ADHD Mums

I picked up the kids in my husband's car the other day. The youngest said something. The next one waited until they finished, then said something back. There was a pause. I turned around and looked at three kids not even fighting and thought, is this how pickup goes? In my car, it's on the second they get in. Someone's interrupting, someone's yelling, I'm turning the music up to drown them out, ready to throw myself onto the driveway while it's moving. Same kids. Same school. Different mum.
What We Cover
The hubby-car pickup vs my-car pickup — same kids, same school, completely different ride
What happens to your nervous system when you're already at a rolling boil before the kids even get in the car
Interoception — why the signals your body's been sending all afternoon don't land in real time for an ADHD brain
Alexithymia — the clinical inability to name a feeling in the moment, and the 42–51% of ADHD adults living inside it
Why mum rage feels like it came out of nowhere when it didn't, and why 'try harder, breathe more, be more like other mums at pickup' was never the answer
The dinner-time cheese moment — the fan, the dog, the kid in the shower, the TV, the iPad — and why it was never about the cheese
Who actually benefits when the rage gets called your temperament instead of your load — and why the lavender oil keeps not working
Part 1 of 2 — what's happening underneath. Part 2 is what to do about it.

Related Episodes
S2 EP84: Mum Rage Part 1 (Jacinta Thomson) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-84-i-love-my-family-but-im-so-fking-angry-mum-rage-part-1/
S2 EP85: Mum Rage Part 2 — Real Tools for Real Rage — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-85-real-tools-for-real-rage-mum-rage-part-2real-tools-for-real-rage-mum-rage-part-2/
EP52 HORMONES: When HRT Isn't Enough — Mum Rage & Perimenopause Explained (Dr Sunita Chelva) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-52-hormones-when-hrt-isnt-enough-mum-rage-perimenopause-explained/
EP82: Overstimulated Before 7am (Rachel Few) — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/rachel-few/
EP12 QUICK RESET: I Can't Stop Snapping When My Child Does This — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-12-quick-reset-i-cant-stop-snapping-when-my-child-does-this-one-thing/
S3: I'm Gentle With My Daughter for Ten Minutes, Then I Tell Myself to Stop Being Such a F*cking Embarrassment — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/im-gentle-with-my-daughter-for-ten-minutes-then-i-tell-myself-to-stop-being-such-a-fcking-embarrassment/

References:
Bruton, M., Hall, S. S., & Pollock, M. (2025). Diminished interoceptive accuracy in attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: A systematic review. Psychophysiology, 62(2), e14750. https://doi.org/10.1111/psyp.14750
Edel, M.-A., Rudel, A., Hubert, C., Scheele, D., Brüne, M., Juckel, G., & Assion, H.-J. (2010). Alexithymia, emotion processing and social anxiety in adults with ADHD. European Journal of Medical Research, 15(9), 403–409. — Found 22% of ADHD adults met TAS-20 cutoff (≥61).
Donfrancesco, R., Di Trani, M., Gregori, P., Auguanno, G., Melegari, M. G., Zaninotto, S., & Luby, J. (2013). Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder and alexithymia: A pilot study. ADHD Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorders, 5(4), 361–367.
📬 Listener Questions & Community
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You're at the dinner table you fought to make happen. Your phone lights up — school app, swimming's been moved, the bag has to be packed tonight. You know in your bones that if you don't write it down right now, it's gone by morning. You pick up your phone. Your kid says, you said no phones at dinner, I'm getting my iPad then. The parenting advice has told you you've just damaged everyone. The research says you've just used the exact tool your brain needs.
What We Cover
The dinner table, the school app, the swimming change, the kid line — and the impossible decision in the middle of it
Why 'phones down at dinner' advice was written for a woman who doesn't need the advice
Cognitive offloading — the research-backed reason your phone is your external hard drive, not your hobby
The 11:40pm password reset window — the unpaid admin job nobody sees, and the morning question from your kid (why were you up so late?) you can't answer
The co-regulation gap — what happens when the advice assumes a regulated parent and a regulated child, and neither one is in your house at 5pm
The flip — your daughter isn't watching you on a phone. She's watching you teach her how to externalise her working memory before her brain needs to do it too.
Why the most important thing she sees you do is recover from being overwhelmed, not put down a device

Related Episodes
EP49 QUICK RESET: I'm Not Lazy — My House Doesn't Have a Memory — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-49-quick-reset-im-not-lazy-my-house-just-doesnt-have-a-memory/
S3: When a Neuroscientist Says iPads Cause ADHD — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-a-neuroscientist-says-ipads-cause-adhd-and-you-wonder-if-youve-damaged-your-kids/
EP80: The Invisible Coordination Load — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-invisible-coordination-load-why-adhd-mums-carry-the-work-systems-wont/
S3: I'm Gentle With My Daughter for Ten Minutes, Then I Tell Myself to Stop Being Such a F*cking Embarrassment — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/im-gentle-with-my-daughter-for-ten-minutes-then-i-tell-myself-to-stop-being-such-a-fcking-embarrassment/
EP71: When You Can't Relax Even When It's Quiet — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/

📬 Listener Questions & Community
🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)
Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.
Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313
Send a SMS voice or written on 0403 457 313
👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group
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References
Risko, E. F., & Gilbert, S. J. (2016). Cognitive offloading. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 20(9), 676–688. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2016.07.002
Alderson, R. M., Kasper, L. J., Hudec, K. L., & Patros, C. H. G. (2013). Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and working memory in adults: A meta-analytic review. Neuropsychology, 27(3), 287–302. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0032371
Feldman, R. (2007). Parent–infant synchrony and the construction of shared timing; physiological precursors, developmental outcomes, and risk conditions. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 48(3–4), 329–354. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1469-7610.2006.01701.x

Listener Question Episode: Bec drops the kids at school, the kitchen's a mess, and she can't let herself eat breakfast until it's clean. Loads the washing on too — wouldn't want to waste time. She finally sits down at 11am. She's wondering if it's an ADHD thing or if she's just weird. She's not weird. She's been trying the wrong strategy on the wrong problem for years.
What We Cover
Bec's voicemail, the kitchen, the load of washing on while she eats, 11am breakfast
Why "you deserve rest, mama" advice slides right off — and why feeling worse after reading it isn't a personal failure
The four different drivers underneath one behaviour — same cry on the surface, completely different things going on inside
A four-question audio quiz to figure out which one is the loudest in you
Why every behaviour you're stuck in is meeting a need — and you can't change it until you know which one
Why my dad and my 80-year-old grandma chainsawing down a tree while telling each other to sit down haunts me — and why I'm watching my daughter start to do it too
The advice isn't wrong. It's just for the wrong problem.

Free Resources
Facebook Group — come tell me and join the fun: https://facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast
Energy Accounting Guide — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/
Breaking Free from Unhealthy Habits Kit — for the loops you can't seem to break: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/breaking-unhealthy-habits-adhd-mums-kit/
Paid Resource
ADHD Reset Workbook — Values, Energy & Planning: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-planner-and-values/
Related Episodes
S3 EP35: You Were the Good Girl. That's Why You're Falling Apart Now — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/
EP49 QUICK RESET: I'm Not Lazy, My House Doesn't Have a Memory — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-49-quick-reset-im-not-lazy-my-house-just-doesnt-have-a-memory/
EP71: When You Can't Relax Even When It's Quiet — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/
S3 EP59: The Red Pen Christmas — Stop Editing Yourself for Everyone Else — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-59-stop-editing-yourself-red-pen-christmas/
EP72: You're Not Behind — You Learned to Carry Responsibility Too Early — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/youre-not-behind-you-learned-to-carry-responsibility-too-early
EP81: The Hidden Cost of Being the 'Good Girl' — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-hidden-cost-of-being-the-good-girl-how-the-mental-load-became-ours/
EP80: The Invisible Coordination Load — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-invisible-coordination-load-why-adhd-mums-carry-the-work-systems-wont/
EP93: When You Remove the Stress and Start Wondering What's Wrong With You — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-you-remove-the-stress-and-start-wondering-whats-wrong-with-you/
EP53 QUICK RESET: Self-Care Feels Nice. Self-Regulation Keeps You Alive — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-53-quick-reset-self-care-feels-nice-self-regulation-keeps-you-alive/

📬 Listener Questions & Community
🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)
Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.
Send a WhatsApp voice or written on 0403 457 313
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👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group
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References
Volkow et al. — Deficits in the brain's reward system in ADHD. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/09/090908193432.htm
Furukawa et al. — Abnormal striatal BOLD responses to reward anticipation and reward delivery in ADHD. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3935853/
Aarts et al. — Reward modulation of cognitive function in adult ADHD: the role of striatal dopamine. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25485641/
Panagiotidi et al. — Altered somatosensory processing in adult ADHD. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC11323665/
Neurodivergent Insights — Sensory Overload in ADHD (cites Miller et al. 2017). https://neurodivergentinsights.com/sensory-overload-in-adhd/
Attachment Project — Unrelenting Standards / Hypercriticalness Schema. https://www.attachmentproject.com/early-maladaptive-schemas/unrealiting-standards/
Bay Area CBT Center — Unpacking the Unrelenting Standards Schema. https://bayareacbtcenter.com/unpacking-the-unrelenting-standards-schema/
IFS Institute — Internal Family Systems Model Outline. https://ifs-institute.com/resources/articles/internal-family-systems-model-outline
Positive Psychology — Internal Family Systems Therapy: 8 Worksheets and Exercises. https://positivepsychology.com/internal-family-systems-therapy/

The cafe moment. A waiter. Six seconds of blank silence. I've ordered for everyone in my life for 40 years and when someone asked what I wanted, there was nobody home. Season 4 starts here. This isn't a self-help season. It's not a divorce season. It's the work nobody warned us about — what happens after the diagnosis, when the operating system fails and you don't know who you are without it.
What We Cover
The cafe, the menu, the bacon and eggs my husband always orders — and the six seconds I'll never forget
Why I can connect every menu item to what my kids or husband would eat, but not to what I want
The dopamine system that drives preference — and what happens after 30, 40 years of overriding it
What I'm doing for my 40th: nothing, because I don't know
Who you become when you're at service to everyone — partners, kids, in-laws, WhatsApp groups, work, the can-you-just emails
Why "operating system" is the only word that fits — and why my daughter is starting to run it too
Why the diagnosis doesn't just add a chapter. It rewrites the whole book.
The pushback — the first quiet no, the partners who pretend not to notice, the friends who stop calling, the "you've changed"
Why the mask isn't a costume anymore — for some of us, it's the whole identity, and everyone we love is calibrated to it
The five-stage renovation — the cost, the recognition, the pushback, the collision, the repair
Why I'm stuck in stage three and don't pretend otherwise
What's coming in Season 4: Dr Sunita Chelva returning, a miniseries on the pushback, what happens in the body when the operating system can't run anymore
Why I'm done waiting — for the politicians, the clinicians, the right medication, the right specialist, the right strategy
The shredding (not the gym kind — the bearded dragon kind)
I'm not your guide. I'm the woman next to you at school pickup going, this is fucked, how do you feel?

Related Episodes
S3 EP50: HORMONES — When Hormones Hijack the Mind: ADHD, Perimenopause & Emotional Burnout (Dr Sunita Chelva) — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-50-hormones-when-hormones-hijack-the-mind-adhd-perimenopause-emotional-burnout/
S3 EP52: HORMONES — When HRT Isn't Enough: Mum Rage & Perimenopause Explained — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-52-hormones-when-hrt-isnt-enough-mum-rage-perimenopause-explained/

📬 Listener Questions & Community
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The birthday of ADHD Mums came and went and I didn't celebrate. I'd spent a whole season demanding a seat at the table. By the end of it I was in bed, couldn't walk, getting diagnosed with perimenopause mid-record, and a friend asked me one question that broke the whole thing open. Supportive of what?
What We Cover
The launch episode promise — "no more explaining, just strategy" — and why I delivered it and still feel like I lied
Two lipedema operations, four months unable to walk, demanding a seat at the table from a hospital bed
The cooked roast chicken after the C-section, and what I now call that "badge of honour"
Crying mid-record with Dr Sunita Chelva and getting diagnosed with perimenopause to my face
Reading the DSM at 15, walking into my parents' room, and being told to sweep it under the rug
Why I gave up on the NDIS politicians — Mark Butler, the budget line, the room with no lived experience
The premiers and health ministers messaging me now to re-announce nothing
The friend who said 'Supportive of what?' and broke the whole season open
What it costs to be the high-functioning ADHD woman who could do it all
Why the strategy episodes were never the ones that landed — the identity episodes were
The scheduled five-minute breakdown in the car, the wipe, the smile
A million downloads, and what you've been doing for me without knowing it
I'm not your guide. I'm the woman next to you in the car park.

Related Episodes
S3 EP50: HORMONES — When Hormones Hijack the Mind: ADHD, Perimenopause & Emotional Burnout — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-50-hormones-when-hormones-hijack-the-mind-adhd-perimenopause-emotional-burnout/
S3 EP52: HORMONES — When HRT Isn't Enough: Mum Rage & Perimenopause Explained — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-52-hormones-when-hrt-isnt-enough-mum-rage-perimenopause-explained/
S3 EP35: You Were the Good Girl. That's Why You're Falling Apart Now — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/
S3: Overstimulated Before 7am (Rachel Few) — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/rachel-few/
S3 EP4: The Advanced ADHD + Neurodivergence Myths.. Busted — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-4-the-advanced-adhd-neurodivergence-myths-busted/

📬 Listener Questions & Community
🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)
Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.
Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:
https://wa.me/61403457313
✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)
https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864
👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group
For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.
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