How To Have Sex

The best position isn’t necessarily the one that looks hottest in the Kama Sutra.

This week, Jay-Jay Feeney and Melissa Vranjes are getting into positions - several of them, and figure out what actually makes one feel GOOD.
Because different bodies like different things. You might not need a brand-new position altogether; maybe it’s a pillow, a tiny change in angle, a slower rhythm, more connection… or simply admitting, “Yeah, I hate this one.”

We talk about:
• Why there’s no single “best” position for women
• Comfort, connection and pleasure, and why they matter more than looking sexy
• Small adjustments that can completely change how a position feels
• Positions that allow more control over rhythm, pressure and depth
• Why spooning deserves more respect
• Why some popular positions can feel awkward, uncomfortable or just plain exhausting
• Pelvic floor tension and choosing positions where your body can relax
• How solo exploration can help you understand what works for you
• What to do when your partner LOVES a position that you really don’t
• Why novelty can be fun without every new position needing to end in fireworks
• And why Jay-Jay probably doesn’t need the Kama Sutra after all

Plus, Mel shares her favourite starting points for women who want more pleasure, comfort and connection, and Jay-Jay shares rather more about her own preferences than she probably intended.

The big takeaway? Stop worrying about what looks sexy and start paying attention to what FEELS sexy.

How To Have Sex is hosted by Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes.
Send us your questions, stories and awkward bedroom dilemmas through our socials — the links are below.
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How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.


JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!
Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast
Email: howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com
Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Freshly single and not sure where to even start? Jay-Jay and Mel get into everything about getting back into the dating scene: why so many women are done settling for less, why dating apps leave everyone feeling weirdly empty, and how to tell the difference between nerves and real chemistry on a first date (spoiler: your body genuinely can't tell them apart).

Plus: Mel's first-date story involving a 6:30am run, a firefighter, and a fart she could not hold in. It's not a serious episode start to finish - expect real advice and real laughs in equal measure.

They also cover flipping the confidence script so dating feels less like a job interview, why "friend-group dates" might be the underrated move, when (and how) to tell someone you've got kids, and what actually makes a date feel good.

If you're nervous about getting back out there, consider this your pep talk.

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!
Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast
Email: howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com
Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Grab an extra pillow. Actually, grab a few …. this week there's a waiting list outside the bedroom door.

Jay-Jay Feeney and certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes are back in bed together for one of the most requested (and most avoided) topics yet: group sex. It turns out this has quietly been one of Mel's ultimate fantasies all along, and once she's finally cornered into admitting it, the conversation goes places…. including her actual, very unplanned real-life experience, and Jay-Jay's confession that she's had not one, not two, but three threesomes.

This episode is equal parts hilarious and genuinely useful. They dig into why the fantasy of "ten hot strangers" rarely survives contact with reality, what separates a threesome that's fun from one that quietly ends a relationship, and how jealousy shows up even when everyone agreed to the whole thing beforehand. They also get into the nuts and bolts nobody wants to ask about out loud: sexual health, testing, condom etiquette when there's more than two people involved, and what proper aftercare actually looks like once the night is over.

In this episode:

Why the fantasy version of group sex (control, safety, zero logistics) is nothing like the real thing
Mel's honest, cringe-and-all retelling of her one experience with multiple partners, and everything she'd do differently
Jay-Jay finally spills on her three threesomes, including the one that felt like a "tag team" and the one that didn't
The difference between having a fantasy and actually wanting to live it out
Jealousy, the fear of loss underneath it, and why it can wreck a relationship even when everyone consented going in
Whether it's easier to explore this single, in an open relationship, or with your long-term partner
How to actually bring it up with a stranger, a partner, or at a bar without making it weird
What sex parties are really like (and how people actually find them)
The one question you need to ask yourself before saying yes to anyone else's fantasy: why do I actually want this?
Sexual health real talk … testing, condoms between partners, and having that conversation before things get going
Aftercare for more than two: what it looks like, why it matters, and how simple it can be
What "liberating" actually means here (hint: it's not about how wild you get)

Whether group sex is a fantasy that's just for your own head, something you're curious to explore, or a story you've already got your own version of, this episode gives you the real talk, the pitfalls, and the tools to make it a good experience rather than a cautionary tale.

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How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!
Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast
Email: howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com
Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Congratulations, you got the kids to sleep! Now lock the door.... this episode is just getting started.
Jay-Jay Feeney and certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes sit down for one of the most requested topics yet: how to actually have a sex life once you've got kids. Melissa is three months postpartum with her second baby and deep in the newborn trenches, so this one's personal, honest, and refreshingly unfiltered.
Together they unpack why parenthood doesn't kill your libido so much as it completely rewires it. From spontaneous desire to something Melissa calls "responsive desire," and from candlelit dates to a stolen 90 seconds between nappy changes.

In this episode:

Why "need-driven touch" (hello, breastfeeding) can leave you touched out and not exactly craving more contact from your partner
Spontaneous vs. responsive desire, and why waiting to "feel horny" first might be the whole problem
"Chore Play": how unloading the dishwasher can genuinely be foreplay
Melissa's raw, three-months-postpartum update on her own body, libido, and relationship
Why exhaustion, not lack of attraction, is public enemy number one for parents' sex lives
The gentle way she and her husband reconnected physically after birth, with zero pressure
The "sex menu": a 5-minute, 10-minute and 30-minute system for intimacy on the busiest nights
Getting your privacy back (a lock on the door is doing more heavy lifting than you'd think)
"Sexual currency" - the small everyday moments that quietly build (or kill) desire
Why obligatory sex causes more long-term damage than just... not having sex
The weekly relationship check-in that keeps resentment from creeping in

Whether you're in the newborn haze, wrangling a toddler, or years into parenting and just want your spark back, consider this your permission slip to stop chasing your old sex life and start building a new one that actually fits this season.

Next week: How to Have Mind-Blowing Group Sex 👀

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.


JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com
INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast
TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod
FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast
YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast
EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com
Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:
Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality
Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach
www.melissavranjes.com
Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school








Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Mel is back in the saddle (well, the bed) after maternity leave, and she and Jay-Jay are diving straight into one of the most requested topics on the show: casual sex. Not the drunk, regretful, "what happened last night" kind; the confident, consensual, genuinely great kind.
This week they cover where to actually meet people now that everyone's exhausted by dating apps, why the word "slut" deserves a serious rebrand, and the very real hormonal reason women tend to catch feelings faster after a good hookup (sorry, it's science).
There's also the truth about STIs in retirement villages (yes, really), what to pack for a one-night stand, and Mel's confession about the "Caribbean man" fantasy that absolutely did not go to plan.
Funny, filthy in the best way, and genuinely useful.

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.


JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com
INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast
TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod
FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast
YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast
EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com
Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:
Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality
Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach
www.melissavranjes.com
Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school



Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.