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ADHD Mums

Jane McFadden
ADHD Mums
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  • 35. You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now.
    You keep the house running. You hold the emotions. You never say no. And still, part of you wonders if you’re doing enough. This solo episode isn’t just about perfectionism or people pleasing — it’s about the deeper pattern so many ADHD mums live inside without realising it: good girl conditioning. Jane peels back the layers of expectation, guilt, trauma, and survival-mode coping that lead neurodivergent women to break down quietly behind closed doors. From childhood masking to motherhood martyrdom, this one hits deep — and offers five strategies to start peeling off the pressure without losing yourself in the process. 💡 What We Cover: What ‘good girl conditioning’ actually is (it’s not just a personality quirk) Why ADHD + perfectionism = emotional burnout on steroids The five signs you’ve internalised good girl roles — and how they sabotage you daily Why neurodivergent women are more vulnerable to this dynamic (even if they’re high achieving) The invisible ways this shows up in parenting, partnership, and school settings The conditioning phrases we grew up hearing — and how they shaped our self-worth How to start unlearning without upending your whole life (yet) Five daily strategies to gently shift from martyrdom to self-worth (without adding more to your to-do list) 🔗 Resources & Links: 🧠 Research cited: Sanders & Munford (2008) – ‘Good Girl Identity as a Social Strategy’ 🧰 Tools & kits mentioned: Mental Load Reset Kit ADHD Planner & Personal Values Workbook ✍️ Submit feedback, questions or stories via the listener jotform: https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864 🎧 Listen Now If your nervous system feels like it’s fraying — but you can’t stop making lists, saying yes, or “just getting on with it” — this episode is for you.Listen in, let it crack something open, and start building a life that includes you in the equation. 📲 Hit play. Send to a friend. Save it for the next moment you wonder if it’s just you (it’s not). JOIN THE COMMUNITY: Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format! FOLLOW FOR MORE: Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube LEAVE A REVIEW: Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together. COLLABS: For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at [email protected]. MORE RESOURCES: Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here. Topics Covered In This Episode: ADHD and perfectionism, people pleasing ADHD mums, masking in girls, emotional labour of motherhood, internalised ableism ADHD, ADHD and good girl syndrome, rejection sensitivity and burnout, parenting while neurodivergent, perfectionism trauma response, motherhood martyrdom, ADHD mum fatigue, boundaries and ADHD, late-diagnosed ADHD women, masking exhaustion, Sanders and Munford 2008 study, neurodivergent self-worth, ADHD social conditioning, ADHD mums mental health, ADHD emotional suppression, ADHD values plannerSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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  • 34. Is It Social Anxiety — or Is It Autism with Amanda Moses
    You can’t ‘train’ a brain to enjoy being flooded with noise, light, smells, and chaos. You can only push it until it shuts down — or shuts you out. Yet families are told every day that ‘exposure therapy’ will fix sensory overwhelm. In this episode, we talk about why that’s not just wrong — it’s dangerous. You’ll learn: How to tell the difference between fear-based and processing-based struggles. Why getting the label right matters for getting the support right. The long-term impact on trust and resilience when supports are mismatched. What meltdowns in public spaces really mean (hint: it’s not bad behaviour). Practical ways to adapt environments so kids can thrive without being pushed past breaking point. If you’ve ever dragged your child through a noisy, bright, overwhelming place and watched them unravel, this episode will make you feel seen — and give you the language to advocate for real change. 💛 Listen now: Spotify: HERE Apple Podcasts: HERE Website: adhdmums.com.au References & Related Resources Amanda Moses Psychology – Upcoming Event: Understanding Masked Autism Amanda Moses on Instagram: @amandamosespsychology Related ADHD Mums Episodes: S2E82 ADHD or PTSD? Why So Many Women Are Misdiagnosed (with Amanda Moses) – one of the most downloaded episodes referenced in this discussion S2E20 The Worst Assessment Process Ever (with Dina Robertson) – story of a 10-year fight for a diagnosis ADHD Mums Free Resource: ADHD & Autism Assessment Tool – check under the Free Resources section JOIN THE COMMUNITY: Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format! FOLLOW FOR MORE: Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube LEAVE A REVIEW: Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together. COLLABS: For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at [email protected]. MORE RESOURCES: Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here. Topics Covered sensory overwhelm autism ADHD and sensory processing exposure therapy for autistic child fear-based vs processing-based anxiety sensory overload in children autism and public meltdowns trauma from exposure therapy supporting sensory sensitive kidsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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  • 33. CONFESSIONS: I Don’t Always Like Being a Parent
    Sometimes parenting feels like being pecked to death by tiny, unstable chickens. We love our kids fiercely — but that doesn’t mean we have to love every single moment of raising them. In this unfiltered Quick Reset, Jane says the thing so many ADHD mums are scared to admit out loud: I don’t always like being a parent. And no — that doesn’t make you a bad mum. It makes you human. From the endless to-do lists and medical appointments to the sensory overload and invisible labour, parenting as a neurodivergent mum is a full-body, full-time emotional marathon. And when you’re doing it without enough support, it’s no wonder your nervous system is running in the red. Jane breaks down the science of parental burnout, the myths that make mums feel guilty for struggling, and the quiet ways we can reclaim honesty, capacity, and space — without toxic positivity or pretending everything’s fine. 💬 In this episode, we cover: Why it’s normal to feel touched-out, overstimulated, and over it The clinical research on parental burnout — especially for ADHD mums How gratitude and burnout can coexist (and why ‘but you chose this’ is unhelpful) Scripts for asking for space — with or without telling the truth Why emotional honesty helps our kids more than pretending to be happy 💭 This episode is for you if: – You’ve ever thought, I can’t do this for one more second — and then kept going anyway– You’re tired of feeling guilty for not loving every moment of motherhood– You want permission to name the hard stuff without fear of judgment 📥 Add your own anonymous confession: 👉 https://form.jotform.com/251238072679867 🔗 References Parental Burnout (2021 Study) - A clinical study found that 12.9% of parents met clinical levels of parental burnout, with symptoms most common in mothers—especially those with perfectionism, neurodivergence, or low social support. Regret in Parenthood (2015 Study, British Parents) - Research revealed that 8% of British parents regret having children, highlighting how unprepared many were for the realities of parenting. Torn in Two: The Experience of Maternal Ambivalence by Rozsika Parker - This book explores how it is completely normal to love your child while disliking aspects of motherhood, offering a compassionate look at maternal ambivalence. Unequal Care Work (2022 Study on Heterosexual Households) - A recent study showed that women in heterosexual households do 2.5x more unpaid care work than men, often paired with feelings of guilt for not fully enjoying it. JOIN THE COMMUNITY: Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format! FOLLOW FOR MORE: Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube LEAVE A REVIEW: Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together. COLLABS: For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at [email protected]. MORE RESOURCES: Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here. Topics covered in this episode: ADHD mums, parental burnout, parenting shame, invisible load, executive dysfunction, emotional honesty, sensory overwhelm, overstimulation, parental regret, perfectionism, trauma triggers, motherhood myths, parenting capacity, neurodivergent parenting, chronic stress, guilt cycles, self-compassion, scripts for space, toxic positivity.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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  • 32. QUICK RESET: My child is being bullied and I'm supposed to stay calm
    Your child comes home from school withdrawn, teary, or exploding in rage — and you’re expected to stay calm. Every cell in your body wants to burn the system down, but the school says ‘We’re handling it’. You can see your child’s spark dimming, and you’re being told to keep your emotions in check so you’re not labelled ‘the emotional mum’. Psychologist Mona Delahooke reminds us that children’s behaviour is a direct reflection of their nervous system regulation. If your child shuts down, lashes out, avoids, cries, or seems ‘off’, it’s often their nervous system saying: I’m not safe. And safety isn’t about compliance — a child can ‘behave’ all day and still be in distress. Dr Gabor Maté talks about how children’s experiences can activate a parent’s own unresolved trauma — especially for mothers. If you grew up feeling unprotected or disbelieved, protecting your child may feel like your number one mission. But when you’re operating from that deep trigger, the intensity can sometimes lead to mistakes — not because you’re wrong to protect them, but because the system forces you to fight while dysregulated yourself. This episode is for every parent sitting in that impossible gap between fury and strategy. Jane unpacks the nervous system science, the emotional triggers, and the practical advocacy steps that actually protect your child — without burning yourself out in the process. You’ll learn: How to recognise when your child’s behaviour is a nervous system ‘distress signal’ Why staying calm isn’t about ignoring your emotions — it’s about using them effectively What to do before approaching the school, so you’re heard instead of dismissed How to document incidents and escalate without losing trust or credibility The fine line between resilience-building and retraumatising Scripts and safety plans that support both you and your child Because protecting your child and staying grounded aren’t opposites — they’re both part of getting results that last. 🔗 ADHD Mums Resource The 4 F's FREE Resource & the Bullying Response Kit – A step-by-step guide to navigating school bullying, with scripts, documentation templates, and emotional regulation tools for both you and your child. Get the Kit here Making School Work - Your go-to advocacy guide for when your neurodivergent child isn’t coping — and the school says they’re fine. Packed with scripts, templates, and clarity for IEPs, school refusal, and shutdowns, it helps you hold your ground in the rooms that matter. Get it here A Kit for Making the Mental Load Visible - This kit gives you practical, ADHD-friendly ways to offload invisible tasks and delegate in a way that actually sticks – without micromanaging, nagging, or having it boomerang straight back onto you. Get the Kit here 🎧 Related Episodes Raising Strong Children: How to Support Without Always Solving Their Problems – Emma Rose Spotify: Listen here Apple Podcasts: Listen here QUICK RESET: Advocating for Your Child Shouldn’t Break You — But It Often Does Spotify: Listen here Apple Podcasts: Listen here SCHOOL SERIES: When School Stops Feeling Safe Spotify: Listen here Apple Podcasts: Listen here JOIN THE COMMUNITY: Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format! FOLLOW FOR MORE: Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube LEAVE A REVIEW: Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together. COLLABS: For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at [email protected]. MORE RESOURCES: Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here. Topics Covered in This Episode bullying prevention, ADHD parenting, school advocacy, nervous system regulation, fight-flight-freeze-fawn, co-regulation, trauma triggers, Dr Mona Delahooke, Dr Gabor Maté, documenting incidents, resilience vs trauma, protecting trust with teens, emotional safety in schools, trauma-informed parenting, parent nervous system repairSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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  • 31. The ADHD Mum’s Guide to Surviving School Mornings Without Tears (Theirs or Yours)
    If school mornings in your house feel like a high-stakes obstacle course — socks missing, bags unpacked, emotions running high — this episode will feel like a deep breath you didn’t know you needed. Jane is joined by Sharon Collon from The Functional Family to talk about how to survive those brutal pre-school hours without burning every ounce of patience you have before 9am. This isn’t about colour-coded charts or impossible routines — it’s about understanding ADHD brains, setting realistic expectations, and making mornings less about conflict and more about connection. Sharon shares her game-changing tips for managing transitions, reducing overwhelm, and creating a morning rhythm that actually works for neurodivergent kids (and parents). Expect real-life stories, scripts you can try tomorrow, and the relief of knowing you’re not the only family wrestling with mismatched socks at the worst possible time. In This Episode Why “just get ready” doesn’t work for ADHD kids — and what to say instead How to identify and remove the hidden triggers that derail mornings The one small change that can stop meltdowns before they start Why your own regulation matters more than your schedule How to use connection as a tool (without adding to your mental load) Rethinking reward charts, punishments, and morning “discipline” This Episode Is For You If – You dread the school run before you’ve even opened your eyes– Your mornings are a mix of tears, yelling, and frantic searches for missing shoes– You want calmer starts without sacrificing your sanity About Sharon Collon Sharon is the founder of The Functional Family, helping families with ADHD create systems that work in the real world.🌐 Website: thefunctionalfamily.com 📸 Instagram: @thefunctionalfamily Related Episodes S1 E34: Being Neurotypical in a Relationship with an ADHD Person 🎧 Spotify | Apple Podcasts S1 E42: ADHD and Parenting 🎧 Spotify | Apple Podcasts JOIN THE COMMUNITY: Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format! FOLLOW FOR MORE: Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube LEAVE A REVIEW: Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together. COLLABS: For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at [email protected]. MORE RESOURCES: Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here. TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE ADHD school mornings, parenting burnout, neurodivergent routines, emotional regulation, school run stress, ADHD parenting tips, transitions for ADHD kids, low-demand mornings, connection before compliance, realistic family systems, executive function support, parenting scripts, reducing morning meltdowns, ADHD-friendly routines, self-regulation strategies, school preparation tips, functional family systems, neuroaffirming parenting, behaviour without punishment, practical ADHD strategies.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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About ADHD Mums

Welcome to The ADHD MUMS Podcast, a lifeline for Australian mums navigating ADHD and motherhood. Perfect for struggling, burnt out mums who want to drop perfectionism.
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