mind you

I sat down with Petra Bagust - honestly, she is the best ad for midlife. Through this chat, Petra gives us all the wonderful reasons why midlife is the good bit.
We talk about her ADHD diagnosis, which came after her son's, and the months she spent grieving every theory she'd built to explain herself before that. We get into what actually shifts once you understand your own brain, the difference between legitimising yourself and needing someone else's permission, and the "manic and panic" cycle that used to run her days.
Then there's menopause, without any of the doom and gloom. Petra's having more fun getting dressed in her mid-50s than ever before, and she tells me why. We talk about the ten years it took her to build what she calls a portfolio career after leaving breakfast TV, and the Esther Perel line that changed how she sees her 26-year marriage: most of us have three or four marriages in us, we just choose to have them with the same person.
If you've ever wondered whether you need a formal diagnosis to change how you treat yourself, or you just want someone further down the path telling you you've got great things coming, this one's for you.
In this episode:
Petra's ADHD diagnosis and why she doubted it at first
The "manic and panic" cycle and how she interrupts it now
Menopause, self-compassion and the male gaze disappearing
Reinventing herself after TV, and building a portfolio career
Why marriages change shape and what to do about it

Janelle Brunton-Rennie became a widow within a year of her husband Kurt first finding a lump. She had a newborn baby at home, and no warning that losing her spouse to cancer was about to unravel her whole life. New Zealanders who've followed Janelle's story over the years will know pieces of this. In this episode, she courageously takes us back to all of it, and beyond.
The hospital corridor where a doctor asked if her husband had a will. The anger that nobody tells you is part of grief, and the gym sessions that became her only outlet for it. The small rituals, sunrise, espresso, stillness, that carried her through years one and two of grief when nothing else could.
We also talk about what came after. Rebuilding trust in yourself when you've had zero control over the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Making peace with a worst case scenario before you know the outcome. And what it actually takes to let love back in without losing who you became through grief and loss.
This one is gut wrenching in places, and takes some genuinely unexpected turns into faith and spirituality.
In this episode:
Janelle's story of becoming a widow and losing her spouse to cancer
The anger stage of grief nobody prepares you for
The daily rituals that rebuilt her sense of self after loss
Rebuilding self trust after losing control of everything
Faith, surrender and what "making peace" actually means
Letting love in again after grief

Amy Luttrell lost her Dad suddenly at 32, with a newborn at home and a thriving wellness business to run. Eleven months later, her Stepfather died and her Mum nearly did too. She kept functioning. She kept showing up. And then her body said enough.
In this episode, Amy gets completely honest about what it looks like when a high-achieving woman hits actual rock bottom - the shame of feeling broken while being the person others come to for wellness, the marriage hanging on, and the moment when she thought life would be easier if she wasn't around.
She also talks about what brought her back, what she had to let go of, and why slowing down completely is what sped everything up.
Content note: thoughts of life ending are discussed openly in this episode. Please listen with attentiveness to where you are at, and what is helpful to you.
Find Amy at amyluttrell.com or on Instagram @amyluttrell_coaching.

Spiritual abuse is one of the most misunderstood forms of harm there is. And it might be exactly what you've been trying to name.
In this episode, I'm getting into a topic I know many of you have been waiting for. After my episode on "when faith gets messy" became one of my most downloaded ever, I knew we needed to go deeper. So today we're talking about spiritual abuse: what it actually is, what it looks and feels like from the inside, and what healing can look like on the other side.
This is a topic I come at from multiple angles. I'm currently completing my PhD in sociology, researching the experiences of women who have left Gloriavale, a high-control fundamentalist Christian community in New Zealand. I'm also a licensed Private Investigator who works on cases of institutional harm, and a therapist who has seen many clients navigating this kind of trauma.
So when I say I get this issue from a lot of different angles, I mean it.
In this episode we cover:
What spiritual abuse actually is and why it's so hard to name in the moment
How power, scripture, and religious authority get used to control and harm
The difference between a healthy faith community and a high-control one
The lasting impact on your mental health, your sense of self, and your ability to trust your own thoughts
What healing actually looks like, including rebuilding agency, reconnecting with your own voice, and giving yourself permission to step away
Green flags to look for if you're navigating faith communities going forward
If you've ever walked away from a religious group feeling like something wasn't right, or if you've spent years wondering whether what happened to you was "bad enough" to matter, this episode is for you.
You don't have to have all the words for it yet. Sometimes just hearing it named is the first step.
Find more support and resources at charlottecummings.nz

Is your relationship feeling a little flat? Like you used to laugh more, go on proper dates, and actually enjoy each other's company, but somewhere along the way life just got in the way?

In this episode of Ask Charlotte, I'm answering a listener question that I hear all the time: how do we have more fun in our relationship?

I cover:
Why fun doesn't just happen and what to do about it
How to figure out what you both actually enjoy (and why one person's preferences might be quietly dominating)
The alphabet dating idea my husband and I used early on (and why I think we need to revisit it)
Why scheduling fun is not the enemy of spontaneity
The "micro fun" moments that build connection without needing a whole night out
What to do when conflict, stress, or a packed schedule is the real barrier

I also share some of what the Gottman Institute's research says about the ratio of positive to negative interactions in happy relationships, because it's a game changer for how you think about the small stuff.

If you've been meaning to prioritise your relationship but keep letting it slip, this episode is your nudge.

Send me your questions anytime at charlottecummings.nz, and if this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs it.