind
27:59 Loving someone who caused you so much pain
32:05 Were there warning signs I missed before his suicide?
36:27 How I want my children to remember their father
40:15 Surviving the worst day of my life
43:00 Finding hope when grief feels unbearable

Connect with Me:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/
Connect with MaKela:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/makelaallen/

Britt Del Toro lost her 10-week-old son, Zeppelin. Later, she survived her own suicide attempt and then lost her husband, Troy, to suicide. Britt talks with me about organ donation, the depression that deepened after the funeral, reaching for help, loving Troy through mental illness, and parenting when you can barely get through the day. She doesn't pretend she has grief figured out, and that's exactly why this conversation matters.

If you're struggling or thinking about suicide, you're not alone. Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, US) or visit https://stayhere.live.

Want to share your story on The Rollercoaster Podcast? Apply here: https://therollercoasterpodcast.com/guest-application

If this episode meant something to you, please rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It's the #1 way people who are hurting find these conversations.

What happens to your faith when you witness suffering so horrific that you start asking God why He allows it? Alex Barbir, founder of Building Zion, has risked his life to stand with persecuted Christians in Nigeria, where families are being murdered and villages destroyed. He shares what he saw at massacre sites, the mother cradling her murdered son, and how rebuilding villages restores hope for survivors.

Want to share your story on The Rollercoaster Podcast? Apply here: https://therollercoasterpodcast.com/guest-application

If this episode meant something to you, please rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It's the #1 way people who are hurting find these conversations.

What happens when the person you've loved almost your entire life is suddenly taken from you?

My guest today is Ashley Leatham, who lost her husband, Scott, a 39-year-old firefighter, to a rare and aggressive cancer called NUT carcinoma. What started as persistent headaches turned into a devastating diagnosis, and just five months later, Ashley was holding her husband's hand as he took his final breath.

They had known each other since they were 12. They built a beautiful life, raised two children, and imagined growing old together. Then everything changed.

Ashley opens up about the unimaginable pain of watching her husband fight for his life, the heartbreak of telling their children he was dying, and the final moments she'll never forget.

In this episode:
The warning signs before Scott's devastating cancer diagnosis
How five months changed their family's lives forever
The heartbreaking final days before Scott passed away
Navigating grief, widowhood, and raising children after loss
Finding purpose, faith, and hope when life feels unbearable

This conversation is a powerful reminder that tomorrow is never promised, the people we love are everything, and even in our darkest moments, there can still be a reason to keep going.

Key Moments:
00:00 The heartbreaking final moments of Scott's cancer battle
03:01 A childhood friendship that became a lifelong love
07:50 The headaches that revealed a deadly cancer diagnosis
12:44 The hospital visit that changed everything
16:14 The rare cancer diagnosis and desperate fight to survive
20:11 When chemotherapy led to a terrifying emergency
23:05 Seven organs failing and the fight to stay alive
27:28 The devastating cancer prognosis that shattered their hope
30:18 How facing death changes what matters most
35:16 The powerful life lesson Scott left behind
38:55 The suspected cancer risks inside the fire station
43:23 The heartbreaking news that Scott had weeks to live
46:16 The final family memories before saying goodbye
49:09 Holding her husband's hand as he took his last breath
52:35 The painful reality of grief after losing a spouse
56:06 Finding purpose and hope after unimaginable loss

Connect with Me:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/
Connect with Nick & Cassie:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dsnyash/

There’s a point where you can’t blame your past anymore. You have to look in the mirror and decide who you’re going to become.

My guest, Shane Goodbar, has lived both sides of that truth.

Shane was sexually abused as a child, learned to hide behind a mask, and eventually found escape through alcohol and drugs. What started as a way to numb the pain spiraled into addiction, broken relationships, multiple DUIs, jail, and a moment where he came terrifyingly close to taking another man’s life.

But this isn’t just a story about addiction. It’s about accountability, recovery, fatherhood, faith, forgiveness, and what happens when you finally stop seeing yourself as the victim of your own life.

In this episode:
How childhood sexual abuse shaped Shane’s identity and need to escape
Why drugs and alcohol became a way to stop feeling
The rock-bottom moment that finally broke through years of denial
How a two-year therapeutic community completely rebuilt his life
Why recovery meant learning to love the man staring back in the mirror

What stayed with me most was Shane’s willingness to own all of it. Not excuse it. Not hide from it. Own it.

Because no matter how lost you’ve become, your past doesn’t have to be where your story ends. But eventually, you have to take the first step.

Key Moments:
00:00 The man behind the mask
03:18 Hiding childhood sexual abuse
06:02 When drugs became the escape
09:41 Living two different lives
13:15 Addiction starts taking over
17:46 The relationship that changed everything
21:07 Becoming a father changes the path
24:49 The lie he told himself about fatherhood
27:07 His fourth DUI and arrest
30:04 Ten days after leaving jail
33:09 When rock bottom finally hit
36:03 Facing the man he had become
39:01 Learning to love himself again
42:03 The identity crisis facing men
45:12 Finding God after years of pain
48:26 Why surrender finally brought peace
51:03 His message to anyone still lost
53:02 What recovery actually gives you

Connect with Me:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tyler.hall/
Connect with Shane:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sr_goodbar/