ADHD Mums

The principal told you to contact region. Region told you to contact the principal. You're sitting in your car wondering if you're going quietly insane. You're not — and neither is the principal. The system is built to do exactly this, to everyone inside it. Sara Hocking is back to map a way out, and the news isn't what you think.
What We Cover
The one subject line that forces an official response — and why most schools have been waiting for someone to send it
The institutional rule that makes principals back their staff publicly even when they're moving things behind the scenes — and how to read the quiet changes
The escalation pathway nobody hands you, and the exact point where 95% of parents tap out
The strategic reason to keep going past that point even when it feels pointless
Why teachers aren't ignoring you — Sara's frame for what's actually happening in the staffroom, and what they're being asked to triage every day
The paper-trail trick you can do in 30 seconds on your phone after every conversation
Why you arrive at every school meeting already at a ten, and what the other parents in the room don't realise about themselves
What restraint, expulsion and catchment actually mean — and the policy vacuum that hands one principal the call when there should be a system holding it
Stop waiting for an apology. Sara explains why it isn't coming from individuals, and what to watch for from the structure instead.

Free Resources
School Complaint & Escalation Guide: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/school-complaint-escalation-guide/
Quiet Exclusion Kit: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/quiet-exclusion-kit/
More from Sara
Sara Hocking runs See Beyond — neuroaffirming, nervous-system-informed resources for parents and schools, including free printables you can send straight to your child's teacher: https://seebeyondau.org/
Paid Resources
Making School Work — Parent Guide: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/making-school-work-parent-guide/
School Burnout — When School Can't Cope: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-school-burnout-when-school-cant-cope/
Related Episodes
Sara's Part 1 — When You Stay Calm at School and Leave Feeling Like You Didn't Do Enough — Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6LrYWX3eDU3LeoC12kMw4A?si=5OwOPF0oQcGjiXhwzL69zQ | Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/adhd-mums/id1686843092?i=1000753099488
S3 EP8: Advocating for Your Child Shouldn't Break You — But It Often Does — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-8-quick-reset-advocating-for-your-child-shouldnt-break-you-but-it-often-does/
S3 EP7: The Great Gaslighting — When Schools Say 'We Don't See It' — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-7-school-series-the-great-gaslighting-when-schools-say-we-dont-see-it/
S3 EP9: When the IEP Meeting Feels Like a Battle You Didn't Ask For — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-9-when-the-iep-meeting-feels-like-a-battle-you-didnt-ask-for/
S3: When School Decides Your Child Is the Problem — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-school-decides-your-child-is-the-problem/
S3: Is the Problem the Child — Or the Learning Plan? — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/is-the-problem-the-child-or-the-learning-plan/

📬 Listener Questions & Community
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A friend came over the other day. She'd just done a week on the Sunshine Coast with her three kids, the whole pack-up by herself. We were sitting at my kitchen table doing that thing where you're laughing and crying at the same time. She couldn't get her kids to put the bins out because they were glued to their iPads. I said yep, same. The deeper problem isn't just the iPad. It's that someone pulled every single support structure out from under us, handed us a screen, and then put the guilt on top.
What We Cover
The Sunshine Coast kitchen table moment — the bins, the iPads, the laughing-crying
The Christmas holidays Minecraft trap — how the rules got relaxed in December and what's still happening in May
Three things that have completely changed about parenting in the last 40 years that nobody updated us on
Why mums in 1990 weren't negotiating screen time — and what they had for free that we just don't
The anticipatory regulation load — why parenting an ADHD child is three jobs stacked on top of each other, not one
The dopamine input the world used to supply — and what happens when you take the iPad without replacing it
Why every screen time recommendation contradicts every other one, and the researchers fight each other publicly
We are the first generation parenting through this. There is no generational wisdom on iPads. Nobody knows the right amount. Not the paediatricians, not your mother-in-law, not the friend down the road.

Free Resources
Surviving the Mental Load of the School Year: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-school-year-mental-load-kit/
Household Family Meeting Template: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-household-family-meeting-template/
Related Episodes
S3 EP12 QUICK RESET: I Can't Stop Snapping When My Child Does This One Thing — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-12-quick-reset-i-cant-stop-snapping-when-my-child-does-this-one-thing/
S3: When a Neuroscientist Says iPads Cause ADHD — And You Wonder if You've Damaged Your Kids — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-a-neuroscientist-says-ipads-cause-adhd-and-you-wonder-if-youve-damaged-your-kids/
S2 EP22: Is It ADHD or Motherhood? — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-22-is-it-adhd-or-motherhood-solo-episode/
S3 EP22 QUICK RESET: Why Self-Care Feels Like Another F*cking Task — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-22-quick-reset-why-self-care-feels-like-another-fcking-task/
S3 EP45 QUICK RESET: The Biggest Lie Parents Believe During School Holidays — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-45-quick-reset-the-biggest-lie-parents-believe-during-school-holidays-this-is-what-everyone-does/

References & Further Reading
Parent–child interaction load in ADHD households: Barkley, R. A., Anastopoulos, A. D., Guevremont, D. C., & Fletcher, K. E. (1992). Adolescents with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder: Mother–adolescent interactions, family beliefs and conflicts, and maternal psychopathology. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 20(3), 263–288. https://doi.org/10.1007/BF00916692
The collapse of unsupervised childhood: Skenazy, L. (2021). Free-Range Kids: How Parents and Teachers Can Let Go and Let Grow (2nd ed.). Jossey-Bass. Movement: https://letgrow.org
The case that screens are driving a youth mental health crisis: Haidt, J. (2024). The Anxious Generation. Penguin Press.
The case that the panic is overblown: Etchells, P. (2024). Unlocked: The Real Science of Screen Time. Piatkus. (Named alongside Haidt because the two contradict each other — which is the point.)
No strong causal evidence that screens cause ADHD: Levelink, B., et al. (2021). Association between recreational screen time and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. JAMA Pediatrics. Via: https://www.adhdevidence.org/blog/pair-of-large-u-s-cohort-studies-find-little-to-no-evidence-of-association-between-child-and-adolescent-adhd-and-digital-media-screen-time
Insufficient evidence for hard screen-time limits (2019 guidance): Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health. (2019). The health impacts of screen time: A guide for clinicians and parents. (Note: this guidance was withdrawn in February 2024 — the position above is as of their 2019 publication.)

📬 Listener Questions & Community
🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)
Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.
Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313
Send a SMS voice or written on 0403 457 313
👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group
For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

I picked up the kids in my husband's car the other day. The youngest said something. The next one waited until they finished, then said something back. There was a pause. I turned around and looked at three kids not even fighting and thought, is this how pickup goes? In my car, it's on the second they get in. Someone's interrupting, someone's yelling, I'm turning the music up to drown them out, ready to throw myself onto the driveway while it's moving. Same kids. Same school. Different mum.
What We Cover
The hubby-car pickup vs my-car pickup — same kids, same school, completely different ride
What happens to your nervous system when you're already at a rolling boil before the kids even get in the car
Interoception — why the signals your body's been sending all afternoon don't land in real time for an ADHD brain
Alexithymia — the clinical inability to name a feeling in the moment, and the 42–51% of ADHD adults living inside it
Why mum rage feels like it came out of nowhere when it didn't, and why 'try harder, breathe more, be more like other mums at pickup' was never the answer
The dinner-time cheese moment — the fan, the dog, the kid in the shower, the TV, the iPad — and why it was never about the cheese
Who actually benefits when the rage gets called your temperament instead of your load — and why the lavender oil keeps not working
Part 1 of 2 — what's happening underneath. Part 2 is what to do about it.

Related Episodes
S2 EP84: Mum Rage Part 1 (Jacinta Thomson) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-84-i-love-my-family-but-im-so-fking-angry-mum-rage-part-1/
S2 EP85: Mum Rage Part 2 — Real Tools for Real Rage — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-85-real-tools-for-real-rage-mum-rage-part-2real-tools-for-real-rage-mum-rage-part-2/
EP52 HORMONES: When HRT Isn't Enough — Mum Rage & Perimenopause Explained (Dr Sunita Chelva) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-52-hormones-when-hrt-isnt-enough-mum-rage-perimenopause-explained/
EP82: Overstimulated Before 7am (Rachel Few) — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/rachel-few/
EP12 QUICK RESET: I Can't Stop Snapping When My Child Does This — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-12-quick-reset-i-cant-stop-snapping-when-my-child-does-this-one-thing/
S3: I'm Gentle With My Daughter for Ten Minutes, Then I Tell Myself to Stop Being Such a F*cking Embarrassment — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/im-gentle-with-my-daughter-for-ten-minutes-then-i-tell-myself-to-stop-being-such-a-fcking-embarrassment/

References:
Bruton, M., Hall, S. S., & Pollock, M. (2025). Diminished interoceptive accuracy in attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: A systematic review. Psychophysiology, 62(2), e14750. https://doi.org/10.1111/psyp.14750
Edel, M.-A., Rudel, A., Hubert, C., Scheele, D., Brüne, M., Juckel, G., & Assion, H.-J. (2010). Alexithymia, emotion processing and social anxiety in adults with ADHD. European Journal of Medical Research, 15(9), 403–409. — Found 22% of ADHD adults met TAS-20 cutoff (≥61).
Donfrancesco, R., Di Trani, M., Gregori, P., Auguanno, G., Melegari, M. G., Zaninotto, S., & Luby, J. (2013). Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder and alexithymia: A pilot study. ADHD Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorders, 5(4), 361–367.
📬 Listener Questions & Community
🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)
Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.
Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313
Send a SMS voice or written on 0403 457 313
👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group
For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.
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You're at the dinner table you fought to make happen. Your phone lights up — school app, swimming's been moved, the bag has to be packed tonight. You know in your bones that if you don't write it down right now, it's gone by morning. You pick up your phone. Your kid says, you said no phones at dinner, I'm getting my iPad then. The parenting advice has told you you've just damaged everyone. The research says you've just used the exact tool your brain needs.
What We Cover
The dinner table, the school app, the swimming change, the kid line — and the impossible decision in the middle of it
Why 'phones down at dinner' advice was written for a woman who doesn't need the advice
Cognitive offloading — the research-backed reason your phone is your external hard drive, not your hobby
The 11:40pm password reset window — the unpaid admin job nobody sees, and the morning question from your kid (why were you up so late?) you can't answer
The co-regulation gap — what happens when the advice assumes a regulated parent and a regulated child, and neither one is in your house at 5pm
The flip — your daughter isn't watching you on a phone. She's watching you teach her how to externalise her working memory before her brain needs to do it too.
Why the most important thing she sees you do is recover from being overwhelmed, not put down a device

Related Episodes
EP49 QUICK RESET: I'm Not Lazy — My House Doesn't Have a Memory — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-49-quick-reset-im-not-lazy-my-house-just-doesnt-have-a-memory/
S3: When a Neuroscientist Says iPads Cause ADHD — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-a-neuroscientist-says-ipads-cause-adhd-and-you-wonder-if-youve-damaged-your-kids/
EP80: The Invisible Coordination Load — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-invisible-coordination-load-why-adhd-mums-carry-the-work-systems-wont/
S3: I'm Gentle With My Daughter for Ten Minutes, Then I Tell Myself to Stop Being Such a F*cking Embarrassment — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/im-gentle-with-my-daughter-for-ten-minutes-then-i-tell-myself-to-stop-being-such-a-fcking-embarrassment/
EP71: When You Can't Relax Even When It's Quiet — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/

📬 Listener Questions & Community
🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)
Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.
Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313
Send a SMS voice or written on 0403 457 313
👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group
For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast
References
Risko, E. F., & Gilbert, S. J. (2016). Cognitive offloading. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 20(9), 676–688. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2016.07.002
Alderson, R. M., Kasper, L. J., Hudec, K. L., & Patros, C. H. G. (2013). Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and working memory in adults: A meta-analytic review. Neuropsychology, 27(3), 287–302. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0032371
Feldman, R. (2007). Parent–infant synchrony and the construction of shared timing; physiological precursors, developmental outcomes, and risk conditions. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 48(3–4), 329–354. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1469-7610.2006.01701.x

Listener Question Episode: Bec drops the kids at school, the kitchen's a mess, and she can't let herself eat breakfast until it's clean. Loads the washing on too — wouldn't want to waste time. She finally sits down at 11am. She's wondering if it's an ADHD thing or if she's just weird. She's not weird. She's been trying the wrong strategy on the wrong problem for years.
What We Cover
Bec's voicemail, the kitchen, the load of washing on while she eats, 11am breakfast
Why "you deserve rest, mama" advice slides right off — and why feeling worse after reading it isn't a personal failure
The four different drivers underneath one behaviour — same cry on the surface, completely different things going on inside
A four-question audio quiz to figure out which one is the loudest in you
Why every behaviour you're stuck in is meeting a need — and you can't change it until you know which one
Why my dad and my 80-year-old grandma chainsawing down a tree while telling each other to sit down haunts me — and why I'm watching my daughter start to do it too
The advice isn't wrong. It's just for the wrong problem.

Free Resources
Facebook Group — come tell me and join the fun: https://facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast
Energy Accounting Guide — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/
Breaking Free from Unhealthy Habits Kit — for the loops you can't seem to break: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/breaking-unhealthy-habits-adhd-mums-kit/
Paid Resource
ADHD Reset Workbook — Values, Energy & Planning: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-planner-and-values/
Related Episodes
S3 EP35: You Were the Good Girl. That's Why You're Falling Apart Now — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/
EP49 QUICK RESET: I'm Not Lazy, My House Doesn't Have a Memory — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-49-quick-reset-im-not-lazy-my-house-just-doesnt-have-a-memory/
EP71: When You Can't Relax Even When It's Quiet — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/
S3 EP59: The Red Pen Christmas — Stop Editing Yourself for Everyone Else — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-59-stop-editing-yourself-red-pen-christmas/
EP72: You're Not Behind — You Learned to Carry Responsibility Too Early — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/youre-not-behind-you-learned-to-carry-responsibility-too-early
EP81: The Hidden Cost of Being the 'Good Girl' — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-hidden-cost-of-being-the-good-girl-how-the-mental-load-became-ours/
EP80: The Invisible Coordination Load — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-invisible-coordination-load-why-adhd-mums-carry-the-work-systems-wont/
EP93: When You Remove the Stress and Start Wondering What's Wrong With You — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-you-remove-the-stress-and-start-wondering-whats-wrong-with-you/
EP53 QUICK RESET: Self-Care Feels Nice. Self-Regulation Keeps You Alive — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-53-quick-reset-self-care-feels-nice-self-regulation-keeps-you-alive/

📬 Listener Questions & Community
🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)
Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.
Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313
Send a SMS voice or written on 0403 457 313
👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group
For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast
References
Volkow et al. — Deficits in the brain's reward system in ADHD. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/09/090908193432.htm
Furukawa et al. — Abnormal striatal BOLD responses to reward anticipation and reward delivery in ADHD. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3935853/
Aarts et al. — Reward modulation of cognitive function in adult ADHD: the role of striatal dopamine. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25485641/
Panagiotidi et al. — Altered somatosensory processing in adult ADHD. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC11323665/
Neurodivergent Insights — Sensory Overload in ADHD (cites Miller et al. 2017). https://neurodivergentinsights.com/sensory-overload-in-adhd/
Attachment Project — Unrelenting Standards / Hypercriticalness Schema. https://www.attachmentproject.com/early-maladaptive-schemas/unrealiting-standards/
Bay Area CBT Center — Unpacking the Unrelenting Standards Schema. https://bayareacbtcenter.com/unpacking-the-unrelenting-standards-schema/
IFS Institute — Internal Family Systems Model Outline. https://ifs-institute.com/resources/articles/internal-family-systems-model-outline
Positive Psychology — Internal Family Systems Therapy: 8 Worksheets and Exercises. https://positivepsychology.com/internal-family-systems-therapy/