Stepmum Space

A same-sex couple on love, two divorces, and what actually makes a blended family work. 
They met at the school gates, both happily married to men. Two years later they'd left their husbands, come out, and were trying to build a blended family of six from scratch.
This conversation is one of the most honest accounts of stepfamily life I've ever had. 
Katy and Amy fell in love during the school run. Both married to men. Both, as they describe it, very happily so. What followed was two divorces, a coming out, a year sleeping in a sister's converted garage, five years of an ex refusing to sign divorce papers, and the slow, difficult, joyful work of building a blended family of six.
In this conversation, they talk about all of it. The shame around how their relationship started. The near-breaking points that came not from how they felt about each other, but from the sheer difficulty of merging two families with different children, different bedtimes, and two women who both knew exactly what was right for their own kids.
They talk about the two living rooms solution that finally made it work — the idea that a blended family doesn't have to be one fully merged unit to be a real family. They talk about what they'd do differently. About the guilt of putting more into stepparenting than biological parenting. About the arguments that nearly ended things. And about how they got through them.
What comes through most is this: they didn't make it work by finding it easy. They made it work by being willing to have the prickly conversations, over and over, until something shifted.
If you're in the messy middle of blending a family and wondering whether it's ever going to feel settled — this one's for you.
WHAT YOU'LL HEAR IN THIS EPISODE:
Why moving in together too quickly is the most common mistake blended families make — and what to do instead
How two women with strong maternal instincts navigated parenting each other's children without it destroying the relationship
The two living rooms solution: how giving a blended family permission to be a three or a six changed everything
Why arguing on behalf of your own child almost never ends well, and how they learned to step back
What happens when your stepchildren hear negative things from the other parent — and why Katy and Amy didn't have that problem
The specific thing that made the children feel emotionally free to love their new family without guilt
Why having more patience for your stepchildren than your own is more common than anyone admits
THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU:
If you're a stepmum who wonders whether it's ever going to feel less chaotic and more like a real family
If you and your partner keep arguing about the children and it's starting to feel like the relationship can't hold it
If you feel guilty about how your relationship started and you've never heard anyone talk about it honestly
If you're putting enormous effort into your stepchildren and quietly wondering whether you're neglecting your own
If you're trying to figure out how much authority you should have over children who aren't yours
If you're in a same-sex stepcouple and feel like almost no content speaks to your specific situation
TIMESTAMPS:
[00:00] How Katy and Amy met — and why neither of them saw it coming
 [12:00] Two divorces at the same time: what that actually looked like
 [24:00] Coming out to the children, and how the dads responded
 [36:00] The bedtime wars and the prickly conversations that nearly broke them
 [48:00] The two living rooms solution — and what they'd do differently
If this conversation stayed with you, share it with someone who's in the thick of it right now. And if the Stepmum Space podcast helps, a review on Apple Podcasts makes a real difference to who finds it. You can explore everything at stepmumspace.com.
Support the show
Links mentioned in this episode:
Book your place on the Stepmum Reset — stepmumspace.com/stepmumreset
Find out more about Back In Control — stepmumspace.com/backincontrol
Book a free clarity call — stepmumspace.com/clarity
Get the free Influence Gap guide — stepmumspace.com/influencegap

On Disney dad, effort asymmetry, and why the conversation to have is before you go — not during. 
 Summer in a stepfamily isn't like summer anywhere else. The routine disappears, the kids are around more, and somewhere in the middle of it all, you're supposed to be enjoying yourself.
 If you're already dreading it before it's even started, this episode is for you. 
Resources mentioned:
You can find the Summer Sorted planning worksheet mentioned in the episode at stepmumspace.com in the resources section. And there's a couples downloadable to help you prepare for the holidays here too. 
The summer holidays hit differently when you're a stepmum. It's not just more time with the kids — it's the loss of the structure that was quietly holding everything together. The routine that made things predictable. The school week that gave you some ground to stand on. When that goes, the stress doesn't just increase. It doubles, and the days blur into each other.
This episode is a direct response to a question from Rachel, who summed it up better than most: dreading the holidays, more time together, kids turning their noses up at food on holiday, and a partner who turns into full Disney dad the moment they arrive.
Katie takes each of those things seriously — because none of them are small. The food refusal that isn't really about the food. The Disney dad dynamic that can quietly unravel an entire trip if it isn't named before you go. The effort asymmetry that leaves you carrying every detail while nobody else in the room seems to notice.
There's practical advice here — specific, not vague — about the conversation worth having with your partner before the holidays start rather than in the moment when things are already going wrong. And an honest reframe about what more time together actually depends on, and why arriving into six weeks with no thought given to your own needs is going to grind you down.
You don't have to love every minute of it. And you're not failing if you're a bit relieved when it ends.
WHAT YOU'LL HEAR IN THIS EPISODE:
Why losing routine hits stepmums harder than most people understand — and what it's actually taking away
The real reason a child refusing food on holiday feels so personal, and why your reaction makes complete sense
What Disney dad is actually about — guilt, compensation, and why good intentions don't make it easier for you to live with
The one conversation worth having with your partner before the holiday starts — and why it needs to be specific, not general
Why anxiety thrives in vagueness and how naming what you're actually dreading gives you some control back
What to put in place for yourself before six weeks of no routine begins — so it lands differently when it does
THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU:
If you're a stepmum who starts dreading the summer holidays weeks before they begin
If your partner becomes a completely different person on holiday and you're left feeling like the only adult in the room
If the kids turn their noses up at everything you've organised and you can feel yourself unravelling
If you carry all the planning and logistics and nobody around you seems to notice or acknowledge it
If you feel guilty for being relieved when the holidays end
If you want something practical to do right now, before the summer starts, rather than managing it in the moment
TIMESTAMPS:
[00:00] Why summer feels heavier in a stepfamily
 [02:30] The loss of routine — why it matters more than it sounds
 [04:30] The food refusal that isn't really about the food
 [06:30] Disney dad on holiday — what's actually going on
 [09:00] What actually helps — and why the conversation has to happen before you go
If this resonated, share it with a stepmum who needs to hear it before the holidays hit. You can find the Summer Sorted planning worksheet mentioned in the episode at stepmumspace.com in the resources section. And there's a couples downloadable to help you prepare for the holidays here too. And if the podcast helps, a review on Apple Podcasts makes a real difference to who finds it.
Support the show
Links mentioned in this episode:
Book your place on the Stepmum Reset — stepmumspace.com/stepmumreset
Find out more about Back In Control — stepmumspace.com/backincontrol
Book a free clarity call — stepmumspace.com/clarity
Get the free Influence Gap guide — stepmumspace.com/influencegap

Most stepmums have thought it. The texts, the flat nos, the requests that somehow only ever go one way. Ellie thought the ex was being deliberately difficult — and she wasn't wrong to think it. What changed wasn't the ex. It was how Ellie understood the dynamic, what she stopped taking responsibility for, and what she asked her husband to do instead. Three years on from her first episode, she's back — honest about what's better, what's the same, and what she wishes she'd known at the start. If you're still in the hard part, this one is worth your time. 

WHAT WE COVER
Why "she's being deliberately difficult" might be accurate — and why it still keeps you stuck
The moment Ellie handed all communication to her husband and what happened to her anxiety when she did
Why stepdads get praised for giving a child a lift while stepmums are held to an entirely different standard — and why that's not an accident
"I love my stepkids but I don't always love being a stepmum" — why those two things are completely separate and why you're allowed to say so
What it actually took for her husband to understand why she needed support — and why "just crack on" is what partners say before they get it
Six years in: what's genuinely better, what you learn to let go of, and why the long game is real
RESOURCES MENTIONED
Ellie's first episode — "My Mental Health Was at an All-Time Low": Had I Made a Mistake Being a Stepmum?

→ Get the free Influence Gap™ guide
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Support the show
Links mentioned in this episode:
Book your place on the Stepmum Reset — stepmumspace.com/stepmumreset
Find out more about Back In Control — stepmumspace.com/backincontrol
Book a free clarity call — stepmumspace.com/clarity
Get the free Influence Gap guide — stepmumspace.com/influencegap

What if you're not trying to become one big happy family... and that's actually okay?
 
 For the stepmum who feels guilty for wanting space, distance, or a different version of family life than everyone else seems to expect.
 
 
There's a version of stepfamily life that many people assume you're aiming for: everyone close, everyone included, everyone feeling like one big happy family.
 
 But what if that's not what you want?
 
In this listener question episode, Katie responds to a stepmum who feels uncomfortable with the expectation that she should be closer to her partner's ex and more involved in creating a fully blended family. Underneath her question sits something many stepmums quietly wrestle with: the fear that wanting space means you're doing stepfamily life wrong.
 
This conversation explores where the pressure to create instant closeness often comes from, why many dads understandably long for a united family, and what happens when that vision becomes the only acceptable version of family life.
 
Katie also looks at the hidden burden many stepmums carry: the expectation that they should be the ones creating warmth, harmony and connection for everyone else. If you've ever felt responsible for holding the entire stepfamily together, this episode offers a different perspective.
 
Because healthy stepfamily dynamics don't always look like matching Christmas pyjamas and perfect family photos. Sometimes they look like respectful distance, separate relationships, realistic expectations and enough space for everyone to be themselves.
 
If you've ever worried that wanting less togetherness makes you selfish, cold or resistant to blending, this episode may help you understand that there are many healthy ways for a family to exist.
 
 WHAT YOU'LL HEAR IN THIS EPISODE:
 
 - Why wanting space in a stepfamily doesn't automatically mean you're not committed to the relationship
 - The surprising reason many dads push for a "one big happy family" vision
 - How forced closeness can sometimes create more tension than connection
 - Why stepmums often carry responsibility for family harmony in ways stepdads rarely do
 - The hidden pressure created by the "perfect blended family" versus "wicked stepmother" stereotypes
 - What healthy separate spaces can look like inside a successful blended family
 - How to tell the difference between what's yours to carry and what never belonged to you in the first place
 
THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU:
 
 - If you're a stepmum who feels guilty for wanting time away from your partner's children
 - If you're a stepmum who doesn't want a close relationship with the ex but worries that makes you difficult
 - If you're a stepmum who feels responsible for keeping everyone happy and connected
 - If you're a stepmum who feels left out in a stepfamily but also doesn't want forced togetherness
 - If you're a stepmum who keeps wondering whether you're doing blended family life "wrong"
 - If you're a stepmum who feels exhausted by carrying the emotional labour of family harmony
 

 
Try the free Influence Gap tool mentioned in this episode here . It helps you sort out what's actually yours to carry from what never was.
 
If you know another stepmum who feels guilty for wanting space, send this episode her way, and follow Stepmum Space so you don't miss next week's question.
 
Support the show
Links mentioned in this episode:
Book your place on the Stepmum Reset — stepmumspace.com/stepmumreset
Find out more about Back In Control — stepmumspace.com/backincontrol
Book a free clarity call — stepmumspace.com/clarity
Get the free Influence Gap guide — stepmumspace.com/influencegap

this episode includes an open conversation about infertility and pregnancy loss. 
Get the free Influence Gap tool here - For stepmums who can't stop thinking about everything!
Book your free 15 min clarity call with Katie here
If you came into stepfamily life carrying years of hope, and found that reality felt nothing like the picture in your head, this episode is for you. Lucy spent years trying to conceive on her own before meeting her now husband, and she didn't realise how much that history had shaped her expectations of what this family would look like. This is an honest conversation about stepmum resentment, the spiral of overthinking, and what it actually takes to stop trying to change what you can't. This episode is especially for stepmums who are independent, high-achieving, and completely blindsided by the fact that working harder isn't fixing it.
WHAT WE COVER
Why the grief of infertility and pregnancy loss shapes your expectations of stepfamily life in ways you don't see coming — and what to do when reality doesn't match the picture
The specific moment the honeymoon period ends and the real work begins — and why it hits independent, capable women particularly hard
Why resentment towards your partner is more common than resentment towards the stepchildren — and how to have that conversation without it turning into a critique of his parenting
The fact, feeling, need framework — a simple tool for having difficult conversations without sounding accusatory
Why "just disengage" doesn't work for women who genuinely care — and what actually helps instead
What being comfortable with being uncomfortable really means in practice — and why acceptance is not the same as giving up

Support the show
Links mentioned in this episode:
Book your place on the Stepmum Reset — stepmumspace.com/stepmumreset
Find out more about Back In Control — stepmumspace.com/backincontrol
Book a free clarity call — stepmumspace.com/clarity
Get the free Influence Gap guide — stepmumspace.com/influencegap