Anxious Attachment Solution: Taking Back Her Brain with Love Life Coach Amber Lynn

• Why Is This So Hard?! Things Anxiously Attached People Struggle With"

  We have to learn to simultaneously talk back to our brain to tell it to hush and listen to what the other person is saying. Recognize the feelings that start to come up.If you need time to process what was said because your emotions are too high- ask for some time to think about what they said. Questions to ask yourself“Why is what they are saying making me feel ( judged, criticized, or not good enough) ?”“What is my brain making this mean?”This is a story my brain is telling me- but is it actual fact? Is this what they are actually saying? Most likely it is not. Do a thought download - write it all outThey said words, these words made me feel, I feel this way because This will reveal to you the story that your brain is telling you- this will reveal the real reason why you feel an urgency, or a panic, or defensive, or whatever uncomfortable emotion it may be for youListening is often hard for us with anxious attachment because we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect in a relationship so hearing anything short of Positive, Affirmations- cause our brain to panic and look for red flags- aka hypervigilance. Our brain has been wired to scanning for danger “emotional dangers” - scan, scan, scan for any potential problem- this is the problem because it often makes problems where there are not. Since we have this deep rooted fear of abandonment or rejection it is beneath it all. We have to practice grounded ourselves in the moments and not in the “potential fears” of anxious attachment.When we are constantly putting pressure on ourselves to do everything right and be hyper-attuned to other’s needs in relationships it keeps our nervous system in a constant state of survival and over functioning. Causing us to have a hard time with clear and transparent communication, causing us to overthink, be anxious and always on edge. This will probably end up being an entirely separate podcast because the pressure to be perfect and anticipate others needs is another habit that actually causes strain on our relationships.Our brain learned to do this when we were younger as a means for survival. This used to be a very helpful thing to us and now we are growing up and want to do more than just survive. We want to live and be present in our relationships with other people.So when you discover what your brain is making their words mean- this is not the time to beat yourself up more for being a person with anxious attachment or for being “broken” this is the time to show yourself compassion and really validate your feelings.You can validate your fears without believing them, You can validate your pressure without believing the story your brain is telling you. You can show yourself compassion and you can even allow yourself to be frustrated that listening is so hard right now. I want you to know listening and communicating will get better, it will get easier. When you learn how to stop putting so much pressure on yourself, when you learn how to talk back to your brain, and calm your nervous system so that it stops scanning for dangers- it does get easier. You will be able to listen.When my brain wants to start making my wife’s words mean something- I now say can we listen to her words first before you tell me what you think about it. I remind myself that I am safe to hear words. I am safe to hear her words. I am capable of hearing what she has to say. I don’t have to make it mean more than what she says. You will be able to develop listening skills. You will be able to hear words that make you feel like you are the problem and then you will be able to turn it around and really hear what the other person is saying- it just takes awareness and practice, practice.

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• Yes, You REALLY Can Rewire Your Anxious Attachment!

  The difference between therapy and life coaching to me is that Life Coaching helps you with your current thoughts and beliefs and helps you in a different way than therapy. Life Coaching is future focused and helps a lot with processing emotions while teaching in the moment strategy for what to do when your anxious attachment is triggered. I do believe Life Coaches who have experienced Anxious Attachment can help support you in getting the results that you want in your life if they too have done the work and are able to share with you actual steps to get you where you want to go.I also do believe that if someone is trying to sell you quick fixes, that it is a problem. I do not believe there are any magic tricks or quick “healing” that can magically rid your nervous system of its triggers or reprogram your responses to those triggers. However, I do believe that small and quick strategies can start changing things right away. I do believe Life Coaching offers you understanding, strategy and real life skills that help you start implementing things right away. When we do the work of Self Awareness, Thoughtwork and we practice new reactions and coping mechanisms on purpose we accelerate our transformation, we accelerate our development of new habits, new coping strategies, and we begin to feel more secure.I am here to tell you that thoughtwork is not a magic pill but it is a skill that will get you so much closer to where you want to be in life and in relationships. I see thought work as the strategy or the skill I used to develop mental and emotional health, mental and emotional balance, the strategy I use to sooth and calm my anxious attachment when it is triggered. I created this podcast as a person with Anxious attachment who uses Life Coaching Skills and tools, like thoughtwork and the anxious attachment cycle to soothe my anxious attachment and create new habits with purpose and intention and to show you all how I do this, so that you too can do the same. So my answer is Yes I do believe you can really rewire your anxious attachment, I really do believe that you can create new habits when your anxious attachment is triggered. I do not believe that we have to be forever a victim to our anxious attachment. I do not believe anyone is too far gone, too anxiously attached, too broken, too anything to do this work. I believe that every person who wants to do this work, who has the smallest desire to make a change, who has the “want” to change their habits and their thought patterns is capable of doing it. I believe that every human is capable of the change they wish to see in themselves. That is why I do this podcast, that is why I started a coaching program- because I remember not believing in myself. I remember thinking it is always going to be like this. I remember not believing that I could change.What is holding you back right now is simple, it is the thoughts you are currently thinking. It is the “story” you keep telling yourself. I also will be hosting a 5 day Anxious Attachment Boot Camp in June. June 24 through June 28th. I will be going live on zoom, teaching and coaching about Anxious Attachment and how to rewire your brain to get the relationship you want. My live coaching will be at 10:00 am pacific standard time, I would love for you to joining and come LIVE. Trust me- YOU do not want to miss this free boot camp. Email me at Amber Lynn @takingbackherbrain.com Anxious Attachment Boot Camp, follow me on Instagram at anxious attachment solution and DM me Boot Camp- to get on the wait list now. You will not want to miss this opportunity. Thank you so much for joining me on today's Podcast. Go do the work, it is with you. I believe in YOU!

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• Stop Seeking Validation from other People: Obstacle 4 of Anxious Attachment

  Before we jump to the practicing new thoughts: We have to do phase 1 self awareness- you first have to know the thoughts that you have now about yourself and love, your self and reassurance, your thoughts about conditional love. So get a piece of paper write it downWhat are all the thoughts I think about me and my ability to be loved? What are all of my thoughts about love and my self worth? Why am I not worthy of love? Now Why am I worthy of love?When you get these thoughts down write a T next to each thought you find bring up BIG feelings, next to that thought write F: how does this feeling make you feel? Write that feelingWhat feeling do you notice the most in this narrative? Now what do you do when you feel this feeling?Now phase 2:What feeling do you want to feel when it comes to relationships? What would you have to believe to feel that way? What would you have to think to believe that? What feeling do you want to have about your selfworth? What would you have to believe to feel that way? What would you have to think to believe that?From thoughtwork to strategyWhen you are in the moment and you are not sure if you are seeking validation- ask yourself why am I doing this? What am I trying to get out of this? Is that what I actually need? What if I could get this from myself what would that look like?Often times we need validation in the middle of an argument, or in the middle of “something” that has triggered our anxious attachment, we have been programmed to believe that we need someone or something outside of ourselves to feel better. I teach my clients how to do this for themselves.How to ask ourselves what do we really need? How can I get this from me? Am I trying to prove my worth? Am I trying to prove something? Am I seeking comfort outside of myself because my brain is telling me I can’t hand these uncomfortable emotions or possible fear?This is why us with anxious attachment really need to go listen to feeling uncomfortable feelings episode again- because I am TELLING YOU even though it terrifies you. Our work is in the ability to feel safe with our emotions. Feeling secure no matter what emotions we have. If we can grow our capacity to feel uncomfortable emotions we would find ourselves less inclined to seek external validation. If we could comfort ourselves, create security and safety within ourselves we would be able to decrease our dependency on other people for our emotional regulation. If you want help doing this work email me at [email protected] and schedule your free one hour consultation.if you have questions, email me, I will answer your questions when I can. If you know you are ready to do this work, then what are you waiting for? Email me, Right now in April I have 6 open spots for my 1:1 coaching program- so don’t wait.If you are not yet on my email list email me or find my instagram at Anxious Attachment solution and get on my email list.In June I am going to be doing an Anxious Attachment Bootcamp Facebook pop up group where I will be meeting with you for an hour every day for 5 days to help you kick your anxious attachment habits to the curb.Go get on my email list, you don’t want to miss the things I am going to be doing this summer. Also if you listen to my podcast and you are enjoying it or learning something from it can you please like it, and rate it- it helps get my podcast out to more women.

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• 4 Obstacles of Anxious Attachment: Fear of Abandonment- Don't let fear control you

  Hello and Welcome to Anxious Attachment Solution! On today's podcast I am going to be continuing a series on breaking down the 4 obstacles of Anxious Attachment with obstacle number 3, the Fear of AbandonmentIn the last episode, episode 40, I taught Obstacle 2 Uncomfortable Emotions. I taught about why learning how to feel hard emotions is the key to soothing our anxious attachment triggers, and how having a small capacity to feel uncomfortable emotions leads us to such BIG reactions when our feelings feel out of control or overwhelming. So if you didn’t get a chance to hear it go check it out. If you missed Episode 39, Obstacle 1: Overthinking, then you definitely need to go back and listen to that one too, because I help you understand what overthinking looks like with anxious attachment and how to stop it.Today I am going to be talking about Obstacle number 3 of Anxious Attachment: The deep rooted fear of Abandonment. I am going to be talking about how this fear is created and why understanding how this fear works will change your life.Before we begin I do a lot of brain management work with the concept that my thoughts create my feelings, so as I share these teachings remember that this concept is the lens through which I teach.If you want to learn more about how you can overcome these four obstacles of anxious attachment sign up for a free one hour consultation call with me. If you have been following me for a while now and you are ready to get started with my 1:1 coaching program so that we can help you rewrite your narrative and develop your skill to feel uncomfortable emotions without overreacting then email me at [email protected] and let’s get started, I can’t wait to see how much this work will change your life.If you haven’t yet please like and subscribe to the podcast it really helps my podcast reach more women. If you could rate this podcast on apple and spotify I would truly appreciate it as that too helps expand its reach. Thank you so much for listening to my podcast and I want you to know your future self is thanking you for taking the time in your busy life to do this work because they know how important it is for your future and for your relationships in your life. If you haven’t already, follow me on instagram at anxiousattachmentsolution! Can’t wait to see you over there. Now go feel uncomfortable emotions and message me on IG and tell me about your experience doing this work. I would love to support you through this process while creating a community of women who are doing this work.

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• The 4 Obstacles of Anxious Attachment: Uncomfortable Emotions

  Hello and Welcome! On today's podcast I am going to be continuing a series on breaking down the 4 obstacles of Anxious Attachment: Overthinking, Feeling Uncomfortable Emotions, Fear of Abandonment and Seeking Validation Last episode 39 was about overthinking so if you didn’t get a chance to hear it go check it out.Today I want to talk about Uncomfortable emotions and why they trigger us with anxious attachment so much and how understanding the impact of uncomfortable emotions will help you take care of your anxious attachment and soothe your nervous system.When I use the term uncomfortable emotions: I refer to rejection, fear of not being liked, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, disappointment, any feeling that you can not sit with, without taking action or without shutting down. I also use uncomfortable emotions to refer to the feeling of urgency- that we feel when we are consumed by a lot of negative emotions- urgency is often felt when our anxious attachment is triggered and we feel the primal panic of we have to hurry and do something now. For example most of us right now are not able to sit with the feeling of urgency and do nothing, most of us can not stand to feel any form of rejection without trying to do something to “prove our worth” or seek out validation or connection, most of us can not just process and sit with anxiety, we either take action to feel better or we shut down and shut people out.Processing your emotions allows you to experience different situations without so much fear, anxiety, it allows you to slow down and stop being so reactive. Learning how to feel and handle hard emotions allows you to comfort yourself and stop needing to reach out to others for comfort, validation or approval.Since we do not have the skill to sit with these uncomfortable feelings because they activate our anxious attachment cycle- and sometimes activate our primal panic we feel that we have to hurry up and do something now because our brain has told us that we are in danger and it feels like we are going to die (even though we know we won’t die our brain is receiving all of these alerts like hey hey we are in danger do something now) so we have gotten into the habit of hurry up through emotions and taking actions without sitting with emotions and seeing where they are coming from.We feel anxiety, we feel panic, we feel fear and our brain is like Oh Shit… get us out of here right now! (Literally freaks the f out) So we reach out to our partner,our ex, our friend, our coworker, we seek validation, we seek connection, or instead we shut down and close people off because we think that by doing this we will protect ourselves from further pain.

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