208: Ryan Girdler: The Conduit – Masculinity, Breathwork & Redefining the Modern Man
In this deeply human episode of The Penis Project podcast, Melissa sits down with former NRL legend and now men's mentor Ryan Girdler, whose life after professional football has taken an unexpected and transformative turn.
Ryan talks candidly about growing up in a blue-collar household in the 70s, the pressures of masculinity, and how being driven hard as a child shaped his identity. He reflects on his footy career, the unspoken expectations to “be tough,” and how those patterns carried over into life after retirement—leading him to overwork, burnout, and eventually, a total personal reset.
Through meditation, breathwork, and support from his wife, Ryan found a new path. Today, he mentors men through profound emotional, physical, and spiritual work, helping them reconnect with themselves, develop healthier expressions of masculinity, and live with more balance, softness, and purpose.
This conversation goes far beyond sport. Ryan opens up about parenting, vulnerability, inner dialogue, relationships, and why so many men feel lost in today’s world. He also explores his work with Reconnected Men, breathwork retreats, and his partnership with the enigmatic healer, Imrah, known to many as “the alchemist.”
This Episode, We Cover:
Ryan’s early life & sporting beginnings
Growing up under pressure in a hardworking family and feeling driven to please others
How internal and external expectations pushed him into rugby league
The emotional impact of a “boys don’t cry” upbringing
Masculinity, identity & the struggles men face today
Why modern masculinity feels confusing—and why “toxic masculinity” breaks Ryan’s heart
The lack of healthy male role models
Balancing discipline with vulnerability
Why many men feel they must fix everything rather than be present
Life after professional sport
Losing identity and purpose at 30
Overworking to fill a void—“trying to beat yoga at yoga”
How breathwork and meditation became lifesaving tools
The profound influence of his wife in redirecting his path
Breathwork, nervous system regulation & healing
Ryan’s introduction to meditation through a big wave surfer
Using pranayama as the “cheat code” to stillness
How breathwork helped him “wield the mind” rather than be controlled by it
Why he believes every man should experience nervous-system regulation
Reconnected Men & the work he does now
One-day and three-day men’s retreats in Queensland and Sydney
Holotropic/transformational breathwork sessions
Corporate breathwork and team integration sessions
His mentoring program combining discipline, stillness, personal story, and emotional growth
The story of Imrah – “the alchemist”
How Ryan reconnected with Imrah after 25 years
Imrah’s unusual upbringing in the Pilbara and his unique abilities
Their partnership in retreats and breathwork events
Why I have named Ryan “the conduit”
Parenting, relationships & emotional presence
Raising daughters with boundaries, connection, and regulated technology use
Letting go of control in relationships
How softness, listening, and heart-led responses change family dynamics
Ryan’s message to men
"You don’t always have to be in control. And you don't have to do it on your own."
Key Takeaways:
Masculinity isn’t the problem—disconnection is.
Men thrive when they learn discipline and vulnerability.
Breathwork, meditation, and nervous system tools can fundamentally shift a man’s internal world.
Healing begins with self-awareness, not fixing others.
You can be strong and gentle at the same time—and your family will feel the difference.
Sometimes your partner sees your path before you do.
Life after high-performance sport requires finding new meaning, not new metrics to “win.”
Connect with Ryan Girdler & Reconnected Men
Reconnected Men (retreats & programs): https://www.reconnectedmen.com
Instagram: @ryangirdler
Transformational Breathwork & Retreats
Resources & Links:
Book a telehealth consult with our sexual health nurse practitioners at Restorative Health Clinic
For more information check out our websites www.rshealth.com.au , www.makehardeasy.com.au and www.melissahadleybarrett.com
https://breathworkforsurfers.com.au/ Mentioned in the podcast Ryan did this program with tom Carroll
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TEDX:
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