Burnout Prevention at The Autistic Perimenopause 💕
Dear Team Auti Peri, Thanks for being here, your presence means the world to me!Contents summary* Why I am taking August off* Things you might like to do to contribute at The Autistic Perimenopause* Exciting plans for September on nervous system regulation in neurodivergent hormonal flux with sneak preview!* Recap of the Autism Adapted Suicide Safety Plan with links to the Newcastle University document, and my previous video and audio step-by-step guide* Bonus content only in this audio recording: A real life cat fight between Harry and Toby when my son accidentally let them into the recording room to tell me that Harry had knocked over a plant pot in the kitchen. With cat squeals and inaudible flying fluff! Note to self: go and clean up the plant pot mess. With any luck, the cats won’t have peed on the soil/carpet… 🪴 🙄🐈 🐈⬛ 🐈 🐈⬛ 🐈 🐈⬛ 🐈With reluctance, I have decided that I need to take some time off to focus on my own health and wellbeing. It won’t be for long! A few weeks ought to do it. My little family is in desperate need of a holiday (vacation/break/total reset), and I haven’t taken any time off from The Autistic Perimenopause: A Temporary Regression since it launched in April 2024. So I am planning on taking off all of August for a personal mental health break. This is a one woman show, and this one woman is at risk of cracking up entirely. I fear if I breakdown completely this time, I may be unable to piece myself back together. If you are familiar with my work, you will know that I am adamant that a neurodivergent menopausal transition can be a distressing and prolonged time for many of us. I don’t know about you, but every single time I spiral further downwards at an alarming rate, I wonder if I ever will be able to reverse these regressions. I want so badly to make sense of my own menopause in the way aspirational writers do: the ones who tell us that this is an opportunity to live the second half of our lives with joy and purpose. They say, once we become empty nesters, we can invest our newfound time entirely in ourselves. This theory of the menopause in no way aligns with my lived experience. Those of us who suddenly find ourselves in neurodivergent perimenopause, often only uncover our neurological differences alongside our children’s diagnoses. Our midlives are lived outside the norm.We may not have an empty nest to look forward to. We are often devoted parent carers: we prepare different meals for everyone in the home to ensure safe foods are always available; we monitor and despair at our kids’ ever increasing screen time (just me?); many of us choose to homeschool - due to the failure of the mainstream schooling system, or from personal preference. For those of us who have neurodivergent kids in schools, we may find ourselves constantly meeting with teachers and special education needs coordinators (SENCOs), feeling belittled and blamed when our children naturally react to the school systems’ inability to accommodate them all of the time. And what about when our differently wired children grow up? With their spiky profiles and asynchronous development, they may not be equipped to leave home at the same time as their non-disabled, neurotypical peers. Yes, we strive for them to be independent. We see their pure brilliance. We want them to be happy, and preferably not gaming into their 30s in our basements, needing regular reminders to clean their rooms of dirty dishes and even dirtier laundry. And - for goodness sake - can’t they just take a shower AND apply deodorant without being verbally badgered to do so? Our families are often on a different trajectory entirely from regular families, which is why it cuts so deep when others have no awareness of the extra effort we put into helping our offspring assimilate into this world that does not have their best interests at heart, to say the very least. To be told that we are pandering, enabling and just plain parenting wrong is insulting. And it most often comes from those we love, rarely from the psychiatrists, therapists and support workers who are privy to the most intimate details of our volatile and tender day to day lives. Well, I don’t know where that came from, because I went completely off topic. How cathartic though, ha ha! Anyway, yes, I suppose I do need a break because of all the stressors above - perhaps you do too? - and also: * Down here in Aotearoa New Zealand we are months into the depths of Winter, and my body hurts from the cold. It is hard to motivate myself to get outside and I am quite possibly depleted of Vitamin D. I haven’t looked into this, but I had a B12 injection last week and am hoping to recover some energy soon. * My brain fog is absolutely off the charts, I can barely hold a conversation in person. I have loads of half written posts drafted, and not enough cognitive capacity to feel they offer you enough value to publish yet. I am extremely keen to get an article out to you on the topic of progesterone intolerance, but for the life of me I cannot remember what my lived experience of it has been. Which is ridiculous, as it is one of the reasons that I was recently approved for a hysterectomy! And I have no idea of the timescale for my upcoming surgery, which is very difficult to deal with as an autistic woman, especially with full time homeschooling parent carer duties and extremely limited respite and childcare options. * I am being treated for mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS) which is definitely exacerbating the brain fog and have started the antihistamines (H1 and H2 blockers). My body is in a state of alarm at all times, and I need to learn about the histamine elimination diet that can help my body and mind recover from the onslaught it perceives from stress, my regular diet and lack of refreshing sleep. Ironically, the MCAS-induced brain fog precludes me from understanding the complex underpinnings of a low histamine diet, which may be the primary way to combat the brain fog… But the MCAS is insisting that I rest, and I need to obey in order to reassure my nervous system that I am safe. * I have recently realised that I am most likely hypermobile and am now highly symptomatic with pain flares, ongoing gastrointestinal issues and worsening proprioceptive challenges. I think this is all highly pronounced now that I am around nine months into a chemical menopause, although I was probably asymptomatic hypermibile until now. I have signed up to The Zebra Club app for community, hypermobile-friendly workouts, and hours and hours of presentations to try and understand how to soothe my nervous system and understand my body’s needs, strengths and limitations. I have an unstable shoulder joint, currently aided by kinesiology tape, and have just taken delivery of my new firm compression tops to help with stability and proprioception. Basically, I am having to unlearn everything I thought I knew about how to move, sit, stand and so on, and relearn where my body is in space, how to stop bracing my muscles, and keep my joints within their safe, painless range. * If I were in a conventional employment arrangement, I would have statutory holiday leave entitlement. But it’s just me and my phone, and we are in a very compulsive, strained and unboundaried working relationship. Thanks to ADHD, I am “all or nothing”. Rather than the default being all in on my work, I need to switch over for a short time into going all in on rest. * The Substack gods are getting in my head, and I need to show them that I am in control of my own mind (which I am hoping turns out to be the case). My subscriber numbers are down, both free and paid, with paid rapidly approaching single digits. I need to stop checking the stats and break that habit. I love all my readers and subscribers, free and paid, and would find it extremely validating to find my paid subscriber numbers increasing. But I have zero control over that, and hope that people are finding value in my work regardless. I still offer everything for free and I would like to continue to avoid paywalling content that people may need and can’t afford to pay for at this time. Thank you to my paid subscribers for supporting all my hard work! 💐* I know we are all crazy busy and super stressed - my troubles listed here are far from unique and pretty minor on the grand scheme of things. I don’t currently have any more Auti Peri Q&A interview posts to publish because I haven’t received any responses lately, which is totally understandable. I am always seeking more Auti Peri Q&A respondents (here’s why), so please reach out if you are keen to participate.* A personal goal is that I would like to launch a proper podcast about neurodivergent menopause, to interview experts and advocate on a larger scale. I have been lucky enough to free up a room in my house which will soon become my writing and podcasting room. It currently houses many of my houseplants, a lot of my LEGO sets and a dumping ground desk already cluttered with paperwork. It is far enough up the hallway from where my kids play online with their friends, screaming and laughing, to hopefully not pick up too much background noise. I need to somehow sort out some optimal acoustic panelling or something before I can get started though. Oh and find guests. And create an intro/outro, find music, childcare *Sam enters major overwhelm…*🐈 🐈⬛ 🐈 🐈⬛ 🐈 🐈⬛ 🐈Here’s what you might like to doHave you listened to any great podcast episodes lately about autistic perimenopause, read any academic papers, or watched an insightful webinar on YouTube? If so, please share the links to any new credible, academic or informative resources about autistic perimenopause and beyond in the comments of the 💕 Resource Roundup 💕 page which was last updated in October 2024. (Or any links to older stuff that I missed!) If you are reading in the Substack website version, you can find it in the tab headings here:* Have you explored the archive at The Autistic Perimenopause: A Temporary Regression yet? 📣 Did you know?All my previous posts are available for you to read in the Archive section of my publication at any time.There are now over 100 articles in the Archive, including lots of Auti Peri Q&As sharing the stories of a range of lived experiences. Because autistic perimenopause isn’t doom and gloom for everyone, luckily!“There is so much value in the Archive!” affirmsClaire Venus ✨If you are interested in a particular topic on intersecting neurodivergence, mental health and/or all things midlife and menopausal that I may have previously covered, you can search the Archive 🔍 as shown below.First select the Archive (as circled in the photo) in the navigation bar, then click on the Search function (starred in the photo):Nothing is paywalled on purpose because I don’t want financial barriers to anyone accessing the information, personal stories and community I am creating here on Substack around autistic menopause. I would be so grateful if you would support my work by becoming a paid subscriber.🐈 🐈⬛ 🐈 🐈⬛ 🐈 🐈⬛ 🐈Normal service will resume in September, and I am so excited to have a four part video series to share with you. Yesterday I was lucky enough to spend time with the amazing Amanda Hanna from SomaPsych. We have collaborated on four short video sessions that I will share with you each week in September, with a focus on nervous system regulation in neurodivergent perimenopause and beyond.Amanda is committed to enhancing our understanding of stress, adversity, and trauma while providing tools for personal restoration and growth. By blending extensive training with compassionate, evidence-based practices, she tailors her approach to each individual's or group's unique journey.In our sessions we covered:* What to do during in the margins of our day to regulate our nervous systems and feel rested* How to stop anxiety spiralling at night and get back to sleep (a huge one with neurodivergent sleep challenges combined with menopausal insomnia)* How to manage chronic pain flares and reduce recovery times* S.O.S. techniques for de-escalating sudden panic, suicidal ideation and feelings of hopelessnessWe kept each session brief and succinct because we know that your time is precious. Amanda provided lots of regulating techniques to help us feel emotionally safe throughout the turmoil of the neurodivergent menopause transition. Her tone is so soothing and reassuring, and she makes this work achievable rather than aspirational.Here is a sneak preview! 🎥In the meantime, I hope you are managing the current difficulties life keeps throwing at us all, and that you also have an opportunity to take a break. It is beyond frustrating that the less capacity we have to cope, the more issues come up for us! Please know that you aren’t alone in this. I know how tough it can be, and I think you are doing great. Hang in there. 💕Amanda and I discussed suicide safety plans and the importance of keeping a survival kit close by in times of panic and despair. AI has summed this section up, thank goodness, because I can’t remember - and it was only a few days ago (thanks, brain fog):Mindfulness Tools for OverwhelmAmanda discussed the challenges of managing overwhelming situations without proper safety resources, explaining how the brain can become hyper vigilant or fixated on past or future concerns. She described various personal tools people use to ground themselves in the present moment, such as physical sensations or specific activities, and emphasised that finding an effective tool requires personal discovery. Amanda concluded that these tools serve as circuit breakers to help individuals regain focus and presence.Back to my own words…We chatted about the importance of putting safety plans and regulating tools in place for ourselves when we are feeling well, making us better able to cope with our more difficult days. Using our pattern recognition skills, we can all overcome interoception challenges by noticing how our bodies often feel and what repetitive thoughts emerge before a pain flare, panic attack, suicidal ideation episode and so on. Your safety is of utmost importance, which is why I previously recorded this video for you (in the following post). The best time to plan a suicide safety plan is when you are not feeling at your worst, so that you can utilise your cognitive capacity as much as possible to care for your future self. Neurodivergent menopause is insidious and dynamic, and you may become suddenly vulnerable during times of hormonal flux. If watching the video feels too much right now, the audio only version (44 minutes) can be found here:Autism Adapted Suicide Safety PlanReach out for help, and have an Autism Adapted Safety Plan (AASP) in place:The resources are suggestions to help you understand and complete the safety plan for yourself, or to support another person to complete their safety plan.Step 1 - What are my warning signs that I may start to have strong thoughts, feelings or urges to hurt myself and/or end my life? (e.g., reduced enjoyment in a strong interest, change in routine, change in patterns of sleep, eating, mood)Step 2 - What can I do to help distract myself? (e.g., engage in a particular activity or interest, a relaxation technique, or physical activity)Step 3 - People I can contact to ask for help: (e.g., family, friends, mentor, support worker). Remember to note down when people are, or are not, available (e.g., office hours).Step 4 - Professionals or agencies I can contact during a crisis: (e.g., Samaritans, Mind, A & E, Psychiatric Services). Remember to note down when people are, or are not, available (e.g., opening hours).Step 5 - What can I do to make the environment around myself safer? (e.g., throwing away things that could be used to harm yourself)Step 6 - How can other people help support me?How do I communicate distress? (e.g., I shut down, I have a meltdown)What stresses me/makes me unhappy? (e.g., loud noises, being touched, change of plan, too much information)What can help calm me/makes me happy? (e.g., a strong interest, a quiet safe place to calm down, just sitting with me, giving me my own space)How I would like you to communicate with me? (e.g., don’t ask me to look you in the eye, speak softly, use visual supports, use plain English, keep in mind that I may take what you say literally)Who I would like you to contact?Step 7 – Sharing my safety plan: It can be helpful to share your safety plan. This might be with a trusted friend or family member, health care professional, or support worker. Would you like to share your safety plan? Who would you like to share it with?Storing my safety plan: It can be helpful to think about where you will keep your safety plan so that you can easily access it if you need it (e.g., printed out, in my bag, in a ‘crisis box’, on my phone). It might also be useful to think of any prompts that could help you to remember to use your plan (e.g., having a card with the safety planning logo in it in your wallet to remind you that you have a safety plan).Credit: Autism Adapted Safety Plans at Newcastle University. You can download a copy of the autism adapted safety plan with an accompanying resource pack here. The resources are suggestions to help you understand and complete the safety plan for yourself, or to support another person to complete their safety plan.I am busy replying to comments and all your lovely messages when I see them in my notifications, but my aim is to turn off notifications in August. Please be assured that I am not ignoring you if I don't respond when you message me. I just won’t have seen it. I hope you are able to get some rest and down time. I can’t wait to spend September onwards with you again!Cheers,🐈 🐈⬛ 🐈 🐈⬛ 🐈 🐈⬛ 🐈I’m so glad you are here. If you feel seen and heard by my writing, please consider upgrading to a paid subscription. Paid subscribers support continuous publishing of lived experiences here at The Autistic Perimenopause: A Temporary Regression 💕 Get full access to The Autistic Perimenopause: A Temporary Regression at samgallowayaudhd.substack.com/subscribe
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