Authentic

In this episode, Steve and I get into a conversation about success, faith, control and what happens when you start questioning the things you once thought mattered so much. Of course, we also cover why Steve hated me for a few hours after getting a flat tyre while coming to film my free community qi gong, and our upcoming trek to Annapurna Base Camp in Nepal, which we have done a grand total of fuck all training for.
We get into my very much non bestselling book, Authentic, and why I recently decided to publicly own the fact that it didn't become the bestseller a part of me had hoped it would. Not because I am disappointed in the book, but because I have been looking at my own relationship with success, achievement, comparison and the meaning we attach to outcomes. Because if you don't own something, it can end up owning you. And I have no desire to let numbers, expectations or a little bit of shame take away from something I am bloody proud of.
We also explore the relationship between faith and action. Steve is very much a man who believes in doing the work and making shit happen, whereas I am learning to put in the effort, listen deeply, trust timing and know when to step back. Neither forcing everything into reality nor sitting around waiting for the universe to deliver feels like the answer. There is a dance between the two, and we get into what that looks like in our lives, our businesses and the opportunities that have come our way.
We speak about the illusion of control, the uncertainty of life and how the intentions we set do not always unfold in the ways we expect. Sometimes what we think success should look like is very different from what ends up being meaningful.
This episode is a funny, honest conversation about loosening the grip, questioning what success actually means to you, doing your bit and learning to trust what happens next. Because you can work hard, want wonderful things for your life and still leave room for something you could never have planned.
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“So what now?” What now if you are no longer chasing the dream like your life depends on it? What now if ambition is no longer in the driver’s seat? What now if the old jet fuel that once made you move, prove, push and make shit happen just is not there in the same way anymore?
I still want a beautiful life. I still want wonderful opportunities. I still want to do great work. I still want to create, contribute, serve, build and be met by the things that are meant for me. But I no longer want to be dragged there by fear, pressure, panic or the need to prove that I am worthy.
This episode is about the shift from chasing life to meeting life. From forcing doors open to listening deeply. From being led by ambition at all costs to being guided by truth, timing and the body. It is about learning to back the almighty yes, trust the deep ass hell no, and stay close enough to yourself that you know when it is time to move and when it is time to pause.
This is not about giving up. It is not about losing your fire. It is not about becoming passive, lazy or less devoted to your work. It is about growing into a new relationship with desire, success, purpose and opportunity. One that does not require self abandonment to get there.
Maybe what comes next is not another chase. Maybe what comes next is devotion. To the work. To the timing. To the body. To the yes. To the no. 
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Steve and I speak about what it looks like to support each other in relationship when life gets hard. When emotions are high, capacity is low, and the relationship has to either become a place of safety or another layer of stress. 
We talk about how easy it is for both people to fall into their usual ego responses. For me, that can look like withdrawing, going inward, feeling alone and shutting people out. For Steve, it can look like wanting to fix, solve and move into action. And while both responses make sense, together they can create distance, tension and disconnection if they are not named.
This episode is about what changed when we did name it. Instead of letting our old patterns take over, we were able to stay more aware, communicate more clearly and keep coming back to what was actually needed. Sometimes that was listening. Sometimes that was holding. Sometimes that was talking something through. Sometimes it was simply being a steady place to land.
We also speak about the maturity it takes to let yourself be supported, especially when your old pattern is to believe you have to handle everything alone. There is a vulnerability in saying, “I am not okay.” There is a vulnerability in letting someone see you in grief, rage, despair or confusion without turning it into a game, a test or a wall.
This conversation is for anyone in a relationship who is moving through something hard and can feel the patterns starting to take over. The withdrawing. The fixing. The personalising. The resentment. The silence. The tension. The feeling that the actual issue becomes secondary because now you are both caught in your own protective responses.
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Being in your body is not just about feeling grounded, calm, sexy, peaceful, connected or alive. That is part of it. But being in the body also means being willing to feel what you have spent years trying to outrun. 
The tight chest. 
The grief. 
The anger. 
The ache. 
The old fear. 
The truth that has been waiting for you to stop long enough to hear it.
So many of us say we want to be embodied, but what we often mean is that we want to feel the good parts of being alive without having to meet the uncomfortable parts. But the body does not work like that. The body holds what we have not had the space, safety or courage to feel. And at some point, coming home to yourself means coming home to all of it.
This episode is about the difference between thinking about your pain and actually being with it. Because the mind can analyse, explain, justify, spiritualise and make meaning out of everything, but the body tells the truth in sensation. It will show you where you are bracing. Where you are protecting. Where you are gripping. Where you are still holding what your heart has not been able to put down.
Being in the body is not about forcing yourself to heal faster. It is not about making pain pretty. It is about building the capacity to stay when something uncomfortable rises.
The way back to yourself is not always soft and lovely. Sometimes it asks you to meet the pain you have been managing, numbing, performing over or pushing through.
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I asked Steve how he feels about turning 50 this year, and we ended up speaking about something much deeper than age.
Years ago, when Steve first came to see me as a client at 39, he told me he felt like his best years were behind him. He thought the good years had already happened. That the window had passed. That life from there was maybe going to be more of the same, or a slow decline into responsibility, routine and getting through.
And then the last decade became the best decade of his life.
We spoke about what changed, what opened, and how Steve sees the last 10 years now. He shared that he attributes so much of that shift to our relationship, to the way we have grown together, communicated, challenged each other, built a life, had fun and kept choosing something more honest.
This conversation is about ageing, but it is also about the stories we tell ourselves about time. The belief that we are too late. That the best has already happened. That because one chapter felt heavy, the next one cannot surprise us.
Steve’s story is a reminder that life can still expand. Love can still deepen. Joy can still return. You can meet yourself differently at 40, 50 and beyond. You can look back at a version of yourself who thought the best was over and realise, actually, life was just getting ready to show you something else.
This episode is a tender, funny and honest conversation about love, ageing, growth, partnership and the possibility that your best years might not be behind you at all.

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