Stepmum Space

On Disney dad, effort asymmetry, and why the conversation to have is before you go — not during. 
 Summer in a stepfamily isn't like summer anywhere else. The routine disappears, the kids are around more, and somewhere in the middle of it all, you're supposed to be enjoying yourself.
 If you're already dreading it before it's even started, this episode is for you. 
Resources mentioned:
You can find the Summer Sorted planning worksheet mentioned in the episode at stepmumspace.com in the resources section. And there's a couples downloadable to help you prepare for the holidays here too. 
The summer holidays hit differently when you're a stepmum. It's not just more time with the kids — it's the loss of the structure that was quietly holding everything together. The routine that made things predictable. The school week that gave you some ground to stand on. When that goes, the stress doesn't just increase. It doubles, and the days blur into each other.
This episode is a direct response to a question from Rachel, who summed it up better than most: dreading the holidays, more time together, kids turning their noses up at food on holiday, and a partner who turns into full Disney dad the moment they arrive.
Katie takes each of those things seriously — because none of them are small. The food refusal that isn't really about the food. The Disney dad dynamic that can quietly unravel an entire trip if it isn't named before you go. The effort asymmetry that leaves you carrying every detail while nobody else in the room seems to notice.
There's practical advice here — specific, not vague — about the conversation worth having with your partner before the holidays start rather than in the moment when things are already going wrong. And an honest reframe about what more time together actually depends on, and why arriving into six weeks with no thought given to your own needs is going to grind you down.
You don't have to love every minute of it. And you're not failing if you're a bit relieved when it ends.
WHAT YOU'LL HEAR IN THIS EPISODE:
Why losing routine hits stepmums harder than most people understand — and what it's actually taking away
The real reason a child refusing food on holiday feels so personal, and why your reaction makes complete sense
What Disney dad is actually about — guilt, compensation, and why good intentions don't make it easier for you to live with
The one conversation worth having with your partner before the holiday starts — and why it needs to be specific, not general
Why anxiety thrives in vagueness and how naming what you're actually dreading gives you some control back
What to put in place for yourself before six weeks of no routine begins — so it lands differently when it does
THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU:
If you're a stepmum who starts dreading the summer holidays weeks before they begin
If your partner becomes a completely different person on holiday and you're left feeling like the only adult in the room
If the kids turn their noses up at everything you've organised and you can feel yourself unravelling
If you carry all the planning and logistics and nobody around you seems to notice or acknowledge it
If you feel guilty for being relieved when the holidays end
If you want something practical to do right now, before the summer starts, rather than managing it in the moment
TIMESTAMPS:
[00:00] Why summer feels heavier in a stepfamily
 [02:30] The loss of routine — why it matters more than it sounds
 [04:30] The food refusal that isn't really about the food
 [06:30] Disney dad on holiday — what's actually going on
 [09:00] What actually helps — and why the conversation has to happen before you go
If this resonated, share it with a stepmum who needs to hear it before the holidays hit. You can find the Summer Sorted planning worksheet mentioned in the episode at stepmumspace.com in the resources section. And there's a couples downloadable to help you prepare for the holidays here too. And if the podcast helps, a review on Apple Podcasts makes a real difference to who finds it.
Support the show
Links mentioned in this episode:
Book your place on the Stepmum Reset — stepmumspace.com/stepmumreset
Find out more about Back In Control — stepmumspace.com/backincontrol
Book a free clarity call — stepmumspace.com/clarity
Get the free Influence Gap guide — stepmumspace.com/influencegap

Most stepmums have thought it. The texts, the flat nos, the requests that somehow only ever go one way. Ellie thought the ex was being deliberately difficult — and she wasn't wrong to think it. What changed wasn't the ex. It was how Ellie understood the dynamic, what she stopped taking responsibility for, and what she asked her husband to do instead. Three years on from her first episode, she's back — honest about what's better, what's the same, and what she wishes she'd known at the start. If you're still in the hard part, this one is worth your time. 

WHAT WE COVER
Why "she's being deliberately difficult" might be accurate — and why it still keeps you stuck
The moment Ellie handed all communication to her husband and what happened to her anxiety when she did
Why stepdads get praised for giving a child a lift while stepmums are held to an entirely different standard — and why that's not an accident
"I love my stepkids but I don't always love being a stepmum" — why those two things are completely separate and why you're allowed to say so
What it actually took for her husband to understand why she needed support — and why "just crack on" is what partners say before they get it
Six years in: what's genuinely better, what you learn to let go of, and why the long game is real
RESOURCES MENTIONED
Ellie's first episode — "My Mental Health Was at an All-Time Low": Had I Made a Mistake Being a Stepmum?

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Support the show
Links mentioned in this episode:
Book your place on the Stepmum Reset — stepmumspace.com/stepmumreset
Find out more about Back In Control — stepmumspace.com/backincontrol
Book a free clarity call — stepmumspace.com/clarity
Get the free Influence Gap guide — stepmumspace.com/influencegap

What if you're not trying to become one big happy family... and that's actually okay?
 
 For the stepmum who feels guilty for wanting space, distance, or a different version of family life than everyone else seems to expect.
 
 
There's a version of stepfamily life that many people assume you're aiming for: everyone close, everyone included, everyone feeling like one big happy family.
 
 But what if that's not what you want?
 
In this listener question episode, Katie responds to a stepmum who feels uncomfortable with the expectation that she should be closer to her partner's ex and more involved in creating a fully blended family. Underneath her question sits something many stepmums quietly wrestle with: the fear that wanting space means you're doing stepfamily life wrong.
 
This conversation explores where the pressure to create instant closeness often comes from, why many dads understandably long for a united family, and what happens when that vision becomes the only acceptable version of family life.
 
Katie also looks at the hidden burden many stepmums carry: the expectation that they should be the ones creating warmth, harmony and connection for everyone else. If you've ever felt responsible for holding the entire stepfamily together, this episode offers a different perspective.
 
Because healthy stepfamily dynamics don't always look like matching Christmas pyjamas and perfect family photos. Sometimes they look like respectful distance, separate relationships, realistic expectations and enough space for everyone to be themselves.
 
If you've ever worried that wanting less togetherness makes you selfish, cold or resistant to blending, this episode may help you understand that there are many healthy ways for a family to exist.
 
 WHAT YOU'LL HEAR IN THIS EPISODE:
 
 - Why wanting space in a stepfamily doesn't automatically mean you're not committed to the relationship
 - The surprising reason many dads push for a "one big happy family" vision
 - How forced closeness can sometimes create more tension than connection
 - Why stepmums often carry responsibility for family harmony in ways stepdads rarely do
 - The hidden pressure created by the "perfect blended family" versus "wicked stepmother" stereotypes
 - What healthy separate spaces can look like inside a successful blended family
 - How to tell the difference between what's yours to carry and what never belonged to you in the first place
 
THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU:
 
 - If you're a stepmum who feels guilty for wanting time away from your partner's children
 - If you're a stepmum who doesn't want a close relationship with the ex but worries that makes you difficult
 - If you're a stepmum who feels responsible for keeping everyone happy and connected
 - If you're a stepmum who feels left out in a stepfamily but also doesn't want forced togetherness
 - If you're a stepmum who keeps wondering whether you're doing blended family life "wrong"
 - If you're a stepmum who feels exhausted by carrying the emotional labour of family harmony
 

 
Try the free Influence Gap tool mentioned in this episode here . It helps you sort out what's actually yours to carry from what never was.
 
If you know another stepmum who feels guilty for wanting space, send this episode her way, and follow Stepmum Space so you don't miss next week's question.
 
Support the show
Links mentioned in this episode:
Book your place on the Stepmum Reset — stepmumspace.com/stepmumreset
Find out more about Back In Control — stepmumspace.com/backincontrol
Book a free clarity call — stepmumspace.com/clarity
Get the free Influence Gap guide — stepmumspace.com/influencegap

this episode includes an open conversation about infertility and pregnancy loss. 
Get the free Influence Gap tool here - For stepmums who can't stop thinking about everything!
Book your free 15 min clarity call with Katie here
If you came into stepfamily life carrying years of hope, and found that reality felt nothing like the picture in your head, this episode is for you. Lucy spent years trying to conceive on her own before meeting her now husband, and she didn't realise how much that history had shaped her expectations of what this family would look like. This is an honest conversation about stepmum resentment, the spiral of overthinking, and what it actually takes to stop trying to change what you can't. This episode is especially for stepmums who are independent, high-achieving, and completely blindsided by the fact that working harder isn't fixing it.
WHAT WE COVER
Why the grief of infertility and pregnancy loss shapes your expectations of stepfamily life in ways you don't see coming — and what to do when reality doesn't match the picture
The specific moment the honeymoon period ends and the real work begins — and why it hits independent, capable women particularly hard
Why resentment towards your partner is more common than resentment towards the stepchildren — and how to have that conversation without it turning into a critique of his parenting
The fact, feeling, need framework — a simple tool for having difficult conversations without sounding accusatory
Why "just disengage" doesn't work for women who genuinely care — and what actually helps instead
What being comfortable with being uncomfortable really means in practice — and why acceptance is not the same as giving up

Support the show
Links mentioned in this episode:
Book your place on the Stepmum Reset — stepmumspace.com/stepmumreset
Find out more about Back In Control — stepmumspace.com/backincontrol
Book a free clarity call — stepmumspace.com/clarity
Get the free Influence Gap guide — stepmumspace.com/influencegap

When your partner’s children live hours away, stepfamily life can start to feel like constant emotional whiplash.
 This episode is for the stepmum trying to hold love, anxiety, resentment and hope all at the same time.
 When Grace met her now husband, one of the things she loved most was the way he spoke about his ex-wife. Respectfully. Calmly. Like two people who had simply grown apart but still cared deeply about co-parenting their children well.
But once the relationship became serious, everything changed.
In this conversation, Grace shares what it has really been like navigating stepfamily life after her husband’s children were moved three hours away. She talks honestly about the grief of watching children grow up through motorway services and FaceTimes, the emotional toll of hostile co-parenting dynamics, and the anxiety that can quietly build around every pickup, drop-off and handover.
We also talk about something many stepmums feel but rarely say out loud: loving your stepchildren while also carrying tension, vigilance and emotional exhaustion alongside that love. Grace speaks candidly about the pressure to get everything right, the overthinking before the children arrive, the emotional “crash” when they leave, and the guilt that can come with difficult feelings in blended family life.
There’s also an important conversation here about loyalty binds, nervous system responses, and the reality that even in healthy relationships, stepfamily dynamics can leave women feeling emotionally on edge for years.
If you’ve ever found yourself trying harder and harder to make stepfamily life work while quietly losing parts of yourself in the process, this episode will probably feel very familiar.
WHAT YOU’LL HEAR IN THIS EPISODE:
 • Why “healthy co-parenting” can change dramatically once a new partner enters the picture
 • The emotional reality of long-distance parenting and stepfamily life across two homes
 • How chronic tension and hostile communication can keep a stepmum’s nervous system permanently on alert
 • Why many stepmums feel pressure to create the “perfect” environment every visit
 • The hidden grief of loving stepchildren you only see intermittently
 • How resentment, anxiety and love can all coexist at the same time in the stepmother role
 • The difference between genuinely difficult children and a nervous system that has learned to brace itself
THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU
 • If you’re a stepmum who feels anxious before pickups, drop-offs or changeovers
 • If you’re struggling with feeling emotionally consumed by co-parenting conflict that isn’t directly yours
 • If you’re a stepmum trying to love children while also carrying resentment, exhaustion or hypervigilance
 • If you feel like your relationship changes when your partner’s children are around
 • If you’re navigating blended family challenges where distance, court orders or conflict shape everyday life
 • If you’re exhausted from overthinking every interaction and trying to keep the peace

 If this episode felt painfully familiar, you’re not the only one. Please follow or subscribe so you don’t miss future conversations, and feel free to share this episode with another stepmum who might feel seen by it.
If you’re looking for more structured support, The Stepmum Reset is a small-group workshop designed to help stepmums feel calmer, clearer and more like themselves again inside stepfamily life. You can find more support at Stepmum Space.
Support the show
Links mentioned in this episode:
Book your place on the Stepmum Reset — stepmumspace.com/stepmumreset
Find out more about Back In Control — stepmumspace.com/backincontrol
Book a free clarity call — stepmumspace.com/clarity
Get the free Influence Gap guide — stepmumspace.com/influencegap