We Gotta Thing - Exploring Non-Monogamy

Kink is often misunderstood, wrapped in myths, stereotypes, and cultural taboos that obscure what it's really about. In this episode, we unpack what kink is—and just as importantly, what it isn't. From broad definitions of BDSM and the idea that kink is simply "whatever is taboo for you," we explore why modern media often gets it wrong by focusing on shock value while overlooking the foundations of communication, consent, negotiation, safety, and aftercare. We'll also challenge common misconceptions that kink is abusive, anti-feminist, or only about pain.
Theresa from Expansive Connection will help us break down the different elements of BDSM and explain how many forms of play overlap, emphasizing that the labels matter far less than the connection and experience they create. Whether you're simply curious or already exploring, understanding the diversity of kink opens the door to seeing it through a much more informed and compassionate lens.
Most importantly, we'll discuss why so many couples and consensually non-monogamous relationships find value in exploring kink. Join us as we explore how embracing curiosity and authenticity can deepen intimacy, strengthen connection, and remind us that desire isn't something to fear—it's an opportunity to grow together.
Below are resources that referenced during this podcast:
- The Erotic Blueprints, Miss Jaiya: https://missjaiya.com/
- Midori:  www.planetmidori.com
- NCSF (National Coalition for Sexual Freedom): https://ncsfreedom.org/
- NOW (National Organization for Women): https://now.org/
- Journal of Sexual Medicine 2008 study "Demographic and Psychosocial Features of Participants in BDSM":  https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2008.00795.x
- Journal of Homosexuality 2006 study "Understanding Sadomasochism: An Empirical Examination of Four Perspectives":  https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/J082v50n02_07

The phrase "taking one for the team" is often treated as a hard boundary in ethical non-monogamy, but we think the reality is far more nuanced. For us, attraction is rarely determined by physical appearance alone. Decisions about whether to pursue a connection are influenced by a combination of factors including chemistry, personality, intelligence, behavior, relationship dynamics, safety, sobriety, and sometimes that unexplainable "ick" factor. 
We also discuss whether there are times when "taking one for the team" can actually be a positive experience. When you feel emotionally and physically safe, genuinely enjoy someone's company, and trust a couple you've come to know, a lack of immediate physical attraction or chemistry doesn't necessarily have to end the conversation. By keeping an open mind, couples may discover rewarding experiences and relationships they otherwise would have overlooked.
Ultimately, deciding whether to play should always be a mutual decision made without pressure, guilt, or obligation—and any "no" should be accepted graciously and without lingering consequences. We believe there is a spectrum between holding out for the elusive perfect four-way connection and feeling obligated to "take one for the team." 
Mentioned in this episode:
Contact Mr Jones for a promo code to try the We Gotta Thing community for three months!
Strictly Anonymous podcast with Mr Jones cancer story
Book your Desire Resorts trip here
Music used with permission from Luxe Music Studios:
We Gotta Thing
Playtime 
Dressed to Undress
More Than Monogamy documentary

What if the key to greater pleasure, connection, and fulfillment is understanding your unique erotic wiring? In this episode, we explore the Erotic Blueprints™, a framework developed by somatic sexologist Jaiya that helps explain the different ways people experience desire, arousal, and intimacy. We unpack the five Erotic Blueprints—Energetic, Sensual, Sexual, Kinky, and Shapeshifter—and explore how each type experiences pleasure differently.
We also share how this framework has become a valuable tool for relationships and individuals. Time and again, we've watched people experience powerful "aha" moments as they discover why certain experiences excite them, why others don't, and where misunderstandings with partners may be coming from. Understanding your blueprint can remove shame, increase self-awareness, and provide a new language for discussing desire, boundaries, and pleasure. We also share our own blueprint profiles and discuss how different types can learn to better understand and connect with one another.
Finally, we explore how Erotic Blueprints can enrich experiences within ethical non-monogamy and the lifestyle. The goal isn't to put yourself in a box, but to better understand your erotic "home" while remaining curious about other ways of experiencing pleasure. By learning each other's unique wiring, couples can expand their erotic vocabulary, deepen connection, and create more meaningful experiences together.
Mentioned in this episode:
Expansive Connection Coaching Events
The Erotic Blueprint with Miss Jaiya
Contact Mr Jones for a promo code to try the We Gotta Thing community for three months!
Book your Desire Resorts trip here
Trial membership to lifestyle dating sites Kasidie and SDC
Music used with permission from Luxe Music Studios:
We Gotta Thing

In this episode, Dr Mitch from Expansive Connection joins us as we explore the powerful idea of "Opening the Circle" — the human need to feel welcomed, included, and connected. We talk about how the first question most people ask when entering any new environment isn't "What's going on here?" but "Do I belong here?" From friendships to community to ethical non-monogamy, creating spaces where people feel seen and valued can change lives. 
We also share personal stories from our own journey in the lifestyle and the people who intentionally "opened the circle" for us through kindness, mentorship, hospitality, and connection. Along the way, we reflect on some of the challenges that can prevent true inclusion — competitiveness, scarcity mentality, ageism, and prioritizing physical connection over relational connection. 
Finally, we discuss practical ways to "open the circle" in everyday life: noticing those on the margins, creating emotional safety, welcoming newcomers, and embracing people who are different from us. Whether in friendships, relationships, or community spaces, meaningful connection starts when someone chooses to make room for "one more person." We hope this conversation inspires you to think about who in your world may simply need an invitation, a kind word, or a reminder that they belong!
Mentioned in this episode:
Expansive Connection Coaching
Contact Mr Jones for a promo code to try the We Gotta Thing community for three months!
Book your Desire Resorts trip here
Trial membership to lifestyle dating sites Kasidie and SDC
Music used with permission from Luxe Music Studios:
We Gotta Thing
Playtime 
Dressed to Undress

In this episode we are reframing the traditional concept of "swinging" by moving away from labels that feel intimidating or misleading and instead embracing the broader concept of ethical non-monogamy. While the term "swinger" often implies casual sex with others and the word "lifestyle" is vague and overused, ethical non-monogamy better captures what you actually explore: intentional relationships with open boundaries that prioritize your primary partnership while allowing varying levels of intimacy with others.
This shift reflects how modern relationships are evolving and becoming more open and mainstream. By reframing the conversation, this episode aims to make the space more welcoming, less stigmatized, and easier for people to explore, helping you expand your boundaries and realize you're not alone. Ultimately, the message is that this approach creates room for people to discover and define their own version of connection—"their thing."
Mentioned in this episode:
Contact Mr Jones for a promo code to try the We Gotta Thing community for three months!
Book your Desire Resorts trip here
Music used with permission from Luxe Music Studios:
We Gotta Thing
Playtime 
Dressed to Undress
Trial membership to lifestyle dating sites Kasidie and SDC