That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

• #188 12 ways to make decision-making easier (and why people who hoard find it so hard to make decisions in the first place!)

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  Decision-making can be a huge stumbling block when you’re trying to tackle hoarding, from cognitive overload to perfectionism and decision fatigue. In this episode, I unpack why making choices about our belongings feels so overwhelming, what can go wrong if we avoid it, and I share practical strategies to make the process more manageable. If you find yourself stuck in analysis paralysis or endlessly putting off decisions, this one’s for you. Buy your copy of Everything You Need to Know About Hoarding by Dr Lynne Drummond at cambridge.org/EverythingHoarding, and get 20% off with the discount code HOARDING20. #ad Introduction to Decision Making and Hoarding Decision making as a common issue among hoarders Overwhelm and avoidance connected to belongings and acquiring new items Episode aims: understanding why decision making is hard, consequences of indecision, and strategies to help Why Decision Making is Difficult for People Who Hoard Cognitive Overload Too many items to process, making each choice feel monumental Resulting in avoidance and deferral of decisions Accumulation due to unresolved decisions Analysis Paralysis Being stuck analysing endless options and outcomes Difficulty prioritising and overthinking decisions Exhaustion from mental effort Information Processing Challenges Trouble prioritising urgency and importance Struggling to filter necessary versus unnecessary information Being trapped in unresolvable decision loops Emotional Barriers Perfectionism and fear of making the wrong decision Catastrophising possible negative outcomes All-or-nothing thinking relating to perfectionism Sentimental Attachment Struggles with emotional connection to items (gifts, memories) Difficulty discerning genuine sentimental value Fear of the Future Anxiety about future need or regret causing paralysis Preference for clinging to items over risking discomfort Executive Function Challenges Difficulties with planning, organising, prioritising, and initiating tasks Impact of poor working memory on decision making Consequences of Avoiding Decisions Vicious Cycle of Procrastination Accumulation of clutter, increased overwhelm and fatigue Practical Implications Safety hazards and restricted home usage Social isolation and relationship strain due to inability to host Emotional Impact Stress, depression, guilt, and shame Financial Consequences Extra spending, buying duplicates, damage or loss of items, missed bills and penalties Building Negative Self-Perceptions Belief in inability to decide reinforces avoidance Declining self-trust and self-esteem Strategies and Techniques for Improving Decision Making Identify Resistance and Mental Blocks Questioning internal "nope" responses Understanding fears or overwhelming factors behind avoidance Treat Decisions as Experiments Lowering pressure by seeing outcomes as learning experiences Avoiding a pass/fail mindset Make Micro-Decisions Starting with low-stakes, emotionally neutral items Building decision-making confidence ("decision muscle") Utilise Support Systems Seeking feedback or accountability from friends, family, organisers, or therapists Sense-checking and encouragement from others Clarify Values and Priorities Aligning decisions with personal goals (e.g., hospitality, functionality, beauty) Using values as a decision compass Set Time Limits Imposing limits per decision to prevent overthinking Adjusting duration as confidence improves Accept “Good Enough” Decisions Allowing for adequacy over perfection Challenging double standards around self-expectations versus others Reduce Number of Choices Limiting possible options (e.g., keep/throw/donate) Pre-determining criteria to streamline choices Reality Checks Probing feelings of “I might need it” with practical questions Reviewing usage frequency and functionality Increase Awareness of Avoidance Noticing procrastination and avoidance behaviours Evaluating the significance of indecision as a barrier Build Tolerance for Uncertainty and Discomfort Accepting that discomfort is part of life, and not deciding brings other difficulties Gradually practicing sitting with uncertainty Practice Consistency in Decision Making Incorporating daily decision-making habits Gently challenging avoidance and celebrating each choice made Decision-making is a learnable, improvable skill The importance of starting small and practicing imperfect decisions Building self-trust and confidence through repeated practice Encouragement to challenge avoidance and recognise growth with each decision Links Buy your copy of Everything You Need to Know About Hoarding by Dr Lynne Drummond at cambridge.org/EverythingHoarding, and get 20% off with the discount code HOARDING20. Podcast ep 172: Harriet Impey on clearing out her parents’ very full home, through family belongings and personal growth, in the film Where Dragons Live Podcast ep 186: 10 executive dysfunction tips and tricks to help people who hoard, whether we have ADHD or are neurodivergent or not – Hoarding Awareness Week 2025 Podcast ep 183: ADHD, executive dysfunction and creating hacks and systems to reduce clutter chaos, with Carrie Lagerstedt Podcast ep 162: From Fibble to Focus: Defibble your executive dysfunction with Jo Cavalot Podcast ep 112: Executive function, executive dysfunction and hoarding with Dr Jan Eppingstall Podcast ep 149: ADHD, hoarding and clutter with Susie Boutal, ADHD and Declutter Coach Podcast ep 107: Things that look like hoarding but aren’t: ADHD, depression, autism, OCD, OCPD and more Podcast ep 40: ADHD and hoarding with Dr Sharon Morein Podcast ep 182: What are “towards and away moves” and what on earth do they have to do with hoarding recovery? With Dr Jan Eppingstall Podcast ep 28: Avoid analysis paralysis by having ‘systems’ Podcast ep 49: Sitting with discomfort: distress tolerance and hoarding – How unconscious distress avoidance might be worsening your problems Reasons to be Cheerful with Ed Miliband Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @[email protected] TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast Subscribe to the podcast Subscribe to the podcast here

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  38:28
• #187 What if we focused less on self-care and more on self-nurture to progress our hoarding recovery?

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  Self-care gets a lot of airtime these days, but I’ve started rethinking what it actually means, especially when you’re struggling with hoarding disorder. In this episode, I talk about why marketed, consumer-driven “self-care” just adds more pressure, and why nurturing yourself with compassion, connection, and practical routines is far more effective. Plus, I share some genuinely helpful, low-cost ways to support yourself without adding to the clutter - or your to-do list. Self-Care in Modern Times Evolution of the meaning of “self-care”: The older, practical definition (basic hygiene, nourishment) Current consumer-driven, extravagant interpretations Critique of modern self-care commercialisation Challenges of Hoarding and Mental Health Struggles Emotional toll of hoarding disorder Stress, anxiety, depression, trauma, grief The exhausting process of trying to “fix” things Daily stressors of living in a hoard Feelings of failure, constant reminders, adrenaline spikes from unexpected visitors, tripping over items The Real Purpose of Self-Care Balancing negative emotions (stress, grief, trauma) with activities that nurture the soul Evaluating popular self-care advice The problem with universal, commercialised recommendations Importance of individualised, inward-looking approaches Introducing the Concept of "Self-Nurture" How self-nurture differs from self-care Greater compassion, sustainability, and personalisation Emphasis on looking inwards for individual needs Practical examples of self-nurturing activities The Pitfalls of Commercialised Self-Care The “shoulds” culture and guilt surrounding unmet self-care standards Surface-level versus meaningful acts of care How marketed solutions often do not address real needs Guilt and shame when unable to practice recommended self-care (especially for those who hoard) Consumer Culture and Self-Care Self-care as a commodified experience: Encouragement to buy unnecessary products How this affects people who hoard Risk of exacerbating clutter by acquiring more as “self-care” Focus on external fixes rather than internal wellbeing The Benefits of Self-Nurture Self-nurture as inexpensive or free Focus on activities rather than acquisitions Finding joy or restoration in simple practices (e.g., using what you have, accessing the library, running without specialised gear) Compassionate Self-Nurture in Practice Asking internal questions about core needs (physical, emotional, psychological) Treating oneself as one would treat a person they love Emphasis on gentle, non-critical, incremental progress Drinking water for wellbeing rather than obligation Time in nature, connecting with friends, creativity, self-acceptance Building Emotional Security and Gentleness Establishing emotional security as a core need Managing self-criticism and reaching out for connection despite anxiety Celebration of small wins and progress Validating and acknowledging difficult feelings with compassion Evaluating and Choosing Nurturing Activities Key questions to ask: “Will this nurture me emotionally, psychologically, or physically?” Differentiating between genuine needs and justifying unnecessary purchases Avoidance of reinforcing negative patterns through acquisition Developing a Personal Toolbox for Self-Nurture Gathering and customising strategies that work Routines and coping mechanisms Taking stock of helpful techniques, personalising approaches Recognising and valuing unique sources of restoration Top Tip DIY, low-cost tip for cleaning the dishwasher with household items Encouragement to take any step, however small, towards self-nurture Links The "feeling your feelings" episode Episodes talking about the inner critic: with Steve Chapman; about the song that changed everything for me; and about making mistakes Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @[email protected] TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast

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• #186 10 executive dysfunction tips and tricks to help people who hoard, whether we have ADHD or are neurodivergent or not - Hoarding Awareness Week 2025

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ For Hoarding Awareness Week 2025, I’m focusing on executive function - the brain’s control centre for planning, starting, and finishing tasks - and the small, practical hacks that can make a genuine difference for people who hoard, whether or not we have ADHD or are neurodivergent. I talk about real-life tips for breaking the overwhelm, managing perfectionism, building momentum, and overcoming shame, all with the aim of making progress sustainable and achievable in your day-to-day life. This episode is all about honest advice that actually works, whether you’re in the thick of it or just looking for a few smarter ways to approach this. Hoarding Awareness Week 2025 and its theme: Hoarding & Executive Function Recognition that executive function challenges impact both neurodivergent and neurotypical people Executive Function and Hoarding Previous podcast episodes relating to executive function, ADHD, and hoarding Importance of using effective hacks and techniques, regardless of neurotype Emphasis on finding what works personally for each listener The Realities and Challenges of Tackling Hoarding Overwhelm and daunting feelings about dehoarding Breaking tasks into small, manageable parts Focus on actionable, day-to-day strategies rather than long-term, rigid planning Understanding Executive Function Explanation of what executive function is (control centre for planning, focus, and impulse control) Factors that can impair executive function (neurodivergence, mental health, stress, lack of sleep, etc.) Universality of executive dysfunction - everyone struggles at times Emotional Barriers: Perfectionism and Shame The cycle of shame and self-blame in executive dysfunction and hoarding Societal judgment around hoarding, and its paralysing effects Strategies for stepping back, naming emotions, and cultivating self-compassion Core Executive Dysfunction Tips and Hacks Breaking Tasks Down Setting realistic micro-goals The concept of “towards” vs. “away” moves in progress Tracking Progress Counting bags/items leaving the house Caution against tracking becoming burdensome for some Using Timers Setting short (e.g., 5-minute) timers to help with task initiation Use of voice assistants to avoid distraction Reverse-timer technique to use end of music/podcast as a cue for action The Two-Minute Rule Limitations and personal adaptations of rule Identifying Motivations Creating visual or written reminders of why you want to dehoard Acceptance of some tools working only temporarily, and switching when necessary Reward Systems Small, non-material rewards for completing tasks Linking listening to desired media (like the podcast) with decluttering activities Non-Negotiable Rules Creating routines to reduce decision fatigue (e.g., charity bags leave home immediately) Body Doubling Doing tasks alongside others (physically or virtually, like in the host’s Zoom sessions) Emotional/moral support of parallel accountability Alternative ways to body double if group support isn’t accessible Time Blocking and Scheduling Using calendars and reminders to schedule decluttering sessions Flexibly adapting this strategy based on personal response Habit Stacking Linking a new task to an established routine (e.g., unloading dishwasher while kettle boils) Using “add-ons” for frequently-visited spaces (e.g., clearing five things each time you enter the bathroom) Links Podcast ep 183: ADHD, executive dysfunction and creating hacks and systems to reduce clutter chaos, with Carrie Lagerstedt Podcast ep 162: From Fibble to Focus: Defibble your executive dysfunction with Jo Cavalot Podcast ep 112: Executive function, executive dysfunction and hoarding with Dr Jan Eppingstall Podcast ep 149: ADHD, hoarding and clutter with Susie Boutal, ADHD and Declutter Coach Podcast ep 107: Things that look like hoarding but aren’t: ADHD, depression, autism, OCD, OCPD and more Podcast ep 40: ADHD and hoarding with Dr Sharon Morein Podcast ep 82: Dehoarding when you’re drowning with KC Davis of Struggle Care Podcast ep 182: What are “towards and away moves” and what on earth do they have to do with hoarding recovery? With Dr Jan Eppingstall Podcast ep 184: What if we actually felt the feelings? An honest conversation about trauma, hoarding, and allowing yourself to feel Podcast ep 28: Avoid analysis paralysis by having ‘systems’ Arielle and Ned's Daily Tips That May or May Not Help You Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @[email protected] TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast Subscribe to the podcast Subscribe to the podcast here

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  36:47
• #185 Engaging with our stuff: why we keep things but don’t use them, with Dr Jan Eppingstall

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  In this episode, I’m with Dr Jan Eppingstall, a Melbourne-based counsellor and hoarding expert extraordinaire. We unpack the concept of engaging with our belongings - actually seeing, touching, and using the things we tend to accumulate, rather than letting them fade into the background. Jan shares insights from her work, explains why we often feel safer just owning stuff instead of interacting with it, and offers practical ways to build a healthier, more intentional relationship with what we own. There are some genuinely enlightening moments, and plenty of ideas for anyone looking to break free from an excess of stuff. Defining "Engaging with Our Stuff" What it means to actually engage with possessions (seeing, touching, using) Comparison to possessions fading into the background The idea of using versus just possessing objects Patterns of Engagement Among People Who Hoard Sense of safety from being surrounded by possessions without interaction Only the "top layer" of possessions typically being used Loss of intention behind keeping sentimental or useful items The psychological comfort of having versus using objects Emotional and Psychological Aspects of Compulsive Hoarding Emotional connection to the potential of objects rather than actual objects Avoidance of decision-making by not engaging/touching items Security and reassurance derived from the mere presence of items Defeatism and pointlessness associated with searching for or using objects Barriers to Engaging with Possessions Overwhelm from the sheer volume of stuff Active resistance and avoidance behaviours Feelings of incompetence and adaptation through purchasing duplicates Guilt associated with over-accumulation Benefits of Actively Engaging with Possessions Rediscovering useful or wanted items when sorting Increased awareness of what is owned and where it is Neurological and psychological benefits of tactile interaction Insights gained from using and trying on items (e.g., clothing) Decision-making as a muscle that strengthens with practice Realisations about unnecessary duplicates (e.g., multiple ladles in the kitchen) Emotional and practical hurdles in finding homes for items Perfectionism and rigidity around item placement and organisation Moving, Arranging, and Re-organising Possessions Resistance to moving items from "their place" due to tradition, attachment, or perfectionism Fear of forgetting where things are if organisational changes are made Multi-step decision fatigue when organising The importance of flexible, evolving systems for item placement Confronting Avoidance and Overwhelm The value of small steps, e.g., simply looking into an avoided bag or space The myth of a “good reason” for keeping certain items, often dispelled when items are revisited Developing Healthier, More Intentional Relationships with Stuff Introducing intention and ritual to everyday interactions with possessions “Rotation stations” and seasonal evaluation/rituals Benefits of conscious handling, organisation, and maintenance Cultural Perspectives and Practices Japanese concepts: Te Ate: hand-care, tactile connection as a ritual Mushiboshi: seasonal airing and assessment of items Ma: meaningful emptiness/space as a source of tranquillity Contrasts between Western consumerism and other cultural approaches to possessions Challenges and Solutions in Organising and Letting Go The impact of spatial processing or organisational difficulties Accepting that resistance to change is sometimes due to overwhelm Personalisation and Flexibility in Managing Possessions Tailoring organisation and engagement to one’s own needs, routines, and neurodiversity Maximalism and the need for varying levels of stimulus—distinguishing between maximalism and chaos Allowing spaces to be intentionally clear, embracing the benefits of emptiness The ongoing journey of developing intentionality with possessions The importance of kindness and patience with oneself in making these changes Links Podcast ep 146: Where Dragons Live and what we leave behind Podcast ep 172: Harriet Impey on clearing out her parents’ very full home, through family belongings and personal growth, in the film Where Dragons Live How to watch Where Dragons Live Podcast ep 53: The Endowment Effect and hoarding – How this cognitive bias makes you feel the need to keep everything Podcast ep 124: How the little-known Hummingbird Method can help you to dehoard the areas you’ve been avoiding Podcast ep 74: Couples and hoarding: An interview with Laura Silverstein, Certified Gottman Couples Therapist Podcast ep 140: How to cope with – or help – a partner who hoards, with Laura Silverstein, Certified Gottman Couples Therapist Podcast ep 183: ADHD, executive dysfunction and creating hacks and systems to reduce clutter chaos, with Carrie Lagerstedt Elis James and John Robins podcast Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Dr Jan Eppingstall at Stuffology https://www.facebook.com/stuffologyconsulting/ https://twitter.com/stuff_ology https://www.instagram.com/stuff_ology/ Dr Jan Eppingstall on Pinterest Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @[email protected] TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast  

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  1:14:19
• #184 What if we actually felt the feelings? An honest conversation about trauma, hoarding, and allowing yourself to feel

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  This week, I talk about what happens when I actually let myself feel the tough emotions instead of shutting them down - a pattern that's shaped my life and my struggles with hoarding, self-harm, and eating disorders. After a thought-provoking conversation with Anna Sale on Death, Sex & Money last year, I started questioning whether avoiding feelings has helped or hurt me in the long run and have been trying to process that ever since! I share what it’s like to sit with big emotions, experiment with messy ways to cope, and why feeling the feelings might just be a way forward. Avoiding Feelings Realisation that I tend to do anything rather than feel difficult emotions. Recent personal reflection and processing feelings over the past few months. Impact of mental health and a PTSD flare-up on my ability to manage feelings. Connecting Coping Mechanisms to Avoidance Experience with PTSD, self-harm, anorexia, and bulimia as different forms of not feeling or avoiding emotions. Insights from an interview with Anna Sale on Death, Sex & Money that linked these coping together as forms of avoidance. Acknowledgment that these strategies were more than just avoidance - also punitive, protective, and multifaceted. The Cost and Pattern of Emotional Avoidance Compartmentalising as a lifelong coping skill and its negative long-term consequences. Difficulty breaking the habit of not feeling and the impact on my sense of identity. Recognition that suppressing feelings can be as damaging as (or more damaging than) the feelings themselves. Actively Facing and Processing Feelings Engaging in therapy, journaling (both resentful and creative/collage style), and reading poetry to access emotions. Talking more openly with friends as a supportive measure. Forcing myself to do enjoyable activities (like getting outside), which helps counteract avoidance. Community, Connection, and Support Impact of Trauma and Suppression on Daily Life How PTSD and unprocessed sadness began affecting sleep, revealing that suppressing feelings is no longer effective. Discusses the challenge of letting oneself feel emotions, both by choice and when overcome involuntarily. The risks of being overwhelmed and the delicate balance between feeling and avoidance. Learning and Conversations About Emotional Acceptance Revisiting lessons from previous podcast guests about the counterproductivity of suppressing or over-intellectualising feelings. The concept that suppressed emotions may “come out sideways” through other behaviours, like self-harm or hoarding. Nuanced view of coping mechanisms - not labeling them as purely negative since they served protective purposes. Vulnerability, Shame, and Deepening Relationships Gradual willingness to share deeper, more distressing moments with friends. Examining the reasons behind the instinct to hide intense distress. How vulnerability leads to stronger, more meaningful connections. Positive Effects of Feeling the Hard Stuff Discovering that feeling hard emotions increases the capacity to feel positive emotions more deeply. Finding deeper love, joy, and beauty in everyday experiences. Recognising the importance of support systems when exploring difficult emotions. Reflection and Encouragement for Listeners Encourages listeners to be curious about their own patterns of avoidance and coping. Cautions that intentionally feeling emotions is difficult and requires support. The hopeful observation that allowing feelings can be cathartic, gratifying, and healing—even if it’s uncomfortable. Links My interview on Death, Sex & Money Podcast ep 182: What are “towards and away moves” and what on earth do they have to do with hoarding recovery? With Dr Jan Eppingstall Podcast ep 169: Compassion-focused therapy for grief and hoarding with Dr Chia-Ying Chou Podcast ep 172: Harriet Impey on clearing out her parents’ very full home, through family belongings and personal growth, in the film Where Dragons Live Declutter Hub podcast Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @[email protected] TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast  

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