Angry At The Right Things

A personal shame story that nearly killed me, but instead birthed wisdom.

To be fully alive, we must guard against and remove every trace of death. We have to recognize shame for what it is, and how it stealthily spreads from one person to another, like contagion. We learn to fight the shame but not its host, simply by having our eyes open, and rejecting it when it’s thrown our way. Instead, we learn to be a mirror, held up to kindly but firmly bring accountability and shine light into darkness.

Denial is powerful and is fueling worldwide chaos through tyranny. Yet there is a truth provocative enough to break it, causing MAGA followers to be confronted with their own childhood pain. It is a truth that will soon be revealed, and it will break the spell.

The principle fostering a healthy birth is the same that underlies healthy child development: parents must embrace their limits and very death in order for the child to have life and to flourish. In other words, the death of the parent begets the life of the child.

The question isn’t if we have a devouring parent, because all humans have a natural bent to devour. The question is how we respond to our parents. Many people want to forgive their parents, which is a good inclination. But what does real forgiveness entail? What it doesn’t entail is enabling the parent to continue devouring.

Our healthy differentiation from our parents leads to our life, and quite possibly their reincarnation, in this lifetime.

Listen in on another vulnerable conversation between Bronwyn & Kyira, both therapists, as they share their own challenges and insights on engaging with their parents. This conversation broaches the conflict many feel, as we see how our unhealed wounds of childhood affect us today. Which begs the question: how do we have a relationship with that parent? What do we do with all our resentment – so it doesn’t spill out on our own children? How do we have empathy for our parent, while still having boundaries for ourselves? How do we give grace while also holding accountability? When do we decide to cut off a parent? 

Bronwyn leads Kyira in an Integration exercise with her young self in order to accept her mom as she is – not as Kyira wants her to be. Bronwyn also leads Kyira in a Grief exercise to say goodbye to the mom she had in her early childhood, which helps Kyira accept the mom she interacts with now. 

Kyira Wackett is a Licensed Professional Counselor and host of the Untethering Shame podcast. Kyira is the founder of Adversity Rising.

Shame is a key component in trauma. It is not a feeling, but a deep-rooted and false belief system that divides us from our very self. Shame prohibits us from trusting ourselves and giving ourselves the approval and love we need. Shame is weaponized by abusive people, creating a cycle of dependency upon them. Ultimately, shame is the common enemy of all humanity, but we can beat it. Bronwyn walks us through a powerful Integration exercise to uproot shame.