Our Whole Childhood with Patrick Teahan

In this episode, Patrick Teahan, MSW, explores the baseline feeling of being “in trouble”, that constant sense that someone is mad at you, you did something wrong, or you are about to be shamed. He breaks down why this internal alarm is so common in childhood trauma and how it can follow people into adulthood through imposter syndrome, anxiety dreams, and chronic hypervigilance.
Rather than treating it like a personality flaw, Patrick connects the “in trouble” feeling to shame-based family systems, especially homes with emotionally immature or abusive caregivers, scapegoating, addiction, unpredictable rules, and punishment instead of repair. He reframes it as an emotional flashback where the body signals, “It’s happening again,” even when the present moment is safe.
Listeners will learn:
Why you might feel “in trouble” even when nothing is wrong
How toxic shame damages self-trust and relationships
Why relaxing can feel unsafe after growing up with chronic blame
How survival responses like fawning, shutdown, fight, and parentification develop
How to tell the difference between present-day accountability and old conditioning
Journal prompts to trace where this started and “talk back” to the internalized abusive voice
Patrick also shares recovery tools like inner child work, repairing distorted perception, boundary development, and practicing self-protection in present-day triggers, such as conflict, tense emails, and setting preferences.
If you grew up feeling like a burden, the “bad kid,” or like one misstep could ruin everything, this episode offers language, validation, and a path toward reclaiming safety and self-trust.
Keywords: childhood trauma, toxic shame, feeling in trouble, emotional flashbacks, hypervigilance, emotionally immature parents, scapegoating, parentification, fawning, imposter syndrome, inner child work, trauma recovery
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In this episode, Patrick shares a personal story about what it can look like when long-held trauma responses begin to loosen after years of recovery work and how flashbacks can shift into quieter moments of recognition instead of distress.
Rather than focusing on symptoms alone, Patrick connects the body-level experience of trauma anniversaries, shame attacks, and emotional flashbacks to the family system that created them, including emotionally immature parenting, addiction, domestic violence, and poor boundaries.
Using a trip through Ireland as the backdrop, Patrick reflects on returning to the Ring of Kerry and Dingle Peninsula decades after a childhood visit with a narcissistic, alcoholic father and noticing a body memory that arrives without the old shame and fear. He contrasts that earlier experience with traveling alongside his son, describing what it means to feel detached from a parent’s legacy and present in your own life.
Important Takeaways for the Listener:
How trauma anniversaries can show up as subtle body memories, and how they can change after sustained healing work
Why kids often feel like accomplices to adult dysfunction, and how that fuels shame and distorted self-perception
How emotionally immature caregivers and chaotic family systems shape attachment, safety, and identity
What it means to break cycles with or without becoming a parent, and how to separate yourself from a family legacy
Why overwhelm in the current climate can activate old survival states, and how to orient back to the present
How reflective tools, including a toxic family style assessment he references, can help name what the ACE framework may miss about family dynamics
Patrick also discusses recovery themes like inner child work, repairing distorted perception, reducing shame-based identity, and building a life where you no longer represent your parents’ choices.
If you carry a sense of inherited shame, feel easily activated by the world, or are noticing your triggers changing as you heal, this episode offers a grounded example of what progress can feel like over time.
Keywords: childhood trauma, emotional flashbacks, body memories, shame attacks, trauma anniversaries, emotionally immature parents, narcissistic parent, addiction in families, intergenerational trauma, breaking cycles, inner child work, recovery
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In this episode, Patrick Teahan, MSW, explores nine rarely named but deeply damaging family dynamics that quietly shape childhood trauma and follow people into adulthood.
Rather than focusing on symptoms alone, Patrick breaks down the dysfunctional family systems behind them—the unspoken rules, emotional roles, and survival patterns that distort self-worth, boundaries, and relationships.
As a follow-up to 11 Oddly Specific Childhood Trauma Issues, this episode examines how growing up in emotionally immature or unsafe families affects perception, identity, and connection. From households where feelings are ignored but secretly run everything, to families that bond through complaining instead of change, Patrick explains how these patterns condition children to self-betray, overfunction, or disappear.
Listeners will learn:
What happens when children grow up without mutually satisfying parental relationships
How scapegoating, gaslighting, and chronic blame damage self-trust
Why some families resist growth and punish success
The emotional cost of always being “the responsible one”
How gender roles and hierarchy reinforce dysfunction
Why survivors are often told to “be the better person” with abusive relatives
Patrick also discusses recovery tools, including inner child work, repairing distorted perception, boundary development, and learning to step out of dysfunctional family roles.
If you grew up feeling unseen, unsafe, or emotionally responsible for others, this episode offers language, validation, and a clearer path toward healing.
Keywords: childhood trauma, toxic family systems, emotionally immature parents, CPTSD, family dysfunction, emotional neglect, scapegoating, parentification, trauma recovery, boundaries, inner child healing
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This episode explores how childhood trauma and emotionally unsafe parenting can cause us to lose touch with our original personality, the self we were born with before survival, compliance, and shame took over.
Through personal stories and clinical insight, Patrick explains how emotionally immature or abusive parents distort a child’s sense of self by mislabeling innate traits as problems. Poor emotional mirroring, lack of goodness of fit, and pressure to comply can force a child’s spark underground, leading trauma responses to be mistaken for personality well into adulthood.
Learn how many survivors grow up feeling disconnected from who they really are, surprised by positive feedback, or unsure whether their behaviors reflect their true self or trauma adaptations, and how to begin reclaiming what was lost.
Topics include:
How childhood trauma suppresses innate personality
The impact of emotional abuse, misattunement, and forced compliance
Why trauma responses often replace a true sense of self
The five core childhood personality types and how they’re shaped by family dynamics
How to begin reconnecting with your authentic identity through trauma healing
If you grew up feeling like the difficult child, the odd duck, or the misunderstood one, this episode offers clarity, validation, and a path back to yourself.
Keywords: childhood trauma, lost sense of self, emotionally immature parents, trauma recovery, inner child healing, emotional abuse, identity development, CPTSD, family of origin trauma
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This episode tells the story of Thomas, a survivor who went no contact with his abusive father after a public meltdown at his wedding, and how the world around him quietly blames him for the relationship he didn’t break.
 From well-meaning coworkers saying “all families have stuff,” to relatives insisting “you’ll have to let it go,” Patrick explores why the burden to forgive and reconnect so often falls on the person who was hurt, not the person who caused the harm.
Learn how survivors like Thomas are pressured to “be the bigger person,” while abusers avoid accountability, and how to stop carrying that emotional labor yourself.
Topics include:
Why abusive parents are rarely held accountable
How relatives and in-laws minimize harm to “keep the peace”
The shame, guilt, and invisibility survivors feel when going no contact
The hidden motives behind advice like “just forgive”
How to flip the script and protect your peace
If you’ve ever been told to reconcile with someone who never took responsibility for the pain they caused, this episode offers validation, and a new way forward.
Keywords: family estrangement, toxic parents, no contact healing, emotional abuse recovery, accountability, narcissistic parent, trauma recovery, boundaries, forgiveness pressure, inner child healing
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