How To Have Sex

Can you ever REALLY forgive someone for cheating? And even if you do, can your relationship ever be the same again?

This week, we're getting VERY personal.

Mel reveals that an ex-boyfriend cheated on her for a year and a half. At one point, another woman left his bed just TEN MINUTES before Mel arrived.
Then he turned up at her workplace with a fake name, carrying flowers and a $300 necklace to apologise.
Mel kept the necklace. 😂

Meanwhile, Jay-Jay admits she's both been cheated on AND done some cheating herself. We're not judging. Well, maybe a little.

But beyond the jaw-dropping stories, we're tackling some big relationship questions.
Why do people cheat, even when they love their partners?
Are emotional affairs worse than physical ones?
Can you rebuild trust after betrayal?
How do you become intimate again when your partner has broken your heart?
Is "once a cheater, always a cheater" actually true?
Can a relationship become better after an affair?

Mel shares practical advice for recovering from infidelity, understanding what went wrong, rebuilding emotional connection and deciding whether a relationship is worth saving.
It's messy, honest, surprisingly funny and possibly one of our most revealing conversations yet.
Sometimes the hardest part isn't forgiving someone else. It's learning to trust yourself again.

ABOUT HOW TO HAVE SEX
How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!
Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast
Email: howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com
Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex
How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland – https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS
Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality
Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach
Website: www.melissavranjes.com
Instagram: @melissavranjes

READY TO TAKE THINGS FURTHER?
Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School:
https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Warning: there may be batteries. There may be buzzing. There will definitely be a Batman-shaped cock ring.

This week Jay-Jay Feeney and sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes tip a giant box of toys onto the bed and work out what couples should actually be playing with. Whether you're a total beginner or your bedside drawer is already full, Mel walks through how to choose a toy based on the sensation you want, why a toy is never "competition" for your partner, and how shopping together can open up the best conversations about pleasure.

We cover:
Why toys aren't a sign something's missing (and how they help through pregnancy, perimenopause and erectile changes)
Starting with the feeling you want: vibration, suction, sensation play, a bit of spanking...
Dual-stimulation toys, pinpoint vibrators and why "solo" toys work brilliantly for two
Rings, strokers and double-ended toys, with live (clothed!) demos
Wearables, remote apps, and Mel's very sneaky cafe date with Steve
The biggest mistake couples make when bringing a toy into bed
Cleaning, materials, lube, charging and why you should never buy your toys from a bargain site

Plus: Jay-Jay figures out why toys have always made her feel awkward. Mel's mum makes her bed and finds a surprise. A dildo comes back from the bin. And we deliver a sex swing review nobody asked for.

Want to see the toys? Watch the full uncensored video on our Substack or Apple Podcasts..

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

This episode is brought to you by Adult Toy Megastore, New Zealand's favourite place for everything adult, with the country's biggest range, great prices and discreet delivery. Use code TOY15 at adulttoymegastore.co.nz for 15% off.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com
INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast
FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast
YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast
EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com
Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney
Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes
Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Not in the mood? It might not be your libido. You might just be really, really annoyed.

Jay-Jay Feeney and sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes get into the sneaky way resentment shuts down desire. It's not always the big stuff. It's the bins, the groceries, the school notices, and always being the one who "just does it". All those little crumbs get swept under the rug until you're tripping over it, and your body goes absolutely not the second your partner reaches for you.

We chat about:
Why so many of us mistake resentment for a low sex drive
How love languages can make or break intimacy (plus Jay-Jay's hand-kissing drama)
The mental load, sharing chores, and why nobody wants to mother their lover
In-laws, infidelity, and holding onto hurt for years
The slightly confronting question Mel gets her clients to ask: "How have I enabled this?"
What to actually say when you're ready to talk about it
Angry sex, duty sex (we don't do duty sex on this podcast... mostly), and why sex can't fix the problem on its own
Rebuilding non-sexual touch, finding yourself again, and bringing the fun back

Spoiler: it's repair before seduction. Every time.

This episode is brought to you by Datebox: fun, playful date nights delivered to your door, no babysitter or planning needed. Use code HTHS at datebox.nz for 10% off (it stacks with their other offers too).

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!
Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast
Email: howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com
Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The best position isn’t necessarily the one that looks hottest in the Kama Sutra.

This week, Jay-Jay Feeney and Melissa Vranjes are getting into positions - several of them, and figure out what actually makes one feel GOOD.
Because different bodies like different things. You might not need a brand-new position altogether; maybe it’s a pillow, a tiny change in angle, a slower rhythm, more connection… or simply admitting, “Yeah, I hate this one.”

We talk about:
• Why there’s no single “best” position for women
• Comfort, connection and pleasure, and why they matter more than looking sexy
• Small adjustments that can completely change how a position feels
• Positions that allow more control over rhythm, pressure and depth
• Why spooning deserves more respect
• Why some popular positions can feel awkward, uncomfortable or just plain exhausting
• Pelvic floor tension and choosing positions where your body can relax
• How solo exploration can help you understand what works for you
• What to do when your partner LOVES a position that you really don’t
• Why novelty can be fun without every new position needing to end in fireworks
• And why Jay-Jay probably doesn’t need the Kama Sutra after all

Plus, Mel shares her favourite starting points for women who want more pleasure, comfort and connection, and Jay-Jay shares rather more about her own preferences than she probably intended.

The big takeaway? Stop worrying about what looks sexy and start paying attention to what FEELS sexy.

How To Have Sex is hosted by Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes.
Send us your questions, stories and awkward bedroom dilemmas through our socials — the links are below.
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How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.


JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!
Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast
Email: howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com
Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Freshly single and not sure where to even start? Jay-Jay and Mel get into everything about getting back into the dating scene: why so many women are done settling for less, why dating apps leave everyone feeling weirdly empty, and how to tell the difference between nerves and real chemistry on a first date (spoiler: your body genuinely can't tell them apart).

Plus: Mel's first-date story involving a 6:30am run, a firefighter, and a fart she could not hold in. It's not a serious episode start to finish - expect real advice and real laughs in equal measure.

They also cover flipping the confidence script so dating feels less like a job interview, why "friend-group dates" might be the underrated move, when (and how) to tell someone you've got kids, and what actually makes a date feel good.

If you're nervous about getting back out there, consider this your pep talk.

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!
Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast
Email: howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com
Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.