Dating Intentionally

When you’re always the one texting first, planning the dates, and keeping a connection moving forward, it’s easy to start wondering: do they actually like me, or am I doing all the work?
In this episode, I’m breaking down the truth about effort in dating: why some people initiate more than others, what someone’s effort actually tells you about their interest, and how to stop spiraling when someone goes quiet.
Tune in for...
What effort and initiation actually look like in dating (and why they matter)
The real reasons someone might not initiate, and why the reason doesn’t change what you do next
The one question to ask yourself when dating feels one-sided: do you want clarity, connection, or desire?
The “I can’t tell” text and exactly when to send it
Why “if they wanted to, they would” is complicated dating advice
The difference between having standards, setting boundaries, and trying to control someone’s behavior
Why initiation chicken and wanting to be chased can keep you stuck
How multi-dating helped me stop investing in people who weren’t showing up
How to tell the difference between a normal imbalance in effort and a connection that isn’t reciprocal
Whether you’re carrying a connection for a few weeks, wondering why you’re always the one making plans, or staring at your phone trying to figure out what their silence means, this episode will help you stop decoding their behavior and start paying attention to what their effort is showing you.
At the end, I tackle a dating dilemma from a man who reconnected with someone he dated 18 years ago and has spent two months texting without ever meeting up.
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Book a 1:1 with me
Close The Loop text templates
Free texting guide
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Do you tend to go all in when you like someone, to the point where you've lost touch with your own life a bit? I'm chatting with Chris Rackliffe, an anxious attachment coach and author of Needy No More: The Journey from Anxious to Secure Attachment, who's helped thousands of people heal from patterns of trauma, abandonment, and codependency. We're getting into why we lose ourselves in dating and what to do about it.
We cover:
The earliest signs you're starting to abandon yourself when you meet someone new
Why resentment is the clearest signal a compromise has tipped into self-betrayal
Chris's framework for codependency
Why guilt is proportional to how long you've been overriding your own needs
His concept of emotional diversification, and why spreading out your sources of connection is a protective strategy, not just something nice to have
How to apply this whether you're in early dating or an established relationship
Whether opposite sleep schedules are actually a dealbreaker
At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma about whether opposite sleep schedules are a dealbreaker.

CONNECT WITH CHRIS
Find Chris on Instagram and TikTok
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FREE STUFF
Dating Guides: 90 questions, FAQ, text templates & more
MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY
Submit a dating dilemma
Slide into my DMs on IG
Watch the pod on YouTube
Join the Date Tracker app waitlist
Reveal your dating blindspot (quiz)
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Rejection doesn't have to destroy your confidence or convince you that you'll never find your person. In this episode, I'm sharing how to bounce back faster after getting rejected, ghosted, or hearing "there wasn't a spark." We'll talk about why rejection feels so personal, how to stop the anxiety spirals before they take over, and the mindset shifts that will help you keep your self-worth intact while continuing to date intentionally.
Tune in for...
Why rejection feels so much bigger than it actually is
How to stop telling yourself hopeless stories after a "no"
The 24-hour rule for bouncing back faster
Practical ways to stop anxiety spirals after rejection
What to say when someone rejects you (and what not to say)
Why rejection isn't a reflection of your worth
The questions to ask yourself instead of "What's wrong with me?"
My own experiences navigating rejection while dating

Whether you've been ghosted before a first date or rejected after a few months of dating, this episode will help you move forward with more confidence and resilience.
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Dating Roadblock Quiz
Episode 281 (Kelsey Darragh) on healing after heartbreak
Episode 221 (Cole Zesinger) on moving on after a breakup
My "closing the loop" text templates

Instead of asking "what's wrong with me," get curious and reflect on these questions:
Am I consistently pursuing people who aren't available or aren't looking for the same thing?
Am I showing up as myself, or am I trying to earn someone's approval?
Am I choosing people based on mutual interest, or am I getting attached to potential before they've shown consistent effort?
Am I overlooking signs that someone isn't able to meet me where I am?
Am I being curious, showing interest, and being direct, or am I playing games to get their attention?
Am I owning who I am, or leading with my insecurities?

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! bbvibes.com/DatingIntentionally
FREE STUFF
Dating Guides: 90 questions, FAQ, text templates & more
CONNECT WITH ME
Submit a dating dilemma
Slide into my DMs on IG
Watch the pod on YouTube

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Is someone being "out of your league" even a real thing? In this episode, I'm chatting with relationship scientist and author Paul Eastwick (Bonded by Evolution: The New Science of Love and Connection) to unpack the science of mate value, why matchmaking based on shared traits almost never works, and what actually predicts compatibility (it's not the traits on your list).
From decoding your own dating patterns to knowing when attraction is genuinely going to grow, this conversation is packed with practical, research-backed advice for anyone who feels stuck comparing partners against a checklist.
In this episode, we cover:
Why what you say you want in a partner doesn't predict who you actually choose
The truth about mate value and dating "out of your league"
Why matchmaking based on shared traits and interests rarely works
What actually predicts long-term compatibility (hint: it's not a trait)
Why attraction often grows slowly instead of hitting all at once
Whether a strict list of dealbreakers helps or hurts you

At the end, we tackle a dating dilemma about a situationship where trust was broken, and whether it's worth trying to repair it.

CONNECT WITH PAUL
Love Factually podcast
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! bbvibes.com/DatingIntentionally
FREE STUFF
Dating Guides: 90 questions, FAQ, text templates & more
CONNECT WITH ME
Submit a dating dilemma
Slide into my DMs on IG
Watch the pod on YouTube
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Dating today can be a mess, and so much of that mess stems from confusion, uncertainty, and ambiguity showing up in ways that just infuriate us. In this episode, I'm answering four listener dating dilemmas that each capture a different flavor of that chaos, from the planning-phase ghost to the partner whose humor crosses a line to the slow fade that sends you spiraling over someone you barely know. These aren't rare, one-off situations either. I hear versions of these same four patterns constantly, which is exactly why I wanted to break them down together. I'm covering:
What to do when a guy keeps initiating dates that never actually happen
Why a plan without a set time, date, and location usually isn't a real plan at all
How to know if you're being "managerial" by helping plan a date, or just being reasonable
How to handle a new boyfriend whose "jokes" cross a real line
What it means when a partner says the only way to be with you is to suppress part of himself
Whether to say something when a casual connection's slow responses start to bother you
How much effort is reasonable to expect when you're not looking for anything serious
How to hold onto your sense of self when someone goes quiet after a great phone call
How to tell the difference between an old trigger and an actual red flag in the moment

For each one, I give you the exact tweak I'd make if I were in your shoes, along with the bigger pattern underneath so you can spot it before it drains you again. My hope is that you walk away from this episode more decisive, less likely to spiral, and a little more convinced that most of this isn't actually about you.

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE toy or gift card! bbvibes.com/DatingIntentionally
FREE STUFF
Dating Guides: 90 questions, FAQ, text templates & more
CONNECT WITH ME
Submit a dating dilemma
Slide into my DMs on IG
Watch the pod on YouTube
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.