Stepmum Space

Weddings in stepfamilies are rarely just about the wedding.
In this Listener Question minisode, I respond to a stepmum whose 28-year-old stepdaughter says she may not attend her father’s second marriage — because she never saw her own mum marry him.
This isn’t really about attendance.
 It’s about loyalty, grief, hierarchy and emotional responsibility.
In this episode, we explore:
• Why adult stepchildren can still experience powerful loyalty binds
 • Why weddings formalise hierarchy in second families
 • How unresolved grief can surface at symbolic moments — even years later
 • Why this isn’t the stepmum’s emotional work to manage
 • What it actually means if you feel calm rather than devastated
If you’ve ever questioned whether you’re “cold” for not carrying everyone else’s feelings, this episode will give you language and perspective.
Stepfamilies are structurally different systems.
 And when you understand the structure, the emotion makes sense.
If you want deeper support navigating hierarchy, loyalty binds and protecting your couple relationship:
→ Join the Stepmum Space mailing list at www.stepmumspace.com

→ Or book a free 15-minute clarity call
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If your stepchildren have pulled away — and you don’t know how to reach them — this episode will land deeply.
When rejection becomes long-term and you’re painted as the problem, how do you survive as a stepmum?
This episode is a continuation of Lucy’s story.
If you haven’t listened to the first part from 2022 — When Your Stepchildren Reject You: Feeling Powerless, Undermined & Unsafe in Bio Mum Conflict — you can search the title wherever you listen or hear it here, free: Part 1 - Lucy's story 
In that episode, Lucy was in the thick of stepmum rejection. In this one, she shares what happened next.
Lucy returns to Stepmum Space to talk about the reality many stepmums fear but few speak openly about: what happens when rejection doesn’t resolve — and your stepchildren stop coming altogether.
Over the past 18 months, Lucy has not seen her stepdaughter at all. Her stepson will only see his dad outside the family home. The siblings who once lived together now hug only at grandparents’ houses. Phones, group chats and subtle triangulation have played a powerful role in deepening divides.
This conversation explores parental alienation, high-conflict co-parenting, and the psychological toll of living under constant scrutiny. From secret photos being sent back to their mum, to hundreds of denigrating messages discovered on a phone, Lucy describes what it feels like to be portrayed as unsafe in your own home.
We talk about stepfamily dynamics, loyalty binds, smartphone triangulation, and the impossible position stepmums are often placed in — expected to absorb hostility while holding everything together.
But we also explore what happens after breaking point. What it means to let go. How to love from a distance. And how to rebuild your nervous system when the crisis stage passes but the grief remains.
If you’re navigating stepmum struggles where rejection hasn’t softened, this episode offers clarity, validation and emotional steadiness.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
How triangulation and “phone access” can intensify stepfamily conflict
Why children’s insecurities can be weaponised in blended family challenges
The psychological impact of long-term rejection on stepmums
What loving from a distance can look like in high-conflict co-parenting
How to stop operating from fear and reclaim emotional steadiness
Why letting go doesn’t mean giving up on your stepchildren
This episode is for you if you’re a stepmum who:
Feels rejected, ignored or pushed out of your stepchildren’s lives
Is dealing with high-conflict co-parenting or suspected parental alienation
Lives under constant scrutiny or feels misrepresented in the other household
Is exhausted from trying to prove you are loving and safe
Feels powerless watching stepfamily dynamics spiral
Is trying to protect your marriage while holding grief for your stepchildren
Stepmum life can be profoundly complex. When loyalty binds, insecurity and conflict collide, it can leave even the most grounded woman questioning herself.
If this episode helped you feel understood, you can follow or subscribe so future conversations reach you when you need them.
And if you know another stepmum navigating rejection or alienation in a blended family, sharing this episode might help her feel less alone.
For further stepmum support, tools and workshops, visit
 https://stepmumspace.com
Head to stepmumspace.com to book your free clarity call
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You’ve always encouraged your partner to prioritise time with his older child.
 But now you have an “ours” baby… and something feels subtly off. 
In this week’s Listener Question, we explore a blended family dynamic that many stepmums quietly wrestle with: one-to-one time.
Louisa asks whether it’s still “normal” to encourage her husband to spend alone time with his older son now that they have an ours baby — especially when he doesn’t spend the same intentional time with their youngest.
On the surface, this is about parenting structure. Underneath, it’s about fairness, emotional equity, and position inside the stepfamily system.
In stepfamilies, time isn’t neutral. It carries symbolism. When a parent consciously protects one bond but assumes the other will “just happen”, it can begin to feel uneven — even if no one intends harm. And unevenness in stepfamily dynamics heightens sensitivity quickly.
We talk about why fathers often prioritise restricted time with older children, how guilt and protection play into that, and why proximity isn’t the same as intentional connection. We also look at the emotional labour many stepmums carry — encouraging connection while quietly noticing imbalance.
This episode gently reframes the question away from “Is this normal?” and towards “Does this feel fair in our family?”
Because blended family challenges aren’t about competition between children. They’re about secure positioning, shared responsibility, and recalibrating as the system evolves.
If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re overreacting — this one is for you.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
Why one-to-one time in a stepfamily carries more symbolism than you might think
The difference between proximity and intentional connection
How restricted time can unconsciously prioritise one bond over another
Why stepmum struggles often show up as “fairness” questions
How to approach this conversation systemically rather than competitively
What emotional equity really means in blended family life
If you’re a stepmum who:
Encourages your partner’s bond with his older child but feels something has shifted
Has an “ours” baby and is questioning emotional balance at home
Feels uncomfortable naming imbalance because you don’t want to seem jealous
Notices stepfamily dynamics becoming more sensitive since a new baby arrived
Is carrying emotional labour around fairness and shared parenting
This conversation will feel familiar.
This episode explores common stepmum struggles around the stepmother role in blended family life — particularly how stepfamily dynamics shift when an ours baby arrives. Supporting stepmums means acknowledging that small imbalances can feel amplified inside a blended family system, especially where loyalty and belonging are already sensitive themes.
If this episode resonated, follow or subscribe so you don’t miss future Listener Questions.
And if you know another stepmum navigating blended family challenges, share this with her — sometimes just knowing you’re not alone changes everything.
For more grounded support, resources and conversations, explore www.stepmumspace.com
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It started easy. Bowling trips. Dad’s friend. No drama.
Then came lockdown, a surprise baby, a six-person household… and the birthday card drama that changed the way they do gifts forever! 
This is more of a fairytale than scary-tale!
Clare became a stepmum unexpectedly — meeting three young children in what felt like the “easy” stage of stepfamily life. There were meals out, holidays, and the freedom of not yet being responsible for homework, bedtimes, or household routines.
And then 2020 happened.
Lockdown forced everyone into living together full-time. Homeschooling, working, navigating new roles inside what had once been her house. Not long after, a surprise pregnancy, a move, a new baby, and the reality of building a blended family of six.
In this episode, Clare shares the small but powerful moments that can catch stepmums off guard — the birthday card labelled “daughter”, the holiday that unravelled in heat and exhaustion, the invisible mental load of trying to get it right. But she’s also clear: not every wobble is a stepfamily problem. Sometimes it’s just life with teenagers, toddlers, tired parents and too-high expectations.
What makes this conversation refreshing is its honesty. Clare genuinely enjoys being a stepmum. She talks about what’s helped their blended family work: a supportive partner, flexible co-parenting, shared values across households, and creating new traditions that belong to this home.
It’s a steady, realistic reminder that stepfamily life can be positive — even when it’s full.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
Why stepfamily life can feel “easy” at first — and why living together changes the dynamic
How lockdown intensified everyday pressures in blended families
The hidden emotional load of the stepmother role (even in low-conflict situations)
Why small moments — like birthday cards and labels — can feel disproportionately big
How to tell the difference between stepfamily dynamics and just… normal family chaos
Practical shifts that helped this stepfamily thrive (including holidays, room setups, and boundaries)
What genuinely supports stepmums: partner backing, consistency across homes, and choosing battles wisely
This episode is for you if you’re a stepmum who:
had a smooth start and then found things changed once you moved in together
is navigating teenagers and younger children under one roof
feels the pressure of running a home that isn’t just “yours” anymore
has a relatively calm co-parenting situation but still finds it emotionally complex
wants reassurance that blended family challenges don’t mean you’re failing
needs a grounded example of stepfamily life that’s real — not dramatic, not perfect
If this episode felt reassuring or familiar, follow or subscribe so you don’t miss future conversations. And if you know another stepmum who needs a reminder that it doesn’t have to be a horror story, share this episode with her.
You can find more steady, practical support at www.stepmumspace.com

Head to stepmumspace.com to book your free clarity call
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Do you feel resentful because your partner won’t hold boundaries with his child?
This isn’t about you being too strict. It’s about a home that no longer feels protected.
Resentment is one of the most common stepmum struggles — and one of the hardest to admit out loud.
In this Listener Question episode, Katie responds to a stepmum who feels overwhelmed by resentment as her stepdaughter lies, steals, and faces no consequences. Her partner avoids discipline out of fear that his child “won’t want to come” if he enforces boundaries, and she’s left feeling like the only adult in the room.
This episode gently reframes resentment through a stepfamily lens. Because this isn’t really about the child’s behaviour. It’s about what happens in blended family life when parental authority quietly disappears, when one adult parents from fear, and the other is left carrying the emotional and moral weight of holding the home together.
Katie explores why resentment grows when your values are being violated, why stepmums often end up feeling like the “bad one” for even noticing, and why children and adults both struggle to relax in homes where no one is clearly holding the line.
You’ll hear practical ways to shift the focus away from the child and back to couple alignment, along with a simple written exercise you can do together to bring clarity, steadiness, and shared responsibility back into your home.
If you’ve ever thought, “I shouldn’t feel this resentful”, this episode will help you understand why you do — and what actually needs to change.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
Why stepmum resentment is often a signal that something in the stepfamily system needs to change
How fear of alienation can quietly remove parental authority in blended families
Why you start to feel like the only adult — and the “bad one” for noticing
How to shift the issue from child behaviour to partner alignment
What “holding the line” calmly and consistently really looks like
A simple journal exercise to help you and your partner get clear together
You'll connect with this episode If you’re a stepmum who…
Feels resentful about behaviour in your home that goes unaddressed
Feels like you’re the only one noticing what’s not okay
Worries you’re becoming the “strict” or “nagging” one
Lives with a partner who avoids discipline out of fear
Feels your blended family home doesn’t feel steady, calm, or protected

 This episode speaks directly to stepmum struggles within stepfamily dynamics, especially where blended family challenges arise around discipline, boundaries, and couple alignment. It offers practical, emotionally intelligent support for stepmums navigating resentment, parental fear, and feeling unsupported in their stepmother role.

 If this resonated, follow Stepmum Space so you don’t miss future Listener Questions, and share this episode with another stepmum who might need to hear it.
You can find more support, tools, and your free Clarity Call at stepmumspace.com as well as learning more about stepmum resentment.
Support the show