mind you

Where do you get your sense of worth from? Most of us default to two answers: what we achieve, or what other people think of us. Neither holds up long term.
In this episode I talk about non-contingent self-worth, the kind that doesn't move when your circumstances do. I see this come up constantly with clients, in burnout, in people-pleasing, even in addiction and infidelity. It always traces back to the same question: where does my value actually come from?
Part of the answer is simple. You have value just for being human. Full stop. It has nothing to do with your achievements or what other people think of you, whatever your circumstances, whatever mistakes you've made, whatever season of life you're in.
I get practical too. How to notice fawning. Why perfectionism is a shield, not a strength. How to let people see you unfinished. How to rest without earning it first.
Nothing you do can make you more valuable. Nothing you do can make you less. That's the whole point.
If this episode helped, I'd love you to follow the podcast, leave a review, or share it with someone who needs to hear it. Come find me at charlottecummings.nz for the Mind You app, courses and resources.

I don't think ADHD belongs to one person in a relationship. I think the relationship has ADHD.
This week I'm unpacking what happens when ADHD (diagnosed early, diagnosed late, or still unnamed) shows up in a partnership, and why it affects both people, not just the one who has it. I talk about the emotional weight that comes with a late diagnosis, why rejection sensitive dysphoria is so common, and how understanding your unbearable feeling changes everything.
I also share the practical stuff. Why I statements can backfire, how body doubling works, using AI to depersonalise decisions, fighting time blindness with routine, and giving yourself permission to outsource without shame.
If ADHD is part of your relationship, I hope this gives you language, a bit of relief, and somewhere to start.
Want more? Come find the Mind You app at charlottecummings.nz
And here are the episodes I mentioned: Unbearable Feelings and Relationships https://open.spotify.com/episode/2H5kknVJxfiAwa1WjDXDPo?si=41eb4ed029d74536 and Unbearable Feelings https://open.spotify.com/episode/2vh7ZngihnqTVgO9UiawsD?si=5HvaQz6DRwSKvHuWQJV9Yg

I suddenly kept seeing my friends posting photos of their drawers and pantries, tagging The Home Edit and Mel Robbins. So I sat down and listened to the episode that started this decluttering frenzy. I came away furious, and worried for every overloaded woman hearing it - especially, the neurodivergent ones. My guest is Carrie from Curate Home NZ, a professional declutterer and home organiser who specialises in working with neurodivergent households. We both like Mel Robbins. We both like The Home Edit. What we don't like is telling an already overloaded woman that decluttering is simple, and she should just be able to get on and do it.

We talk about:
- Why the "it's simple, just do it" message misses what actually makes decluttering hard, whether or not you're neurodivergent
- What decluttering looks like for a neurodivergent brain specifically, and why executive function makes it a much bigger task than it looks
- The broken window effect, and why putting one thing away can feel completely pointless in an overwhelmed house
- The shame spiral behind curated home content
- Why the gendered mental load means "messy" gets judged completely differently depending on whose name is on the room
- Practical, unglamorous advice for getting started without buying a single storage box.

If this episode helps you, I would love you to follow Mind You, leave a review, or share it with someone who needs to hear it. Head to charlottecummings.nz for my other tools and resources, and to sign up for my new app, Mind You, the home for all my resources, post-podcast chat, and everything you need to actually care well for yourself.

You can also find the lovely Carrie at curatehome.co.nz

What if the hardest thing that's ever happened to you didn't have to be another trauma?
In this episode I'm joined by one of my own clients, Naomi, who shares her deeply personal story of discovering she carries the BRCA1 gene mutation - testing she undertook in her 40s, in light of her Mum sadly passing away with cancer at age 47. We talk about her decision to undergo preventative surgery, learning to disappoint people without guilt, navigating years of secondary infertility, and finding an unexpected sense of empowerment through one of the hardest seasons of her life.
Naomi opens up about faith, family, building a support team, and the small shifts in perspective that changed how she moved through fear, including the moment that reframed everything for her: what if this isn't just another traumatic experience, but a life changing and positive one?
If you've ever faced a health crisis, a hard diagnosis, or a season that felt like it was taking more than it was giving, this conversation will stay with you.
For tools, courses and resources, and to check out my brand new app to support your wellbeing - head to charlottecummings.nz.

There's a concept I use with many of my clients, and I've never actually spoken about it on this podcast until now. It's called preferred futures, a concept from narrative therapy.
It's about getting clear on two things: where your life is actually headed if nothing changes, and where it could go if you make the changes you've been thinking about.
In this episode I walk through exactly how I use this with clients, including:
getting honest about where you're headed if nothing changes
how this clarity can help you
how to build a clear picture of the future you actually want
the stories you're telling yourself that might be holding you back from it
what you need to truly believe, not just repeat, for that future to feel possible
This one applies wherever you're at right now: relationships, work, health, or just the general shape of your life.
If today's conversation gave you something to think about my brand new Mind You app takes these ideas further with tools, courses and support you can come back to whenever you need. You can find out more at charlottecummings.nz
If you found this helpful, please do follow the podcast, leave a review, or send it to someone who needs to hear it.