It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

Workplace conflict is costing US businesses $359 billion a year—and behind a disproportionate share of that damage is high conflict behavior: the kind that ignores limits, escalates faster than most leaders expect, and doesn't respond to the usual playbook. This is part one of a four-part series on high conflict in the workplace, with Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, Megan Hunter, MBA, and Michael Lomax, JD—lawyer, mediator, and senior speaker and trainer with the High Conflict Institute since 2011.
Bill, Megan, and Michael unpack why conflict is surging right now—generational shifts, pandemic fallout, social media polarization, and AI giving people who demonstrate high conflict behavior entirely new tools—and make the case for why prevention has to come before the crisis, not after. If your organization is still treating conflict as something HR handles case by case, this episode is the place to start.
It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM.
Full Show Notes & Resources
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Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

(01:29) - Why Workplace Conflict Is Rising

(02:57) - Trends Driving Workplace Conflict

(04:50) - Employees Changing Job Expectations

(07:15) - Affects of Social Media

(08:59) - Organizational Design and Friction

(11:57) - Make Work About Work

(14:32) - Divisive vs. Unifying Issues

(17:16) - When an HCP Is Involved

(20:29) - When the Organization Isn’t Aware

(23:55) - Leaders Avoid Conflict

(27:42) - Role Playing

(29:00) - Growing Comfortable

(31:25) - One Thing to Say

(32:55) - Wrap Up

High conflict relationships can leave you grieving something most people don't recognize as a real loss — not just the person, but the relationship you always hoped you could have. When someone in your life consistently cannot offer the empathy, accountability, or closeness you need, the question stops being "how do I fix this?" and starts being "how do I accept what this actually is?"
Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute in Scottsdale, Arizona, walk through the five stages of grief as they apply to high conflict relationships, why high conflict people get stuck in anger while those around them keep cycling, and how to make the practical decision between limited contact and no contact. They cover what to do with guilt and shame when pulling back, why sharing your feelings with a high conflict person usually backfires, and the self-affirmation strategies that interrupt the shame spiral.
It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM.
Full Show Notes & Resources
Submit Questions | Bookstore | Website
Watch this episode on YouTube
Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

(00:48) - Accepting It Won't Become What You'd Hoped

(02:13) - Why Do People Stay?

(07:59) - Five Stages of Grieving Process

(09:52) - Criteria for Choosing No-Contact Path

(13:36) - Watch Your Expectations

(18:45) - Getting Through It

(24:43) - Wrap Up

Fear of retaliation keeps many people trapped in high conflict relationships long after they know they need to leave. Emotional explosions, smear campaigns, threats involving children, financial punishment, legal warfare — the threat of what might happen when you finally say the words can feel more paralyzing than staying. The Betty Broderick case is an extreme example, but the dynamic it illustrates — unmanaged emotions, all-or-nothing thinking, and escalating revenge — shows up in milder forms in relationships every day.
Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, walk through what a safer, stepwise exit actually looks like — and why an abrupt in-person announcement is the most dangerous approach. They cover the biggest mistakes people make when leaving, how to document behavior and prepare for false allegations before they happen, and what courts and police actually respond to when you present your situation.
It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM.
Full Show Notes & Resources
Submit Questions | Bookstore | Website
Watch this episode on YouTube
Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

(02:26) - Betty Broderick Case

(11:01) - Why People Are Afraid to Leave Relationships with HCPs

(14:04) - Mistakes When Trying to Leave

(17:06) - Creating Escalations

(20:11) - When It’s Not a Marriage

(21:48) - Getting Prepared

(28:04) - Giving Warning

(28:47) - If on the Fence

(30:17) - Wrap Up

When someone in a high conflict situation gets upset, the instinct is to explain, correct, or reason with them — and that almost always makes things worse. The reason isn't a mystery anymore: it's neuroscience. Validation doesn't just make people feel better; it quiets the amygdala's threat response and activates the part of the brain responsible for regulating emotions. An EAR statement — something showing empathy, attention, or respect — is the fastest way to get there.
Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, connect recent brain research to the EAR statement framework — covering why tone of voice affects the vagus nerve, how to calm yourself before calming someone else, and when EAR statements shouldn't be used at all.
It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM.
Full Show Notes & Resources
Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | Website
Watch this episode on YouTube
Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

(00:49) - Validation

(02:39) - Psychology Today Article

(06:14) - Polyvagal Theory

(11:08) - Why Harder for Some?

(14:58) - How Do We Validate?

(16:33) - Encouraging Statements

(19:02) - Invalidation

(21:42) - Example

(24:00) - We Are in Charge of Ourselves

(28:16) - When EAR Statements Won’t Work

(32:53) - High Conflict Situations

(34:40) - Wrap Up

When a high conflict person says it's all your fault, most reasonable people do something predictable — they start wondering what they did wrong. That instinct toward self-reflection is healthy in most relationships. With high conflict people, it becomes a trap.
Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, unpack why high conflict personalities blame with an intensity that triggers your brain's threat-detection system — and why that intensity is precisely what makes you absorb guilt that isn't yours. They cover how to reality-test yourself when the blame lands hard, what to expect when you finally set a limit, and how to sit with the backlash without retreating into self-doubt.
It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM.
Full Show Notes & Resources
Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | Website
Watch this episode on YouTube
Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

(00:43) - It’s NOT Your Fault

(02:22) - Why Do HCPs Blame?

(07:00) - Absorbing Guilt

(13:31) - Example

(17:36) - Setting Limits and Potential Backlash

(19:28) - Why HCPs Escalate

(24:20) - Grow Used to Uncomfortable Feelings

(26:29) - Knowing When It’s Not Safe

(28:28) - Key Takeaways

(29:27) - Wrap Up