Feel Better

Spiritual abuse is one of the most misunderstood forms of harm there is. And it might be exactly what you've been trying to name.
In this episode, I'm getting into a topic I know many of you have been waiting for. After my episode on "when faith gets messy" became one of my most downloaded ever, I knew we needed to go deeper. So today we're talking about spiritual abuse: what it actually is, what it looks and feels like from the inside, and what healing can look like on the other side.
This is a topic I come at from multiple angles. I'm currently completing my PhD in sociology, researching the experiences of women who have left Gloriavale, a high-control fundamentalist Christian community in New Zealand. I'm also a licensed Private Investigator who works on cases of institutional harm, and a therapist who has seen many clients navigating this kind of trauma.
So when I say I get this issue from a lot of different angles, I mean it.
In this episode we cover:
What spiritual abuse actually is and why it's so hard to name in the moment
How power, scripture, and religious authority get used to control and harm
The difference between a healthy faith community and a high-control one
The lasting impact on your mental health, your sense of self, and your ability to trust your own thoughts
What healing actually looks like, including rebuilding agency, reconnecting with your own voice, and giving yourself permission to step away
Green flags to look for if you're navigating faith communities going forward
If you've ever walked away from a religious group feeling like something wasn't right, or if you've spent years wondering whether what happened to you was "bad enough" to matter, this episode is for you.
You don't have to have all the words for it yet. Sometimes just hearing it named is the first step.
Find more support and resources at charlottecummings.nz

Is your relationship feeling a little flat? Like you used to laugh more, go on proper dates, and actually enjoy each other's company, but somewhere along the way life just got in the way?

In this episode of Ask Charlotte, I'm answering a listener question that I hear all the time: how do we have more fun in our relationship?

I cover:
Why fun doesn't just happen and what to do about it
How to figure out what you both actually enjoy (and why one person's preferences might be quietly dominating)
The alphabet dating idea my husband and I used early on (and why I think we need to revisit it)
Why scheduling fun is not the enemy of spontaneity
The "micro fun" moments that build connection without needing a whole night out
What to do when conflict, stress, or a packed schedule is the real barrier

I also share some of what the Gottman Institute's research says about the ratio of positive to negative interactions in happy relationships, because it's a game changer for how you think about the small stuff.

If you've been meaning to prioritise your relationship but keep letting it slip, this episode is your nudge.

Send me your questions anytime at charlottecummings.nz, and if this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs it.

Some days you just hit the wall. The noise, the need, the relentlessness of it. You love your kids and you are completely done.

This episode is for you.

I'm joined by Zazi, a speech and language therapist, child development expert, MMA fighter, and mum who gets it. Zazi has built a community of parents who are done pretending they've got it all together, and she brings the kind of practical, no-guilt wisdom that actually helps.

We go deep on why overwhelm isn't a character flaw. It's a nervous system response. Why your child melting down after school isn't bad behaviour. Why so many women are reaching their 30s and 40s and finally understanding their own brains for the first time. And what you can actually do when you're at the end of yourself and your child still needs you.

We cover:

The 8 senses and why the three you've never heard of are driving your overwhelm and your child's meltdowns

Interoception, proprioception, and the vestibular system explained simply and why they matter more than emotions for nervous system regulation

Postpartum rage, sensory overload, and the mental health struggles that don't look like depression or anxiety

ADHD in women, why it gets missed, what diagnosis can offer, and what you don't need a diagnosis to give yourself

Neurodivergent parenting strategies that work whether or not anyone has a formal label

Why your child isn't being naughty.

Every behaviour is communication, including the meltdown at the checkout

Screen time, sensory regulation, and what to actually replace screens with

The "blame your systems, not yourself" reframe that will stay with you

What to do in the moments when you're completely over it and your child still needs you

This one is for you if:

You find yourself ragey more than sad
You're touched out, noise-sensitive, and visually overwhelmed by the state of your house
You've wondered whether you might be neurodivergent and you're not sure what to do with thatYou're holding it together on the outside and quietly burning on the inside
You just need someone to say: this is hard, you're not failing, and here's something that might actually help

"Every behaviour is communication.""Blame your systems, not yourself.""You've got this, even when you quite clearly haven't."

Find Zazi:🌐 zazi.co.nz📱 @zaziplays on Instagram🎙️ You've Got This podcast

Find me:🌐 charlottecummings.nzIf this felt like it was for you, share it with the Mum who needs it today. And subscribe so you don't miss what's next

Do you feel off but can't explain why? Flat, disengaged, not quite yourself but you don't know where to start?
In this episode of Ask Charlotte, I'm responding to a listener who's feeling flat and disconnected, and walking you through exactly where to begin when something just doesn't feel right.
I break down a practical, no-fluff framework for understanding why you feel off and what to actually do about it.

In this episode I cover:
Why feeling flat and disengaged is information, not a flaw
How to check your physical wellbeing first (sleep, nutrition, movement, blood work)
The role of unresolved decisions and avoided conversations
How misalignment with your values quietly drains your energy
Saying yes when you mean no, and the toll it takes
What "too much on your plate" really looks like
How to read and reset your nervous system
Making a practical plan to find your spark again

Whether you're burnt out, emotionally exhausted, going through a life transition, or just can't put your finger on what's wrong, this episode is for you.

Send me your question: charlottecummings.nz
If this episode helped you, I'd love you to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs it.

Do you look capable on the outside but feel held back by self-doubt on the inside? You're not alone, and you're not failing. You might just be living with a confidence gap.
In this episode, I'm digging into one of the most common and costly patterns I see in high-functioning women: being far more capable than you believe yourself to be. Research shows women tend to underrate their competence, wait until they feel 120% ready before going for opportunities, and carry a five-year lag in their professional self-concept. The result? Missed promotions, missed pay, and a life lived smaller than it needs to be.
But confidence isn't a personality trait you either have or you don't. It's a behaviour, and it can be built.
I'm sharing my most practical, honest advice for closing the confidence gap, including:
Why your self-concept is behind your actual capabilities and how to update it
The power of acting ahead of your identity (and the Mel Robbins technique that makes it easier)
How what you wear can genuinely shift how you show up
The language patterns that quietly undermine your authority and what to say instead
How to use evidence, not feelings, to build a more accurate picture of who you are
Practical tools for interrupting overthinking and moving towards action
How to channel a confident role model and up-regulate your mood before high-stakes moments
Whether you're navigating career decisions, relationship pressures, or simply tired of holding yourself back, this episode will help you carry things differently.