How To Have Sex

Been a while? No judgment here. Dust off the cobwebs, we've got you. This week Jay-Jay and Mel are talking dry spells: what actually counts as one, why they happen even in happy relationships, and how to come back from one without the pressure of "perfect" sex.

We bust the myth about your vagina supposedly "closing up" after a few dry years, unpack why going straight from zero to hero is a bad idea, and get into vaginismus, pelvic floor health, and why penetration might be the last thing you want to put back on the table. Then things get really interesting with a deep dive into body workers and internal mapping … Jay-Jay needed convincing this was a real job.

There's also a very relatable tangent about trying to reconnect with your partner while the dog watches from the end of the bed, plus practical tools: sexual currency, breathwork, self-pleasure as a way back in, and the exact question to ask a partner who's gone quiet on sex.

Whether you're single and out of practice or years deep in a relationship drift, this one's for you.

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.


This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.
Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HTHS for 20% off sitewide…
Pleasure Delivered.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com
INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast
TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod
FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast
YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast
EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com
Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:
Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality
Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach
www.melissavranjes.com
Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school





Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ever been genuinely attracted to someone and still felt... nothing? Or found a candle way more arousing than anything actually sexual? This week Jay-Jay and Mel dig into the real psychology of arousal: what turns you on, why it's not as simple as "just get in the mood," and how to figure out your own erotic blueprint.

Mel introduces the erotic mind map, a tool she uses with her one-on-one clients, and puts Jay-Jay through it live on the mic. What starts as a laugh turns into a surprisingly honest conversation about connection, desire, exhibitionism, and a confession involving a romantic liason on a golf course!

You'll learn the difference between liking a sex act and actually feeling turned on, how porn and pop culture shape what we think should arouse us, and a simple brakes and accelerators exercise you can try tonight.

Plus: a Wild Secrets giveaway!

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.


This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.
Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HTHS for 20% off sitewide…
Pleasure Delivered.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com
INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast
TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod
FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast
YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast
EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com
Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:
Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality
Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach
www.melissavranjes.com
Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school





Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ever been fully naked, fully touched, and but still mentally reviewing the grocery list? Welcome to the club. This week Jay-Jay and Mel unpack why so many of us check out during sex, even when everything happening is objectively hot.

They dig into the classic thinking-brain-versus-feeling-body problem, why meditation was never really about clearing your mind, the wild timing gap between when men and women tend to orgasm, and how old trauma responses like fawning can silently hijack your sex life without you noticing. Then Mel walks through her five go-to somatic tools, breath, awareness, movement, touch and sound, and demonstrates them live on the mic. Results: mixed, honest, very funny.

Plus: redefining the quickie (it does not have to mean five minutes flat), the truth about lube, and why your partner genuinely cannot read your mind, so stop expecting them to.
Homework included. Bring tissues, or don't, no judgment.

Got a confession or a question for the show? Send it in, we might read it out (anonymously, always).

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.


This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.
Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HTHS for 20% off sitewide…
Pleasure Delivered.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com
INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast
TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod
FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast
YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast
EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com
Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:
Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality
Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach
www.melissavranjes.com
Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school


Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Confession time: we've both faked it. 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️
This week Jay-Jay and Mel get real about faking it, and we're not just talking about orgasms. We're talking about every quiet way we abandon ourselves in bed: nodding along, holding our breath, pretending we're way more flexible than we actually are.
Mel breaks down why faking it is actually a smart nervous-system survival strategy, not a character flaw, and how it quietly builds resentment and chore sex over time if left unchecked. We get into the four stress responses: fight, flight, freeze, and the one nobody talks about, fawn, plus real phrases to use instead of faking it, and how to take feedback from a partner without spiralling.
We also talk a little too much about swallowing.
By the end, you'll have real language to use tonight, a pleasure practice to try this week, and hopefully a little less pressure to perform and a little more permission to just be honest.
💌 Subscribe to our Substack for early episodes, our weekly pleasure practice and behind-the-scenes extras. 🎓


How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.


This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.
Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HTHS for 20% off sitewide…
Pleasure Delivered.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com
INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast
TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod
FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast
YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast
EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com
Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:
Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality
Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach
www.melissavranjes.com
Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school









Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week Jay-Jay & Mel get vulnerable, and a little unhinged, talking about body confidence and sex insecurities. Jay-Jay finally admits the one insecurity she's never
been able to shake. Mel spills on her breast implants: why she got them at 23, and why she took them out eight years later. They dig into where body shame actually comes from (hint: it's rarely just you), why labiaplasty is booming even though the "problem" is just a normal vulva, and have a full tangent about pubic hair trends.

Mel walks Jay-Jay through a real-time somatic exercise to rewire an old belief, and by the end of it Jay-Jay has a brand new mantra that will absolutely end up on a t-shirt.
Expect body image talk, self-esteem wins, a few belly laughs, and genuinely useful tools for building body confidence and self-love, in and out of the bedroom.
If you've ever turned the lights off, sucked it in, or hidden a part of yourself during sex, this episode is for you.

🎧 New episodes every week. Rate, review and follow, so you never miss one.

Explicit — listener discretion advised.

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.
Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HTHS for 20% off sitewide…
Pleasure Delivered.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com
INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast
FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast
YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast
EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com
Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:
Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality
Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach
www.melissavranjes.com
Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school





Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.