mind you

There's a concept I use with many of my clients, and I've never actually spoken about it on this podcast until now. It's called preferred futures, a concept from narrative therapy.
It's about getting clear on two things: where your life is actually headed if nothing changes, and where it could go if you make the changes you've been thinking about.
In this episode I walk through exactly how I use this with clients, including:
getting honest about where you're headed if nothing changes
how this clarity can help you
how to build a clear picture of the future you actually want
the stories you're telling yourself that might be holding you back from it
what you need to truly believe, not just repeat, for that future to feel possible
This one applies wherever you're at right now: relationships, work, health, or just the general shape of your life.
If today's conversation gave you something to think about my brand new Mind You app takes these ideas further with tools, courses and support you can come back to whenever you need. You can find out more at charlottecummings.nz
If you found this helpful, please do follow the podcast, leave a review, or send it to someone who needs to hear it.

Do you ever know exactly what you want to say at work - but find yourself second-guessing it, softening it, or waiting for the “right” moment to speak?
Communicating confidently at work isn't just about having a strong voice or being the loudest person in the room. It's about knowing your value, understanding what gets in the way of speaking up, and learning to contribute without constantly questioning yourself.
In this episode of Mind You, I explore the patterns that can make workplace communication harder than it needs to be - particularly for women. She looks at the social expectations that shape how women are perceived, the “unbearable feelings” that can sit underneath our reluctance to speak up, and the subtle ways we can minimise our own ideas before we've even given them a chance.
You'll learn how to:
recognise the patterns that hold you back in meetings and conversations
stop using language that unintentionally minimises what you have to say
reframe communication as making a contribution, rather than winning an argument
get clearer about what you want from your career
think about how you want to be perceived - and how you want people to feel around you
back yourself and communicate from the value you bring
Because confident communication isn't about becoming someone louder or more forceful.
It's about being willing to take up your space and trust that what you have to say matters.

For many of us, we have to tolerate more attention than we'd naturally like, and it's scary as heck. Our jobs require it. Our goals require it. And the freedom we actually want is sitting on the other side of learning to cope with being seen.

Stanley Henry from Attn Seeker joins me to unpack the psychology of visibility, personal branding, and why attention might be one of the last assets you can still build from nothing. He also shares what it takes to do relationships well when you're a high-functioning person juggling a business, a brand, and a full life - proof that success and a strong relationship aren't mutually exclusive, they just take real intention.

In this episode, Stanley shares:
Why no one cares about you nearly as much as you think, and why that's freeing rather than harsh
Why your harshest critics are always your friends and family first, not strangers online
Why chasing "authenticity" online is the wrong goal, and what actually builds trust and connection instead
How he and his wife use AI to manage their calendar, finances, and household so the mental load doesn't fall on one person
How to build a relationship that can keep up with an ambitious life
The sliding door moment that changed the direction of his whole life
Why he believes you can't half-commit your way to a big outcome - you have to give it a full go

Whether you're building a personal brand, growing a business, navigating relationship dynamics, or just curious how AI can genuinely support communication at home, this conversation with Stanley Henry gives you a practical, honest look at what it takes to be seen.

You can find Stanley (if he and his team haven't already found you!) at attnseeker.com and @stanleychenry or @theattnseeker

I sat down with Petra Bagust - honestly, she is the best ad for midlife. Through this chat, Petra gives us all the wonderful reasons why midlife is the good bit.
We talk about her ADHD diagnosis, which came after her son's, and the months she spent grieving every theory she'd built to explain herself before that. We get into what actually shifts once you understand your own brain, the difference between legitimising yourself and needing someone else's permission, and the "manic and panic" cycle that used to run her days.
Then there's menopause, without any of the doom and gloom. Petra's having more fun getting dressed in her mid-50s than ever before, and she tells me why. We talk about the ten years it took her to build what she calls a portfolio career after leaving breakfast TV, and the Esther Perel line that changed how she sees her 26-year marriage: most of us have three or four marriages in us, we just choose to have them with the same person.
If you've ever wondered whether you need a formal diagnosis to change how you treat yourself, or you just want someone further down the path telling you you've got great things coming, this one's for you.
In this episode:
Petra's ADHD diagnosis and why she doubted it at first
The "manic and panic" cycle and how she interrupts it now
Menopause, self-compassion and the male gaze disappearing
Reinventing herself after TV, and building a portfolio career
Why marriages change shape and what to do about it

Janelle Brunton-Rennie became a widow within a year of her husband Kurt first finding a lump. She had a newborn baby at home, and no warning that losing her spouse to cancer was about to unravel her whole life. New Zealanders who've followed Janelle's story over the years will know pieces of this. In this episode, she courageously takes us back to all of it, and beyond.
The hospital corridor where a doctor asked if her husband had a will. The anger that nobody tells you is part of grief, and the gym sessions that became her only outlet for it. The small rituals, sunrise, espresso, stillness, that carried her through years one and two of grief when nothing else could.
We also talk about what came after. Rebuilding trust in yourself when you've had zero control over the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Making peace with a worst case scenario before you know the outcome. And what it actually takes to let love back in without losing who you became through grief and loss.
This one is gut wrenching in places, and takes some genuinely unexpected turns into faith and spirituality.
In this episode:
Janelle's story of becoming a widow and losing her spouse to cancer
The anger stage of grief nobody prepares you for
The daily rituals that rebuilt her sense of self after loss
Rebuilding self trust after losing control of everything
Faith, surrender and what "making peace" actually means
Letting love in again after grief