Neurodivergent Conversations | Autism, ADHD, AuDHD, PDA, Emotional Regulation, SEND parent, Meltdowns, Special Needs Parent

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If you've ever wished the people around you just got it — this episode is for you.

Greer sits down with Jennifer Kaufman, school principal, author, and grandmother to a grandson with autism, to talk about what it actually looks like when extended family shows up well — and what gets in the way.

Jennifer brings a rare perspective. She's spent her career in autism education, but when her own grandchild was diagnosed, she had to learn something different: how to set aside the expert hat and just be grandma. That shift wasn't automatic. It was intentional.

Together, Greer and Jennifer get honest about the expectation piece (the holiday table you imagined vs. the one that's actually yours), the advice trap that even well-meaning grandparents fall into, and what it really means to be a safe space — not just a safe person.

Plus: the small gestures that land hardest, why an offer feels so different from a request when you're already stretched thin, and a reminder worth holding onto — neurodiverse people aren't giving us a hard time. They're having a hard time.

📖 Jennifer's book is linked below.  Also mentioned: The Blue Envelope Program — a simple tool to help keep neurodivergent people safer during police encounters. Search "Blue Envelope Program" to find it in your area.

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What actually changes when a child with ADHD becomes a teenager?

In this episode, Carla names something so many families are living: as kids grow, the support systems drop (parents reminding, teachers prompting, schedules structuring)… but the expectations rise (more deadlines, longer projects, less supervision). And for ADHD brains—where the planning and regulation center is still developing—this creates a painful gap between what’s expected and what’s neurologically ready.

Carla reframes what parents often interpret as “lack of motivation” as something else entirely: a regulation + structure need. She explains why teens might say, “I know what to do, but I just can’t start,” and how that isn’t defiance—it’s overwhelm and executive overload.

You’ll also hear how constant reminders (even well-intentioned ones) can turn a teen’s name into correction… and how that can quietly erode self-esteem over time. Carla offers small, practical shifts that help teens feel less attacked and more supported—like pausing before speaking, lowering your voice, using “we” language, and asking “What’s the first step?” instead of “Why haven’t you started?”

This is a deeply grounding conversation if you’re parenting an ADHD teen and you’re tired of the power struggles. It’s not about letting everything slide—it’s about building the kind of structure that helps your teen’s brain quiet down, so they can access their skills… and keep their confidence intact.

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Have you ever asked your partner to pass you something and gotten a "why?" in return — and thought, wait, what just happened? If that moment felt strangely familiar, this episode might be for you.

Greer is getting honest about something she doesn't see talked about enough: what it's like to be married to someone who may have PDA (pathological demand avoidance). Not from a place of frustration or blame — but from a place of real, lived experience, ongoing learning, and genuine love for her husband and their marriage.

She walks through what PDA actually is, why it can look like defiance even when it isn't, and the two things that have made the biggest difference in her own relationship — neither of which she came to perfectly, or all at once.

What you'll hear in this episode:

Setting expectations before the moment matters — way before. Not at the airport. Not when you're already frustrated. Greer shares how pre-loading expectations (sometimes weeks in advance) has quietly lowered the demand pressure in her home and made daily life feel a little more like a team effort.

Bringing your partner into the solution — not as a strategy to "trick" them, but as a genuine invitation to be part of the answer. It doesn't always look the way you'd do it. And Greer's honest about the fact that she's still figuring this out (the missing lightbulb is proof).

She also talks about the importance of low-demand evenings, why adults with PDA are often holding so much together during the day, and why asking your partner what actually helps them is always worth trying.

This episode won't hand you a perfect system. But it will remind you that you're not alone in this — and that both of you are learning, even when it's hard.

The Wonder Project: Subscriber support makes more great content like I Gotta Ask with Annie F. Downs possible. The Wonder Project subscription on Prime Video is available in the U.S. for $8.99/month or $89.99/year after a 7-day free trial.Visit IGottaAsk.com to learn more!

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If you've ever felt like you're paddling your kayak alone while your partner watches from the shore — this episode is for you.

Harry Psaros is an autism advocate, author, and dad to Gus, who is graduating from Kent State University this week. Harry joins us to talk about something we don't hear enough of: what it actually looks like inside a dad's head when their child is diagnosed with autism — and why so many of them go quiet.

Harry gets real about his own journey. He wasn't the hero in the early days. His wife Michelle was. She saw the signs, pushed through dismissive pediatricians, and kept advocating while Harry wrestled with his ego and his fear. It wasn't until they sat in that car, driving home from Cleveland, that something shifted — and Harry made a choice to be all in.

In this conversation, you'll hear:

Why dads often go silent after a diagnosis (and what's actually happening underneath that silence), the two types of dads Harry sees in his counseling work — and how to reach both of them, what it looks like to build your village when you're new to all of this, how to protect your relationship when the stress of parenting a neurodivergent child starts pulling you apart, and why Harry believes his son Gus — a happy hippie who looks for the good in everyone — is not a scarlet letter. He's a blessing.

This episode is for the moms carrying the mental load. It's also for the dads who want to do better but don't know where to start. And it's for anyone who needs a reminder: your child was born out of love, and that love is still your compass.

Harry's message is warm, direct, and full of hard-won wisdom from two decades on this road. You're going to want to share this one.

The Wonder Project: Subscriber support makes more great content like I Gotta Ask with Annie F. Downs possible. The Wonder Project subscription on Prime Video is available in the U.S. for $8.99/month or $89.99/year after a 7-day free trial.Visit IGottaAsk.com to learn more!

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Check out his book

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If sleep feels like the hardest part of neurodivergent family life, you’re not imagining it—and you’re not failing. In this episode, Greer Jones talks with sleep specialist Melisa Moore about why neurodivergent kids (and adults!) often have more sleep challenges… and what can actually make things gentler.

Melisa breaks down the “why” in a way that’s clear and grounding: biology and genetics can play a role, circadian rhythms can be different (like ADHD tending later and autism sometimes being inconsistent), and some neurodivergent profiles come with a higher likelihood of specific sleep disorders. Then there’s the big real-life layer: things like allergies, eczema, reflux, anxiety, and more—stuff that isn’t “a sleep disorder,” but absolutely messes with sleep.

From there, you’ll get practical support that doesn’t demand perfection. Melisa shares her “5 S’s” of bedtime routines—short, sweet, sensory-soothing, streamlined, and steady—and offers permission to stop chasing the ideal. Even a bedtime routine once a week can help.

You’ll also hear a refreshingly nuanced take on screens: the research isn’t as black-and-white as “all devices ruin sleep.” For some kids (and adults), a little screen time can quiet the brain enough to fall asleep faster—and you can still move toward “good, better, best” without turning bedtime into a battle.

Finally, if your child wakes in the night and needs the exact same sound/light setup to settle again, you’ll understand why—and what to tweak so everyone gets more rest.

In this episode, we talk about:

Why neurodivergent sleep can be more complicated (circadian rhythm, biology, and more)

Restless legs/restless sleep and why kids describe it in the most creative ways

The “5 S’s” bedtime routine that supports nervous systems without rigid rules

A realistic, research-led perspective on iPads/screens before bed

Why sound machines and night lights help only if they stay consistent all night

How to think about “how much sleep is enough” by watching daytime functioning

The reminder every tired parent needs: there’s hope, and there’s always something else to try

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