This episode from Relationship Advice, hosts Colter, Lauren, and Cayla lean into the dynamics of pursuer-withdrawer relationships, focusing on how to understand and support pursuers effectively. As part of a broader series on relational dynamics, this episode emphasizes recognizing attachment needs, addressing raw spots, and providing proactive care to build healthier, more connected relationships. The hosts share personal anecdotes, psychological insights, and actionable strategies to help listeners navigate these dynamics.
Key Discussion Points
Who are the pursuers in a relationship and what drives their behavior?
Pursuers are described as individuals who, during moments of disconnection or conflict, attempt to restore the relationship by seeking engagement. However, their strategies—such as high-energy behaviors, demands, or criticisms—often come across as overwhelming to their partner. Pursuers act out of fear—fear of being abandoned, ignored, or dismissed. Kayla highlights that beneath the demands and criticisms is often a deep sense of insecurity and fear of losing the relationship.
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If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren
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46:03
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46:03
What No One Told You Would Change Your Relationship After Having a Baby with Rachel Shepard Ohta
This episode explores how having a baby reshapes a couple’s relationship in ways few anticipate, from sleep deprivation and shifting roles to unexpected emotional triggers. Rachel shares her own experiences of disconnection, especially after her second child, and normalizes the challenges couples face when intimacy and teamwork take a hit. She emphasizes adjusting expectations, understanding temperament differences, and remembering that both partners and children are navigating new needs and patterns.
Colter, Lauren, and Rachel talk about:
- Shift in roles & teamworkÂ
- Pressure & expectationsÂ
- Sleep deprivationÂ
- Kids’ needs first
- Temperament & triggersÂ
- Connection & reassuranceÂ
Where to Find Rachel
- Hey Sleepy Baby Instagram
- Hey Sleepy Dad Instagram
- Website
Give Me Discounts!
Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice
Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.Â
Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO
Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off
Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!
If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren
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55:19
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55:19
Fear of Rejection
Fear of rejection is one of the biggest hurdles in dating, often holding people back from putting themselves out there or forming deeper connections. In this episode, we unpack where this fear comes from, how it ties into past experiences and self-worth, and why rejection is not as personal as it feels. We also share practical ways to shift your perspective, build resilience, and approach dating with more openness and confidence.
They talk about topics such as:Â
- Roots of rejection fear (childhood, past relationships)
- Rejection ≠personal worth
- How fear leads to avoidance or self-sabotage
- Reframing rejection as redirection
- Building confidence & resilience
- and more!
Give Me Discounts!
Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.Â
Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365 to anyone who signs up
between July 7th and July 11th. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO
Prolon - Visit ProlonLife.com/IDO to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.
PXG - Visit PXGApparel.com/IDO or use promo code: PODAPP-IDO to save 10% off your Spring/Summer 2025 Collection order.
Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off
Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!
If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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46:42
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46:42
Fear of Intimacy
This episode unpacks the fear of intimacy—why closeness can feel good yet terrifying at the same time. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren explore how fear of intimacy shows up in subtle and obvious ways, from ghosting and over-picking flaws to struggling with vulnerability in relationships. They also highlight how childhood experiences, trauma, and personal wiring shape this fear, and offer hope that with curiosity, compassion, and therapy, people can learn to build deeper connections.
They talk about topics such as:Â
- Vulnerability vs. dumpingÂ
- Signs of fearÂ
- Roots of fear
- Negotiation & sacrificeÂ
- Dating dynamics
- And more!
Give Me Discounts!
Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.Â
Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365 to anyone who signs up
between July 7th and July 11th. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO
Prolon - Visit ProlonLife.com/IDO to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.
PXG - Visit PXGApparel.com/IDO or use promo code: PODAPP-IDO to save 10% off your Spring/Summer 2025 Collection order.
Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off
Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!
If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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52:16
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52:16
Navigating Friendship Conflict
This episode dives into the often-overlooked complexities of friendship conflict and breakups, highlighting that friendships can be just as emotionally significant—and challenging—as romantic relationships. The hosts discuss common causes of tension, from mismatched expectations and life transitions to breaches of trust, unmet needs, and changes in values. They share strategies for addressing disconnection with curiosity and honesty, while also giving permission to let certain friendships fade when they no longer align.
Colter, Cayla, and Lauren talk about topics such as:Â
- Friendships as attachments
- Common reasons for tension
- Friendship pursuer/withdrawer dynamics
- Healthy repair
- And more!
Give Me Discounts!
Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.Â
Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365 to anyone who signs up
between July 7th and July 11th. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO
Prolon - Visit ProlonLife.com/IDO to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.
PXG - Visit PXGApparel.com/IDO or use promo code: PODAPP-IDO to save 10% off your Spring/Summer 2025 Collection order.
Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off
Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!
If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Relationship Advice helps listeners uncover the stuck spots in their relationships by taking expert advice from three licensed professional counselors and boiling it down into digestible tips and tools. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren help people to see that the first step to connecting with somebody else is by connecting with you. They focus their show on understanding and navigating the cycles that couples face, how to practice individuation, and staying in an emotionally regulated state. Just them each week as they come with a jam packed agenda to help you thrive in your relationships.
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