Club Sandwich

"I'm alright, sweetheart. No, I don't need help." Every one of us has heard it.
Prue Bowden runs home care for 50,000 Australian families, which makes her the person everyone corners at parties to ask about a parent who won't accept a thing. Today, she's in the chair talking about what to actually do next.
Ageing parents? You've got them. We've got you.
Content note: this episode covers ageing parents, dementia, hospital decline and loneliness. For support: Carer Gateway 1800 422 737. My Aged Care 1800 200 422 (myagedcare.gov.au). Dementia Australia's National Dementia Helpline 1800 100 500, 24/7 (dementia.org.au). Lifeline 13 11 14, 24/7.

JOIN THE CLUB: Visit clubsandwich.community to join the tribe, access resources, and find our private Facebook community.
SEND US YOUR QUESTION: hello@clubsandwich.community
In this episode:
The Conversation: Prue Bowden, Group CEO of Home Health at Australian Unity, joins Sarah Macdonald to talk about what actually keeps a parent at home — starting with her own mum and dad, in their late seventies, still sailing and still walking the dog, and the conversations she and her sister are already having about flat landings and handrails.
From there: the loneliness hiding inside "we want to keep her at home", now the banks have closed and the shopping has moved online; the eighteen-month-to-two-year wait for home care support and why you start the assessment before you think you need it; what care workers actually notice when they're in the house; why superannuation was designed to be spent; and what she'd say to a stretched, guilty listener, one carer to another.
This Week's Hack: Start the assessment before you think you need it. The wait for home care support runs 18 months to two years, so the time to get on the list is while your mum or dad is still well and still saying they're fine. And if they won't hear it from you, get the GP on side — a clinician saying it often lands where a daughter saying it doesn't.
Send this to: the sibling who keeps saying "she's fine, she'd tell us if she wasn't" — and anyone who's been told "I'm all right, sweetheart" one too many times.
A moment that stays: Sarah tells Prue she's the doctor at the party — the one everyone corners about a bad back, except it's always a parent who won't accept help. Prue's parents, meanwhile, are in their late seventies and doing their weights. "Everyone's doing weights."
Meet the regular Clubbers:
Melissa Reader — CEO of Vera and expert on Australia's ageing crisis.
Jo Lamble — Clinical psychologist specialising in guilt and family dynamics.
Dr Ginni Mansberg — GP and women's health advocate who tells it straight.
Dr Stephanie Ward — Geriatrician helping you understand when "old" becomes a crisis.
Kerry Milligan — Gogglebox star bringing humour and honesty to the sandwich generation.
About Prue Bowden: Group CEO, Home Health at Australian Unity, leading the team supporting around 50,000 home care customers around the country.
Topics covered in this episode:
- What to do when a parent refuses help, and when to accept that no means no
- The loneliness that comes with ageing at home, and why it's rising alongside dementia
- Preparing the family home early — flat landings, handrails, the flat way in
- The 18-month to two-year wait for home care support, and starting the assessment early
- What home care workers actually notice, and why they're the first to know
- Superannuation, means testing, and the families caught in the middle
- Staying at home with dementia, and why institutional care can't be the only answer
- Lifespan versus healthspan, and why strength training in your seventies matters
This episode was supported by Australian Unity, home health and care services — australianunity.com.au/clubsandwich.
With thanks to NSW Trustee and Guardian — search NSW Trustee and Guardian, or call 1300 10 20 30.
Vera is your candid companion as you care for an ageing parent. Have a look at https://vera.guide.
FACES (Families for Aged Care Equity and Support) is a family-led campaign asking for one honest count of the number of people waiting for their aged care funding and the people who die while they're waiting. Add your name at vera.guide/faces.
Put The Kettle On — Vera's free conversation guide: the five questions worth asking your ageing mum or dad, at putthekettleon.com.au

Credits:
Sarah Macdonald – Host + Executive Producer
Melissa Reader – Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber
Justin McArthur – Executive Producer + Editor, for P. Zinner Podcasts (https://pzinner.com.au)
Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our theme music Club Sandwich — hear more at https://seanwayland.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this bonus episode, Sarah Macdonald is joined by Kerry Milligan and Melissa Reader to discuss representations of the sandwich generation on screen.
Ageing parents? You've got them. We've got you.
This episode was supported by Australian Unity, home health and care services — australianunity.com.au/clubsandwich.
With thanks to NSW Trustee and Guardian — search NSW Trustee and Guardian, or call 1300 10 20 30.
Vera is your candid companion as you care for an ageing parent. Have a look at https://vera.guide.
FACES (Families for Aged Care Equity and Support) is a family-led campaign asking for one honest count of the number of people waiting for their aged care funding and the people who die while they're waiting. Add your name at vera.guide/faces.
Put The Kettle On — Vera's free conversation guide: the five questions worth asking your ageing mum or dad, at putthekettleon.com.au

Credits:
Sarah Macdonald – Host + Executive Producer
Melissa Reader – Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber
Justin McArthur – Executive Producer + Editor, for P. Zinner Podcasts (https://pzinner.com.au)
Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our theme music Club Sandwich — hear more at https://seanwayland.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Grief doesn't run to the timetable you were handed. A year after her mum Emmie died, Kerry Milligan thought she was managing well. Then she went back to Tasmania with a small plastic container of her mother's ashes, and found out that year one isn't a finish line.
Ageing parents? You've got them. We've got you.
For support: Carer Gateway 1800 422 737. Griefline 1300 845 745. Lifeline 13 11 14, 24/7.
JOIN THE CLUB: Visit clubsandwich.community to join the tribe, access resources, and find our private Facebook community.
SEND US YOUR QUESTION: hello@clubsandwich.community
In this episode:
The Conversation: Sarah and Kerry go back to Tasmania: where Kerry was born, where her ancestors are buried, and where she took one of the three small portions of her mother's ashes she'd kept. Kerry describes being followed around Battery Point by the voices of her dead ancestors, letting Emmie go into the Derwent from the back of the MONA ferry, and the panic that caught up with her underground at MONA soon after. From there: grief as a wave rather than a staircase, the triggers nobody warns you about, and how a kidney stone at 6:45 on a Sunday morning turned a conversation about her mother's death into a conversation about her own.
This Week's Hack: Your advance care directive is no use in a drawer. Lodge a copy with your GP so it's on your medical record, and make sure the person who'd actually drive you to emergency has one too — because when it happens, you'll leave the house barely dressed.
Listener Letter: Send this to the friend who's somewhere past the first anniversary and has quietly decided they should be over it by now. You don't need to write anything. Just send it.
Topics covered in this episode:
- What the one-year mark after a parent's death actually feels like
- Grief as a wave: why it doesn't leave, it just changes shape
- Scattering a parent's ashes, and choosing where and when
- Grief triggers, and why the body seems to remember anniversaries
- Advance care directives, and who speaks for you in an emergency
- Facing your own mortality once your parent is gone
- Sorting through a parent's belongings — and the things you still can't touch
Meet the regular Clubbers:
Melissa Reader — CEO of Vera and expert on Australia's ageing crisis.
Jo Lamble — Clinical psychologist specialising in guilt and family dynamics.
Dr Ginni Mansberg — GP and women's health advocate.
Dr Stephanie Ward — Geriatrician helping you understand the ageing brain.
Kerry Milligan — Gogglebox star bringing humour and honesty.
This episode was supported by Australian Unity, home health and care services: australianunity.com.au/clubsandwich.
With thanks to NSW Trustee and Guardian. Search NSW Trustee and Guardian, or call 1300 10 20 30.
Vera is your candid companion as you care for an ageing parent. Have a look at https://vera.guide.
Put The Kettle On, Vera's free conversation guide: the five questions worth asking your ageing mum or dad, at putthekettleon.com.au.
Our FACES campaign: Last year, 4,812 older Australians died waiting for the aged care they'd already been approved for, about 13 a day. Vera started FACES to count the people waiting, and count the ones we lose, every quarter, published. If you're sitting in that wait with your mum or dad right now, add your name at vera.guide/faces.
Credits:
Sarah Macdonald – Host + Executive Producer
Melissa Reader – Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber
Justin McArthur – Executive Producer + Editor, for P. Zinner Podcasts (https://pzinner.com.au)
Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our theme music Club Sandwich — hear more at https://seanwayland.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Legendary ladies Janelle Adams and Nicole Bennett are looking after Janelle's 94-year-old dad Ernie, Ernie's dog Bella, and their two boys Max and Sam – all under one roof.
They shared their story with Sarah on last Sunday's episode of Compass (available on ABC iView), and on today's episode of Club Sandwich, they join us with an update about how life has changed since Sarah visited them.
For support: Carer Gateway 1800 422 737. Griefline 1300 845 745. Lifeline 13 11 14, 24/7.
JOIN THE CLUB: Visit https://clubsandwich.community to join the conversation.
SEND US YOUR QUESTION: hello@clubsandwich.community
Meet the regular Clubbers:
Melissa Reader — CEO of Vera and expert on Australia's ageing crisis.
Jo Lamble — Clinical psychologist specialising in guilt and family dynamics.
Dr Ginni Mansberg — GP and women's health advocate.
Dr Stephanie Ward — Geriatrician helping you understand the ageing brain.
Kerry Milligan — Gogglebox star bringing humour and honesty.
Watch the Compass episode 'Sandwiched' on ABC iView: https://iview.abc.net.au/show/compass/series/40/video/RN2511H023S00
Put The Kettle On, Vera's free conversation guide: the five questions worth asking your ageing mum or dad, at putthekettleon.com.au.
Our FACES campaign: Last year, 4,812 older Australians died waiting for the aged care they'd already been approved for, about 13 a day. Vera started FACES to count the people waiting, and count the ones we lose, every quarter, published. If you're sitting in that wait with your mum or dad right now, add your name at vera.guide/faces.
This episode was supported by Australian Unity, home health and care services: australianunity.com.au/clubsandwich.
With thanks to NSW Trustee and Guardian. Search NSW Trustee and Guardian, or call 1300 10 20 30.
Vera is your candid companion as you care for an ageing parent. Have a look at https://vera.guide.

Credits:
Sarah Macdonald – Host + Executive Producer
Melissa Reader – Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber
Justin McArthur – Executive Producer + Editor, for P. Zinner Podcasts (https://pzinner.com.au)
Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our theme music Club Sandwich — hear more at https://seanwayland.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Melissa Reader provides an update on Vera's FACES campaign.

FACES (Families for Aged Care Equity and Support) is a family-led campaign asking for one honest count of the number of people waiting for their aged care funding and the people who die while they're waiting. Add your name at vera.guide/faces.

Ageing parents? You've got them. We've got you.
Put The Kettle On — Vera's free conversation guide: the five questions worth asking your ageing mum or dad, at putthekettleon.com.au
This episode was supported by Australian Unity, home health and care services — australianunity.com.au/clubsandwich.
With thanks to NSW Trustee and Guardian — search NSW Trustee and Guardian, or call 1300 10 20 30.
Vera is your candid companion as you care for an ageing parent. Have a look at https://vera.guide.

Credits:
Sarah Macdonald – Host + Executive Producer
Melissa Reader – Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber
Justin McArthur – Executive Producer + Editor, for P. Zinner Podcasts (https://pzinner.com.au)
Thanks and kudos to Sean Wayland for our theme music Club Sandwich — hear more at https://seanwayland.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.