mind you

What would you like to be true about the hard thing you’re facing?
You can’t always change what’s happening. You can change how you think and feel about it, and that changes how you get through it.
In this episode I walk through the questions I use with clients to help them see difficult circumstances differently. From what a specialist told me about Star Wars while my dad was in intensive care, to what Richie McCaw would do, to what you’d say to your child if they were in your shoes.
Feelings aren’t bad. You’re allowed to feel how you feel. If you’re stuck, one of these questions might be the one that shifts things.
Every question from this episode is in the show notes in the Podcast Club on the Mind You app. Join for US$5 a month at https://mind-you.circle.so/checkout/mind-you-base

Hate your job but can’t work out what to do next? This one’s for you.
This episode came from a listener request, plus a handful of DMs this week about the very same dilemma.
When work stops lighting you up, “I don’t know what I want” can feel like the whole problem. In my experience, it’s often covering something else.
I unpack the four kinds of stuck I see most in my therapy room: clarity, pathway, permission and price. For each one, I share what keeps people there and the practical steps that get them moving.
I also talk about:
the levers you can pull in your current job before you walk away
how burnout can make a good job feel unbearable
the competence trap, and why being good at your job is no reason to stay forever
the “I should just be grateful” guilt
the grief, identity shifts and relationship changes that come with a career pivot
Take what fits and leave the rest. Then ask yourself what your next step is.
Mentioned in this episode:
Unbearable Feelings episode: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2vh7ZngihnqTVgO9UiawsD
Preferred Futures episode: https://open.spotify.com/episode/172bvOIVVm7uBScXt3jUsE
CliftonStrengths: https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths
Join the Podcast Club on the Mind You app to share what stood out for you and what you’re committing to next. Start here: charlottecummings.nz
Instagram @charlottecummings_mindyou

What does a sleep expert do before bed?
I sat down with Dr Sumit, ENT and sleep surgeon and co-founder of Auckland Sleep, to talk about why so many of us are exhausted and still can’t sleep.
Sumit shares his own morning and evening routine, why sleep is a 24-hour cycle, and why you need time to just be before bed after a whole day of doing.
We talk about what happens when sleep problems land in a relationship, the link between ADHD and sleep apnoea, melatonin for children, and why menopause can leave you lying awake just as the kids finally sleep through. Sumit also explains why so much sleep research has been based on men, and what that means for women.
If you’ve decided bad sleep is just how it is for you, listen to this first.
You can find Dr Sumit and his team at aucklandsleep.co.nz
And, if you'd like to try Beauty Sleep, head to jeuneora.co.nz
Plus, if you want to keep your own wellbeing on your to-do-list, let me help you - come and find the Mind You app at charlottecummings.nz

When one person changes, the relationship can feel like it’s suddenly playing by new rules.

If you’re growing in a different direction from your partner, Charlotte Cummings offers practical ways to reconnect without asking either of you to become someone you’re not.
A shift in career, faith, sobriety, personal growth, boundaries, or even your understanding of yourself can move the goalposts for both partners. Charlotte explores why these changes can unsettle a relationship - and how couples can make room for who they’re becoming. You’ll discover how to stay connected to each other’s inner worlds, ask questions that invite curiosity instead of conflict, and negotiate change without trying to persuade your partner. Charlotte also explores the grief that can come with leaving an old version of your relationship behind, and how to notice what still unites you. Plus, find out why doing something genuinely exciting together may help more than another pleasant dinner date, how difficult feelings can shape your reactions, and how to support a partner’s change without giving up your own beliefs or preferences. Change doesn’t automatically mean you’re growing apart. For couples in a season of uncertainty, this conversation offers a hopeful, grounded way to find new ways of being together while keeping safety and wellbeing at the centre.

What would change if you stopped dressing for other people? Deb Caldwell has built STORM on trusting her gut for 20 years, and I think her approach works just as well for your life as it does for your wardrobe.
Deb is the founder and creative director of STORM, and she knows what it means to stay in your lane and trust that your people will find you. We talk about why trying to please everyone means losing what makes you different, why she doesn't believe balance exists, and what she hears women say in fitting rooms every single day. Spoiler: nobody is looking at your arms.
We also get practical with your wardrobe. Deb shares her five minute declutter trick (it cleared out 22 blouses), why you should ignore the size on the label, and her number one rule: don't save anything for best.
You'll see me wearing STORM on the Mind You podcast, and I love the confidence I get from these sharp, edgy, fun clothes. I hope you enjoy this conversation with Deb.
Find STORM at stormonline.com
Explore the Mind You app at charlottecummings.nz