Dating Intentionally

What if dating apps aren’t the problem, but the expectations we bring to them? In this episode, I’m talking with sociologist and dating expert Dr. Jess Carbino about how dating apps have changed the way we meet people, why we put so much pressure on finding an instant connection, and how to approach dating with more intention.
Jess shares what she learned from her time as Tinder’s 25th employee, why the spark isn’t the only thing that matters when choosing a partner, and how romantic relationships can help us understand ourselves and change the patterns we bring into our relationships.
We’re getting into how to...
Use dating apps as a way to meet people instead of treating every match like a promise of a relationship
Let go of the pressure to find a magical meet-cute or experience love at first sight
Balance chemistry and attraction with compatibility and long-term potential
Understand how our early relationships shape the patterns we repeat in adulthood
Think critically about how AI can help with dating and where it can get in the way of genuine connection
Decide what matters most to you before you start swiping
Know what you can and can’t learn about someone from a dating profile
Create a dating profile that reflects who you really are instead of who you think you should be
Stop trying to present an idealized version of yourself to attract a partner
Approach dating with more confidence and trust that not meeting someone yet doesn’t mean you never will
Plus, Jess and I answer a dating dilemma from a 46-year-old single dad who has started dating a woman again after their first attempt ended because she didn’t feel the spark. We talk about how long to give the connection to develop, what might be holding her back, and what he should consider before continuing to invest in the relationship.

MENTIONED
Jess’s upcoming book: Better Love — available to preorder through her website

MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY
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Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating?
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Book a 1:1 with me
Submit a dating dilemma
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What do you do when someone’s words say one thing, but their actions tell a different story?
In this episode, I’m answering four Dating Dilemmas about confusing behavior, mixed signals, and figuring out whether a connection is actually right for you. We’re talking about someone who keeps dating you but won't define the relationship, someone who says they’re ready to date but isn’t available, a long-distance connection that goes nowhere, and a relationship that starts intensely and then ends abruptly.
The common thread? Instead of trying to figure out exactly how someone feels about you, pay attention to how their behavior makes you feel and whether the relationship they’re offering is one you actually want.
Submit a dating dilemma: https://forms.gle/qNimkXbWPwM4euW47
In this episode:
How to ask for clarity when someone avoids commitment
What to do when someone isn’t ready to date
How to navigate a confusing long-distance connection
Why intense beginnings don’t guarantee lasting interest
How to recognize unhealthy communication patterns
Why you don’t have to match someone else’s pace
How to move on without waiting for an apology
When to stop playing detective and trust what you see
MENTIONED:
Episode 306 on pacing mismatch
MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY
Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link)
Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating?
Say hi on Instagram
Book a 1:1 with me
Submit a dating dilemma
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if building a lasting relationship has less to do with falling in love and more to do with knowing yourself, choosing the right person, and learning how to love someone who is different from you? In this episode, I’m talking with relationship expert Kristy Scher about why we can’t rely on chemistry and the excitement of falling in love alone to build a lasting relationship, and how developing self-awareness and taking responsibility for our own behavior can change the way we show up in relationships.
Kristy breaks down the difference between falling in love and mature love, why disillusionment is a necessary part of building intimacy, and how learning to tolerate discomfort and embrace our differences can help us create deeper, more connected relationships.
We’re getting into how to...
Find the right fit instead of getting swept up in the intensity of falling in love
Understand the three essentials of a lasting partnership: love, lust, and like
Move through disillusionment and build mature love
Stay true to yourself while making room for your partner to be different
Recognize how social media shapes our views of relationships and gender
Understand how childhood experiences and personal wounds affect our relationships
Take responsibility for your own behavior instead of focusing only on your partner’s flaws
Appreciate your partner’s efforts while giving grace without dropping your standards
Get comfortable with silence and stop feeling responsible for carrying every conversation
Stop imagining a future with someone before you know them and learn to tolerate uncertainty in dating

Plus, Kristy and I answer a dating dilemma from a 26-year-old man who wants a serious relationship but finds himself imagining a future with women before he even knows them. We talk about why the desire for connection can make us rush ahead, how to get curious about our own unmet needs, and why taking the time to discover whether someone is actually right for you matters more than simply finding someone who’s available.

MENTIONED
Kristy’s year-long program: The Way of the Adored Woman™
Kristy’s Instagram

MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY
Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link)
Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating?
Say hi on Instagram
Book a 1:1 with me
Submit a dating dilemma
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Have you ever gone on what felt like a really good date, only to get the dreaded “I had a great time, but I didn’t feel a romantic connection” text afterward?
In this episode, I’m breaking down what actually creates romantic connection in early dating and 10 ways to make it easier for that connection to develop without forcing chemistry, performing, or trying to convince someone to like you.
I’m getting into...
What a romantic connection actually feels like in the first few dates
Why a great conversation doesn’t always translate into romantic chemistry
Why first dates can feel more like performances than real connection
The interview, audition, and evaluation date traps that keep dates feeling platonic
Why playing it cool and waiting for the other person to make every move can kill momentum
How compliments, vulnerability, and follow-up questions create more connection
Why showing more of your personality makes you more attractive to the right people
The role texting and between-date communication plays in building momentum
Why physical touch and flirting matter and how to do both without making things overly sexual
How being honest about your interest can make dating feel less confusing
Why talking about your goals and dreams can create surprising intimacy
How to give someone more access to the real you without oversharing
Why your job isn’t to make someone like you, but to make it possible for them to actually get to know you
Plus, I answer a Dating Dilemma from a listener wondering how to embrace a slow burn when the person she’s dating is still seeing other people, including how to think about exclusivity, sex, and boundaries in early dating.

MENTIONED IN THIS EP
Ep 211 on flirting w/ Francesca Hogi
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MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY
Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link)
Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating?
Say hi on Instagram
Book a 1:1 with me
Submit a dating dilemma
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if getting divorced wasn’t the end of your love story, but a chance to rebuild your life and learn to date in a completely different way? In this episode, I’m talking with dating-after-divorce creator Alex Daly about dating after divorce, rebuilding your life from scratch, and how approaching dating with curiosity and an experimental mindset can help you figure out what you actually want.
Alex shares her experience of getting divorced in her late 30s, moving to a new city, and re-entering the dating world after a long break. We’re talking about her Hoe era, why dating doesn’t have to be so serious, and how letting go of the pressure to find a relationship can actually create space for a connection to develop naturally. We’re getting into how to...
Rebuild your life and approach dating after divorce
Use dating as an opportunity to explore what you actually want
Have a "Hoe era" without shame, guilt, or putting pressure on yourself to find a relationship
Date safely and have conversations about sexual health
Handle ghosting and other disappointing parts of dating without taking them personally
Let go of arbitrary dating rules and take an experimental approach instead
Know when it’s time to try dating outside of your usual “type”
Transition from enjoying your single life into a relationship without rushing it
Have check-in conversations with a new partner without turning them into pressure-filled “what are we?” conversations
Look at your own patterns and take responsibility for how you show up in relationships
Talk about divorce in early dating without oversharing or bad-mouthing your ex
Build a relationship differently after learning from what didn’t work in the past
Trust that it’s never too late to start over, date, explore, or find love
Plus, Alex and I answer a dating dilemma from a listener who has spent years repeating a cycle with her ex-husband and continues to find herself attracted to men who don’t choose her.
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
😎 Zenni: Get 15% off your first order and free shipping on orders over $65
MORE FROM DATING INTENTIONALLY
Date Tracker: Start your 7-day free trial! (iOS link)
Take the quiz: What's holding you back in dating?
Say hi on Instagram
Book a 1:1 with me
Submit a dating dilemma
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.