this is bipolar

In this deeply personal episode of This Is Bipolar, Dr. Andrea Vassilev sits down with Shaley Hoogendoorn for an honest conversation about one of the most difficult and unexpected years of Shaley's life.

Shaley opens up about the sudden end of her marriage, how she discovered that her life was about to change, and what it has been like to navigate the shock, grief, and trauma of a divorce she never saw coming. Andrea helps Shaley look back on the past year—not just at what happened, but at what happened inside of her as she tried to process an enormous loss while also living with bipolar disorder.

Together, they talk about the impact that trauma, grief, uncertainty, and attachment injury can have on mental health and mood stability. Shaley shares candidly about how this experience affected her bipolar disorder, the fear of becoming unwell during a crisis, and the work it has taken to recognize what is trauma, what is grief, and what may be connected to bipolar symptoms.

The conversation also explores self-stigma and the complicated feelings that can surface when someone with bipolar disorder is struggling. Instead of simply being allowed to grieve, there can be an added layer of questioning: Is this a normal response to what I've been through? Is this my bipolar disorder? Am I becoming unwell? Can I trust myself?

Shaley and Andrea discuss the things that have helped Shaley move through the past year, including therapy, medication, community, peer support, self-care, honesty, and learning to trust herself again. They also talk about healing when there is no neat ending—when you're still living in the "messy middle" and taking life one small step at a time.

This isn't a story told from the other side with everything wrapped up in a bow. It's a conversation about what it looks like to keep going while you're still grieving, rebuilding, parenting, managing bipolar disorder, and figuring out what your life looks like now.

It's an honest update on where Shaley has been, where she is today, and the hope she is slowly finding as she begins to imagine what might come next.

(00:08:25) The phone search that revealed “divorce lawyer”
(00:11:09) The first weeks of shock, panic, and physical overwhelm
(00:16:24) Trauma, fragmentation, and why the story feels hard to tell
(00:19:04) Losing the identity of wife, stay-at-home mom, and financial safety
(00:22:52) Ambiguous grief and the death of a life that could have been
(00:25:06) How the crisis affected bipolar symptoms
(00:28:44) Suicidal ideation and getting through the worst moments safely
(00:31:02) Self-stigma, feeling unlovable, and challenging that belief
(00:37:28) Protecting sleep, medication changes, and weekly therapy
(00:46:16) Glimmers, future hopes, and learning to trust myself again

with Shaley Hoogendoorn for an honest conversation about one of the most difficult and unexpected years of Shaley's life.

Shaley opens up about the sudden end of her marriage, how she discovered that her life was about to change, and what it has been like to navigate the shock, grief, and trauma of a divorce she never saw coming. Andrea helps Shaley look back on the past year—not just at what happened, but at what happened inside of her as she tried to process an enormous loss while also living with bipolar disorder.

Together, they talk about the impact that trauma, grief, uncertainty, and attachment injury can have on mental health and mood stability. Shaley shares candidly about how this experience affected her bipolar disorder, the fear of becoming unwell during a crisis, and the work it has taken to recognize what is trauma, what is grief, and what may be connected to bipolar symptoms.

The conversation also explores self-stigma and the complicated feelings that can surface when someone with bipolar disorder is struggling. Instead of simply being allowed to grieve, there can be an added layer of questioning: Is this a normal response to what I've been through? Is this my bipolar disorder? Am I becoming unwell? Can I trust myself?

Shaley and Andrea discuss the things that have helped Shaley move through the past year, including therapy, medication, community, peer support, self-care, honesty, and learning to trust herself again. They also talk about healing when there is no neat ending—when you're still living in the "messy middle" and taking life one small step at a time.

This isn't a story told from the other side with everything wrapped up in a bow. It's a conversation about what it looks like to keep going while you're still grieving, rebuilding, parenting, managing bipolar disorder, and figuring out what your life looks like now.

It's an honest update on where Shaley has been, where she is today, and the hope she is slowly finding as she begins to imagine what might come next.

(00:08:25) The phone search that revealed “divorce lawyer”
(00:11:09) The first weeks of shock, panic, and physical overwhelm
(00:16:24) Trauma, fragmentation, and why the story feels hard to tell
(00:19:04) Losing the identity of wife, stay-at-home mom, and financial safety
(00:22:52) Ambiguous grief and the death of a life that could have been
(00:25:06) How the crisis affected bipolar symptoms
(00:28:44) Suicidal ideation and getting through the worst moments safely
(00:31:02) Self-stigma, feeling unlovable, and challenging that belief
(00:37:28) Protecting sleep, medication changes, and weekly therapy
(00:46:16) Glimmers, future hopes, and learning to trust myself again

 Join the This Is Bipolar Community
Looking for a place to connect with others who truly understand life with bipolar disorder? Join the This Is Bipolar subscriber community on Instagram for our private Bipolar Besties group chat, monthly peer-support Zoom gatherings, and exclusive Going Deeper podcast content.

Follow @this.is.bipolar and tap Subscribe to join:
@this.is.bipolar on Instagram

📚 This Is Bipolar Book Club
Come read with us! Our FIRST BOOK is BEYOND the Bipolar Label: A Workbook to Overcome Self-Stigma, Break Free from Shame and Live Authentically by Dr. Andrea Vassilev.

The This Is Bipolar Book Club is a space to read, connect, and have meaningful conversations around books that explore mental health, bipolar disorder, healing, and the experiences that shape us. Whether you read every page or simply want to join the conversation, we'd love to have you.

Sign up here for 'this is bipolar' BOOK CLUB

Group online video sessions (8 total)

Twice-monthly meetings for 4 months

 In-depth coverage of all 8 chapters of Beyond the Bipolar Label workbook

Guided workbook discussions

Honest conversations about self-stigma

Connect with others living with bipolar disorder

*Bonus session with author Dr. Andrea Vassilev

DATES & TIMES: 
SESSION 1: 
Sun September 20
SESSION 2 + 3
Sun October 4 &18
SESSIONS 4 + 5
Sun November 1 & 15
SESSIONS 6 + 7
Sun December 6 & 20
SESSION 8
Sun January 3 
ALL SESSIONS @ 12 PM PACIFIC STANDARD TIME

 About Shaley:
Shaley Hoogendoorn is the creator and host of This Is Bipolar, a podcast dedicated to sharing honest, unfiltered conversations about what it is really like to live with bipolar disorder. Through storytelling, education, and conversations with others who live with bipolar disorder, mental health professionals, and advocates, Shaley works to challenge stigma and help people feel less alone in their experiences.

Diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder at 32, Shaley brings her own lived experience to every conversation. She openly shares the realities of navigating depression, hypomania, relationships, motherhood, grief, major life changes, and the ongoing work of caring for her mental health.

This Is Bipolar has grown into a global community, with the podcast reaching more than 330,000 downloads and Shaley connecting with tens of thousands of people through social media. Her work is rooted in the belief that there is power in hearing someone say, “Me too.”

Shaley is also an elementary school teacher, mother, speaker, content creator, and mental health advocate. Whether behind the microphone or connecting with her community online, she uses vulnerability and storytelling to create conversations that reduce shame, increase understanding, and remind people living with bipolar disorder that they are not alone.

Living with bipolar disorder can look different for everyone, but one thing many people share is the pressure to pretend they're okay when they're struggling.

In this honest conversation, Shaley Hoogendoorn sits down with returning guest Lee Formella to talk about what it's has been like living with bipolar disorder as a man. Together they discuss late diagnosis, learning acceptance, managing anger, masking symptoms at work, addiction, and why men often struggle to ask for help.

Lee shares how years of therapy, medication, and self-awareness have changed his life—not by eliminating bipolar disorder, but by helping him build a life that's more manageable and meaningful.

Whether you live with bipolar disorder, support someone who does, or simply want to better understand mental illness, this conversation offers hope, validation, and practical insight.

In This Episode

Accepting that bipolar disorder is lifelong

Why comparing yourself to "normal" only creates more shame

The unique stigma men face around mental health

Anger, depression, and how bipolar can look different than expected

Addiction, alcohol, and unhealthy coping strategies

Learning to recognize symptoms before they escalate

Why masking your struggles is exhausting

How therapy and support can change your relationships

Finding hope while living with a chronic mental illness

Timestamps
(00:06:12) Lee shares what life has looked like since his bipolar diagnosis and why acceptance changed everything.

(00:12:08) "Their baseline can't be my goal." Letting go of comparisons and learning to live with bipolar.

(00:21:45) Bipolar disorder in men: breaking stereotypes and why so many struggle in silence.

(00:30:58) How anger feels different during depression versus hypomania.

(00:37:41) Alcohol, gambling, addiction, and searching for relief from overwhelming symptoms.

(00:45:18) Why pretending you're okay all day is one of the most exhausting parts of living with bipolar.

About Shaley Hoogendoorn
Shaley Hoogendoorn is the host of This Is Bipolar, a mom, teacher, speaker, and mental health advocate living with Bipolar II Disorder. Through honest conversations and lived experience, she is passionate about reducing stigma, helping people feel less alone, and creating spaces where people affected by bipolar disorder can connect, heal, and be seen.

About Lee Formella
Lee Formella is a mental health advocate living with bipolar disorder and CPTSD. Through his honest storytelling and advocacy, he helps others understand the realities of living with serious mental illness while encouraging hope, self-acceptance, and recovery. Connect with Lee on Instagram at @benefitsofbipolar.

Connect with Shaley
🌐 www.thisisbipolar.com
📸 Instagram: @this.is.bipolar

Join hosts Shaley Hoogendoorn and Dr. Andrea Vassilev as they delve into the complexities of traveling with Bipolar Disorder in this enlightening episode of 'this is bipolar'. Together, they explore how changing time zones and disrupted routines can impact mental health, offering practical tips to manage these challenges. They share personal stories and expert insights on maintaining balance and stability while traveling, ensuring that your adventure is both memorable and manageable.
Discover strategies for regulating your body's internal clock, managing overstimulation, and finding downtime for self-care even amidst the excitement of travel. Shaley and Andrea underscore the importance of self-awareness, planning, and kindness towards oneself, creating a roadmap for travellers with Bipolar Disorder to feel empowered rather than overwhelmed.
Tune in for an open, supportive conversation that empowers listeners to embrace travel with confidence and self-compassion.
Resources Mentioned:
Be sure to sign up for my newsletter at thisisbipolar.com (https://www.thisisbipolar.com/) to get a free "Bipolar Travel Toolkit" PDF to help you prepare ahead and manage bipolar disorder while traveling. 
Jet Lag Rooster (http://www.jetlagrooster.com/)
Chris Aiken Jet Lag Document (https://chrisaikenmd.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/jetlag.pdf)
 
Chapter Markers:
(00:04:15) Challenges of Travel
(00:06:26) The Impact of Social Rhythms
(00:09:27) Substance Use on Vacation
(00:10:36) Personal Travel Stories
(00:15:25) Comfort Items and Coping
(00:20:17) Managing Physical Wellbeing
(00:24:49) Navigating Support at Airports
(00:40:40) Encouragement and Empowerment
 
Connect with us:
IG @this.is.bipolar (https://www.instagram.com/this.is.bipolar/)
Youtube: this is bipolar channel (https://www.youtube.com/@thisisbipolar)
TT @this.is.bipolar
 
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening. If this episode or podcast means something to you, I would be forever grateful if you would follow/subscribe the ‘this is bipolar’ podcast wherever you listen to your podcasts so you stay up to date. It would also mean the world to me if you gave a 5 ⭐️ star review- this helps the podcast reach those who need to hear it most. 
Much love, Shaley xo 

More about your Host:
Shaley Hoogendoorn is a speaker, content creator and currently hosts the popular “this is bipolar” vlog and podcast. She lives with bipolar 2 disorder and shares her story and the stories of others to dismantle the stigma around mental illness. 
Shaley is passionate about educating and empowering others about bipolar disorder. She has contributed to publications for Sanctuary Ministries, Psych Central and BP Hope magazine. She hosted a series interviewing women living with mental illnesses at SheLoves Magazine in a series named "Sisters in Mental Illness." 
Shaley’s greatest hope is that creating safe spaces to connect will give hope and comfort those that struggle.

Meet our Guest Co-Host:
Dr. Andrea Vassilev holds a doctorate in psychology, is a therapist in California, and has lived with bipolar disorder for over 25 years. Andrea is the creator of the program Overcoming Self-Stigma in Bipolar Disorder and serves on the Board of Directors of the International Society for Bipolar Disorders. As a clinician and academic with lived experience, Andrea brings a special perspective to both her professional and advocacy work. Andrea hopes that by telling her own story of life with bipolar disorder through the lenses of clinical causes, treatments, and outcomes that she can provide education, hope, and comfort to others.

UPDATE- Andrea's Book is now available get you book or audiobook

BEYOND THE BIPOLAR LABEL: A Workbook to Over come Stelf-stigma, Break Free from Shame and Live Authetically 

Beyond the Bipolar Label amazon US link

You can connect with her on Instagram @best.life.bipolar or at www.andreavassilev.com

What if one of the biggest challenges of living with bipolar isn't just the symptoms—but the way we've learned to think about ourselves?

In this powerful episode of this Is bipolar, Shaley Hoogendoorn welcomes back friend, psychotherapist, researcher, and bipolar advocate Dr. Andrea Vassilev to celebrate the release of her groundbreaking workbook, Beyond the Bipolar Label: A Workbook to Overcome Self-Stigma, Break Free from Shame, and Live Authentically.

Pre-Order workbook here (or wherever you like to buy your books) - Beyond the Bipolar Label A Workbook to Overcome Self-Stigma, Break Free from Shame, and Live Authentically

*Available on Audiobook soon

Together, they unpack one of the most overlooked aspects of living with bipolar disorder: self-stigma. From believing you're "too much," "hard to love," "lazy," or "broken," to learning how to challenge those deeply ingrained beliefs with evidence-based strategies, this conversation offers hope, compassion, and practical tools for anyone living with bipolar—or loving someone who is.

Andrea shares the research behind self-stigma, explains why shame can be more disabling than symptoms themselves, and walks listeners through the workbook chapter by chapter. Shaley also opens up about her own struggles with feeling difficult to love, comparing herself to others, and learning how to replace harsh self-judgment with self-compassion.

Whether you've been newly diagnosed or have lived with bipolar for decades, this episode is a reminder that you are so much more than your diagnosis.

In this episode:

What self-stigma really is—and why so many people don't recognize it

The difference between public stigma and self-stigma

How shame impacts depression, self-esteem, relationships, work, and recovery

Why our thoughts shape our emotions and behaviors

Learning to recognize and reframe self-stigmatizing beliefs

The importance of telling yourself a more truthful—not more positive—story

Why living authentically helps reduce stigma for everyone

How to decide whether or not to disclose your bipolar diagnosis

Building community and finding people who truly understand

A look inside Beyond the Bipolar Label workbook and how to use it at your own pace

How book clubs and peer support can make healing less lonely

If you've ever thought...

"I'm hard to love."

"I'm lazy."

"I'm broken."

"I'll never amount to anything."

...this episode was made for you.

Remember: your diagnosis is one part of your story—not your entire identity

Memorable Quotes

"You are so much more than your diagnosis."

"Reframing doesn't change reality—it changes your ability to cope with reality."

"Self-stigma is often harder to live with than bipolar itself."

"You are worthy of love just the way you are."

"Healing starts one thought at a time."

About Dr. Andrea Vasilev
Dr. Andrea Vassilev is a psychotherapist, researcher, author, speaker, and passionate mental health advocate living with bipolar disorder. Diagnosed at age 14, Andrea combines nearly three decades of lived experience with extensive clinical expertise specializing in bipolar disorder. She is the creator of the Overcoming Self-Stigma in Bipolar program and author of Beyond the Bipolar Label, an evidence-based workbook designed to help people overcome shame, challenge self-stigma, and build a more compassionate relationship with themselves.

Follow Andrea on Instagram: @best.life.bipolar

About Shaley Hoogendoorn
Shaley Hoogendoorn is a bipolar advocate, speaker, podcast host, teacher, wife, and mom living openly with Bipolar II Disorder. Through her podcast, social media platforms, and community, she is passionate about sharing real stories that reduce stigma, increase understanding, and remind people living with bipolar that they are never alone. Her mission is to create honest conversations that offer hope, connection, and practical tools for recovery.

Connect with Shaley
🌐 www.thisisbipolar.com

Instagram: @this.is.bipolar

If this episode encouraged you, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, and sharing it with someone who may need to hear it. Every conversation helps break stigma and reminds someone that hope is possible.

What does bipolar disorder look like at work?

In this candid and relatable conversation, Shaley sits down with mental health advocate Brandon to talk about the realities of navigating employment while living with bipolar disorder. From thriving in creative environments to struggling with organization, depression, anxiety, rejection sensitivity, and workplace expectations, they share personal stories of jobs that worked, jobs that didn't, and the lessons they've learned along the way.

Together, they explore how bipolar disorder can impact productivity, communication, confidence, relationships with coworkers, and even the way we organize our desks, calendars, and lives. They also discuss the overlap between bipolar disorder and ADHD, the pressure of fitting into traditional workplace structures, and why understanding your strengths can be a game changer.

This episode is a reminder that success doesn't have to look like everyone else's version of success. Sometimes "organized chaos" is still success, and sometimes the key is finding environments that allow you to work with your brain instead of against it.

Whether you're struggling at work, supporting someone who is, or trying to better understand how bipolar disorder impacts employment, this conversation offers honesty, hope, and practical insights.

6 Important Timestamps
(00:00:00) Introduction and discussion about bipolar disorder, employment, and finding work environments that fit your strengths.

(00:11:30) Brandon shares how organization struggles, executive functioning challenges, and possible ADHD symptoms have affected his work life.

(00:23:15) Shaley opens up about moving away, experiencing a severe depression, losing a job, and the impact it had on her confidence and friendships.

(00:34:40) How depression can create paranoia, self-stigma, and the feeling that everyone is judging your performance at work.

(00:46:50) The difference between hypomania and depression in the workplace, including impulsivity, conflict with supervisors, and heightened sensitivity to criticism.

(01:02:10) Finding your strengths, embracing creativity, advocating for workplace accommodations, and redefining what success looks like when living with bipolar disorder.