ADHD Mums

If you’ve ever been told you’re ‘too soft’ or that your child just needs firmer discipline — this episode is for you.Not because you need to learn how to parent better.But because the judgement itself is the problem.In this episode, Jane unpacks one of the most exhausting myths ADHD parents face:that challenging behaviour is a discipline failure rather than a regulation issue.When children melt down, struggle to comply, or can’t do today what they managed yesterday, the adult world often reads this as defiance, manipulation, or laziness. Parents are then pressured to punish harder — even when punishment clearly isn’t helping.This episode stands between you and that pressure.Jane explains why ADHD is not a behaviour to 'manage', why punishment backfires for dysregulated nervous systems, and why fluctuating capacity is not inconsistency or bad parenting. Most importantly, it names the quiet shame parents carry when they’re blamed for something that was never a moral failure to begin with.This is not a debate about discipline styles.It’s a defence of parents who are paying attention.In This Episode, We CoverWhy being told to ‘be firmer’ feels personal — and why it causes so much damageThe myth that punishment teaches self-regulation (and what it actually teaches instead)Why ADHD is not a behaviour problem but a developmental delay in regulationHow shame undermines self-esteem and worsens behaviour over timeWhy ‘they did it yesterday’ is a misunderstanding of fluctuating capacityHow inconsistent capacity gets misread as manipulationWhy punishment often increases defiance and emotional dysregulationThe difference between obedience and safetyWhy connection builds skills in the long term — even when it’s harder in the short termHow to hold boundaries without turning distress into a moral failureThis Episode Is For You IfYou’re constantly being judged for choosing understanding over punishmentFamily members question your parenting or dismiss ADHDYou feel blamed when discipline doesn’t ‘work’Your child copes one day and falls apart the nextYou’re exhausted from explaining yourself over and overYou know punishment isn’t helping — but feel pressured anyway🔗 Explore More From This EpisodeThese episodes deepen the themes discussed here and support the same values-driven approach.🎧Referenced in This EpisodeThe ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset)Why pressure backfires, and how shame and guilt shape behaviour and self-esteem

You’re not behind.And you’re not failing at life.If you wake up already tired — before anything has even happened — this episode explains why.Not in a ‘here’s what to do’ way.In a ‘nothing is wrong with you’ way.In this episode, Jane names the invisible thing that keeps so many mums feeling behind, rushed, and quietly panicked even on calm days: carrying responsibility before it’s required.It’s why the phone ringing makes your body brace.Why waiting doesn’t feel like rest.Why you feel like you’re about to get in trouble — even when everything is fine.This isn’t anxiety.It isn’t disorganisation.And it isn’t you being dramatic.It’s what happens when your nervous system learned, very early on, that missing things had consequences — so it stayed alert just in case.This episode is about the mum who feels behind before she’s started…and the relief of realising she’s not behind at all — she just started carrying it too early.In This Episode, We Cover:Why you can feel exhausted even when nothing has gone wrongThe ‘I must have forgotten something’ feeling — and where it comes fromWhy your body braces when the phone ringsWhat it means to live in ‘standby mode’How responsibility can show up before it’s actually requiredWhy urgency feels real even when it isn’tThe difference between being behind and being earlyThe quiet permission to stop obeying the rushThis Episode Is For You If:You feel behind before the day even beginsYour body is always waiting for something to go wrongYou apologise or explain yourself before anyone asksQuiet days still feel heavy and tenseRest doesn’t feel like restYou want relief — not another strategy🎧 Quick Resets (Short, Bingeable Support)Quick Reset: Mum hack meal planning for when you’re already burnt outhttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-43-quick-reset-mum-hack-meal-planning-for-when-youre-already-burnt-out/Quick Reset: Self-care feels nice. Self-regulation keeps you alive.

You’re not bad at relaxing.And you’re not doing rest wrong.If you’ve ever noticed yourself cleaning, tidying, or “finding something to do” in the very moments you’re supposed to be enjoying — this episode explains why.In this short but powerful conversation, Jane unpacks why so many mums feel restless, guilty, or half-revved when things finally go quiet, and why that response isn’t anxiety or a personal flaw. It’s learned usefulness — shaped by gendered conditioning and reinforced over time.This episode is about the mum who steps out of the circle of joy to make sure the moment runs smoothly for everyone else… and then wonders why she can’t settle when nothing is required of her.In This Episode, We Cover:Why doing can feel safer than enjoyingHow usefulness becomes tied to belongingWhat’s actually happening when rest feels uncomfortableWhy this pattern runs through generations of womenHow ADHD nervous systems stay alert when roles disappearWhy restlessness is role-consistent, not a failureHow to begin unlearning usefulness = worth (gently, slowly)This Episode Is For You If:You feel uneasy when things finally go quietYou clean or stay busy instead of enjoying momentsRest makes you feel guilty, restless, or exposedYou’ve been told you’re “bad at relaxing”You want to understand why your body stays alert — without blaming yourself🔗 Explore More From This Episode🎧 Related Podcast EpisodeADHD meds won’t fix everything — now what?https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-23-adhd-meds-wont-fix-everything-now-what/🎧 Quick Resets (Short, Bingeable Support)Quick Reset: Mum hack meal planning for when you’re already burnt outhttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-43-quick-reset-mum-hack-meal-planning-for-when-youre-already-burnt-out/Quick Reset: Self-care feels nice. Self-regulation keeps you alive.

70. The Resolutions None of Us Actually Did

29/12/2025 | 11 mins.

You didn’t fail your New Year’s resolutions.You survived a year that was heavier than the plans you made for it.I asked the ADHD Mums community how their New Year’s goals actually went last year — and the answers weren’t lazy, careless, or undisciplined. They were honest. Tender. Exhausted.This episode is a collective exhale for every mum who promised she’d get organised, rest more, yell less, move her body… and then found herself just trying to keep everyone alive.💬 What this episode really saysADHD mums don’t fail goals because they don’t care enough.They struggle because they’re already at capacity when they set them.🧠 In this episode, we unpack:Why New Year’s resolutions collapse for ADHD mums — especially in JanuaryHow burnout and survival mode sabotage motivation and follow-throughThe difference between ‘lack of discipline’ and lack of marginWhy long-term planning doesn’t work when your nervous system is cookedA kinder, ADHD-friendly alternative to goal-setting🎧 Listen & linksListen: https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/the-resolutions-none-of-us-actually-didResource: Energy Accounting Guide → https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/🔗 Related episodesThe Year I’ve Decided Good Enough Is Enoughhttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/good-enough-is-enough-year/Why Most Planners Fail ADHD Mums (And How to Finally Make One Work)https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-52-why-most-planners-fail-adhd-mums-and-how-to-finally-make-one-work/QUICK RESET: The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/

If you feel like you’re failing at parenting because you’re constantly exhausted, flat, or shutting down — this episode is for you.This isn’t about trying harder or fixing yourself. It’s about understanding why ADHD and neurodivergent mums don’t just get tired — we get depleted.In This Episode, We Cover:Why exhaustion can feel like numbness instead of emotionWhat dopamine debt looks like in real lifeHow emotional labour quietly drains ADHD mumsWhy rest alone doesn’t fix burnoutHow to stop treating depletion like a personal failureFree Resources Listed:🎁 Get the Energy Accounting Guide: Download hereRelated EpisodesChristmas Is the Finish Line — And ADHD Mums Are Crawling There👉 Click here to listenWhy am I bracing for impact when nothing is wrong?👉 Click here to listenQUICK RESET: Why Self-Care Feels Like Another F*ing Task👉 Click here to listenListener Question BoxHave a moment, question, or December story you can’t quite put into words?👉 Send a listener question or story here:Submit your question anonymously