LOVERS by shan

In this episode of Lovers, therapist Kier Gaines shares a personal and professional reflection on how resentment builds when men are taught to silence their emotional truth.
Kier opens up about a pivotal moment in his own relationship, when he realized that his partner’s tone was hurting his feelings, and that his fear of naming it, out of concern that he would sound “effeminate” or not man enough, was quietly turning into resentment. What started as self-protection slowly became emotional distance, until he reached a breaking point where honesty felt less risky than staying silent.
Together, we unpack how masculinity norms shape emotional expression, why unspoken hurt often masquerades as resentment, and how learning to articulate emotional impact can transform intimacy rather than threaten it. This conversation explores the cost of swallowing feelings, the courage it takes to speak before resentment hardens, and what becomes possible when men allow themselves to be emotionally legible in their relationships.
This episode isn’t about blame or tone-policing. It’s about emotional responsibility, relational repair, and the freedom that comes from finally saying the thing you were afraid would make you sound weak.
If you wished this episode is longer and you could hear more about Kier Gaines

Is My Relationship Healthy Quiz
https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/the-relationship-check-in

Follow Kier Gaines
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines
TikTok → https://www.tiktok.com/@kiergaines
Twitter/X → https://twitter.com/kiergaines
YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/@KierandNoemie
Official Website → https://www.kiergaines.com
Course Words That Connect → https://kier-gaines.mykajabi.com/wordsthatconnect
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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of Lovers, Higher Learning host and former Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay shares the deeply personal story of what it was like to experience intimacy both sexually and emotionally for the first time after divorce.
After nearly a decade of being with only one partner, that she met while being the Bachelorette, Rachel walks us through the fears, emotions, and expectations she carried into that moment, from questions of safety and vulnerability to the quiet pressure of “doing it right” after such a long chapter had closed. She reflects on what that experience taught her about trust, desire, and emotional presence, and how those lessons reshaped her understanding of intimacy moving forward.
Though she isn’t with the person from that first post-divorce experience, Rachel shares why she remains grateful for what it revealed about her needs, her boundaries, and her capacity for connection. She also opens up about how those insights are influencing the relationship she’s in today, offering a grounded, honest look at what intimacy can become after loss, change, and reinvention.
This conversation isn’t about sex for shock value. It’s about safety, growth, and learning how to meet yourself again after everything you thought you knew about love has shifted.

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Follow Rachel Lindsay
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/therachlindsay/
YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/@HigherLearning
Podcast — Higher Learning with Van Lathan & Rachel Lindsay → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/higher-learning-with-van-lathan-and-rachel-lindsay/id1515152489
Official Website → https://www.rachellindsayofficial.com/
Rachel’s Book — Miss Me With That: Hot Takes, Helpful Tidbits, And A Few Hard Truths → https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57895042-miss-me-with-that?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=vFiuBJ3vpY&rank=1
Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of Lovers, I’m joined by my husband Jared Brady to tell the story of the exact day we decided to call our relationship an open relationship.
Want to take the Relationship Style quiz I mentioned in the episode? Click HERE
https://www.loversbyshan.com/quizzes
In this episode, Shan Boodram and Jared Brady share intimate details from the early days of their relationship that led to them choosing to label their love as an open relationship.
If your first reaction to “open relationship” is “so… cheating?” you’re not alone, and this conversation is also for you.
Cheating isn’t about a specific behavior, it’s about breaking the rules of the relationship you agreed to play by, which is why it’s important to clearly define YOUR rules together.
This episode explores why people seek structured relationships even without exclusivity, what commitment actually looks like when it isn’t defined by romantic restriction, and how accountability, emotional safety, partnership, and love can exist outside traditional scripts.
This isn’t an episode about convincing anyone to open their relationship. It’s about clarity, consent, and understanding why the rules matter more than the label.

MasterClass
Have you taken my MasterClass yet? New subscribers get access to my class and hundreds of others starting at $10 per month. Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership at masterclass.com/lovers.
Follow Jared
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/enjoyjaredbrady
YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKVWwEy39GLNzKXXt9v46TA

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Conflict is inevitable in long-term relationships. Damage doesn’t have to be.

In this episode, we explore what actually separates fights that bring couples closer from fights that quietly turn lovers into enemies. We talk about the moment arguments go sideways, why so many conflicts feel bigger than the issue at hand, and how couples can stay on the same team even when they fundamentally disagree.

Our guest, Touré Neblett, draws on decades of navigating high-stakes, contentious conversations both publicly and privately to share what he’s learned about emotional regulation, repair, and conflict inside a long-term marriage. This conversation focuses on how disagreement can exist without contempt, and how learning to fight differently can fundamentally change the trajectory of a relationship.

Follow Touré
Website → https://toure.com Toure
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/toureshow/ Instagram
YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo-SwvkGbQgDt3oXfASPPJQ youtube.com
Podcast → Touré Show (Apple/Spotify)
Books → Who’s Afraid of Post-Blackness? What It Means to Be Black Now; I Would Die 4 U: Why Prince Became an Icon; Soul City; Never Drank the Kool-Aid; The Portable Promised Land; Nothing Compares 2 U (available on Amazon and major booksellers)

Want more Lover?
Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode, I share the deeper psychological lessons inside the new Diddy documentary, not to debate guilt or innocence, but to understand the human systems that create cycles of power, harm, silence, and attachment. This isn’t a Hollywood story or an industry story. It’s a human story. The documentary made Diddy feel more human rather than less, and that’s what makes it so unsettling. When you look closely at the incentives, the grooming, the rewards, the fear, the validation, and the primal drives behind the behavior, you start to see a spectrum that exists in all of us — the universal instincts for status, belonging, intimacy, dominance, and connection.

I also talk about Cassie, Kirk Burrowes, and the partners who stayed inside that ecosystem, not to blame but to understand the psychological gravity of coercive control. When we understand the forces acting on people — the love-bombing, the fear, the dependency, the identity fusion — we gain clarity on why people stay, why people participate, and why some people break free. This video is ultimately about human nature, accountability, restraint, and how to build relationships where love and power don’t collapse into each other.

If you or someone you care about has experienced sexual assault or abuse, you are not alone. For confidential, 24/7 support from trained specialists, visit RAINN: https://rainn.org/

In an emergency, dial 911 or seek help from someone you trust.

Want more Lover?

Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com

Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes